Purpose (26 page)

Before I answer, I check. “Yes, people are ignoring us.”

We’re almost there, when the feeling nearly drops me. It’s the same sensation I felt when I first met Ryan. Unprepared, I stagger, drawing a worried stare from Ryan.

“What’s wrong?” He has no idea. His eyes show no recognition. How can this be right? How could his Purpose thrust him into danger without even letting him know it’s coming?

The logical part of my brain integrates this new information, crowding out my ability to answer. In an instant, it’s clear to me how hopeless this situation has become. There is no escape.

“Will! What’s wrong?” Ryan’s voice has an edge of panic. “You’re doing it again!”

I realize he’s talking to me, and I snap my head around to look at him. “Sorry, I felt it again.”

“Felt it? Felt what?”

Still no clue. “I felt your Purpose calling me, telling me you’re in danger.”

“Me?” He looks around us as if he could see what was coming. “I don’t feel anything.”

“That’s because it’s calling me to protect you.” I touch the black box at his waist with my mind, and without him knowing, I tell it to project a small black dog. If he loses his focus, and he will, they still won’t find him.

The question Ryan is about to ask dies on his lips. They’re here.

Groups emerge in dense clusters from both projects. All eyes are trained in our direction. I feel their confusion and anger, but what shocks me more is the confusion I feel coming from Ryan. No, not Ryan, but his Purpose.

I grab Ryan by the arm. “You need to leave.”

“What?”

“You need to go, now! Something’s wrong.” Very wrong. “Can’t you sense how unsure your Purpose is right now? This”—I wave toward the two groups, hoping he’ll figure it out—“isn’t what
It
intended.”

There is confusion on his face, panic too. Finally, he gets it. “You’re right. This isn’t what
It
expected. We need to go.”

“Ryan, I can’t leave. There are too many innocent people around, people your Purpose put in danger.” I’m not sure what I can do, but I have to try.

He’s not going to listen. Just a few weeks together, and I know his body language. “Will, you can’t stay. There must be close to a hundred of them.”

There isn’t time to argue. I clamp down on his mind. His defenses are barely a delay. “I’m sorry, Ryan, but you have to go. You aren’t prepared for this.”

His body jerks as he struggles against my command. It won’t take long for him to overcome my control, but by then this should be over. Step by step, he moves away.

“
Will, stop doing this
!” My control over his mind is enough that he can’t turn his head. Good, I don’t want to see the hurt.

“Sorry, Ryan, but I’m not going to risk losing you.” Am I being stupid? He’ll be mad, and I could lose him anyway.

I push aside such thoughts. Right now, a gang war is about to break out. There are too many for me to seize their minds. Even if I could, I’m not sure I could overcome what Ryan’s Purpose started.

It’s Ryan they want, or at least that was how this started. If I let them see “him,” maybe I can focus their attention away from everyone except themselves and me.

The prospect of being shot multiple times in the front and back doesn’t appeal to me, but the options are few. Besides, I don’t plan on getting shot.

Moving between the two groups, I can feel their hatred.
It
has them in a frenzy. If Ryan wasn’t involved, I’d let them kill the host and leave that Purpose disembodied, permanently.

“Ryan’s” sudden appearance shocks them, most of them, anyway. I’m all they see now, the focus of their rage. Guns are drawn, pointed at me, and conveniently at each other. Good thing I can move fast.

Now that I have their attention, I’m able to project a mass illusion. I’m still between them. They see “Ryan” even as I use my speed and reflexes to get clear of the gauntlet. There will be casualties, probably a lot, but hopefully it will be limited to the participants and not an innocent.

Tires squeal as passersby see the weapons. They want nothing to do with this. Smart people. I hope more than a few call the police. Nothing breaks up a shootout like the sound of sirens descending on a neighborhood.

Shots echo around me. Dozens of bullets are fired. Bodies drop, and people run. I’m about to go find Ryan when I notice something, something bad.

The boys of 5th and O had fewer guns, significantly fewer. More of their members were hit, many more. Like any good army, 7th and O presses its advantage, chasing their rivals back.

I try to tell myself this is not my fight, but there are too many innocents in the unprotected apartments where the battle is headed. Family members, children, people not involved in this beef.

His Purpose did this. Why?

No time for questions. Pulling my tonfa, I race the others to the complex. The 5th and O boys are in headlong retreat, firing wildly behind them as they run. Bodies continue to drop, but I ignore them. No vengeance is needed for the guilty who fall.

I make it to the gap in the buildings before either side. Standing to the side, I let those returning home make for their hiding places before stepping out. They don’t see me until I’m only a few feet away, too late for them.

The heavy wood of my tonfa are a blur as I lay into these would-be invaders. When this is over, they’ll wonder why they attacked and won’t be able to articulate what happened. I target the ones with guns first, which is almost all of them. Twice, I feel shots hit me, a small sting but nothing to slow me down.

Only a few are left, and they decide to run for home when I’m hit from behind. The 5th and O crew has found their courage, sort of. Now that I’ve turned the odds in their favor, they start firing from behind the walls. I shouldn’t expect different from cowards.

Bodies lie around me, most too hurt to flee. I could leave them, should leave them to their fate, but even the guilty don’t deserve an execution. Disappearing again, I wait for the rats to emerge, looking for carcasses to feast upon. If they come closer, they’re in for a surprise.

Sirens fill the courtyard. This many shots had to bring a response. Those who are still able rush to the safety of their homes. No one will admit they were here or that they saw anything. Typical. Who said there is no honor among thieves?

It’s my time to flee, and I leave. Better to keep my involvement a secret. On its face, this won’t feel like I’m involved. No reason to let the authorities think otherwise.

Leaving, I know the real problem still remains. Ryan’s Purpose caused this.

I take a moment to locate Ryan. He’s stopped five blocks away. I want to take my time, but don’t want him coming back to the scene, so I run. As I expected, he’s overcome my compulsion, but must be wondering where to find me.

Anger, powerful anger, radiates from him. Better for him to be mad at me than be hurt in the fight. Once he calms down, he’ll see I was right.

“How dare you!” His slap barely registers. “You had
no
right to do that to me.”

Perhaps I was wrong. “I had every right. You weren’t listening.”

“I’m not your servant, Will. You don’t bark orders and I have to obey.” He’s scared, and it’s fueling this irrational response.

“Ryan, calm down.” It won’t help, but I have to try.

“
No
! We agreed—”

“Stop!” This is too much. He’s too stubborn. The fear I pushed aside returns. It hits with such force I step back.

Ryan probably thinks I stopped to avoid his wrath. Natural reaction, but nothing close to true. Soon, I won’t be able to force him to leave. He’ll be too strong. What then? He can’t do what I do. It will take years, maybe decades, for him to be as invulnerable as I am.

Worse, what if his Purpose incites this type of incident and I’m not around? There are dozens of neighborhoods with large crews. What then?

Ryan’s staring at me, anger barely controlled. “You still don’t get it. Despite what you think, you’re not ready. I’m trying to keep you alive.”

“Just because you think your motive is good, you still don’t have the right to force me to do what you want. That’s not how people who care for each other act.”

Thoughts bounce around my head. He’s going to get himself killed.
It
is going to get him killed. Neither seems to care. They haven’t lived through the death of a loved one. I did. I lost David to the thing inside Ryan. It nearly killed me.

This time it will be worse. Then, I didn’t know why David died.
It
,
They
, care nothing for us or what it costs to be a host. His Purpose is sending him out to die. I can’t live through it again. Not like this.

Fear and anger make it hard to breathe. Forcing myself to inhale deeply, I focus on the one thing that will calm me: Gar. I remember why I turned to him. If I don’t care, it can’t hurt.

“What the fuck just happened?” Ryan’s eyes narrow. He’s examining me. “What did you just do?”

“I don’t understand.” A part of me screams for Gar to leave, to let me back, but then the pain returns. The thought of losing him sears my soul, threatening to twist it beyond repair. Rather than deal with that, I retreat further, letting the well-worn persona inch closer to total control.

Ryan’s still in front of me, staring and waiting. A clumsy tendril of thought brushes against my mind, but I knock it away.

“You’ve changed. I can feel it.” Ryan’s eyes are pleading at me. I see it, but it feels surreal. It’s as if I’m experiencing this through the eyes and ears of someone else. “One minute you’re frightened and upset, the next, nothing. It’s like a blank wall came between us.”

Ryan watches me for a moment before his eyes go wide and he steps back. “You let Gar take over, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t let Gar take over, Ryan. Gar is me. We’re the same.” The cold voice feels reassuring, in control yet hollow. “Given the risks, a bit more detachment is a good thing.”

Ryan’s lower lip quivers as tears form at the edges of his eyes. “Where does that leave me?”

“I don’t understand.” Part of me does, but I don’t want to acknowledge the truth. “Nothing’s changed between us.”

“Yes, it has.” The voice is higher and holds a hint of panic. “Gar is emotionless and cold. I don’t love him.”

“Ryan”—I blink, keeping him in my field of vision—“I’m still me.”

“You said you loved me, Will. If you meant it, don’t hide behind Gar.”

In the silence of my mind, I scream. Anger, fear, frustration all fight for dominance, struggling to be the voice that names my pain. But if I let Gar be that voice, it will be so easy again. No feelings, no hurts, no cares. Gar is meant for this type of situation. I’m not.

“Will, please, don’t leave me.” Again, I feel Ryan’s consciousness push into my mind. This time it’s more insistent, urgent. Gar moves to block it, but I grasp for the link. Holding on, I can feel the cold, dispassionate side I hid behind for so long push against my hold on Ryan’s thoughts.

Gar isn’t real.

Did I think that or is it Ryan trying to reach me? Gar is real;
I am Gar.

“Will, don’t leave me,
please
!”

I blink again, and Ryan’s face comes into focus. Wide-eyed, a tear trailing down each cheek, Ryan’s pain mirrors mine. If losing David hurt, hiding behind Gar was causing Ryan the same pain.

“You said you loved me.”
Ryan’s thoughts slice through my mind, echoing back and forth. I said it, meant it, too. Didn’t I?

Of course I meant it.
“If you love him, you can’t run away.”

The voice isn’t mine or Gar’s. I want to believe it’s David, trying to stop me from making a huge mistake.

“I do love you.” My voice is barely a whisper. “But it scares me.”

I hear nervous laughter before Ryan hugs me. “I’m scared too, Will, but not when I’m with you.”

The voice in my head, Gar’s voice, yells for me to retreat. Ryan’s expectations are too great. I can’t keep him safe forever.

Squeezing my eyelids tight, I scream at the voice in my mind.
Then I’ll die trying!

“Ryan, you need to be scared even when I’m around.” I tighten my grip on my boyfriend, letting him know I haven’t left. “Do you understand how this affects us… you?”

I’m scared enough for both of us, but if he doesn’t listen to me, I can’t keep him safe.

I can feel him nodding against my chest. “It means I’m in danger every time I leave the house.”

“You need to talk to your Purpose, get it to understand how
It
puts you at risk.”

“Will, it’s not as if I can tell
It
what to do.” Gone is the angry man who screamed at me for sending him away, his defiance replaced by a note of despair.

“How do you know until you try?” There has to be a way to reach it. Even I could feel
It
was confused. “We both know what happened wasn’t what
It
intended. Maybe it will listen to you.”

When Ryan looks up, there is a spark in his eye. He’s up to something. “I’ll try, but with one condition.”

I chuckle at the statement. “There are conditions to you trying to save yourself?”

“Yes.” He’s ignored the gentle ribbing. “I want you to talk to your Purpose.”