Quantum (25 page)

Well, he’d thrown himself in this deep—might as well finish drowning. The razor heat within him had climbed from his stomach and curled up his spine to the back of his neck. “Go on with what you were going to say, Sherron. We’re always sharing old war stories, right?”

Except none of those other tales or recollections made him want to punch his closest friend in the face.

Rian shrugged, the palm of his right hand on the butt of a gun, his expression unreadable. “It was just one night and a few too many beers, Zander.”

“Yeah, and those beers and one night led to what, exactly?” Where the hell was this masochistic streak coming from? Why did he need to know the sordid details? He should leave well enough alone, because he didn’t want to imagine Mae wrapped around Rian the way he’d had her wrapped around him last night. But the moronic macho possessive side that Mae had accused him of wouldn’t let it go.

Mae grabbed his arm and turned him to face her, interrupting the glare-down he had going on with Rian.

“It didn’t lead to anything, Zander. Like Rian said, we were on a couch in the middle of an officers’ lounge. We made out for a while, that’s all. And it was like seven years ago or something. It’s history. So I’m not going to stand here while you two idiots piss out your territory, or whatever this is.”

She glared at him then sent Rian a matching frown and stomped up the ramp to disappear into the ship.

Great.
He’d be spending all of their alone time later explaining his apparently stupid, sexist, possessive streak. The few other relationships he’d ever had, he’d always prided himself on treating the woman in question as an equal, affording her the respect she deserved. What was it about Mae that had him bristling over idiotic things like a one-off that technically hadn’t even happened seven years ago?

He took in a short breath to get a handle on his temper and looked at Rian. “No offense, but you’re an asshole.”

“
I’m
the asshole?” Rian stared him down in return, a typically intent expression on his face.

After the Assimilation Wars, Rian had developed this scary, lethal intensity. It was somehow connected to the Reidar and had something to do with all that time he’d gone missing, presumed dead, when the Reidar had captured and tortured him. Rian had told him some basics, but he’d never really talked about it. As much as he trusted the guy he’d known for half his life, there was something terrifyingly unpredictable about the man, like having a tiger on a fraying leash.

“I’m not the one acting like a jealous pussy.”

Annoyance flared through Zander, and he glowered at Rian’s flippant answer.

“Things are complicated, and you’re not helping.”

“Things are always complicated. So man up and treat her right, or you’ll have to answer to me.” Rian sent him the shadow of a deadly grin.

“Screw you, Sherron.” Zander sent him one last scowl and then brushed past him to head up into the ship, back to the communal room where everyone else was waiting to decide their next move.

“Took you long enough,” Forster complained, passing shallow bowls along to his crew. Chase set a pot of something on the counter and started serving up some kind of rice dish that smelled delicious. “Can’t do any sort of nefarious scheming on an empty stomach.”

“Is that what this is?” Zander murmured, glancing at Mae as he accepted a bowl.

She stared at him in return, but his brain couldn’t interpret what that particular expression might mean.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Forster announced as the food was dished out.

“That’s always a worrying prospect,” Rian muttered, which only earned him a short glare from his cousin.

Forster hopped up and sat on the counter. “Apparently Rian here has embarked on some kind of crazy war against an entire race of aliens, the number of which currently residing in our galaxy we can only guess at. And Captain Starch Ass over there wants to get his toys back, even knowing that the majority of his commanding officers are probably those same parasitic bastards.”

A quick burst of indignation ran through Zander; his temper couldn’t take much more crap today. “What’s your point, Forster? I’m sorry if I haven’t had time to formulate a detailed plan, but I’ve been a little preoccupied in the last week trying to keep all my various extremities attached to my body.”

“No need to have a mantrum, Graydon. My point is,” Forster continued, his tone heavy with exasperation, “you can’t just go back to puttering around in your IPC flagship and pretend like nothing happened.”

“I wasn’t planning to. That’s what we needed Rian for—to amalgamate our pool of information and work out the best course of action.” The indignation was quickly turning hotter. Had he thought for half a moment Forster might be a decent guy? Clearly if he had, it’d been some sort of temporary insanity.

“Right, but knowing my cousin here, I’m sure Rian’s strategy would be something along the lines of splatter first, make plans later.”

Now it was Rian’s turn to look affronted. “And you’ve got something in mind, Qae, despite the fact that a week ago you didn’t even know the Reidar existed?”

Forster pointed at him with his fork. “If you’re serious about taking on these aliens, you can’t expect to do it with just the
Imojenna
and a handful of guns that, while they reveal the sons of bitches, don’t actually kill them. If you’re going to war, you need an army.”

“That’s all well and good, but it’s just talk.” Rian’s tone was part annoyed, part exasperated. “How are we going to tell an army’s worth of people that shape-shifting aliens exist, let alone convince them to stand against their own government?”

Forster shrugged, a half grin chasing over his mouth. “You don’t need to conscript an army—you just need the startings of a fleet. And what better way to lead an armada than with a huge-ass flagship like the
Swift Brion
?”

The words slapped Zander like a blow upside the head, echoing through his entire body. The rest of the room seemed to have been whacked into a similar stunned silence.

“You want me to retake the
Swift Brion
and then go AWOL with one of the IPC’s largest ships and the entire crew?” His voice came out strained, his throat tight with disbelief.

“It’s brilliant.” Rian shot to his feet, and Zander could practically feel the energy rolling off him. “He’s right. Between the
Swift Brion
and all its firepower, the
Imojenna
, and the
Ebony Winter
, we have the real beginnings of a force.”

Forster had been grinning, but his expression dropped into a scowl. “Hang on just a second. I never volunteered my ship—”

Rian clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re neck-deep in this now, Qae. There’s no getting out of it. If you don’t stick with us, the Reidar will take you out before you can even think about getting off Sarolta.”

Forster’s expression darkened. “I didn’t sign up for this shite—”

“And you think I did?” Zander put in. “Yet you’re suggesting I go attach a huge, whopping target to my ass and then mutiny for the entire universe and government to see. If I’m putting my balls on the line, then you sure as shite will as well, Forster.”

Forster’s glare eased into a thwarted but no less pissed-off expression. “Just for the record, you’re both assholes.”

Rian shot him a short, lethal grin. “Then you’re in good company.”

Zander shook his head, disbelief and incredulity churning through him. Rian had started pacing, and he could all but see the wheels turning in his buddy’s mind. It was about as animated as he’d seen Rian in years. But they couldn’t really expect to go through with the preposterous suggestion.
Steal an entire flagship?

They wouldn’t last five minutes before the IPC sent half a dozen other war vessels after them. Taking on the Reidar would be a little hard to do once they got blown into tiny little pieces.

“Look, I’m all for throwing ideas around, but this wouldn’t work.” His voice came out sounding far calmer than he felt, his insides zinging with unease. “We’d have the
Swift Brion
just long enough to contemplate our own mortality before the IPC sent another ship to take us out.”

Rian didn’t pause in his pacing. “Then we take the ship somewhere the IPC can’t or won’t go to retrieve it.”

This was getting downright ridiculous. “The only places in the universe where the IPC won’t go would result in the same outcome—the
Swift Brion
and everyone onboard exploding into a billion pieces.”

“There is one place that might work,” Forster said slowly, Rian and he sharing a weighty glance. “The Barbary Belt.”

Okay, he’d thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, but apparently he’d been wrong. What were they going to suggest next—they use the
Swift Brion
for a spot of piracy?

“You think we can fly an IPC flagship into the Barbary Belt and we won’t get riddled with holes?”

Rian stopped pacing, intent stare focused on his cousin. “Not if we’re escorted by one of the universe’s most wanted marauders.”

Zander crossed his arms, putting pressure against the pounding of his heart on the inside of his ribs. Rian had a reputation for being a ruthless, borderline deranged son of a bitch, but this plan went beyond that into the realms of suicidal.

Except the soldier he’d been before he’d become a captain admiral was trying to tell him this totally insane scheme might be their best chance.

As much as he hated to admit it, Forster had been right on one count—he couldn’t retake the
Swift Brion
and fly off into the sunset under IPC jurisdiction like nothing had happened.

Forster reluctantly nodded. “It might work, but there are certain people we’d have to clear it with. We can’t just fly an IPC ship into marauder territory without announcing our intentions, or we’ll
all
get blasted to smithereens.”

Huh.
So there were some things he and Forster could agree on.

“So we’ve got to make a trip to the Barbary Belt first to put this plan into motion,” Rian surmised.

Forster shot Rian an exasperated glare. “The same goes for the
Imojenna
. If you just fly in there without an invitation—”

“I’ll wager you a crate of Violaine that out of the two of us, I’m more likely to receive a welcome than you.”

Forster gave a short, humorless laugh. “The IPC war hero? Excuse me if I remain a skeptic, but by all means, fly the
Imojenna
straight up their wazoo and see what happens.”

Rian unfastened one of the pockets on the thigh of his cargo pants, rummaging for a moment then pulling something out. He flicked it at his cousin, who caught it against his chest and opened his palm.

In the middle lay a small, flat, gold disc like an old-fashioned coin. A picture and wording were stamped into it, but Zander couldn’t make it out. Now the look on Forster’s face was nothing short of incredulous.

“Do you know what this is?”

Rian scoffed. “Of course.”

“Where the hell did you get this?” A confusion of expressions crossed Forster’s face.

“Where do you think?”

“That’s impossible—”

Rian took the coin back, returning it to his pocket. “Clearly not. So, let’s stop standing around here flapping our lips like old ladies and make for the Barbary Belt.”

Forster hooked a hand behind his neck. “One of these days, Rian, you’re going to sit down and tell me that story.”

“Not likely.” Rian turned to face him, looking as close to satisfied as he ever got.

Zander didn’t like unknown variables, and part of him was frothing at the mouth to know what had just passed between Forster and Rian, but asking straight out wouldn’t get him anywhere. Trying to get information out of Rian was like trying to bleed a rock.

“So, Graydon, are you staying here with my cousin or are you coming to bunk down on the
Imojenna
?”

He nodded. “As much as I appreciate Forster’s hospitality, I’m sure he won’t be offended if I give up my bunk for an actual bed on the
Imojenna
.”

Forster waved a hand. “By all means, Rizza, you’re welcome to him. Having Captain Admiral Starch Ass around was starting to cramp my style anyway.” He aimed a charming smile toward Mae, where she’d been sitting silently in the back of the room. “Of course, you’re more than welcome to stay aboard the
Ebony Winter
, Ms. Petros. I’ve got a bed in mind for you, if you’re willing to share.”

Mae stood, an unimpressed look crossing her face. “That’s Lieutenant Marshal to you, Forster. And where the captain admiral goes, I go, as per my job description.”

Zander shoved a hand in his pocket and clenched his fist. Stupid that he’d wanted to hear Mae’s reasons were more personal, rather than a cool and calculated assessment of what their relationship had been when they’d set out on this journey—professional and distant.

Forster rocked back on his heels. “That’s all noble and crap, but since you’re AWOL from the IPC, it’s not a sound argument.”

Mae’s chin rose a notch. “I still consider myself a soldier and will serve the duty expected of me until I’m relieved of my position or killed.”

“Charming,” Forster muttered, turning to face the rest of the room. “Well, then, I guess I’ll see you all when we arrive on Tripoli.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Mae surveyed the room Zander had led her to once they’d boarded the
Imojenna
and been given a swift reintroduction to the other crew. Rian had an interesting mix of people flying with him. With his sister and her fiancé included in the jumble, added to the informal manner in which they interacted, his crew had almost seemed more like a family than a working group of traders.

“This is where I stayed last time I flew on the
Imojenna
.” Zander moved past her to look out the narrow viewport along the right bulkhead as the ship shimmied beneath her feet, obviously getting ready to take off. Rian certainly wasn’t wasting any time.

This guest room was bigger than the one they’d been assigned on the
Ebony Winter
, but then again, the
Imojenna
was easily twice the size of Forster’s ship. And now they had an actual bed, as opposed to those narrow, uncomfortable, pull-down bunks they’d spent the last week in.

Zander moved away from the viewport as the ship rose above buildings until there was nothing but hazy blue sky through the crystal pane.

“You were quiet back there, when Rian and Forster were hatching their dubious plans. I know you well enough by now to guess you’ve got a pretty strong opinion on this whole thing.”

She sighed and moved to sit on the bed. Truthfully, she didn’t know what to think. Yes, the plan had merits, but the ending didn’t bode well for any of them. Even if they managed to brazenly steal the
Swift Brion
, she couldn’t see how they’d get out of this still breathing. If the Reidar knew they were coming at them, from what she’d seen so far, they wouldn’t stop until everyone who knew the truth was wiped out. On the other hand, just knowing about the Reidar had put them in that position.

Well, if they were going to go down, they might as well go down swinging, as the old saying went.

Zander touched her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

“You’re looking awfully serious over here.” He smoothed a single strand of hair that’d worked its way free of the braid.

“We can’t go back. Or at least
I
can’t, since I burned my clearances back on Tocarra. UAFA will make me disappear.”

She’d known what the consequences would be when she’d made the decision—saving Zander’s life had seemed way more important, and it still did.

Zander’s hand tightened on hers. “Sorry. With everything else going on, I’d almost forgotten about that, which makes me one selfish son of a bitch.”

She turned to face him, hooking one leg up on the edge of the bed. “No, it’s not your problem, so you don’t need to feel bad or think you need to fix it.”

“Not my problem?” he repeated, both his eyebrows hiking up. “You did it for me, Mae, to keep me safe, the same thing you’ve been doing ever since that damned shuttle started malfunctioning. And I accused you of somehow being behind it. Of course I’m going to make it my business, because like it or not,
you’ve
become my problem.”

She was his
problem
? She forced out a sharp, humorless laugh as she slid her hand from his. “Oh. Well, it’s nice to know where I stand.”

Heart aching for a different reason now, she started to turn away, but he caught her jaw in the palm of his hand and tipped her face back toward him.

“That didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean it that way.” He slid his other hand over her shoulder to the back of her neck as a grim expression crossed his face. “You’re the opposite of a problem, Mae. You’ve become my solution. I just don’t know how to make it stick.”

Her breath shortened as she met the intent stare of his deep brown eyes. Was he saying—? No, she didn’t want to think it. Even if he happened to feel the same way she did, it didn’t negate all the issues standing between them—the half-truths and falsehoods she’d built around herself.

If UAFA found out Zander had been part of the equation in burning her clearances, they’d likely have him killed as well. They still had to go their separate ways, because she put him at risk by being anywhere near him.

He leaned toward her even as he pulled her in. Their lips met, brushed, pressed harder, the kiss slow and sensual.

Why was she torturing herself? Every day, every hour that passed, she let herself fall just a little further, and when the inevitable end came, it was going to shred her heart.

“Seriously?”

The low drawl jolted her out of the sensual fog, and after Zander pulled back from her, she turned away to wipe surreptitiously at the edges of her lashes with the sleeve of her shirt.

“You guys are almost worse than Zahli and Tannin,” Rian huffed.

Zander shifted on the bed, facing his buddy with a scowl. “This might be your ship, but you could have at least knocked.”

“The door wasn’t closed.” Rian sauntered farther into the room and parked himself on the edge of the table.

Mae took a deep breath, grappling to push her volatile emotions away.

“Was there something you wanted, Rian?” Her voice sounded a little uneven, but she could blame that on Zander’s kiss easily enough.

Zander folded his arms over his chest and crossed one boot over the other. “Come to explain that coin and the story behind it? Forster seemed pretty impressed.”

Rian reached into his pocket and produced the aforementioned object, flipping it into the air and catching it. “The hard-core pirates who settled the Barbary Belt are traditionalist. They’ve mined gold from some of the planets and small moons in their system and minted old-fashioned gold coins, like the pirates of Earth. It’s cute, really.”

“Yeah, a bunch of bloodthirsty, merciless pirates are real cute. So how did you manage to get your hands on one?”

Rian stopped flipping the coin and held it up to the light. “This isn’t just any pirate’s coin. This is from a specially minted collection belonging to Corsair Rene Blackstone.”

Mae eyed Rian more closely, not finding the revelation all that surprising. When she’d found Rian after he’d gone missing all those years ago, he’d been keeping some questionable company, and the only word to describe his state of mind at that point had been feral.

“Blackstone?” Zander demanded, straightening a little. “You couldn’t have stolen it, because otherwise you wouldn’t be standing here right now. By god, Rian, do you know how much bounty that man has on his head?”

Rian nodded. “You’re right. Even I’m not crazy enough to steal from a man with his reputation. Blackstone gave it to me as a token to remind both of us that he owes me a favor.”

“Do I want to know what you did to earn a favor from one of the most feared men in the universe?”

“The abbreviated version is that I saved his life, but part of the deal was that it never got spoken of again. And considering that we’re all aware of Blackstone’s reputation, I’d rather not risk breaking that particular agreement, even with you.”

“Of course, Rian, we don’t expect you to.” Mae glanced at Zander, who nodded. “The important thing is that you can get him to help us.”

Zander pushed to his feet. “First I stow away on the
Ebony Winter
with Qaelen Forster, and now we’re talking about throwing our lot in with Rene Blackstone. Did I fall into an alternate universe at some point and not notice?”

“All of this associating with outlaws is too much for the goody-do-gooding captain admiral, huh?” Rian sent him the shadow of a grin.

As he shot Rian an unimpressed glare, Zander started pacing. “Make all the jokes you want, Rian, but my entire life has been put through a blender in the last week. Sorry if I’m having a little trouble adjusting.”

Rian sobered up in a flash. “I can understand that better than anyone, Zander. You can’t imagine what happened to my life when I first found out about those bastard aliens.”

He stopped to level a serious look on his old friend. “Are you ever going to tell me the full story?”

Tension rolled into the room like a dark fog. But Rian glanced away, his whole body stiffening.

“At least you weren’t alone.” Rian’s tone came out low, vibrating with tightly banked emotion.

“Yeah. A lot can be said for having someone at your back.” Zander’s expression shifted with intimate warmth as he glanced at her.

“You’re lucky I sent her under those forged IPC posting orders when I did.” Rian brought his head up again, his demeanor back to his usual cool, detached lethalness. “Truthfully, I thought you were already switched out, that I might have had an alien on my ship when you caught that ride to Tetsu a month back. Still, it would have been entertaining to see exactly how she kidnapped the mighty Captain Admiral Graydon, if things had gone that far.”

Mae froze, her breath stalling in her lungs.

“Wait. You did what?” Confusion spread across Zander’s face.

She couldn’t come up with an answer fast enough, and the dawning understanding in Zander’s expression told her it was too late anyway.

“You sent her? To
kidnap
me?” he demanded, voice going up several notches over the last words.

No, no, no. Not like this.

Sure, she’d wanted to have this conversation with Rian and Zander, needed to clear the air so there weren’t any secrets between them any longer. But she’d wanted to prepare him, ease him into it, not clobber him with the truth when he least expected it.

Zander riveted his focus on her, and she could see all the pieces congealing in his mind to form a completely different picture of things than he’d had before. All the warmth left his gaze as he realized those secrets he’d accused her of keeping had been nothing like he’d thought.

This was so much worse. Because it was personal.

“Zander—” She stood and stepped forward, but he jerked out of her reach.

“It was all a lie.” His voice vibrated with violent intensity. “From the moment you met me at the Tocarra spaceport you knew that the Reidar—”

He cursed and turned away from her.

Rian glanced between them. “
Frecking christ
, Mae, the way you two have been all over each other, I thought you must have told him everything by now.”

She crossed her arms to stop herself from reaching for Zander again. Clearly, he didn’t want to be touched by her, didn’t want her anywhere near him. “I was keeping your confidence like you asked me to, Rian. There aren’t many people in this universe you trust, and I didn’t want to betray you.”

Silently, she begged Zander to understand. He’d known Rian for longer than she had; surely he could see why she’d kept these major facts from him?

“So the two of you have been colluding behind my back this whole time? That’s just great!” Zander flung out a hand, his movements sharp and angry. “Why? I already knew most of the truth. Why not just tell me outright? Did you think I’d put my position in the IPC above either of you?”

“Of course not,” she returned quickly. “When Rian sent me to find you, we didn’t know whether you were already Reidar. That’s why I took the post. To discover the truth.”

Rian nodded. “I already thought you were dead and gone. I thought Mae was going to bag me an alien.”

“And when, exactly, did you decide I wasn’t an alien, Mae?”

The question caught her off guard, though it probably shouldn’t have. She should have been more prepared for this moment instead of going along, pretending like maybe it wouldn’t all explode in her face.

When she didn’t answer straight away, Zander advanced on her. “
When?
When did you know? After the shuttle crash? After the missile and the gunship that killed Nazari?”

“Zander—” Her voice stumbled over his name, and she couldn’t find any other words.

Except it seemed her inability to answer told him all he needed to know. A twist of pain joined the anger in his expression.

“It wasn’t until the hotel, was it? When we called up the ship.” He spun away from her with a low curse.

“Just let me explain—” She tried to grab his arm, to force him to look at her so she could justify her actions, but he shook off her grip.

“You slept with me and didn’t even know if I was
human
?” His voice was hoarse, and it was like he couldn’t even look at her. “Wow, whatever you and Rian have got going on, you must really care about him to go to those kinds of lengths.”

“Zander, please. It wasn’t like that.” She shifted around to get into his line of vision.

The fury had returned as he pinned her with an incensed glare. “Everything that happened, everyone who died—
Jaren
—” He sucked in a sharp breath, his anger seeming to vacuum into a more intense, cold, quiet kind of rage. “They’re all dead because of you. Because you didn’t tell me the truth. If I’d known the Reidar were out to get me—”

His words washed over her like acid, stripping her raw and leaving her in agony.

“Take it down a notch, Zander.” Rian’s voice rumbled with a note of warning. “None of this is Mae’s fault. She didn’t pull the trigger.”

“No, but she sat by and watched, knowing someone else would.”

Rian muttered a curse under his breath. “You know what the Reidar are capable of. So tell me what you would have done in our situation, thinking my best friend might actually be a parasite. I couldn’t just call you up and ask. Maybe it seems extreme, but we had your best interests in mind.”

“Oh,” Zander shot back with exaggerated sincerity. “So you did it for my own good? Well, that’d be fine if I was frecking six years old.”

“Don’t be an ass, Zander,” Rian drawled. “Just calm down and listen.”

“No.” He held up a shaking hand. “I’ve heard enough. I don’t want to know anything else.”

Zander didn’t look at her as he stalked out of the room. Unable to stay still, Mae took two steps to go after him, her heart thudding painfully, but Rian caught her shoulder and tugged her back.

“Leave him to cool down and think about things, Mae. You know how he hates surprises, and obviously this totally took him offside. He’ll come around.”

A shaft of ice in her heart spread frost through her veins to the rest of her body.

“Why don’t you come upship?” Rian’s voice came out low, but not sounding the least repentant that he’d pretty much just exploded his friendship with Zander. “Ella, the Arynian priestess, has made a hot meal for everyone.”