Queen of the Magnetland (The Elemental Phases Book 5) (12 page)

“Anyway,
you do have a point.”  He’d allowed.  “If you were really my Match, kidnapping
you and rising you from the dead would make no sense as a revenge scheme.”

“Exactly. 
It wasn’t about you, Chason.  I think it had something to do with
me
.” 
She’d chewed her bottom lip.  “You know, on the day Daphne gave me the
necklace, I thought the same thing that you said earlier.  If she was going to
go back in time to help someone, why wouldn’t she choose someone more
important?  Or why not go stop Parald?”

“Because
that asshole’s already dead.”

She’d
given a surprised gasp.

He’d
tilted his face around at the sound and arched a brow.

“I’m
sorry.”  She’d shaken her head, looking amazed.  “I’m just still not used to
hearing you swear.”

“I
apologize.”  He’d said, automatically.  Dealing with cutthroat assassins for
two years had changed his vocabulary.  The old Chason would never have cursed
in front of a lady.  Even a lying, possibly imaginary one.

“No,
it’s quite alright.  I’m getting used to it.  It’s just an adjustment.”  She’d
cleared her throat.  “Perhaps, we should talk about something else.”

“Like
what?”  Even when Mara was real, they’d rarely had long conversations.  She’d
never particularly cared what he had to say.

No
one really did.

His
father hadn’t been one for meaningful chats, God knew.  After Chason’s mother
died giving birth to him, Burke, of the Magnet House had hung on to raise his
son.  But, he’d never been a man to lavish attention on his only child.  The
Magnet
Phases had followed Chason’s orders, because he’d been their king and it was
their duty.  The Reprisal had cheered his words, because he offered them an
outlet for their hatred.  Mara had always been supportive when he told her
about his work or his day, because she’d barely been listening when he spoke.

There
had always been… distance between Chason and rest of the world.

Even
with his Match, he’d never quite fit.

It
hadn’t been Mara’s fault that she’d been politely disinterested in pretty much
everything about him.  All that had been wrong between them was his fault and
he knew it.  From the day Gaia had Matched them, Mara had done everything
right. 
Everything
.  In sixty-seven years, he never remembered a single
instance when she’d been anything less than accommodating, understanding, and
kind.

How
could he complain that she seemed so distant, when she had done everything anyone
ever expected and more?  How could Chason explain what was missing, when he
didn’t even know what it was?  How could he have asked for more from someone
who was already perfect?

“So,”
the woman had offered after a long moment, “I take it you didn’t… move on, at
all?”

“Move
on?  To where?”  She saw they were in the same dismal kingdom where he’d been
born and where Mara had died.  Eternally surrounded by grey.

“No,
I mean,” a longer pause, “
with
anyone?”

Chason’s
eyebrows had soared at the hesitant question.  “With another
woman
?”  He’d
translated in astonishment.  “No.”  The idea had been so ridiculous that he’d
almost laughed.  “
No
.  I would never be with anyone but my Match.”  And,
just in case she had any half-baked ideas about seducing him into believing she
was Mara, he’d met her eyes dead on and rephrased.  “I would never be with
you
. 
No matter how much beautiful you are and how much I might want you, I only want
her
.”

Black
eyes had traced over his face for a long moment.  “I don’t know why, but that’s
sort of insulting.”

“Because,
I’m not fooled by you?”

“Because,
you want another woman more than me.  Even if she is a dead version of me.”

Silence.

“I
wish you were Mara.”  Chason had said after a while.  “If I had a second chance,
I would do so much differently.”  The darkness and her quiet presence had
brought out words that he’d never spoken to anyone before.  It was a rare and beguiling
thing to have someone lie beside you and actually listen.  He’d suddenly
understood the power of it.

“You
would?”  She’d sounded surprised.  “What would you change?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?”

“Except
for finding my Match, my entire life has been a lie.”

“How
can you say that?”  She’d sat up slightly.  “Chason, you’ve done so much for
this world.  You’re the most honorable, generous, selfless Phase alive.”

Chason
had snorted at that.  “I’ve destroyed everyone and everything around me.”

“That’s
not true.”

“It
is.”  He’d said simply.  “The kingdom, my reputation, my family’s legacy… And
most of all, my Match.  All gone.  I’d hate for Mara to see me, now.  She was
so perfect.”

“I
was never perfect, Chason.”  She’d sounded frustrated.

“Mara
was.  You didn’t know her.”

“I
knew her.  I think maybe you didn’t.”  She’d let out another long sigh, like
she was unwilling to debate her identity, again.  “Forget it.  Tell me
something pleasant.”  Her head flopped back down, again.  “Just one pleasant
thing that’s happened since I’ve been gone.  Please.  I need to hear it.”

Chason
had considered that for a long moment.  Nothing had come to mind.  “I killed
Parald, of the Air House.”  He’d finally reported.

“You
killed
someone and you think it’s pleasant?”

“Yes.” 
Chason still saw the splatters of blood that covered his clothes and body.  The
old him would have been haunted by that.  The new him just regretted Job had
pulled him away before all of Parald was the consistency of a Slurpee.  “I
hacked him into so many pieces they needed to clean up the mess with a mop.”

She’d
looked mystified.  “Why in the world would you bother to do that to such a
petty, nasty little troll?”

“Because
he murdered my Match!”

“But,
he was so far beneath you, Chason, and it wouldn’t have brought me back.”  Her
fingers had hesitantly brushed against his wrist like she was trying to comfort
him, but was unsure of her welcome.  “If Daphne had gone back and done
something before the Fall, killing him might have made a difference, but after
I was gone…  I would never want you to compromise your principles over me or
that insignificant man.”

“I
lost my principles long ago.  If I ever had them, at all.”  Without even
thinking about it, he’d turned his hand giving her better access.  Her thumb had
trailed along the sensitive flesh of his palm and his jaw tightened against the
feel of it.  He’d wanted her so badly it was a living ache.  “I think that,” he’d
cleared his throat, “while I did all the right things.  Charities and praying
and being kind to fucking animals.  I think I just did them, because I was
supposed
to.  I never questioned whether or not I actually
believed
any of it.”

“You
did those things because you were born for greatness”

“No.” 
He’d stared fixedly at her hand touching his.  Her finger had skimmed his fate
line and it was the most erotic experience of his life.  He’d swallowed against
the feel of it.  “I did them because I was born a
prince
.  There’s
nothing great about that, except the amount of bullshit rules and
responsibilities that get dumped on you before you’re smart enough to
see
they’re
bullshit.  It was just a… façade.”

“I
know what that feels like.”  She’d whispered.

“Obviously.” 
Who would know better than
her
what it was to pretend to be someone
else?

“No,
I mean, I know what trying to please people at the expense of yourself costs you
in the end.  We can’t do that anymore, Chason.  Either of us.”  She’d squeezed
his hand, just like she had on that first day back in the rain.  “The perfect
Mara’s gone, just like the Chason you were trying to be.  But, maybe we can be
better
. 
Maybe we can just… be.”  Her black gaze had met his, glowing with the promise
of forever.

For
a heartbeat, Chason was young again and all things were possible.

He’d
blinked hard against the film of moisture in his eyes and shook the feeling
away.  It wasn’t ‘real.’  “I don’t even know who I am, now.”

“I
don’t know who I am anymore, either.  But we could
learn
.  We could
start over and,” she’d made a gesture with her free hand, “be more.  We could be
so much
more
than we were.  I’ve always felt that.”

So
had he.

“It’s
too late.”  He’d gotten out.  “You’re gone and I’m lost.  So, what does it even
matter?”

“It’s
not
too late, though.  We have forever and then some.”

“Don’t
say that!”  He’d snapped.  “
Mara
would say that.  That’s
hers
.”

Her
mouth had thinned and he’d felt the same mysterious movement of her energy that
he’d felt early.  Like she was drawing back from him.

“I’m
sorry.”  He’d quickly apologized, not liking her retreat.  “My Match would say
that to me and it’s important.  You can say anything else, but not those
words.”

“That
Mara isn’t coming back, Chason.  I don’t think she ever even existed.”

“That’s
entirely possible.”  He’d agreed seriously.  “I told you, no longer see
‘reality.’”  And God knew he wasn’t the stablest of men.  Maybe he’d imagined
Mara.  Maybe his entire world was just a dream.

Maybe
“reality” was somewhere he’d never even been.

She’d
sighed again, as if he’d missed the point and she was too tired to argue about
it.  “Never mind.  Just… tell me something else.”

Chason
had shoved aside questions of his sanity and concentrated on watching her hand
move.  He’d wished he could grab it and guide it straight to his erection. 
She’d apparently forgotten that they were touching, but he suddenly hadn’t been
able to think of anything else.  His body had been rock hard and aching for her
touch.  It was no doubt a disgrace to all his boring ancestors that the last
dying branch on their family tree was apparently so ruled by his libido.

Chason
had found he didn’t care.

“Do
you think that I’m still in that human prison?”  That had become his newest
theory.  That she was a dream and he’d wake-up in that plastic jail cell.

Alone.

“What?” 
Her brows had tugged together.  “Were you in a prison, too?  Good Lord, why?”

He’d
made a face, feeling slightly embarrassed about his criminal career.  “Isaacs,
of the Air House annoyed me so I threw a car at him.  Allegedly.”

She’d
studied him with wide ebony eyes.  Her mouth had opened and then closed,
again.  “Oh Chason…”  She’d started giggling.  Her hand had come up to cover
her mouth as she tried to hold back the sound.  “And the humans
arrested
you?”  She’d sounded delightfully scandalized by that idea.

Something
had twisted inside his chest.  Something warm and yearning.  Mara’s laughter
had always been such a special sound.  Seeing this woman so amused had charmed had
him in ways that he thought were gone forever.

“You
think it’s funny I was locked-up for attempted crushing of an Air Phase?”  He’d
gotten out in the steadiest voice he could muster.

She’d
bobbed her head, her hand still plastered against her lips.  “Yes.  I’m sorry. 
It’s just the idea of
you
in a human jail…”  Her shoulders shook with
mirth.  “I’m sorry.  It’s not funny, at
all
, I know… But it’s still the only
funny thing I’ve heard today.”

“My
father certainly wouldn’t think so.”

“No,
he wouldn’t.”  Her eyes still glinted with humor, but she’d schooled her face
into a suitably grave expression.  “I’m sorry.”  She’d tried, again.  “Really. 
It must have been very traumatic for you.”

“Well,
I was blacked out drunk for most of it.  I undoubtedly still
am
, so I
don’t see the point in dwelling.”  He’d slid his hand over to touch hers,
coaxing her fingers back to his palm.  Dream or not, the feel of her skin
against his had given him more pleasure than anything had in two years.  “Have
you ever visited the human realm?  Mara hadn’t.  But if either of you
had
,
you’d understand my lack of desire to reminisce about it.”

The
woman had hesitated.  “The human realm?”  She’d started to withdraw her hand. 
“Why would you think I’d go there…?”

“No.” 
Chason had seized hold of her, preventing the retreat.

Her
eyes had shot to his face in surprise, her wrist captured in his grasp. 
Feminine awareness lit her face, like she hadn’t been sure whether or not to
try and yank free.

“Don’t.” 
His voice was a command and his gaze had burned into hers.  The old Chason never
would have spoken to Mara that harshly or ever grabbed a lady to try and
prolong physical contact between them.

“Chason?” 
She’d gently tugged against his grip.  “You’re holding me too tight.”