Purity (13 page)

I brought Dad a cup of tea and some of his favourite biscuits. “So… about my birthday…”

Dad smiled. “This is going to be good.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Dad, I’m a responsible teen. And I’d really like to partake in a friendly gathering next weekend in an attempt to make some new friends.”

“Is Joey going?”

“I don’t know. I could ask him, but I don’t have a phone.”

Dad gave me a wry look. “Fine. It’s in the press next to the fridge. Take it. Do your worst.”

“So I can go?” I jumped from one foot to another, anxious.

“If Joey goes, you can go. It’s not that I don’t trust you; it’s that I don’t trust anyone else.” He grinned. “But I hope you have a great time with your cousin watching your every move and cramping your style.”

“Funny.” I hugged my father. “Thanks, Daddy.”

He waved me away. Although he held the happy expression, there was a haunted look in his eyes, a hollow space that made it clear he was putting on a mask.

Gran gave me a thumbs-up as I passed through the kitchen, and I convinced myself that things were getting better. We were going to be okay. If I didn’t think about Nathan, I could imagine life was perfect.

I called Joey to invite him to the party.

“With a gang of fourth years?” he asked.

“Technically, they’re fifth years,” I said swiftly.

“I don’t know. Sounds kind of lame.”

“What else do you have to do? Come on. You said you wanted me to get back to normal.”

“Since when are parties normal for you, Perdy? Why are you so excited about it anyway?”

“Because I’ll be somewhere other than home or the library. I’m bored, Joe.”

He heaved a sigh. “I’ll think about it, okay? And I said,
think
.”

“I hope you say yes because I haven’t seen you in ages, and I miss you so much.”

He snorted. “Laid it on way too thick there. How are you getting on in the library?”

“She hates me, but other than that, it’s fine. Sometimes Amelia pops in.”

“For what?”

“To get her daily dosage of the awesomeness that is me. What do you think she’s in for? To read books, of course.”

“Really? To read books.”

“You’re so suspicious,” I said lightly. “Anyway, I had better go. Text me when you make up your mind about the party. Don’t forget it will be my
only
birthday celebration.”

I hoped he wasn’t too interested in what Amelia was doing in the library.

Nathan

An excessive amount of perfume wafting from my sister’s bedroom indicated she was going out. With a boy. I decided to wait outside to see if he was picking her up or not. He did arrive—I grudgingly gave him a point—but he showed up with a group of friends, which automatically lowered him in my estimation.

I sat on our gate, and as the group approached, one of them spotted me and whispered something to
the
boy. They all hesitated, glancing at each other nervously, leaving wolf satisfied by the petty win.

He
moved forward, closely followed by the rest. They pushed together, narrowing the group as if they were a herd of frightened deer. I let the wolf show in my expression, in my smile, and the boy swallowed hard.

Surprising me, he held out his hand. “Connor,” he said, and his voice only trembled a little.

I gave him a real grin and shook his hand. “Nathan.”

Two girls and three boys, probably none of them more than fifteen or sixteen, stared at me as if they couldn’t believe I existed or something. Their wide-eyed interest made me want to laugh.

If Perdita had been born a month later, she would have been in their year. If I hadn’t messed up so badly so many times, hadn’t moved around so frequently, I might have bypassed school in
Ireland
altogether. Ifs and maybes could have kept Perdita and me apart until after the curse had broken. I couldn’t help wondering how that would have gone down.

Two teenage girls giggling and whispering together distracted me, and I wished Perdita was with me to see the lot of them. They were in absolute awe. Why? I had no idea, but I suspected Amelia might have told them some untruths to impress them.

“Where are you heading tonight?” I asked Connor.

“Just into town to grab a bite to eat. Maybe hang out at the arcade.”

“How are you getting there?”

He hesitated. “Um, a bus?”

I raised a brow, and his cheeks flushed with colour.

“I mean, we could get a taxi if… if—”

Amelia came up behind me and punched my arm. Laughing, I almost fell off the gate.

“Stop trying to freak him out,” she scolded.

“I’m just sitting here.” But I got down and opened the gate for her.

“I’m going out,” she said, as if challenging me.

“I can see that.”

“Yeah, well…” She glanced at her friends. “We should be going.”

“Have a good time,” I said, but I stared at Connor.

His eyes twinkled, and I saw he understood. He wouldn’t hurt her, even if I wasn’t around. That settled me down. Not that any of them were likely to have the strength to physically harm Amelia anymore.

My sister hesitated, watching me with worried eyes. “You can come with us if you like. Instead of hanging around here.”

Instead of moping about Perdita, she meant.

“I’ve got some stuff to do tonight,” I said. “Seriously, have a good time.”

“You can come to my party next weekend,” a girl with an impossible amount of freckles said. “I mean, if you wanted.”

“Yeah,” her friend said eagerly. “You should definitely come.”

Amelia rolled her eyes and grabbed their arms. “We’re going. Tell Byron I won’t be too late.”

I watched them walk away; Connor took her hand as soon as they were a safe distance away from me. It was so normal for her, and I desperately wished I could have given that to Perdita.

Ryan was gathering the dogs when I returned to the house.

“You don’t have to do that,” I told him.

“I need time to think,” he said. “I’m worried about
Willow
. Need to think about what Vin might do next.”

I shrugged. “They could be on their way back and haven’t had the chance to call.”

“I doubt that.”

Cú stayed behind, and I made him lie on the sofa while I sat on the floor next to him.

“I think that’s the wrong way around,” Byron said from the doorway.

“He’s not well.”

“He’s doing better than he was.”

I stared at him. “Why’s Ryan staying here?”

“You expected him to live in a hotel? He’s pack now. Got a problem with that?”

I almost smiled at the protective tone in Byron’s voice. “It’s not that. I’m just baffled by the way everyone trusts the dude after ten minutes.”

Byron showed his teeth. “It took longer than that. He stood next to us, possibly forsaking everything he holds dear. He protected Perdita when you couldn’t. I think he’s earned his place.”

My ears burned as the blood ran straight to my head. Boiling with anger, I spluttered something, but he held up his hands to stop me.

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t even say it. That’s the point of a packmate: to do what you can’t when the time comes, to have your back. He did what he had to do, and you should be grateful he was there.”

“But how can he be pack if he’s not family? I mean, it’s always been family only.”

“Family, and a pack, is more than what you’re born into, Nathan. He helped us. When you ran, he stayed and helped me with Amelia. He defended the house with me. He’s kept watch over Perdita while you’ve been gone, just in case. Don’t tell me he isn’t family when he’s done all of the things a family member would do.”

I looked away, chastened.

He sat on the floor next to me. “It’s okay, Nathan. Nobody’s expecting you to be strong every second of every day, but the point of a pack is to be able to lean on each other, to work together to protect all of us. I’m still learning that myself, so don’t feel bad if it takes you time to get used to it.”

“That’s what I’m mad about, though, that he was the one who protected Perdita. Why did I freeze? Why couldn’t I move? She looked at me like…” I ran my hands over my face. “I’m like some idiot kid who doesn’t know what he’s doing. I’ve brought trouble, and I wasn’t there when it counted. I can’t take that back, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“She’s alive. That’s what matters. I couldn’t save Diana. Nobody else could either. There was no doctor who could keep my wife alive. I couldn’t save your parents. I couldn’t save my own parents. I couldn’t keep my son by my side. And I wasn’t a teenage boy for any of those things.”

“It wasn’t like that. You can’t blame yourself for any of that.”

“Then you can’t blame yourself either. You’re so much like your father—always seeking perfection. It doesn’t exist. It never will. You’ll drive yourself mad looking for something that isn’t there. You have to make the best of what you have.”

“I don’t know what that means,” I said sullenly.

“It means you have to stand up and be the person you’re supposed to be, instead of the person you think you should be. It means that you can’t keep pining after what the curse gave you, or what it took away, when you could be making the most of what’s there now.”

I sighed. “I knew what the curse meant, though. I knew what I was getting into. Now, there’s so much uncertainty. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You still care about her,” he said.

“Of course I do.”

“Then what’s the problem? Why can’t you try again, this time without the curse?”

“It’s not that simple. It’s… I’ve done things only the curse could make her forgive. I’ve acted stupidly. And I’m afraid to ruin whatever she has going on now. Maybe too much time has passed. Maybe she’s disgusted with what I am now that the curse isn’t glossing everything over.”

“Are we still talking about what happened when Amelia changed for the first time? You were in shock. I doubt the girl would hold that against you.”

“It’s not just that. I’ve been working with the wolves who stalked her and hurt her father. I told her that I wasn’t going to stop hunting the werewolves until I made sure they couldn’t hurt anyone again. I made it sound like I was… the kind of person she wouldn’t like. I think I’ve ruined the way she sees me. I was so angry, and I don’t think her perception of that will change again.”

“Don’t you think she deserves the choice?”

“I told you she ran away from me. I’m terrified she won’t ever want to see me again, that I’ve messed up for good. I don’t know anything for sure anymore.”

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be. No destiny, no guarantees. It’s normal. Healthy. And you need to stop moping about. Learn to have fun without her. She can’t always be around for you, even if you are together.”

“I know that, but what we had was a certain way, and I don’t think I know how to have normal now. She hated the way the curse made us feel. She kept trying to fight it. And she’s still that same stubborn girl, except now there’s no magic forcing her to be with me. Maybe Ryan’s right about keeping her safe this way, and maybe I have no right to try and push this life on her. Maybe I should be giving her time. I don’t know anymore.”

No matter what I said, I still couldn’t convey how I really felt. What if my life would never be close to normal? What would I be dragging her into, even if she were willing? I wished I could talk to her, but I knew her dad had major hate for me. I didn’t want to make life harder for her.

***

Amelia came home earlier than expected.

“Something wrong?” I asked my sister as she flung herself into a chair.

“Nah. Just tired. Been worrying about you.”