Puck Buddies (24 page)

Chance number two hundred and eleven

Matt

February 28, 2015

The cabin fever party, my annual party,
is in full swing.

The team has joined us this year, so it’s
double in size.

I stumble down the stairs, leaning on
Brady, laughing as we head to the main house. The cold ocean air is horrid. It
started as refreshing after the hours spent in the hot tub but now I’m
freezing.

We stagger along the path, both of us
cooling off quickly in the frigid wind. His teeth start chattering.

“Good game tonight, Brimstone.” Fairfield
nods at me as he passes us, leading some brunette back to the boathouse at the
bottom of the property. All I can hope is that he wasn’t messing around in the
house. My mom is home.

The girl he’s with giggles and trips but
he catches her, lifting her into the air and making noises like he’s a car.
He’s such a douche. I don’t understand what Nat sees in him.

I hate that Carson brought him to my
house. We both dislike the asshole. But it’s how society works. Had we slighted
him on the invite there would have been parental issues. As in mine would have
a shit fit. It doesn’t matter how old I get or removed from it I become,
escaping this world is like getting out of Alcatraz. I invite the right people
from the right families or in the right income bracket.

But it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

“Did you see that dipshit?” I point
behind us when I know Fairfield can’t hear me.

“The brunette with the big boobs?” Brady
spins, confusedly.

“No, the dick with the brunette.” I
chuckle. “Of course you only saw the girl.”

“What?” Brady scowls. “What does that
mean?”

“Nothing.”

“What about the dick?”

“He’s dating this girl—not the
brunette—some other girl. Anyway, he breaks up with her randomly so he
can get with other girls. And then when he’s done with them, he gets back with
the girl afterward, so technically he didn’t cheat.”

“Bro.” Brady lifts a swaying finger.
“That’s a legit play, bro. Don’t
hate the player
,
hate the game
. That’s a real way to get off scot-free. No
drama.”

“You’re a moron.”

“Whatever.” He grabs his groin. “Men have
needs.” He laughs, leaving his hand there too long. His words hit me hard. He
has no idea what it’s like to love someone and wish you could be with
them
, but you can’t because you don’t deserve them.

“You mean to tell me if you met the
one—the girl who just did it for you—you’d cheat on her if you
could get away with it?” He can’t understand the way I do. He’s never been in
love and he never will be. He’s the ultimate manwhore. He started the club and
handed out the first Wiserhood cards.

“Naw, man. Because that’s a unicorn
you’re talking about. That girl doesn’t exist. And if she does, I’m never going
to be dumb enough to fall in love with her. Love’s an inconvenient pain in the
ass. My brother used to be cool. Now he’s whipped as hell.” He loses the cocky
grin. “But for real, if I ever did fall in love, and I didn’t kill myself, I
wouldn’t cheat. Cheating is something scum does. You get out if you’re not
happy. All those marriages we’ve seen in the hockey circuit with the playing
around are gross.” He says everything a little too loud.

“Right. And I enjoyed the kill yourself
part of the story.” I wrap an arm over his shoulder. “You’re an idiot.” I steer
us toward the house, fighting the breeze the whole way.

“Girls aren’t part of the schedule.
Finish my degree and get to the pros, that’s it.”

“Good luck with that schedule.” I
chuckle, remembering how I’d had one too. I used to have all kinds of rules. I
would give up everything if she would just say she’d be with me.

“My dad never cheated on my mom. He was
married for a pretty long time, and he never cheated before he died.” He nods
his head at the house casually, like he hasn’t just dropped the dead-dad bomb
that always makes me uneasy. “I think I need to take a piss. This isn’t the
kind of beach house where you piss on the grass, is it?”

“No. My mom will kill you.” I point to
the large door at the far side of the courtyard. “Go through there and go to
the first door on the right. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

“Roger that.” He lifts a thumb in the air
and staggers for the wrong door. We’ve been friends for years but he rarely
comes here. There’s a good chance of my mom hitting on him here, whereas Mom is
never in the city.

“He’s going to piss in your mom’s
planters.”

Spinning around I come face to face with
the girl I was just talking about. “He probably is.” I don’t even turn back to
check on him. I don’t care and I can’t look away from her. I have a terrible suspicion
she won’t be here if I do and this will be a drunk-induced hallucination. She
looks so different. Maybe better looking but her eyes are sad.

She doesn’t appear the way I would
imagine her in this moment so I know it’s not a delusion. She’s different from
everyone else at the party. She’s in jeans, a parka, and a wooly
hat—something the Canadians would call a toque. And she’s carrying a bag
of something. “It’s a cabin fever party.” I point at her jeans. “Bathing suits
and flowery shirts.” I glance down at my own bare legs and flip-flops.

“Yeah, I gathered.”

“How are you?” I ask too quickly,
desperate for her. It’s the weirdest feeling, but I don't bother fighting it. I
gave up on that the moment I lost her. The image of her receiving that photo of
me and Tandy
haunts me. I can see it. I torture myself
with it. I know her hands lifted to her mouth. Her eyes, that never tear,
welled up and flooded her face. Her mascara ran and she sobbed, alone. Because
she’s Sami-fucking-Ford, and she doesn’t show anyone what’s behind the curtain.
She suffers in silence, letting people underestimate her and abuse her. And I’m
one of them.

“Good. I just came to bring a bunch of
stuff you left at my place. I didn't think you were here. I just assumed you
would want your stuff.” She doesn't sound like she wants to hurt me, but her
words and coldness toward me do. “I wouldn’t have stopped in if I’d known there
was a party.”

“It’s in the boathouse. Everyone’s down
there.” I shiver slightly from the cold air on my bare arms and legs but fight
looking cold. “Wanna come in?” She came to this house to be rid of
me and my things,
knowing I never come here. She wanted to
avoid me. I deserve that.

“No.” She says it breathy, in almost a
whisper. Her face is filled with regret, but I don’t know which part she’s
thinking about. Which acts she regrets. I suspect it’s all the moments I
wouldn’t change, even if my life depended on it. They flash in the back of my
mind, each one slicing me.

She bites her lip, maybe fighting saying
something she’ll also regret, maybe just to avoid talking until she mutters,
“It was a good game tonight. Here’s your stuff.” She puts the bag down on the
snow.

“I miss you.” I ignore her small talk and
lay my heart out there for her to reject. I’m already exposed to the elements;
I might as well be naked in every way. She’s the only person who has ever seen
me vulnerable. Well, along with Charles and Benson, but they’re like parents so
they don’t count. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Her expression changes for a
second, possibly a twitch, but she doesn’t say anything. She waves and turns.
“I have to go.”

“Wait.” I jog over and spin her around.
“Wait.” I say it softer the second time. “Don’t go.” I step in closer, brushing
her hair away from her face. “Stay with me.”

She lifts her gaze that hardens when her
eyes meet mine. “Why?”

“Because I need you.” I drop to my knees,
in the snow. “Forgive me. I’m crazy about you and I fucked up.”

Her lips toy with a smile but her eyes
are flooded with emotions. She blinks, losing some of them down her cheeks.
“Try not to get too drunk, Beast. You have a game in two days.” She pulls out
of my hands and turns away, leaving me there to freeze to death.

It’s not the snow and the cold that will
be the death of me.

It’s my own stupidity.

“I need you.” I decide it’s time to do
the thing Benson told me to do. “You’re already in my heart, but I need you in
my life. I lie awake at night, forcing myself to relive the moments.
All the good ones.
I don’t think about the bad ones, they
don’t hurt as much. I know I broke your heart and hurt you and betrayed you. I
know I underestimated you. I assumed the things everyone else sees in you were
right, and when you showed me they weren’t, I didn’t protect that.” My voice
cracks and my body is stinging I’m so cold. “I force myself to relive the good
stuff so I remember how good it felt. It makes the loneliness of you being gone
worse. I relive it every day.”

I offer her my heart to destroy. The same
way she did me.

She parts her lips to respond and I
prepare for the pain I gave her. But she doesn’t do it. She holds my heart in
the palm of her hands and she doesn’t squeeze. She smiles softly and nods.

“I will give you a second chance.”

“Oh, thank God. I thought you’d never.” I
rush forward but she takes a step back.

“Don’t thank me just yet.” She looks down
at my shorts. “The rules of engagement will arrive at your place in the city
tomorrow. If you agree, you can let me know by text.” She walks like she’s
coming to me but she passes me, filling the air with the scent of her shampoo.
She bends and fishes my suit jacket out of the bag. It’s the one I gave her
when we were in England all those years ago. “And I’m taking this back.”

She is breaking my heart, ripping it out.

I deserve that.

“I don’t care what the conditions are. I
accept. If it means I come close to a second chance, I don’t want to wait. I
miss you.”

She holds the jacket tight to her chest
and shrugs. “Okay. But there will be rules. And they won’t be what you think.”

“I don’t care.”

She stares at me for seconds, many of
them. She looks like magic standing in the
snow,
clinging to a jacket I gave her years ago.

“Do you want to come inside?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I don’t. I’ll
see ya around, Beast.”

“What?” I step forward, confused. “I thought—”

“You thought I’d let you off that easily?
Really? You believed I would let that all slide and invite you back into my
life that fast?” She starts walking up the snow-covered hill. “I’ll send the
rules to your place when I get home. If you still want to try, I’ll see you
around.” Her voice fades and she walks away.

I don’t know what she means. I’m scared
to know. But the fact she spoke to me is already a step in the right direction.

If it means I have to walk through fire
to win her heart, I’ll do it.

She’s everything.

I don’t even bother with the rest of the
party. I head up to my room to change and get my things and go back to the
city.

“Matthew!” my mother calls me from the
hallway.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t say ‘yeah.’ It’s rude.” She
strolls into my room. “Was that Sami Ford here a moment ago in the parka?”

“Yeah.” I say it again just to rub her
the wrong way.

“Is there something going on with her?”

“Yeah.” She actually cringes this time.

“What?” Her eyebrows arch.

“I don’t know.” I smile wide. “I hope a
lot. I’m going back to the city though, so make sure you tell everyone I’m
sorry and I’ll see them in a couple of days at the game.” I grab my bag and run
out of the room.

“Matthew!” she shouts but I ignore her as
I run for Brady and then Charles. I get a sense of freedom leaving everyone
there.
Freer than I’ve felt in a long time.

When we get to the city, I pace all the
next day, waiting for the rules.

“Miss Sami Ford is here to see you.”
Benson says it with a tone.

I rush from the room to the parlor, not
worrying about deodorant or how cool I look. When I get in the room she spins
around, wearing jeans and boots and a coat. No bare legs and trench coat this
time.

“Hi.” I walk up to her, pulling her into
my arms. I don’t wait for permission. I can’t. She’s rigid. She doesn’t melt
into me, even when I try to squeeze her tighter.

But I don’t push my luck with a kiss and
just settle for a hug. I linger, taking a deep breath of her. She becomes my
air.

“Here.” She hands me a manila envelope,
pushing her way out of my arms.

“Should we read it together? Is this like
Fifty Shades?
Is there a contract for
some kinky stuff?” I laugh, taking it.

“No.” She wrinkles her nose. “Wait—you
read that book?”