Punishing for Pleasure (15 page)

Regi was trembling despite the waning sunshine warming her shoulders as she and her fiancés walked hand in hand down the wide sidewalk curving along the river’s edge. The closer they got to the small café were her father planned to meet them, the more apprehensive she became. Brian Bennett paused and turned Regi so she faced him, “Sweetness, are you sure you’re ready for this? We can go in and check it out first.” Regi felt her eyes fill with tears, but she was resolute in her determination to keep them from falling. She’d been giving herself mental pep talks for her entire adult life and she was to see this meeting through, come hell or high water.

Before she could answer, Regi felt Kirk press himself against her back and then lean down to kiss the tender spot behind her ear that always made her knees weak. “
Anoshi
, I am worried about you. We don’t want anything or anyone upsetting you.” Regi loved his Navajo nickname for her, hearing him use the Native American endearment for “my love” touched a part of her heart no one else had ever reached. The connection she felt to each of them was so deep she continually wondered why she’d fought the attraction for so long.

“I’ll be okay, and this is something I have to do. No one else can answer the questions I have, and the only way to do it is to just push past my fear.” Both men were now standing in front of her and nodded in perfect unison. She couldn’t help but smile because it was as if they’d practiced the move, their synchronized movements often reminded her of the years they’d spent together. Regi hoped that someday she’d be able to mirror them as well as they did one another, and that she’d learn to anticipate their needs with the same amazing accuracy they seemed to have knowing hers.

Stepping in to the small eatery, Regi’s gaze locked on her dad instantly. The minute their eyes met she saw him take a deep breath and then stand. She didn’t wait for the hostess to seat them, instead she made her way to him, weaving between the tables until she stood in front of him and let her eyes take in everything. The last time she’d seen him this close he’d been wearing scuba gear and the only thing she’d recognized were his eyes. But now, standing face to face, the memories washed over her in a tidal wave of emotion she hadn’t been expecting and wasn’t convinced she welcomed. Kirk wrapped his arm around her waist and she felt herself relax into his embrace.

Brian took care of the introductions and once they were seated and had placed their drink orders, Regi couldn’t hold back any longer. She knew her one word question, “Why?” was dripping with frustration and impatience, but she really didn’t care. After all, how can anyone call her impatient when her life had been tossed end-over-end for an entire decade?

She watched him draw in a deep breath before speaking, “Greed, arrogance, selfishness, youthful ignorance, ego…pick one, hell, they all apply.” Sighing deeply, he leaned forward clasping his hands in front of him on top of the small table. “I wanted to prove to the family that I had what it took to succeed without them. Their interference had always rankled me, it knew no bounds and to be honest, I had always failed miserably when conformity was required. I wanted the respect of my colleagues and business associates, but I wanted it based on what I’d done myself, not who I was related to. And I wanted my mother to see me as an adult who could make it on his own.”

Once again Regi saw a deep sadness and a pain so raw reflected in his eyes it tugged at her heartstrings despite her attempts to stay distant. When she didn’t respond, merely waiting for him to continue, she would have sworn she saw a small glimmer of hope, before he masked it. “Well, as you know, in the end I had to run back to the family with my tail between my legs. The net was being pulled in all around me very quickly…” Regi wondered why he’d gone to the trouble to stage his and her mother’s deaths but he’d left her swinging in the breeze. “The agency wanted me to
come in
but I’d seen their re-identification and re-location services and knew none of us would ever be safe.”

Kirk looked at her dad and asked, “Who was after you? And why would you be willing to leave your daughter behind?” To anyone near them Kirk’s voice had probably sounded indifferent and only mildly interested, but Regi had heard the underlying threat in his tone.

“Who wasn’t? Hell, my own family was even trying to reel me in, that’s why they were able to stage everything so quickly. And leaving Regi behind was the only way to ensure her safety. She was safe if everyone believed her mother and I were dead. To those who wanted the information I’d gained, her only value was as leverage and they wouldn’t have hesitated to use her to gain my compliance.” They must not have seemed convinced because he looked between them and then back at his folded hands, “You have to remember the high tech world you know today was just starting a decade ago. Information wasn’t as easy to obtain as it is now and those who had it were extremely valuable for a short period of time. I’d planned to return for you in just a few months—Charlie was the answer to a prayer because we knew each other but weren’t close enough for anyone to really suspect him, and he happened to be in Belize at the time. Honestly I couldn’t believe my luck when I heard he was so close. And then in was like the angels had heard my plea when he was assigned to you.”

“Who were the people under those sheets? Who died so you could hide? Do you know how many nights I woke up screaming because I’d had to step in your blood?” Regi felt her anger begin to boil to the surface and felt herself quaking from the barely contained rage. Seeing the first tear roll down his cheek, she sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, “Don’t. You haven’t earned the right to cry for me. Tell me the rest.” She knew he hadn’t expected her strength and there was a certain satisfaction in that fact. Regi understood that forgiving him was going to be about letting go and not allowing the memories to hurt her any longer, but she was determined to know everything first.

Her father sat silently across from her for so long Regi wasn’t sure he was going to begin again. He stared endlessly with unseeing eyes at something over her left shoulder until she was actually tempted to turn around to see what held his gaze. A large part of her knew what he was looking at but not seeing, but she couldn’t hold back her frustrated exhale. Her dad’s focus returned to her and this time the depth of his despair stole her breath.

“I had promised myself and my beloved Nalia that I’d return for you quickly, but then when she died…the bottom fell out of my world.” Regi could see him struggling to pull strength from within himself and she wondered if he would succeed when he looked at her with abject sincerity and said, “If you don’t believe anything else I’ve told you, please know that I loved your mother with everything in me. Losing her tore my soul in two and left me little more than a shell of myself. I spent years doing exactly what you just witnessed—staring at nothing in particular. I floated in a fog of emptiness, caring little if I lived or died.”

Regi listened as her dad explained the details of her life from his perspective and realized the love she’d thought he had for her was so tied to her mother, for all intents and purposes, she’d nearly lost him yet again when her mother died. Hearing all the details and knowing how easily she’d been fooled was humiliating. When she said as much all three men reminded her that she’d been far too young to understand everything that had been happening around her. “Listen, there was no way you could have known. I wasn’t even completely honest with your mom, even though it turned out that she knew far more than I was aware of—that was why she’d begun coding things.”

“Why was the map so important? I understand the gold bars and artifacts were valuable, but…”

“So perceptive and wise, just like your mother. God, she would have been so proud of the woman you’ve become. You’re right, there was a lot of value that was easy to see, but what you didn’t see was the secondary treasure that was buried nearby. I recovered that after you and the others left. It was actually fairly easy because you all thought I’d died.” She knew her confusion showed and his small smile let her know he’d noted her questioning look. “Sometimes, very valuable things are very small, little red bird.” Regi felt the air rush from her lungs at his use of the pet name he’d given her when she’d been a small child. Kirk’s hand gripped her knee, his touch soothing because his firm hold reminded her of their connection. Brian had taken one of her hands to hold between his own, drawing slow circles over her palm. Her father’s eyes flitted between the men as if taking in their ministrations before he continued, “Information, even when it is dated, that proves connections between people is valuable. At times the value is to those who seek the proof, but more often the value is to those who prefer to hide the truth.” His words might have been cryptic, but the message was clear, he had the goods on someone…probably several people, and intended to market it.

“I’ve given away most of what I recovered. I don’t have any money. Why did you contact me?” Regi hadn’t intended to even ask and she certainly hadn’t intended to just blurt the question out, but there it was.

For long seconds he appeared too stunned to answer, but slowly a hesitant smile moved over his face. “I know what you’ve done with the money and I’m humbled by the person you have become. Truthfully, I have more money than I could spend in several lifetimes so that isn’t ever going to be an issue between us.” His pause was so heavy she had to remind herself to breathe while she sat quietly waiting. She couldn’t imagine why he had contacted her after all this time, she didn’t really have much of material value. Her life was full of promise for the first time since a few days before her sixteenth birthday, but the things she held dear wouldn’t be of any value to him. The men flanking her held her heart in their hands, the friends she’d made at the Prairie Winds Club had become her family, what could she have that he would want?

“You are thinking so hard, but you shouldn’t. I don’t want anything but to get to know you.” He took a deep breath and looked at her, and despite her best intentions, Regi felt the connection all the way to the depths of her soul. “I don’t deserve it. I certainly haven’t earned it, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting it with every breath I take.”

Regi had never really considered herself a forgiving person. She knew she
should be
, but her aversion to being stung twice by the same bee had often prevented her from going there.
Jesus
,
peanut butter
,
and jelly
, this would be a
t least the
third sting from the same wasp. What are you thinking setting yourself up for this? But he is the only blood family I have and everyone makes mistakes. Stop being a sap and kick his ass to the curb
. But…
Regi’s inner battle wasn’t making any sense—even to her, and it wasn’t resolving anything either. She hadn’t even realized she was crying until she heard Kirk’s soft curses.

“Come,
anoshi
. Let Brian finish this. You don’t have to make a decision right now. Your father has had years to work this through in his mind, you should take your time.” She looked up as he pulled her from her chair, the despair in her dad’s expression tore at her heart.

“Can you please give Brian your contact information? I…I just need time to think about all of this. I’m not saying no, but I can’t say yes either.” She was pleased to see the light of hope flicker to life in his eyes as he nodded. She heard the men speaking as Kirk led her from the small building. The last remnants of sunshine were quickly fading and the air had cooled, Kirk held her tucked under his arm as they strolled down the street in companionable silence.

She wasn’t sure how far they’d walked when he turned her so she was facing him, “Listen to your heart,
anoshi
. Let the spirit that lives there lead you.”

“I’m trying, but there is so much noise in my head I’m having trouble hearing my heart.” She knew that Kirk would understand the spiritual side of her dilemma far better than Brian would. One of the perks of having two men in her life was the way they each seemed to have different strengths that she needed at different times. There were days when Brian’s lighthearted way of viewing things was exactly right, but there were so many times Kirk’s ability to speak directly to her heart was what grounded her, giving her strength in ways she hadn’t known were even possible.

*****

Brian spent a few minutes listening to Regi’s dad lament his actions but wasn’t able to work up any real compassion for the man. Even though his entire career was based on being compassionate to those who often deserved it the least, this man had not only gambled with his own life, he’d taken amazing liberties with the lives of the two women he was supposed to love and protect above all others. The Dom in him couldn’t imagine how a husband and father had managed to lose both women because of his selfishness. Regi’s dad agreed to wait for Regi’s call, and Brian had the distinct feeling the man sitting across the table from him wasn’t accustomed to waiting for anyone.

Since he and Kirk had worried things might not go perfectly, they’d made a contingency plan that included Kirk escorting Regi out of the café. Brian was relieved to find his friend and their fiancée waiting exactly where he expected to find them. When he pulled up beside them, he saw her surprised expression morph into a knowing grin just before she leaned over and kissed Kirk on the cheek. He rolled down the window and taunted her, “Hey, what was that about? He makes you walk several blocks in those killer heels, I come along to rescue those dainty feet and
he
gets the kiss? That’s just wrong.” Regi looked up at him and scrambled quickly in beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips against his. Brian let her have control for a few seconds before he pulled it back firmly and ravaged her mouth with his own. The sweet taste of the tea she’d been drinking lingered along with the intoxicating taste of need.