Put Me Back Together (24 page)

I followed him out to the stairs and watched him cross the lobby and go out the door before I opened the envelope.

It was a sketch, a view of what I assumed had to be his apartment window. He’d drawn the bare trees and the building across the street. There was a shaggy dog framed in one window looking totally forlorn. Beneath the drawing he’d written, “Without You.”

I hugged the sketch to my chest, a grin spreading across my lips as I followed the hallway back to my door. I’d dreaded this day for so long. It stunned me to realize how differently it had turned out than how I’d feared it would.

Or maybe no differently at all.

My door had drifted partly shut, and I noticed a paper tacked to the outside of it, a paper that hadn’t been there when Ethan and I had come in five hours earlier.

My eyes ran over the two words as my body broke out in a cold sweat.

FOUND YOU

14

Em: Is it happening now?

Me: We’re in the car going to the restaurant.

Em: Don’t put out on the first date. He’ll never buy the cow if he can motorboat your boobs for free.

Me: Omg, stop now.

Em: Make sure you show him that bra, though, it’s my best one!

Me: I’m turning my phone OFF now.

Em: No glove, no love!

“What’s so funny?” Lucas asked, giving me a quizzical look as he stopped at a red light.

I quickly hid my phone in my purse before more of Em’s X-rated texts could come through. “Just sister stuff,” I answered.

“You’re not telling her to call you in an hour with an emergency so you can get out of this date, are you?” Lucas said suspiciously. “Because you gotta give a guy a chance.”

“No, I told her to save her gaping head wound for the two-hour mark,” I replied. “The whole point is to get a free meal out of you first, obviously.”

“That’s my girl,” Lucas said with a grin.

My girl.
I recalled how on the night of Oleg’s party those same words had filled me with rage. Now I felt my chest fill with anticipation and bubbly excitement. I was surprised at how little nervousness I was feeling, actually. Though Lucas might not know it, this was my first date—ever. I should have been white-knuckling it, but instead I felt giddy. Lucas, on the other hand, seemed pretty cool on the outside, but I had the feeling he was a little apprehensive about tonight.

When we first got into the car, he’d accidentally put it into reverse instead of drive, and he kept turning on the windshield wipers by mistake, even though it wasn’t raining. He blamed in on the fact that it wasn’t his car—and thank God, because this one was worse than the last one. One door was a different colour than the rest of the car, and my seat was stuck in a leaned-back position—but I remembered what Brit had said that night at The Limo; that it was my presence that made Lucas lose his cool.

Feeling mischievous, I decided to test out Brit’s theory. Sitting up in my seat as we sat at an intersection waiting to make a left turn, I leaned toward Lucas and brushed my fingers through his hair. His golden eyes darted to my face as I gave him a sly smile.

“What’re you doing?” he said uneasily.

Edging over even farther, I placed my lips beside his ear and whispered, “Am I making you nervous, Lucas?”

I heard him beginning to respond when I opened my lips and slid my tongue across his earlobe. Lucas sucked in a breath and the car swerved suddenly to the left, then back again. Luckily I’d checked that there was no traffic around the car before making my move.

“Jesus, Katie!” Lucas said as he completed his turn, breathing hard, his eyes wide and his hands gripping the wheel for dear life.

I fell back into my seat, giggling. “I got you, I got you!” I sang until he was laughing along with me. “You’re such a sucker! I would have seen that one coming from a mile away.”

“I told you I wasn’t any good at multi-tasking,” he said, still shaking his head. “But you just wait, I’ll get you back.”

I didn’t have to wait long. At the next stop he swiftly put the car into park, undid his seatbelt, and pulled me toward him, kissing me so firmly and deeply that for a moment I forgot entirely that we were in a car on a busy street with people walking by. When a car behind us honked, he broke the kiss and gave me mocking frown. “That’s for using your siren ways against me,” he said, shaking his finger at me as he took the wheel again.

“Well, if that’s my punishment, I think I might just have to do it again,” I answered with a coy grin, and he groaned like I was hurting him.

I didn’t know who this flirty, brazen girl was that had taken my place tonight, but I hoped she stuck around. She was already a hit, both with Lucas and with me.

We turned into the parking lot of a sketchy looking strip mall and I began to hope this wasn’t actually where we were eating. Maybe there was a super secret entrance to a swanky restaurant hidden between the dingy dry cleaner’s and the seventies decor family eatery? But I didn’t want to seem judgmental, so I kept my hopes to myself.

Lucas got out of the car then ran around to my side to open the door for me. I stepped out gingerly due to the heels Em had insisted I wear and took the arm Lucas held out.

“What a gentleman,” I said appreciatively, and saw that his eyes were still riveted to the four-inch strappy sandals on my feet. (I was stunned Emily had let me have them considering the state her boots had been in after my daring run through the snow, but she’d said they were her first date good-luck shoes and I had to wear them. “For the sake of the date,” she’d said dramatically, handing them over.)

I felt the palm of Lucas’s hand run down to the small of my back, then press me closer to him so he could speak into my ear. “You wouldn’t think I was such a gentleman if you knew what was going through my mind after seeing those shoes,” he said, his voice thick, his lips grazing my ear. It was the same move I’d pulled on him in the car. I was surprised he’d only swerved. I would probably have crashed right into the curb.

In my heels I was much closer to his height, and I didn’t have to stretch that far to whisper back. “Well, get ready, because under this coat I’m wearing a dress to match.”

Lucas gave me a burning look and I literally had to take him by the hand and lead him toward the sidewalk to get him to move.

As I’d feared, we stopped in front of the rundown-looking restaurant. I wasn’t wrong about it being a family eatery. Its name was actually Mama’s Table. Glancing through the window I saw lots of parents and kids, booster chairs, and booths with cracked vinyl seats. I remembered Lucas’s long hours at the club and his borrowed car. He obviously didn’t have a lot of cash. Maybe this was the best place he could afford.

“Looks great!” I said amiably as I waited for him to open the door for me.

He gave me a funny look and kissed me on the forehead. “Thanks for faking that for me,” he said. “This
is
going to be great, though, I promise. I just need you to wait here for a sec.” He waited for my nod, confused as it was, then went through the restaurant doors.

Only when Lucas was out of sight did I feel the heaviness descend upon my shoulders. Leaning against the brick wall beside the door, I quickly scanned the half-empty parking lot and began twisting my fingers. My hands were already puffy and startlingly red because I’d been doing it all day, almost nonstop except for the car ride. Without Lucas to distract me, my mind was drawn immediately to the note.

After placing it on the coffee table I’d been irrationally afraid to touch it, and had sat huddled on the couch for most of the night, staring at it as though it was a poisonous snake and might uncoil and strike me at any moment. I had not slept at all, and when morning came I’d gone straight over to Em’s under the pretense of date prep. She’d done my nails and taken me out for lunch, chatting almost nonstop about Lucas and the date and how sure she’d been that we’d patch things up, and I’d been more bright and cheerful than I’d ever been. (Em had actually asked me several times if I was feeling all right.)

Suddenly, my own defense mechanism revealed itself to me like a jack-in-the-box and I saw that the flirty girl in the car was just another version of that persona, a gay and giggly mask to cover the quivering girl inside. When I was laughing and happy, even as a pretense, the fear couldn’t touch me. It was an opposite method to the one I’d been using for years to battle my fear—namely lonerdom and a surly disposition—but then, I realized, I’d never been this afraid before, not in six long years.

I couldn’t be sure that Brandon himself had been in my building. But somebody he knew had been there. Somebody he was in contact with knew my phone number and where I lived. How hard could it be for this person to pick my lock and break right in? I’d held my baseball bat—the one my father had bought for me when he’d found out I would be getting my own apartment—clutched in my sweaty palms all night with that very thought in mind. I had no idea where I would be sleeping tonight, but I knew I couldn’t go back there, not alone. I couldn’t face the two words on that piece of paper again.

This date with Lucas felt like a last meal of sorts, a tantalizing treat before the nightmare set in. I could have rescheduled, made up some excuse. In truth, a part of me had gravitated to this response, a knee-jerk reaction from years of hiding, of avoiding, of lying. But I didn’t want to lie to Lucas, and I didn’t want to be held hostage by my fear anymore. I wanted to go on my first date with a guy I thought might just be able to survive me. I wanted to disappear into his embrace and forget about what was waiting for me at home: a terror so big, so strong, I was sure it would tear me away from my moorings and I would never see Lucas again. I didn’t want to let it have me. I didn’t want to see what it had in store. So, instead, I swallowed it whole, hiding it deep inside so I could have this one night for me. For Lucas and me. For us.

Just in case it was our only chance.

I was still staring into the dark when Lucas pushed the door open and poked his head out.

“Ready to have the best meal of your life?” he said with a smile.

Was I ever.

Taking my hand, he led me through the brightly lit restaurant. I imagined maybe he’d had a special table laid out for us at the back, but that wasn’t the case. Once we reached the back wall of the restaurant, we kept going down the hallway that I assumed led to the bathrooms and the back door.

“Uh, Lucas?” I said. “Are we going to eat out by the dumpsters, or…?”

“I knew I should have blindfolded you,” he answered. “We’re almost there, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. Or, actually, whatever you want to do with your panties is fine with me.” He grinned widely over his shoulder at me.

“Shut up about my panties!” I said. “Or you’ll never get to see them.”

This seemed to sober him somewhat, and as we reached a pair of swinging doors he held them open for me, the perfect gentleman once more.

We were in the back of the kitchen. There were metal sinks and stacks of pots and a mop and bucket leaning against the wall. I was just about to ask Lucas what the hell was going on—had I worn these awful heels for dish duty?—when a guy in a white apron and chef’s hat appeared from around a corner. He had chubby cheeks and incredibly long sideburns.

“Mario, I’d like you to meet Katie,” Lucas said formally, and I shook Mario’s extended hand.

Then he took me by the arm and started leading me through the kitchen as Lucas followed behind. “You’re in for a special treat tonight,” Mario said. “An exclusive table has been set especially for you so that you might be one of the first to experience the delectable…” He paused in mid-sentence, his eyes darting around.

“
Genius
,” Lucas whispered, and I had to bite back a laugh.

“…genius of Chef Mario.” Mario patted himself on the chest. “In a quiet and exclusive…”

“You already said exclusive,” Lucas whispered.

“Well, whatever, man!” Mario said frowning. “I’m a chef, not a great orator. You made the lines too long anyway!”

Lucas chucked as we reached our table and Mario pulled out my chair then stalked off, grumbling. The table was out of the way of the bustle of the kitchen, next to an alcove where the employees kept their coats and bags. Unlike the tables in the main restaurant, it was nicely set with a white tablecloth, shining cutlery, and some sweet-smelling pink flowers in a vase. I leaned over to smell the flowers, and when I turned back to Lucas my mouth went dry. He’d taken off his coat and I saw that he was wearing a gray suit jacket over a crisp blue shirt, the dressiest clothes I’d ever seen him wear, even if he had matched them with dark blue jeans. He’d shined his shoes, as well. Looking at him, I couldn’t believe he was for me. He looked so gorgeous it left me speechless.