Authors: Jacob Chance
“Is she blonde like you?” he asks, an eyebrow raised.
“No she has dark brown hair and brown eyes. We don’t look anything alike.”
“I prefer blondes with blue eyes,” he says with a wink. I flush and look down at my lap.
“Tell me about this ex-boyfriend of yours? I didn’t ask you the other day, but is he the guy who showed up at work?”
Can we talk about something else please; anything else?
My hands clench in my lap and my nails dig into my palms while I act as if his question doesn’t bother me. “Yes, that was my ex, Kyle.” Saying his name is painful for me. Thinking about him all the time is exhausting, and living without him is the hardest part of all. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. I don’t want to get used to it because that’ll mean I no longer care about him and I don’t want to ever stop loving Kyle McKenzie.
The waitress places the large, steaming sheet of pizza down on the table and hands us some extra napkins. I’m thankful for the interruption. I don’t want this night to be about my problems.
Zack places a slice of pizza on my plate and his hand is barely gone before I grab it.
“Watch out for your fingers,” I joke.
We walk slowly toward my apartment, me lost in thoughts of Kyle, and Zack texting on his phone. My stomach is stuffed with the ungodly amount of food I ate and all I want to do is get these tight pants off.
“Sorry about that. Duty calls,” he says, pushing his phone into his front pocket.
“I just realized I’ve never asked you where you’re from?” My eyes are focused on where we’re headed, only another block to go.
“I’m actually from Massachusetts. I grew up in Boston. I went to NYU for college and stayed here when I was done.”
“Are your parents still there?” I ask. I like learning more about him.
A look of sadness passes over his face. “My mom is, but my dad passed away a few years ago.”
I reach over and squeeze his hand for a moment. “What happened to him?”
“He died in an accident.”
“Zack, I’m so sorry to hear that. I lost both of my parents, so I do know what it’s like, if you ever want to talk about it.”
He’s quiet, lost in his thoughts, when we arrive at my building. I rub his arm and regret calling up such sad memories for him.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask, studying his face.
He looks down at me and gives me a small closed-lipped smile. “I’ll be fine. It just never seems to get easier, no matter how much time passes.”
I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my face on the soft fabric of his shirt. His arms pull me close, one around my waist and the other across my shoulder blades. My breasts are pressed against his chest and the scent of his cologne surrounds me. It reminds me of a forest full of trees or fresh cut grass. Being held by him is nice, but it doesn’t give me the same comfort and security I get from Kyle’s arms. I pull back, glancing up at him.
“Do you want to come in for a drink?”
He releases me from his hold and nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Seeing this vulnerable side of Zack makes me realize he’s so much deeper than I imagined. Sometimes the people who smile the most are hurting the worst.
We take the elevator up to my floor and while I unlock the door to my apartment, my stomach has a flutter of unease in it. Bringing a guy I don’t really know that well to my place isn’t something I’d normally do.
But this is Zack.
“Beer or wine?” I ask, dropping my keys on the small table just inside the door. I kick off my shoes and sigh with relief. Having my feet crammed into heels all day is not something I can ever get used to.
“Beer, please.” He walks across the room to the row of windows and gazes out, his hands in his pockets. I grab a beer from the fridge and pour myself a glass of red wine. I walk over to him and while we stand shoulder to shoulder I’m reminded of the other day when Kyle was here. Tonight will have a much different outcome.
“I don’t think I could ever tire of this view,” I say. The sun is setting over the city and the explosion of vibrant colors mixed with the skyline is something an artist could never accurately capture on canvas. Although, I’m sure Josh would be up for the challenge. “Let’s sit down. My feet are killing me.” He laughs and we settle down onto the couch.
“Why do you women insist on being uncomfortable? It seems crazy to me to wear anything that’s painful.”
“I know, but it’s more important to look good than feel good,” I say, sounding crazy to my own ears. “It sounds ridiculous now that I’ve said it. I may have to rethink my views on this.” I giggle.
“You never finished telling me what’s up with you and your ex,” Zack says before taking a sip from his bottle. He licks his lips and waits for me to answer.
“It’s a long, complicated story and I’m not sure I want to get into it tonight.”
Or any other time.
I carefully unlock the door and slip inside her apartment unnoticed. The half empty bottle of wine on her kitchen counter makes me smile. I wonder how long it took the sedatives I added to kick in.
The sight of her naked body splayed out on the bed takes me by surprise. She must have fallen asleep right after her shower. Her hair is still damp leaving wet marks on her white pillowcase. My cock was hard the moment I saw her bare body, but the more my gaze travels over her gorgeous form, the need for relief consumes me. I unbutton my pants and painstakingly slow, unzip them. I’m not wearing boxers and the immediate relief of having my dick free has me inhaling a quick breath. I grip my cock hard, squeezing it in my fist until it’s painful – pain is pleasure. Staring at her pussy while I stroke myself is beyond anything I’ve imagined. Her legs are relaxed and parted enough for me to see the shape of her lips and I’m so tempted to run my tongue along her slit. Fuck. I keep up the strangling grip on my dick while I move my hand up and down. I swipe some of the pre-come on the tip with my finger and bend down toward her pussy. I get my face as close as possible without leaning on the bed. I can smell the sweet scent of her cunt when I gently wipe my come on her slit. Fuck. She’s so smooth and soft against my finger.
I want to shove my fist inside her.
Tear her cunt apart.
Make her scream with pain.
Then, only then, I’d shove my dick so hard inside her she’d be begging me to never stop.
I close my eyes for a moment while I try to regain my self-control. She’s a temptation like no other for me. She’s the ultimate test of my will.
When I open my eyes again my resolve is back. I won’t give in to this desire until the time is right. I have to stick with the plan, no matter how much she tests my discipline.
I move my finger around the head of my dick, imagining it’s her tongue, before I lean down and ever so carefully trace my finger along her bottom lip. I smile knowing she has part of me on her pussy and her mouth.
Soon there will be no secrets between us.
I’ve been back in Boston for five days, although it seems like so much longer. I’ve been sending her sweet text messages each day or at least what I think are sweet messages. She never replies, but I’m not going to give up.
You’re all that matters to me in this world.
I can’t imagine my life without you in it.
Please forgive me for being a dumb ass.
I’m about to eat some Fritos. Want some?
I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman.
I want you by my side, every minute of every day.
I’m so desperate I even took a picture of the toy duck she gave me and sent it to her with the caption,
we miss you
As much as I’d like to be in New York with Janny, I have a business to run. It’s not fair to Derek to make him shoulder all the responsibilities. I need some time to regroup and come up with a game plan to win her back. She’s not like other women; she’s special. I really fucked things up with us and I know I have a lot to make up for. I’m not sure how to go about it though. What should a guy do when they’ve fucked up the best thing that ever happened to them? I’ve never had to do this before; never cared enough to do this before.
“Kyle.” Derek walks into my office. “This is for you.” He hands me a large priority mail envelope. There’s no return address on it and my gut’s already clenching; my instincts telling me whatever’s in there isn’t something I’m going to like. I pull the tab along the top and tear it across. I look inside and see photos. When I remove them and take a closer look, I realize there are numerous pictures of Janny and Zack. Most of them are innocent enough; just walking side by side or talking. When I get to the last five or six pictures I clench my teeth while my blood boils. I flex my fingers and my knuckles crack as I try to release the tension taking over. I’m so fucking pissed I can barely see straight while I study the pictures of Janny in Zack’s arms. Her head is on his chest, her eyes closed like she’s lost in the moment. Fuck. I don’t need this shit right now.
“What is it dude?” Derek asks, interrupting visions of me choking the life out of Zack. I hold up one of the incriminating pictures and he whistles under his breath.
“What do you think is up with that?” He tips his chin toward the picture.
“I hope nothing, but I don’t know.”
Jesus. Please tell me she hasn’t moved on.
“Do you know who this dude is?” Derek asks, picking up one of the pics.
“His name is Zack and he works with her. I met him when I was in New York. They went to lunch together the first day I saw her.” I throw the pics down on the desk and rub my eyes with my fingers. “She told me he’s just a friend – a co-worker.” I wish I could erase the visions of them embracing from my mind. The thought of her being in his arms, of him kissing her lips has me exploding in anger. I jump up from my chair and sweep the pictures off my desk. Goddammit. I start to pace back and forth in my office. My hands grip my head. I can’t lose Janny. I need her too much.
“Kyle, settle down, man. Getting fired up isn’t going to help the situation at all. We need to be methodical about this and find out as much as we can about this guy. Figure out who took these pictures.”
“Fuck that. I need to get to New York and kick his sorry ass.”
I arrive in New York four hours later. I had to go home first to pack a bag. I check into the same hotel I stayed in last time, making a note of the time. It’s three o’clock now. I have a couple hours until she leaves work.
It’s game time. No more Mr. Fucking Nice Guy.
I’m waiting inside the lobby of Janny’s building when she arrives. She doesn’t notice me at first, her eyes are on her phone. When she looks up and sees me standing next to the elevators she slows down. Her eyes are clouded with confusion.
“What are you doing here?” She asks, her tone is sharp.
I smile. “What? No hello? No nice to see you Kyle?”
She closes her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts, or maybe she’s trying to calm down. When she opens them, the angry look is replaced with sadness. That’s a look I can relate to. I’ve been seeing it myself, every time I look in the mirror.
“Hi Kyle. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a bitch to you.” She chews on her lower lip. “Do you want to come up with me and we can talk?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
On the elevator ride, I find myself getting angry when I think about the pictures I received in the mail. Those combined with her shitty reception has my temper ready to make an appearance.
By the time we step inside her apartment I’m ready for answers and I don’t plan on waiting to get them. She drops her keys on a table in the entry and places her briefcase down on the floor. I watch the material of her sleeveless black dress cling to the curves of her perfect ass in the most enticing way when she bends over to remove her heels. Jealousy consumes me when I wonder if she was wearing them for Zack.
I follow her to the kitchen admiring the way her hips move from side to side with every graceful step she takes. No matter how angry I am with her it doesn’t make me desire her any less.
“Would you like a drink?” She grips the handle of the fridge and I place my hand on the door, holding it closed.
She looks over her shoulder at me. “What the hell, Kyle?”
I pull the most incriminating picture of them out of my back pocket, where I stuffed it before I left my house earlier today. I unfold it and when I hand it over her eyes go wide. She gasps.
“Are you responsible for this?” I open my mouth to answer and she cuts me off. “Are you having me followed?” her voice raises. “This is low, even for you Kyle.”
“I’m not having you followed. I received a bunch of pictures of you and Zack in the mail today. I came here to find out what’s going on.” Frustrated, I run my fingers through my short hair.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m supposed to believe this?” She cocks her eyebrow at me and gives me a skeptical look. Her doubt infuriates me. I clench my teeth and fight for control of my temper. I want to shake some sense into her, but instead I grip her arms with my hands and crash our mouths together. My hands move up to tangle in her golden locks, gripping hard. She gasps into my mouth and it’s the hottest fucking thing. It sends me over the edge of reason, making me fucking snap. We crash into the cabinets with a loud bang while I devour her mouth. I want to fuck all the bad attitude right out of her, spank her delectable ass for doubting me and make her see she can’t live without me. I growl, grip her hips with both of my hands and rub her pussy against my cock. Jesus Christ. Her fingers tug on my hair and it only fires me up more.
“You’re going to be sorry for doubting me.” I growl into her mouth before biting on her full bottom lip. I clench it between my teeth holding her prisoner and unzip the back of her dress. I tear the material down her arms and it falls to the floor. Goddamn she’s not wearing a bra. I pinch both her nipples and she gasps. I’m not sure if it’s from pleasure or pain. I don’t care. She makes me lose all sense of reason. I lick her bottom lip to soothe the sting and her nails draw blood when they scrape down the back of my neck. Fuck. She pushes against my chest and I trap her arms between us pulling her with me when I slam into the wall. My back takes the brunt of the force and sends a picture crashing to the floor. I grip under her ass and lift her up away from the broken glass while I bite into her neck making her cry out. I want to permanently mark her with my teeth so no other man will touch her.
She’s fucking mine.
I carry her to the dining room table and set her down on the edge and push her down. She gasps when her back hits the cold wood. I tear her panties down her legs.
“This cunt is fucking mine.” I shove her legs apart, pull up a chair and sit. She looks unbelievable spread out on the table in front of me – all pink and wet with her desire. She can hate me all she wants right now; her pussy tells me a different story. My stomach muscles clench, I lean forward, anticipating the taste of the sweetest tasting cunt you could imagine. I groan when my tongue slides along her slit, licking up her juices. She moans, lifting her ass in the air, pushing her pussy in my face. She fucking wants this as much as I do.
“Yeah baby, smother me with your pussy,” I say, burying my face in her slit. My tongue wiggles inside her entrance and my nose nudges against her clit while I suck up her juices. Goddamn I could do this all night. I shove two fingers inside her and my lips move to toy with her clit. I roll it between them and use the tip of my tongue to pulse against it. She moans and thrusts her hips up toward me. I push her down with my free hand.
I growl against her cunt. “Don’t move. Hold still and fucking take it.” My fingers hook inside her and rub the spot that drives her crazy. I suck on her swollen clit and her head thrashes from side to side on the table. Her mouth opens, little puffs of air expelling, she’s getting closer to her orgasm. When her legs start to quiver and her body starts to tremble my fingers and tongue pick up the pace. She comes with a long moan and I bury my tongue inside her once again, savoring the taste of her release.
I undo my jeans and raise up enough to push them down my legs. I grip her hips and flip her over to her stomach. I slap her ass with one hand and rub away the sting with the other. I yank her backwards on the table, toward me and she cries out with surprise. I pull her down on my lap, her back to my chest and her legs hanging to the side, over each of mine. I bite her earlobe and lift her up, while I align my cock with her entrance. I hold her there with just the tip inside and watch as she slowly slides down my thick length until I’m buried balls-deep inside her. She moans while her pussy adjusts to the size of me. One of my hands squeezes a breast and the other cups the front of her neck.
I growl in her ear. “Ride my cock. Show me what you’ve got baby.”
She wraps her arms around the back of my neck and rests her head on my shoulder, then rolls her hips down into mine. The way the hot walls of her pussy squeeze my dick has me fighting for control. I raise my hips; she grinds down hard. My hand trails from her breast down to pinch her clit between my thumb and index finger. I pulse my fingers, varying the pressure to keep tempo with my thrusts. I can feel her getting closer to her release. I squeeze her neck – hard enough to let her know who she fucking belongs to. She moans when she comes; squeezing my cock with her tight, hot walls. It’s the best fucking feeling in the world and sends me into my own hard orgasm. Goddamn there’s nothing better than showering her pussy with my come. I’m like an animal marking their territory.
My hold on her throat loosens and my arm moves down across her chest. I hold her tight; my lips trail soft kisses along her neck.
I whisper in her ear. “I love you, Janny.” Her body trembles and she starts to sob. I don’t know why she’s crying, but it’s breaking my fucking heart to see her like this. I lift her and turn her around to face me. When I look into her tear-filled eyes I can see how much I’ve hurt her and it guts me. I have to make it up to her somehow. I pull her to my chest and cradle the back of her head while she continues to sob. This is what she needs right now.
Once she’s cried all her tears out I carry her to bed. I lay her down in front of me and cuddle up close to her back. I wrap my arm around her waist and think of all the things I need to say to her.
“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’ve done a lot of questionable things in my life, Janny. I’ve had to do things in the name of work I’m not proud of, but I’ve always been able to justify them because they were done for the right reasons. I know how much I hurt you, but I want you to know I was trying to do what I thought was right for you.” I pause, breathing in her sweet scent and wonder
if this is the last time I ever will?
“I wasn’t sure if I’d ever regain my memories of you and I didn’t want you to waste time waiting for something that might never happen.” She turns over to face me and I can see the flash of anger in her eyes before she speaks.
“You made that decision without even discussing it with me. We could have talked about it, but you didn’t even give me the opportunity. You just sent me on my way like I was nothing.” Her eyes fill with tears. “You hurt me, Kyle, and the callous way you did it made it even worse. I had no idea it was coming and no chance to prepare myself for it. I gave you my heart, opened myself up to love you and you kept important things from me – life changing things.” She bites on her lip and closes her eyes. When they reopen I get lost in all that cerulean blue.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the bullet fragment?”
Fuck. I knew this question was coming sooner or later. “I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to become involved with anyone, but then I couldn’t help falling for you. Once we were in a relationship I didn’t know how to tell you. I hated myself for not saying something right away and it seemed cruel to put all that worry on you. I didn’t want you to wonder if every moment we shared would be the last.”