Rachel's Valentine Crush (6 page)

“Yup,” Shane said through a mouthful of spaghetti. He paused for a minute to finish chewing. “Totally weird. I don't know—I hope some people go by themselves. It would be really awkward to be the only person there without a date.”

“
Totally
awkward,” Rachel repeated emphatically. She started wondering (again) if anyone would ask her to the dance. She kind of hoped not. After all, if Brody was going to be there—and if, by some crazy long shot, he actually
liked
her—then Rachel didn't want to be stuck with a date. Just since homeroom, she had imagined the dance about a hundred times.
The gym will be dim, with little twinkly lights everywhere.
Maybe I'll be standing off to the side with Taylor, and then suddenly I'll see Brody walking toward me. But I won't be sure, and I won't want to stare at him, but every time I glance that way—there he is. With that smile that reaches all the way to his eyes, and he's going to be looking right at me, and then he'll say, “Rachel, do you want to dance?” And instead of being all nervous, I'll just smile and say, “Sure,” like it's no big deal, and follow him onto the dance floor and—

Suddenly Rachel realized that Shane and Taylor had stopped talking. They were both staring at her. “Um, what?” she said, biting her lip. “Sorry, I—did you say something?”

Shane fidgeted with his fork. “Yeah, I just—no big deal, but I asked if you wanted to go to the dance with
me? As friends. That way we won't be the only ones without a date.”

A feeling of dread settled over Rachel. How could she say no? Shane was such a nice guy. She really didn't want to hurt his feelings. But Brody's face flashed through her mind, and she started to stammer, “Um—I don't—”

“Actually, I'd love to go with you,” Taylor said to Shane, rescuing Rachel just in time. “You know, Rachel might not even be allowed to go to the dance, and I was worried that I wouldn't have anyone to hang out with. I think we'll have an awesome time!”

Rachel flashed Taylor a grateful smile.

“Okay, Taylor,” Shane said. “Sounds great.”

But Shane's smile didn't seem quite genuine, and Rachel knew that he could tell that she was going to say no. She didn't want Shane to feel totally rejected.

“Shane, ordinarily I would definitely go with you,” Rachel said quickly. “It's just that—well, this is top secret so don't tell anyone, but . . . I'm kind of hoping to go to the dance with Brody.”

Shane looked shocked. “Brody?” he repeated. “You and
Brody
?”

Rachel was stung. She didn't know what to say.
Is it
really that hard to believe?
she thought.

But Shane quickly corrected himself. “I'm just surprised because I had no idea that you even knew Brody,” he continued.

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, we've been in our church choir for years. I mean, we
were
in it—before Brody moved to California.”

“You sing?” Now Shane looked even more surprised. “I didn't know that. How come you're not in glee club?”

“Because—actually, never mind. It's not important. Besides, I get to sing a lot at church,” Rachel replied.

“And you and Brody are . . . friends?” Shane asked.

Rachel shrugged. “I guess. I mean, we were friendly. But just between us—” she leaned forward and lowered her voice—“I've had a crush on him forever. I know it's probably not going to matter—”

“Wait a minute,” Shane said. “Do you think that
you're
Brody's secret crush?”

Rachel didn't say anything, but the pink blush creeping over her face answered Shane's question.

“Wow, Rach, I honestly had no idea that you like Brody. That's so . . . you know what? I really hope that Brody likes you, too. Maybe you
are
his secret
crush!” Shane said genuinely—and loudly. At least ten people nearby turned to stare at them! Rachel wished that she could dive under the cafeteria table and never be seen again. She bent down and rummaged around in her backpack like there was a secret treasure hidden there.

“Shane!” Taylor hissed. “Shut up!”

Shane's eyes grew wide. “Oops, sorry, that was kind of loud,” he said in a quieter voice.

“I want to die,” Rachel moaned in a half whisper from under the table. “I'm so embarrassed.”

“Rach, don't even worry about it,” Taylor said. “Come up. Nobody's even looking over here anymore. Honestly, I don't think that anyone was even paying attention.”

“Then why were they all
staring
at me?” Rachel demanded.

“Nobody was staring. They just kind of . . . looked in this direction for a second,” Taylor replied, but Rachel didn't completely believe her. She wanted to, though.

“You really think so?” Rachel asked.

“Definitely,” Taylor said firmly.

She must have kicked Shane under the table, because he jumped and quickly said, “Yeah, I mean, I wasn't
that
loud. Besides, practically every girl in this school is in
love
with Brody. Nobody's going to care about your crush, you know? It would probably be a bigger deal if you
didn't
like him!”

“I hope you're right,” Rachel said as the bell rang, feeling a little better. She had never been so glad about the end of lunch period before. As Rachel threw away her trash, she thought about what Shane had said. It was true that all the girls were acting kind of crazy about Brody right now. If anything, Rachel figured, Shane's big announcement would make her fit right in.

Then, as she and Taylor walked into the hallway, Colin Mercer looked right at Rachel, grinned, and belted out a line from “Secret Crush.” Everyone around them cracked up, like they usually did when Colin started messing around. Stunned, Rachel blinked back tears of embarrassment.

“Aw, Rach, don't,” Taylor said softly. “Everybody's laughing at
Colin
, not you. I really don't think anyone will care about your crush. Shane's right. A year ago, it might have been gossip-worthy, but not when so many other girls are crushing on Brody too.”

“I just—I didn't want anybody to know,” Rachel
replied. “And now the whole school does. What if somebody tells Brody?”

“What would they say?” Taylor asked. “ ‘Hey, Brody, every single girl at school is crazy about you, especially that Rachel Wilson!' ” Taylor shook her head. “Not gonna happen. Besides, it seems like Brody's not really in touch with anybody these days. He's too busy. So it could be worse.”

Rachel nodded slowly. “You're right. Thanks, Taylor,” she said.

“No problem,” said Taylor. “Trust me, by seventh period no one is even going to care—or remember.”

For a few hours, Rachel almost believed her. But when she went to her locker after school, Rachel found a huge surprise.

Tammy Hemmings was waiting for her.

Oh man,
Rachel thought as she automatically slowed down.
Why is
Tammy
standing at my locker?

Even as the question formed in Rachel's mind, she figured out the answer. Tammy must have heard about her crush, just like everybody else at school.
What am I even going to say to her?
Rachel wondered wildly.
She's probably going to tell me to stay away from Brody or—

“Hey,” Tammy said. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other. “You're Rachel, right?”

Rachel hesitated for a moment before she spoke. “Yeah,” she finally replied. “Um, hi.”

“Hey,” Tammy said again. She smiled a little and glanced, briefly, at the floor. Suddenly, Rachel realized that Tammy felt about as awkward as she did. “So . . . about Brody . . .”

“So you heard about that,” Rachel said.

Tammy nodded. “Listen, I don't blame you. He is
so
cute. But there was—well—there was something I was kind of curious about. Can I ask you a question?”

“I guess,” Rachel replied. “I mean, sure.”

“I was just wondering . . . what makes you think that ‘Secret Crush' is about you?” Tammy asked.

“Oh,” Rachel said. “Well, it was that line about making music together. You know the one?”

Tammy nodded.

“Brody and I sang together in our church choir,” Rachel explained. She shrugged. “That's all. It probably doesn't mean anything.”

“I didn't know that Brody was in a church choir, too,” Tammy said. “I thought he was just in glee club. Maybe
you're right. Maybe that line
is
about choir and not glee.”

Rachel felt a little hope stirring inside her heart, but tried to ignore it.

“So, what do you think about the L-O-L line?” Tammy continued. “Did you and Brody joke around a lot in choir?”

“No,” Rachel admitted. “Like, never. Did you guys? In glee club?”

“Yeah,” Tammy said. “Practically after every rehearsal.”

“Oh,” Rachel said. “So . . . that's probably it, then. That's probably the clue.” She tried to act like it was no big deal, but the smile she forced across her face was hardly convincing.

“Who knows,” Tammy said with a shrug. “Whatever the clue is, it's definitely not easy to figure out. But good luck, Rachel. If I'm not Brody's crush . . . then I hope it's you.”

“Me too,” Rachel said. “Wait, that didn't sound right.”

Tammy's laugh, as beautiful as her singing voice, rang through the hallway. “No worries,” she assured Rachel. “I know what you meant. See ya.”

“See ya,” Rachel repeated. She opened her locker
and started loading her backpack, oblivious to everyone else in the hallway.
Tammy was just trying to be nice,
Rachel thought, forcing herself to face the truth.
Because, sure, the music line could be about choir or glee club. But the LOL part—that's got to be all about her.

And not me.

WHEN RACHEL GOT HOME, SHE
went straight to Grandma Nellie's scrapbooking cupboard. “Grandma Nellie?” she called. “Can I take some more of your supplies?”

“Of course, honey,” Grandma Nellie replied. “Anything you want. Did you decide to give scrapbooking a try?”

“Yep,” Rachel said as she loaded up on paper, glue, and ribbon. “I worked on it a little bit already the other night. Now I have some more pages I want to add.”

“Good for you, Rachel! I bet it will look great,” Grandma Nellie said. “Have fun!”

In her room Rachel started playing
Songs from My Heart
as she arranged the supplies on her desk. Then she used her hole punch to make a series of holes around the edge of a new scrapbook page. After weaving a pretty
piece of crimson ribbon through the holes, Rachel pulled out a sheet of the lined pink paper and was ready to start writing.

The most embarrassing choir practice ever turned out to be the best. It was last winter, and practically the whole town had the flu. When I got to practice, I was the only soprano. So whenever I sang the soprano part, it was like a giant solo. So if I hit a wrong note, everybody would know that it was me.

At first my voice was small and squeaky, like a mouse. Halfway through the song Mr. Jenkins stopped us. I knew he wasn't going to be happy, and it was all my fault.

But instead, he started talking about why we sing at church. He talked about how singing was a miracle, and if you managed to lose yourself in it, it was beautiful no matter what.

For the next song, I just closed my eyes and pretended that I was home alone, singing where nobody could hear me. And it worked! I just lost myself in it and it felt great.

When the song ended, I was a little bit dizzy and breathless, but I didn't even care. And then—this had never happened before—everybody started clapping and cheering. For me!! Mr. Jenkins was smiling so big.

Then, after practice, Brody came up to me. I had just started noticing how incredibly cute he is, which made me feel a little nervous around him. Brody said, “Rachel! That was amazing! I didn't know you could sing like that!” And then Brody asked me why I wasn't in glee club at school.

I wanted to tell him why not—that I wasn't allowed to even try out—but I couldn't. The last thing I wanted was for Brody to think my dad was crazy strict. Not too many people would understand how much things had changed after Mom left.

So I just said, “Oh, I'm kind of busy during the week,” like it was no big deal.

“You have to join glee,” Brody said. He was totally serious. “I'll talk to Mrs. Serang about a special audition, if you want. Seriously, Rachel, we need you!”

I had to keep saying “No, that's okay,” and I felt really bad . . . like I was hurting his feelings. He finally let it go and said, “I'll see you later, Rachel.”

It meant so much to me that he thought I was good enough to be in glee club with him . . . but of course I couldn't tell him that, either.

Rachel put down her pen.
If only Brody and I had been in glee club together too,
she thought sadly.
We could've hung out more. Gotten to know each other better. And maybe I'd be his secret crush. Maybe the message in the song would make more sense.

She carefully glued the pink paper with her writing on it at the center of the new page with the ribbon. Then, using some of the letter stencils that she had borrowed from Grandma Nellie, she traced and cut out eight letters from felt. When she was finished, she carefully pasted the letters at the top of the page, above the entry she had written.

MIRACLES.

Satisfied, Rachel moved the scrapbook page over to an empty spot on her dresser so the glue could dry. Then she
returned to her desk and turned on her computer to check her e-mail. To her surprise, she had an e-mail from Brody himself!