Ravenous (Book 1 The Ravening Series) (6 page)

   I sat there for a long time, my hands folded before me
as I watched bees buzzing lazily about, and butterflies flitting from here to there. I tried not to think about anything, struggled not to break under the weight of my mourning as it threatened to consume me. I don’t know how long I sat there before I felt the presence of someone else. I lifted my head, blinking against the bright light of the sun that had drifted lower in the sky. It took a few moments to make out the young boy that had wandered into the garden; surprise filled me as I recognized Cade.

  
Up until a couple of years ago Cade had been good friends with Aiden. I had always liked him. Unlike Aiden’s other friends he had never tried to push me away, never called me names, and had not found me annoying, or tried to ditch me. He’d always invited me to play with them, always been kind and gentle. He exhibited endless patience with me, even when he’d taught me how to fish and I had insisted on throwing them all back. Aiden had vehemently protested it. Cade had simply done as I’d asked without a word of complaint and an understanding smile that had melted my young heart.

   Then, when I was seven and Cade was eight
, his parent’s were killed in a home robbery gone wrong. Cade had been fortunate enough to be at a friend’s house when the murders occurred. He was placed into foster care after, and though he still lived in our town he had no longer lived near us. His friendship with Aiden ended abruptly after, and he’d stopped coming to our house nearly every day. He became distant and unfriendly toward us as he took to moving coldly, and methodically, through his life. At his parent’s funeral the caring friend I’d known, and loved, had ignored me when I tried to convey my sympathy over his awful loss. I’d tried to speak to him twice after that, but he’d walked right past me. Wounded and confused, I had given up trying after that.

   And
then, two years later, Cade with two parents gone and me with one, was suddenly standing before me again. He was taller than the last time he’d been at my house, lankier, and already becoming one of the most handsome and sought after boys in school. And yet, that was not the person standing before me in the garden. This person was different. This person was not just a mere boy, not anymore. For the first time I understood that though Cade still looked like a boy, he had long ago stopped being one. He had, in fact, become a man two years ago when his parents were so cruelly ripped away from him. Fate had seen fit to spare him, but longing and pain lingered within his surprisingly wise eyes.

  
For the first time I understood why Cade no longer smiled and laughed and talked and played with us anymore. For the first time I understood that though I may do those things again someday, I would never do them in the same way that I had done them just four days ago. For the first time, I understood that though Abby and Aiden had also lost a parent, they did not share what Cade and I did. They did not have to live with the burden of having been spared, when they should have died. My siblings would never wish that they had been home too, so maybe they could have done something to stop it like Cade did. They would never wish that they had been able to warn our dad about the deer sooner, before it had been too late to stop the car. They would never feel guilt over being the ones to survive, when they shouldn’t have. When
we
shouldn’t have. They did not share what Cade and I did, they never would. They never
could
, and I was immensely grateful for that fact as I would never want them to.

   Cade sat beside me, silent in the fading light of what had been a beautiful early summer day.
We did not speak as an hour, and then two, slipped by. The sunset lit up the sky with a myriad of beautiful colors that should have been uplifting, but somehow only made me sadder. My father would never see such a beautiful sunset again.
I
should not be here to see it, but I was.

   Seeming to sense my growing distress, Cade’s long fingers slid into mine. His strong, young hand clasped upon mine, holding me tight. Something began to ease inside of me. I felt at home, I did not feel so ashamed and
devastated with him beside me, holding me. For the first time in days I did not feel guilty, was not consumed by self-hatred, did not close my eyes and see the broken body of my father. The nightmares that caused me to wake, screaming soundlessly every night, did not even seem so bad at the moment. With him holding my hand I did not feel like I was going to fall apart, shattering like a dropped piece of glass if I moved the wrong way. For the first time, I almost felt a small measure of peace again.

   “It’s ok to cry.
” His voice was soft as the remains of the sun slipped over the horizon.

   And for the
first and last time, I did. I did not sob loudly, did not fall completely apart. Did not scream and rail against the heavens, or fate, as I had feared every second of the past few days I would. Instead I wept silently as all the pain and shame poured steadily from me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his side. Cradling my head gently he did not tell me to stop, did not tell me that it would all be alright, did not offer me the same false words that everyone else had over the past few days. He simply held and comforted me in a way that I had never been held, or comforted, before.

   It was dark before my tears finally subsided and I lay
spent against him. I could feel the hard press of his ribs against my cheek; hear the hard knock of his heart. The crickets were out, an owl hooted somewhere in the distance, and though it was growing cooler neither of us moved. I needed him, needed his understanding, needed to know that I was not as hated as I felt. In those moments, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything in my life. I was not going to be the first one to pull away.

   It was another hour before my front door opened and light spilled across the large
front porch. People had been steadily leaving all day, but no one had noticed us under the gentle branches of the willow tree. There were still a few cars in the drive, but I knew that it was not one of their owners stepping outside now.

   “Bethany! Bethy are you out here!?” I wanted to stay hidden away, wanted to remain secure in Cade’s arms all night. The last thing I
wanted was to return to that house, with all of its loving memories, reminders of things lost, and enclosed spaces. “Bethany where are you!?”

   It was the edge of hysteria in
her voice that slowly roused me from my gentle cocoon of understanding and support. She had just lost her husband, and she was terrified that she was losing me. I hadn’t understood it at the time, but my mother had known I was standing on a thin precipice that was about to crumble from beneath me. She had feared she would lose me forever, and she hadn’t known how to stop it from happening. Only Cade had.

   “Bethany!” Her voice broke
, the ‘any’ part of my name came out as more of a sob then a shout.

  
“Here mom!” I called, unable to bear the thought of her crying again, at least not over me. Though, she had already cried plenty of times for me. “I’m right here!”

  
“Where?”
   “The garden. I’ll be right in!”

  
She didn’t call for me again, but she didn’t go inside either. She stood in the doorway, waiting patiently for her wayward, broken child. Cade squeezed my hand gently; I sensed the loss that filled him, the regret and sorrow that captured him. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head. Pulling me to him, he kissed my forehead lightly, and with a note of goodbye that caused the last of my tears to fall.

   “One day Bethany the nightmares will not plague you, the hurt will not be
all encompassing, and you will be able to breathe again. It does get better, I can promise you that much.”

   I nodded
; he was the first person that had told me this that I actually believed. I put faith in his words because he
knew
, he understood more than anyone else could how I felt. And over time, through the therapy my mom forced me into, and because of the enduring love of my family, friends, and my own growing understanding of the world and myself, things
had
gotten better. Just as he had promised they would. But back then, his promise was the only thing I had to count on in those early hours, days, and weeks. The only thing I had to cling to in order to keep some grip on the world surrounding me, in order to keep on breathing.

   “Bethany!” my mom called again, impatience and worry evident in her voice.

   “I have to go.” He nodded, pulled me close to him and kissing me ever so softly again but this time on the mouth. I stared at him in awe, my lips trembling as I was jolted by the impact of his warm lips upon mine. I had just received my first kiss, and it had been so wonderfully sweet and uplifting. It had been everything I had ever dreamed it would be, even on that hideously dark night. “Goodnight Cade.”

   He managed a small smile
; his dark eyes gleamed in the rising moonlight as he released me. My legs were shaking from his lingering effect upon me as I made my way out from under the tree. “Goodbye Bethany,” I thought I heard him whisper.

   When I glanced back I could just barely make him out upon the bench, watching me as I
walked to the house. Over the next few weeks I kept expecting him to reappear, I would even go to the garden and wait for him, but he never did. I would see him in school, but I was too shy to approach him after being rebuked before, and he did not approach me. Then, as time slipped by, and the normal routine of life once again took hold, I stopped waiting for him to reappear, and eventually forgot about that night.

  
Until now.

   And now I was swarmed by the memory, the feelings, the emotions, the loss
, and the peace that he had given me on that long ago night. And I was once again crying.

CHAPTER 5

   “It’s ok Bethany.” I heard him whisper through the haze of shock, memories, and sorrow assaulting me. “It’s ok to cry.”

   Those hauntingly familiar words wrenched a soft sob from me. I bowed my head before him as he gently caressed my cheeks. I think he knew where my mind had gone, what memories haunted me now. “You didn’t come back
after that night. You didn’t come back
then
.”

   He sighed softly, his forehead
resting against mine as his hands pressed tighter to my cheeks. “I couldn’t.” I understood. My fresh agony that night had reopened his barely healed wounds. That night he had come to offer me what comfort he could, but he had been unable to handle giving me anymore. It had been too hard for him. “This time, no matter what, I will come back for you Bethany, I promise. I will always come back for you. But you must stay here, with your sister, with your mother.”

   I wanted to argue with him, wanted to fight his decision, but I couldn’t. He pressed something into my hand
and closed my fingers gently around it. “I locked the store when we left. If I’m not back in three hours you and Abby are going to have to get your mother back to that room. Bring enough supplies for a week. Yes Bethany, you
must
do this.” He emphasized in response to my rapid head shaking.

   “I can’t
. That room.”

   H
e lifted my face and took a step closer to me. “It’s the safest place for now. You need to find something to help you get your mother over there, and you
will
be ok in that room. It’s not that car Bethany.”

   I recoiled from his words, shrinking before him as he struck straight at the heart of the matter. I tried to pull my face free of his grasp, angered and wounded by his words
, but he refused to release me. “If they find us we will be trapped in there, cornered like rats.” I managed to stammer in my defense.

   “They won’t find you.”
   “You can’t know that!” I retorted sharply, struggling to hide my hurt behind my anger.

   “No,” he said softly. “I can’t know that
, but it is the safest place for all of you right now. I will meet you there if I can’t get back here in time.”
   “Cade...”

   He kissed me again, silencing my protest with his lips. I sighed against him, letting go of my hurt and anger as relief and pleasure swamped me. This was wonderful,
he
was wonderful, and I never wanted it to end. But it had to. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I did know that I couldn’t keep him here. This time I was the one that pulled away. I rested my hands over his strong ones, squeezing them tight before moving away. He had to go; I knew that, he knew that. What neither of us knew was what was going to happen if he did return, or if he didn’t. But he had to leave now, before I couldn’t let him.

   “I
will
come back Bethany,” he vowed
   I nodded, managing a weak smile. I watched him move silently out of the room, disappearing swiftly from sight. My heart went with him. Abby moved into the doorway, her dark eyes wide and stunned as she gazed at me. “Well one thing’s for sure,” she said after a long moment of silence.