Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (30 page)

The question set his jaw. "She's my daughter
Julie
, I love her, and I want the best for her no matter what. I would like to be a part of her life
always
. But, if you are afraid I want to rush in and take custody, stop fretting. You've done a super job of raising her. I
,
on the other hand
,
don't have much experience in raising a kid. All I ask is to be a part of her life, and I guess that boils down to visitation rights if we have to define it.
I want to spend time with her, teach her some things I know
,
"
Cade
said, a sadness engrossing him. "And
I want you to grant
me the privilege of
helping support
her to some extent. Even though I know she'll be provided for. A man likes to think he's decent and responsible."

"Is that all it is…being decent and responsible?" she fretted.

"No…I love
Kellie
. She's part of me…part of us…"
H
is answer was throaty, his eyes burning into her like a branding iron.

"That
’
s….very generous of you
,
"
s
he whispered.

"Is it? I'm leaving the hard part up to you," he insisted.

"But if you did find the right girl and settle down…would you still feel the same?"

"Depends on who the right girl is…"
H
e reached the distance to gently st
r
oke the side of her cheek. "It always goes back to that same question…the right girl."

"Well, it stands to reason you'll settle down, eventually…and…"

"Dammit…" he muttered and pulled her unresisting body toward him as his lips landed on hers with a claiming she wasn't prepared for. Soft, tender strokes of his lips against hers sent her spiraling into a strange and wonderful void. Everything around them seemed to disappear. Capturing her lower lips with his teeth
,
he growled sexily into her ear as he assuaged the ache growing inside her. Memories of how he'd made love to her, swept through her mind like a broom leaving inviting thoughts. His hands went around her protectively, and they lay on the ground, him above her as he raised his head and looked into her burning glance.

"You haven't figured it out yet, have you…
?
" he whispered.

Then suddenly he shot to his feet, stared down at her as his breathing was erratic and shaky. "There's only been one girl for me…all my life,
Julie
.
A girl I wasn
'
t supposed to have. A girl who loved another.
McKay
girls have always been off limits. But we shared one glorious night
,
Julie
. A night I can't quite get out of my mind. Our daughter
was not born out of lust
. I cared about you then, and I care about you now.

"I know you've got a new life for yourself in the city. I know you just recently had a boyfriend.
But
I can't hide how I feel about you.
I'm not sure I can just step aside and l
et another man take my place any longer
. I have way too much to lose. So make notes
:
I'm courting you
,
Julie
. I'm doing like my daughter has asked. I'm being the perfect gentleman.
And the only way I can do that tonight is say goodnight
."

Julie
slowly got to her feet and stared at him.
"I've got some mixed feelings myself, Cade. Feelings I've never truly faced."

He nodded slowly.
"
I sensed that. But it's nice to hear.
Kellie
has some good intentions with this little scheme, but, she doesn't realize how hard it is to keep my hands off you.
I don't put my brand on just anyone, but you've been wearing mine for a long time.
Come on, I'll drive you home
,
"
h
e insisted as though the subject were closed
, as though his words didn't mean anything to her
.

Julie
sat in the car beside him all the way home,
stunned at the admissions, and the feelings they stirred within her. She focused on
trying to figure out what to say, but nothing came to her so she remained silent. But if she were honest with herself, she wanted the same thing
Cade
wanted. That was physical, and around Cade it always seemed to be physical.

As the car stopped
,
she realized they were home and she tried to compose her thoughts and words. "Cade….Kellie's intention was for us to get to know each other. Something we neglected. I thought it a good idea. Didn't you?"

"In a normal situation, yes. Maybe, we should date a little more publicly from now on
,
"
h
e insisted. "If you want to continue…"

"I'm just now seeing you as the man you are
:
a caring, warm, wonderful man. Of course I want to continue…"

"Then I'll see you next month…okay." He glanced over at her.

"Only if you really want to…" she insisted.

"Oh
,
I want to…
Julie
…" he whispered. "God knows I want to, but for now…goodnight…"

He hadn't even walked her to her door, but under the circumstances perhaps that was wise. She hadn't wanted his kisses to stop, either. She wanted him to go on kissing her like that forever. Dear God, what was happening? Had she really been in love with Cade all along? Had she lost her heart to this man long ago, and far away in a barn?

She got out of the car, without looking back, and with so many questions following her.

Chapter
Seventeen

"I see stars in your eyes
.
" Letty chuckled as she spotted
Julie
staring out the window.
Cade
was pulling out of the drive and she watched him 'til the car was out of sight.

"My God Letty, I've made such a mistake
…
"
Julie
's voice broke. "
…and I have no idea how to correct it
,
"
Julie
confessed.
"How could I have been so blind, all this time?"

"It's Cade
,
isn't it? You're in love with him." Letty came into the room and sat on the edge of
Julie
's bed.

"How could I have been so foolish
ly blind
?"
Julie
glanced at her sister with tears in her eyes.
"Why didn't I see it sooner?"

Letty chuckled again
.
"Us
McKay
girls are a mixed
-
up bunch, aren't we? So, give, what happened tonight?"

"
Nothing…
at first. And then…h
e kissed me again Letty, and I liked it. I liked it a lot. I can't explain it any other way except I felt I'd f
inally come home w
here I belonged, in his arms. I didn't want him to stop. But he did.
I felt alive, and numb at the same time.
I wanted him to keep kissing me, Letty. I was putty in his arms.
It was like some awakening, and the heart breaking thing about it, is that it came too late.
"

"And you didn't want him to stop. Boy…you've got it bad. Two dates and you are smitten." Letty laughed.

"No…that's the funny part. Letty, when he made love to me so long ago, I wanted him
then
to
o
. I didn't want to stop.
I remember all those feelings I unleashed on him, and he on me.
I spent the entire night with him, and that morning I didn't want to leave him, but I knew I had done wrong and felt I had to.
I couldn't let
D
ad force us into a marriage I wasn't sure he wanted.
Even though something in my head kept telling me I probably shouldn't
run away
. I didn't want to leave his arms.
But there hadn't been any words of love. Even though
Cade
was the perfect lover, he never once professed any love for me. So I couldn't make him face
D
ad's wrath.
Now…I realize I was falling in love with him that night. That's why no one else could fill the void in my heart
in all this time
, Letty.
In all these years, I held
Cade
in my heart. I know that now, but I don't have a clue as to how to convince him of that.
Just Cade. He was so gentl
e with me. I'll never forget it, and really, it isn't all physical either. He's a gentle man, a kind man. He could have held a grudge and told
Kellie
the minute he realized it, but he didn't. I
love him for that. There's so many good things about him, and I'm just now recognizing them.
"

"And he thinks you wanted his brother. He's convinced of it. Now
,
that is a hard one. But you have a tie that few others could h
ave. You had his daughter. That makes for a special kind of relationship.
Did you talk to him about
Kellie
tonight?"

"Oh yes, I did. And he isn't being pushy about it. He
said he
wants to be a part of her life, but he won't ask for custody.
He wants visitation rights.
He won't try to take her from me."
Julie
sighed. "Another thing to love about him."

"Mmm. It sure is. That Cade, he's something.
I have to admit I never once suspected he had so much character.
Maybe you shouldn't let him get away." Letty smiled at her as she paced.

"But how do I convince him that I want
him
,
"
s
he cried.

"I think he'll get the message if you give him enough time.
When a woman shamelessly throws herself at a man, he has to notice.
"

"Oh Letty, I have to wait another full month to have a date with him
,
"
Julie
cried
,
flopping on the bed beside her.
"I
'm
already anxious to be with him again. I've never met a man I just wanted to be around."

"A month is a
long time. Maybe you should make a point of being around him more so he gets the idea.
Like while you're working around here.
"

"You don't think that's too pushy?"
Julie
asked.

"Not at all. Cade's been a bachelor too long, he'll have to be nudged out of his shell." Letty laughed.
"And what about the money, you know
,
the inheritance
?
How does he feel about that?
I mean
,
this sounds cold, but you've got to be sure it isn't the inheritance.
"

"He said he knew I would be abl
e to financially provide for
Kellie
, but that he wants to do his share too. I think that is so admirable, don't you?
I actually think part of the reason he's backing off is the money. He doesn't know how to handle that.
"

"I sure do. I almost love him myself." Letty laughed.
"Well kiddo, you are gonna have to work on getting him to see you want him just as bad as he wants you."

"What do you suggest I do?"
Julie
stared at her oh
-
so
-
wise sister.

"Flirt with him and only him. Make yourself available to him. Make him want you so bad he can't say no to you any longer." Letty laughed. "The pay-off will be worth it."

"And exactly how does a grown woman with a daughter go about luring the father of her child?"
Julie
giggled.

"Just watch me a bit," Letty purred.

"Lead me on, sis
.
"
Julie
laughed aloud.

The next day
,
Letty let out a big sigh of disgust when she spotted
Julie
pulling ordinary jeans and shirt from her closet. "You aren't wearing that!"

Julie
eyed her
.
"Why not?"

"Where are your tightest jeans…
?
" she asked as she came up to the closet to glance at her clothes. "And wear this blouse…"