Pursuit (18 page)

She didn
't know how to answer him. And for the same damn reason she hadn't wanted to broach the subject in the first place.

She didn
't want an 'I love you' out of pity.

She wanted him to feel it. She wanted him to feel the emotion with such an overriding passion that he couldn
't help but scream it from the rooftops.

Well, not literally.

But she wanted him to scream it to her. Or to say it with a fervor he couldn't keep from his voice. She wanted that like she hadn't wanted anything before in her life.

Except maybe to marry him.

She wanted that just as badly.

"
Can you put me down?" she asked instead of answering his question.

"
No," he replied, pig-headedly.

"
Logan, move away from the freakin' pool!"
she screamed in agitation.

"
No, goddamnit,
not until you tell me what the fuck I did wrong."

Lauren took a deep breath and counted to ten in her head.
"Fine. We'll talk about it, okay? Just put me down first."

Logan
's muscles tensed as if he didn't believe her, but then he dropped his arm from under her legs and her feet hit the cobbled path of the walkway. She straightened to her full height, and the second he released her, she turned and began running back toward the house.

She heard his hiss of impatience, and within two seconds, she knew that running from him had been a stupid,
stupid
mistake. She hadn't taken three steps before he caught up with her from behind, one hand fisting in her hair and the other arm encircling her completely around the waist.

His arm was as tight as a boa constrictor, and the breath left her lungs in a silent
'whoosh'.

He lifted her off her feet and she felt the world careen as her back arched over his shoulder and he twisted toward the swimming pool once again.

She began fighting like a mad woman, absolutely, one hundred percent more pissed than scared. Her feet flayed backwards, trying to hit him anywhere, but preferably in the groin, as her arms bent at the elbows and her hands fell to his forearms and she sank her nails into his skin. She would be damned if he got his own damn way again! She was sick and tired of it.

"
Leave me the fuck alone, Logan!" she screamed.

"
Like hell,"
he gritted through bared teeth.

"
I swear to God, in about two seconds I'm going to start screaming and the neighbors will call the police," she threatened, only half wondering if she meant it. She felt like screaming, but she for sure didn't want the police to come.

"
Ain't happening darlin'. Scream all you want. Gibson and Julie are in Cozumel, and the Parkers are at the football game."

Lauren saw red and opened her mouth, inhaling a lungful of oxygen, and prepared to call his bluff and start screaming.

But she never got the chance.

He twisted her around until she was facing him, her feet dangling down between his boots, which were planted firmly and squarely on the ground. Just when she began to let out a scream, he slammed his mouth down on hers and any noise she might have made was stifled to a muffled screech.

His arms held her torso plastered against him, and beneath the kiss, he began a slow and steady growling noise that vibrated along Lauren's spine and landed with a punch of heated desire between her legs.

Before she could decide whether she wanted to pull away or fall into the kiss, he lifted his head from hers and glared down at her.
"What the fuck's wrong?"

"
Nothing!"

At her answer, his shoulders stiffened and his mouth flattened.
"Don't give me that bullshit again. I'm not stupid. You're pissed about something and I want to know what it is."

She felt a streak of stubbornness invade her blood that she only ever experienced with him.
"I'm not telling you anything. You don't care!"

He had the temerity to look affronted.
"I don't care? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"
Exactly what I just said," she maintained, refusing to give in.

If he
'd had any patience left at all, Lauren could see that it disappeared completely. "You've got three seconds to tell me what's wrong or you're going to have two choices. I'm either going to throw you in the pool so you can cool off, or I'm going to spank your little ass until you tell me
what the fuck is wrong!"
he roared.

Lauren began to breath so heavily she felt light-headed. And then he began counting.

"One." His lips flattened into a snarl. "Two--"

Son of a bitch, he wasn
't kidding. Lauren didn't want to go in the water and she knew the bastard would drop her in. He wasn't bluffing. "My apartment lease is up for renewal," she screamed into his too-close face.

His brows came together in a frown and his jaw dropped as if he were floored.
"What?"

"
My apartment," she said, only a tad more calmly this time. "It's up for renewal."

"
So?"

She glared at him.
"So I guess I'll fucking renew it," she spit out, in a flurry of belligerence.

"
Like hell you will," he snapped back.

"
Why shouldn't I?" she challenged, put-out because it had come down to this.

"
Because that would be stupid, that's why. You live
here,
with me," he said in a bold statement that was meant to draw a line and end the fight they were having.

Lauren contested that.
"Do I?"

"
Yes." His frustration was apparent as he stared down at her. But she was frustrated as well. "What do you think is going on here, exactly, between you and me?" he asked her in a low tone.

"
I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'll have to think some more about the apartment."

"
You'll think about it?" His hands tightened around her. "You want that spanking after all?"

"
No, that's not what I want!"

"
Well, what the fuck do you want?"

"
Nothing!" She began wriggling to get away. "I don't want anything from you!" God, could she hear herself? Why had she let it go this far? She was so hurt that she was angry. So angry she could barely see straight.

As he stared at her in complete silence, his eyes searching hers, it suddenly all became too much and Lauren let her muscles relax as she slumped against him. She was horrified when tears came to her eyes. She balled her fist and hit him in the arm, with what little strength she had left.
"I love you, damn it."

"
Then what the hell's wrong?"

He sounded truly confused and she sagged in defeat.
"I have to keep my apartment. It would crush my parents if they knew I was living with you. You just don't know my dad. He's so old-fashioned. Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do."

He studied her silently and then said the very thing she
'd both been dreading and wanting to hear. "Then let's get married."

A small sob escaped her and tears started rolling down her cheeks.
"No."

His body tensed.
"Why not?" he asked, his thumbs wiping away the tracks of her tears.

"
I don't want you to marry me because there's no other way, because you're forced into it."

"
Lauren, nobody could force me to do anything that I don't want to do."

She didn
't quite believe him and she felt her mouth wobble and her heart almost break in two. "I want you to want to marry me because you love me."

He stared at her blankly for a second or two and then a look came over his face as if he
'd been struck by lightning.

He dropped his arms from where they gripped her around the waist and she slid down until her feet found purchase on the ground. With one hand held lightly on her hip, he tilted her chin up with the other.
"You think I don't love you?" he asked her in a voice that sounded tortured.

Lauren swayed in his arms and couldn
't form an answer. She didn't know what she thought anymore. She felt another tear slide down her cheek and abruptly, he grabbed her by the hand and turned and walked back inside the house.

****

He took her to the fourth bedroom, the smallest of the four, the bedroom that he'd made into his study. A large mahogany desk dominated the room, and a black leather chair sat behind it.

He led her to that chair now and pushed her down into it. All expression had left his face and Lauren scrubbed at her cheeks and pushed her hair behind her ears, trying to get a hold of herself. She had no idea what she was doing in here, but knowing Logan, she was sure she wouldn
't have to wait too long before she found out.

And she was right.

He moved to his haunches as he squatted in front of her. Caging her in the chair with his hands on the black leather of the armrests, he studied her for only a second or two before he lifted a hand and picked up hers. He pressed their palms against each other, and then laced their fingers together for good measure. His eyes held hers with a brilliant fire.

"
I love you, Lauren," he said so seriously that Lauren's heart almost stopped beating.

She stared at him.
"Logan--"

He cut her off.
"I love you, Lauren," he said again, more firmly.

Her pulse raced and a tear slid from the corner of her eye.
"Logan--" her voice broke.

"
I love you, baby," he said for the third time.

She swallowed and the tears she
'd been holding back for weeks now came spilling down her cheeks. "I love you, too."

His hands came to her cheeks and wrapped around her face. His words were anguished as he spoke.
"I don't know how I could have fucked up so badly. I have no clue how I could have been so selfish. In my defense--" His shoulders slumped. "I have no defense. I'm a dumb motherfucker who doesn't deserve you, I never have. But baby, I didn't realize until tonight that I hadn't ever said the words to you. When you told me the first time . . . and then every time you've said it . . . all I feel is a hot rush of joy and a profound need to hold on tight so you don't ever figure out how fucked up I am about you."

"
Logan--"

He put his fingers to her lips.
"I need to get this out."

"
Okay," she mumbled against his hand.

"
You just don't understand. I've been insane about you since the first moment I saw you. I don't know what I would have done if you'd refused me. Probably lived a miserable life knowing that I was missing out on the best thing in the world." He took a shuddering breath and his thumb ran over the back of her hand. "I've been so focused on getting you, and keeping you, and getting you to live with me, that I haven't been able to think straight. I love you beyond life itself, I love you more than I ever thought I'd be able to love anything, and I've been so scared that you'd figure out how insane I am about you that it would scare you into running away from me. I think about how much I love you at least seventeen times a day." He shook his head as if in a daze. "I can't believe I fucked up this bad."

Lauren closed her eyes and bit her lip as she let his words sink in.
Logan loved her
. She believed him. She really
believed him. A sense of peace enveloped her. So it hadn't gone exactly the way she wanted, that was okay, she had what she'd always wanted, and that was
him
. Yeah, she hadn't wanted it to happen this way, but that was okay. Just so long as it had happened. She opened her eyes and studied his intent features. "I love you, too. It's okay, I'll give up the apartment--"

"
No. Not until we get married." His eyes hardened that little bit the way she recognized so well and he said in a deep voice so that she couldn't misunderstand, "You'll keep living here but we'll keep the apartment until we get married."

"
Logan . . . it's okay. We don't have to get married." She felt her face fall. "I don't want to rush you or force you into a situation you don't want."

He laughed, a hoarse sound filled with bitter humor. Not letting go of her hand, he stood to his feet and leaned away from Lauren. He slid open his middle desk drawer and pulled out a small jewelry box, the size that would contain a ring.

Lauren gasped and her heart took off like a freight train.

She watched as Logan went down on one knee. Her breath stalled and then took up such a quick cadence that she thought she might faint. She was only vaguely aware that she had started crying again.