Race Against Time (22 page)

We sat in silence. The dogs lay down in the snow, still panting.

I guess we ran them a little too hard.
But we hadn’t gone that fast
. Why are they so tired?

White, puffy clouds sailed by. The gentle breeze did little more than cause me to feel a small tickle on my cheeks. Patches of crisp blue sky shone through the cover of trees. I couldn’t see the sun beyond the thick foliage, but its glow still showed a little.

“Isn’t God wonderful?” Sean leaned back on the large rock and pointed up. “A century ago, only birds could touch the clouds. Now we’ve got planes and rockets, it’s amazing.” He chuckled.

“Thank God for technology. However confusing it may get.” Andie smiled. “And look at the sky, it’s so blue today.”

Sean nodded.

I sat there, glancing down at my hands.

“Don’t trust Him, don’t trust Him, don’t trust Him . . .”

My eyes closed.

I wanted to believe He was good . . . Or did I?

Something nagged at the back of my mind. Something in me doubted. Something in me wanted answers to my questions. Like why He let murders happen.

“You know, the other day I was thinking about creation, and how God created the creatures and the plants, and the stars and moon.”

Sean’s smile made my insides hurt. Why did he have to look so peaceful?

“Then I got to thinking about humans, and how, out of all the creatures He made, we’re the only ones He breathed into. He created the planets and stars and such out of nothing. Then He made us out of dust and breathed His breath into us.” He gave a small laugh. “We must be pretty special for Him to love us that much. To give us His own breath. Then to send Jesus.”

Andie nodded. “Yeah. I was thinking yesterday about how even though I’m a sinner, He died for me. It was like one of those random moments where I felt like crying. I wondered why He loved me. Then I remembered Adam and Eve and how He created us to glorify Him, to love Him. With all our hearts, minds, and souls.”

Sean nodded. “I remember one time my friend asked me why I believed in God. Why I wanted to follow Him. I spent that whole night thinking about why I had chosen to follow Him, why He loved me. At first, I didn’t know.”

“That’s a hard question.” Andie looked back up into the sky. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head.

Again silence took over.

Did God love me? Why didn’t I believe in Him anymore?

I caught my breath. That nagging in the back of my mind turned into more questions.

Why had He dumped me?

I shook my head. I guess He gave me another chance many times before . . .

But could I trust Him again? Why even bother?

Why were they talking about this anyway?

I sighed on the inside. Life was hard.

Too many questions. Too many unanswered questions. Too many unanswered questions that hurt to think about.

“Zoya, you okay?” Sean leaned forward and patted my knee. “You’ve been quiet this whole time.”

I tried to smile. “Guess I’m just tired. But I’m okay.” That was it. I was tired. Really tired.

As always.

He nodded. “You’ve been through a lot lately.”

Something about the way he said it made my insides tumble ’round and ’round. Why did my stomach keep doing that? Was my conscience trying to tell me something?

“Andie, why don’t you go check on the dogs.”

She nodded.

Once she was out of hearing range, Sean spoke. “Something
is
wrong with you, Zoya.”

I shrugged and looked at the clouds. I didn’t have to talk to him. Didn’t want to talk to him.

Did I?

“Come on, I may be new around here but I know you better than that.” He smiled and grabbed my hand, which was so small compared to his. “Talk to me. I’m all ears.” He shifted so that he was facing more in my direction.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I nodded and kept looking at the sky.

I could feel him staring at me.

Everything inside me felt discombobulated.

I wanted to cry. But I didn’t know why.

I wanted to say I’m sorry. But to who?

“You know, when I was a boy I doubted God quite a lot. I didn’t know if He wanted me as His child. I didn’t know if I wanted Him as my God, my heavenly Father.” He gave a small laugh.

I waited. There had to be a “but then I realized” coming.

But it didn’t.

He didn’t say anything. No words that were supposed to make everything hunky dunky. Just a small smile. Filled with peace.

I looked down at my hands. “I guess . . .” My throat closed. I didn’t want to tell him that I doubted God. And that I didn’t know where to turn. Or what to say.

“Zoya, it’s okay to doubt at times. Everybody does. But don’t keep it bottled up inside. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

My heartbeat quickened. Why?

He stood, then walked over to Andie. But there was something about Sean. Something that made me want to trust him. To talk to him.

But could I?

Either way, I had to admit . . . As weird as he was, Sean Connolly was a really cool guy.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

ANESIA

January 28

2:36 p.m.

Snow swished under the sled as Anesia ran her team down the trail by the creek.

Another week had flown by, which was good. It didn’t give her time to worry and fret over everything. But alone with her thoughts now, she knew they’d invade.

She needed this time out on the trail, the wind whipping at her layers, the dogs running all out. If dogs could laugh, she imagined that’s what they’d be doing right now, because they loved to run. Anesia saw their dog smiles and the twinkles in their eyes, but most people couldn’t see it. They weren’t connected to the animals.

But Anesia was. And with that connection, she knew something wasn’t right. Several of the dogs acted off. They were still eating and running, but she sensed something else. They seemed to fidget under the harnesses. But she’d checked, over and over, and she couldn’t find a problem.

The value of her dogs couldn’t be measured. She bred them with care to make sure they had good temperament and amazing speed. Observed everything. Journaled each detail of each dog’s life. That’s why people came from places as far away as Iceland to purchase her dogs.

They were the best.

She couldn’t afford to make mistakes now. And when there was a problem that she couldn’t solve, that’s what rang true: somewhere, she’d made a mistake.

“Haw! Thunder, Haw! Haw!” Changing the direction of the dogs helped reinforce their training. They knew these trails well, but they also had to listen to their driver. If any emergency arose, the driver needed to know the dogs would obey and not carry them all to danger.

Today the Weather Litter was in training with the Bible Litter. Samson, Gideon, Goliath, Moses, Thunder, Lightning, Hurricane, Tornado, and Rain all moved with agility and precision. These were the most experienced of all her dogs. Around six years old, they’d been running with her since they were four to five months old, as soon as they fit in the harnesses. The Weather Litter was born a few weeks before the Bible Litter. Anesia knew she’d found the secret to breeding them. And her instinct proved true. The pups were crazy, but from the first time she’d harnessed them, they were ready to race.

She remembered their yearling year with a smile. All the energy of a dozen toddlers in each fourteen-month-old puppy. As they grew and progressed through the year, they settled into a bit of maturity.

But only a bit.

Anesia laughed aloud, causing a couple of the dogs to dart a quick glance back. She loved this. The memories were good. They kept her mind off all that had happened. The danger to Zoya. The murder. The police informed her the murder victim was homeless. No family. No one to mourn his loss. But that didn’t take away the ache that men had senselessly taken another man’s life. Did that man know God? Was he spending eternity with Jesus?

Hot anger burned through her chest. Another reason to hate the killers. Not only had they taken her sweet child’s innocence, given her nightmares, and turned her world upside down, but they might’ve condemned a man to hell. That thought spurred her on. She wanted to smack them all. Then of course, as a good little Christian, she would witness to them. Yeah, right. Like she wanted to spend eternity in heaven with them! A bunch of dirty, evil killers!

“Whoa . . .”

She slowed the dogs and stopped. Thoughts bounced around in her mind like a pinball machine. Had she really just thought those things? She was no better than them!

God, forgive me
. If she didn’t get a grip on this anger and hatred soon, it would eat her alive. Then who would be there for Zoya?

Taking a few minutes to check the dogs and give them each some attention, she continued to pray. Would she ever learn? How could she ever be an example to anyone else if she kept losing her temper and hating people?

Zoya. Her precious, sweet child. Until this incident, Zoya had always been very quiet. Reserved. She and Andie inseparable. But the anger and hate that oozed out of her teen after the murder scared the wits out of Anesia. One minute she’d be fine, and the next . . . well, she’d never seen such mood swings.

And it was her own fault.

If only she’d been a better mother.

A better example.

Which she’d better start being right now. Or she might lose her daughter to the same vices that threatened her each and every day. She could never forgive herself.

“All right!” The dogs took off at her command. As they picked up speed, Anesia felt like she was flying. More than anything, she loved this. Loved her dogs. Loved to race.

But the nagging thoughts that tumbled around a few minutes prior came back like a board smacking her in the face.

Forgive
.

What? Anesia glanced behind her.

Forgive
.

Tears sprang to her eyes. She wanted to. She did.

She just didn’t know how.

ZOYA

January 29

6:00 a.m.

My alarm sounded, and I sat up straight resisting the urge to scream. My heart pounded in my chest. I slapped a hand to my racing heart. Then glanced sideways.

It was just the alarm.
A sigh escaped as I slid out of bed.
Stop being such a scaredy-cat, Zoya.

Racing day. I blinked, then stretched and yawned.

The feeling I got every morning there was a race calmed my heart and energized me, in some odd way. And I loved it.

Where did it come from? The little niggling feeling in the back of my mind came.

Whatever.

I got dressed. Hopefully Mom was up and about, unlike last time. But she’d been tired.
I could go get breakfast ready for her. Yeah, good idea. She’s been working hard. Plus she’d have to make a whole lot if Sean’s going to eat with us.

As I exited my room, I saw light from Mom’s room shining underneath the door.
Good! She’s up.

I bounded down the stairs toward the kitchen.
What to eat, what to eat . . .
A box of pancake mix sat on the counter, as if waiting to be opened.

I smiled and began the wonderful process of dirtying up the kitchen.
I’ll clean it up after we eat.

Ten minutes, and a gigantic mess, later, Mom came down stairs and smiled. “Well you’re up and at ’em early. Excited?”

“Yes, ma’am!” I beamed. “Can’t you tell?” My arm swept across the kitchen’s space.

“Oh, yeah. Messes galore.”

“I’ll clean it up, don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

I smiled and went back to flipping pancakes.

“Did you get Sean?”

“Not yet, but if I know him, he’ll be here soon enough.”

Mom nodded and kissed the top of my head. “Well, since you seem to have things under control around here, I’ll go check on the dogs.”

“Okey dokes.”

I heard the door close.
I hope the dogs are as excited as I am.

A few minutes later Sean knocked on the back door.

“Come on in, Sean!”

He entered. “Good morning. How are you this morning, Sunshine?” With much difficulty he unzipped and took off his coat.

I smiled.
Sunshine?
“I’m fit as a fiddle. How’re you?” Again, the niggling . . .
stop it! Focus . . .

“Fine and dandy.” He peeked over my shoulder at the last batch of pancakes. “Are those blueberry?”

“And chocolate chip.”

“Yum.” He winked and sat down.

“Mom should be back in a minute.”

He nodded.

The last pancake came out of the pan just as Mom entered the kitchen. Sean smiled.

“Well, well. Looks like I got here just in time.”

Sean nodded. “Yep, but I have a feeling little miss racer here will want to be going ASAP.”

I smiled. “Pancakes anyone?”

The drive to the race trail was long. I couldn’t help fidgeting as we rode along. Everything in me yelled to get on the tracks.
Pick it up, pick it up!

“Have patience, Zoya. We’re almost there.”

“I know.” I sighed. “But I’m just so excited.”

Mom smiled back. “I know.”