Ready to Love Again (Sweet Romance #2) (3 page)

Chapter Four

I’m so sorry this has to be the end, my darling. I know finding this letter will tear you apart, but I can’t think of any other way. I hope in the long run you will see that what I did was for the best. I was in so much pain, my sweetheart, I only put a brave face on it for you. Please don’t hate me for taking ‘the coward’s way out’. That isn’t what this feels like for me; it feels like the best decision all-round. It’s finally something I can control—unlike so many other things that have come to pass over this last year. Though I am going to break your heart by doing this, I know it has to be done my way. It has to be on my terms, I can’t take much more of what nature has in store for me.

I woke with a jolt, these words on a loop in my head. Ethan’s words in his final letter to me haunted my dreams every night for the first month after the funeral, but I haven’t had the dream in the weeks since I’ve moved away—I had hoped this meant I was getting better, getting more closure. Who was I trying to fool?

I untangled myself from the sheets stuck to my skin with sweat. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard. I let the cold water run for a few moments before filling my glass and downing it in one. I refilled the glass and took it back to bed.

My heart was still racing and I needed to sit and gather myself. I put on my robe and sat on the couch at the foot of my bed.

My pulse gradually returned to normal as I sat staring into space, trying to calm my thoughts. I wouldn’t sleep again tonight, I knew that from past experience with this dream. Instead I reached for my Kindle and hoped for some distraction with the first book I was reading.

I managed to keep my mind distracted with the book. It was one from an indie author called Shelly Rayburn. The plot was great, the writing flowed well, and it was fast-paced, full of twists and turns to keep you in suspense. I could see it being picked up by Emerging Butterfly if Ms. Rayburn was interested.

That would be my first job. I’d need to contact Ms. Rayburn and see if she would sign with us.

I’ve always been good at negotiations. I’ve had to be in my line of work. I was an editor for Peterson’s and so hadn’t been in charge of acquiring new authors, but I still had to negotiate with those authors when it came to what I would like to change about their manuscript.

I got up and ready for work. I was sick of having to take a bath, I really needed somewhere with a shower.

As I finished applying lip gloss and making sure my outfit looked okay for my first day in the office, I grabbed my suit jacket from the hanger and reached for my bag on the dining table.

I called a cab and then went outside to wait in the sunshine. I locked the door and sat on the low wall at the bottom of the small garden.

My cab arrived and I set off for work. I was nervous about the staff meeting that had been called. Apparently it was to introduce me to everyone in one go, so I had taken extra care to look my best.

As I arrived at work, I saw Skyla and gave her a small smile as she stood to greet me.

“Good morning, Ms. Young. I have been asked to direct you the conference room.” She beamed at me with her perfect white teeth.

“Good morning,” I greeted.

We walked together to the conference room and I tried to make a mental note of how to get there in future. It was quite a large building and there was a chance I would end up getting lost for a while before getting my bearings.

We approached a room that had a wall of glass which enabled me to see a lot of staff sat around a table and some that were standing, as there weren’t enough chairs.

“Here we are, Ms. Young,” she said as she pointed to a conference room lined with a glass wall.

I opened the door and walked in to meet my fate.

“Here she is, the newest member of our team here at Emerging Butterfly. Please welcome Alyssa Young, everybody,” Julieanne said as her gaze landed on me.

Everyone in the room turned their heads to look at me and they burst into a round of applause.

I could feel the blush creep up my cheeks as Julieanne beckoned me to stand at the front of the room with her.

My gaze swept the room and landed briefly on a guy whose smile was the most beautiful sight to behold. No-one had smiled at me like that since Ethan. If he was here today, his smile would light up the whole room, showing everyone just how proud he was of me.

The guy with the smile caught my eye and his smile grew larger. I smiled back, albeit a small, shy smile. I wasn’t trying to act coy, I just wasn’t interested in anything romantic and hoped he wasn’t either.

During the meeting, I got introduced to everyone, but I knew I would need to learn their names all over again. Turns out the guy with the smile is called Chase and he’s an editor. I wouldn’t be able to dodge him, as I would need to assign the editors here to the new authors I signed, providing any actually wanted to sign with us. I had high hopes for Ms. Rayburn’s book and I was going to make it my mission to get her to sign a contract.

As the meeting ended, Julieanne showed me to my office. It was nice, as offices go, but it lacked a feminine touch. Julieanne told me to feel free to add any personal touches I wanted. It was my work space and she wanted me to feel comfortable.

I sat in my new chair and looked at the computer in front of me.

“You’ll need to pay a visit to the IT department to get yourself a card that allows you access to your terminal. See the card reader there? You insert the card and the screen then asks you for your log in details. It’s a piece of cake. I’ll get someone to show you down to IT,” Julieanne said as she stood in my doorway.

“Great, thank you. I already have one author I would like to sign with us. Her book is amazing, I just finished it this morning.”

“That’s brilliant, I’m sure you’re skilled in persuasion. I’ll just fetch someone to show you to IT. I would take you myself but I have another meeting to attend.”

“Okay, I’ll be here, making myself comfortable in my new surroundings.”

I caught Julieanne’s smile as I sat down at my new desk and for the first time in two years, I felt a genuine smile touch my lips.

Julieanne makes it impossible not to smile. She’s a bubbly, vivacious lady with a contagious laugh and a gorgeous white smile. Teeth all perfectly aligned. Is it weird I notice people’s teeth? I guess it might be.

***

I looked up when I heard a knock on my door.

“Hi, Alyssa, I’m Chase. I’m here to take you to IT for your I.D. card,” he said, flashing me a sweet grin.

“Hi, Chase, thanks for taking time out to show me,” I said as I stood and walked towards my door.

“You’ll be signing authors with us then?” he enquired as we walked.

“That’s the hope, yes.”

“I’m an editor here.”

“Yes, I remember Julieanne saying so in the meeting.”

“Do you have a good memory or am I just that memorable?” he asked as he looked sideways at me.

“Neither,” I said a little abruptly.

The smile faded from Chase’s lips and I could tell I would have to find something to say to make it better. I didn’t want to fall out with anyone here, especially not on my first day.

“Sorry, that sounded rude. What I meant was, I don’t have a good memory for names and faces. I guess what I remembered about you was the way you smiled at me when I stood there under scrutiny.”

“Oh, well I like being remembered, especially for my smile,” he said with a mildly flirtatious tone.

“I have a thing about noticing people’s teeth. I would love a smile as white as yours,” I said, hoping to curb the flirting.

“You have a beautiful smile, why would you want to change it?”

“I just want my teeth to be whiter.”

I didn’t know why I was sharing this stupid information with him, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Well, I think you have a perfect smile, but that’s just my opinion. Here we are then,” he said as he pointed towards the door to the IT department.

“Thank you for accompanying me. I can tell I’ll be getting lost here for a while.”

“I’ll wait out here for you, show you back to your office.” He smiled and opened the IT door for me.

“Thank you, Chase. You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s my pleasure. Can’t have you getting lost.”

With that, I walked into the room and Chase shut the door behind me.

“Can I help you?” asked an older gentleman.

“I’ve come for an I.D. badge to be able to log in at my terminal.”

“Ah, you must be Alyssa. I have your card ready, I just need to take your photograph to add to it.” He smiled at me as he found a card on his desk.

“Okay. Do we do that right now?” I asked, silently grateful that I had decided to make a special effort to look good.

“Yes, if you’ll just come and take a seat.”

He showed me to a stool in front of a white background. I suddenly wished my smile was brighter, but was taken back to the comment Chase had made about it being perfect as it was. I smiled at the thought, and the IT guy—I hadn’t asked or been offered his name—got a camera ready.

I sat on the stool he had positioned along the wall with a white backdrop behind. I was awkward and nervous, having never liked having my photo taken.

“Ready?” he asked and positioned himself behind the camera that was now settled on the tripod in front of me.

“As I’ll ever be.”

I smiled as naturally as I could, although I guessed it was going to turn out awful on the photo.

“All done,” he said as he walked away from the camera towards the printer.

After a few minutes, he brought me my I.D. card and lanyard.

“Wear this at all times in the building,” he said as he handed it over.

I put it straight around my neck.

“I will, thank you,” I said as I headed for the door.

As I left the IT department, Chase moved away from the wall he had been leant against. I had my badge attached to a purple lanyard around my neck. My favourite colour was blue, but the lanyard was company issue because it had their logo on, it really was quite pretty. I loved the butterflies in the design.

“You ready to head back? Chase asked.

“Sure. I have my card and my log in details.”

“Good. Now just to let you know, the canteen doesn’t take cash, you use your card for that too.”

“How does that work?” I was puzzled and pissed because I hadn’t thought to bring lunch with me.

“There’s a machine where you top up your I.D. card. I’m surprised you weren’t told before. I’ll show you where it’s located. All you do is place your card in the machine, select the amount you are topping up by and then put your cash in the machine. The canteen then deducts money from your card and you just have to remember to keep it topped up.”

“Okay, sounds easy enough.”

I was still a bit puzzled. I couldn’t fathom why this was how it was done but no matter, at least I could top up my card now and buy my lunch.

***

After putting some money on my card, I returned to my office and Chase bid me goodbye as he went back to work.

I logged into my computer and found the email containing Ms Rayburn’s contact details. I pulled up a new email and began to write to her with regards to her novel
Of Monsters and Men
.

I smiled to myself as I hit the send button and decided it was time for a cup of coffee. Chase had shown me where the small kitchen was located and as it wasn’t far from my office, I removed my card and made my way towards the smell of coffee.

I walked into the kitchen and bumped into a tall, slim girl with the darkest brown hair I had seen, although she had a few highlights too.

“Hi,” I said nervously, “I’m Alyssa.”

“Hi Alyssa, I’m just making a coffee, would you like one?” she asked as she put her mug under the constant hot water tap.

“Sure, thanks.”

“Just to let you know, I have a collection for the coffee and other essentials. Everyone contributes a small amount every week and that keeps us in supply.”

“Okay, I’ll pop some money to you at the end of the day, if that’s okay?”

“That’s great, yeah. Just look for the door labelled Lexi Buchanan.”

I took a good look at Lexi as she made my coffee and I told her that I like it white with one sweetener. She was a stunning woman. Sleek, straight hair. Cerulean blue eyes where mine were more of a lapis lazuli shade of blue. She was approximately 5 feet 6 inches tall, but that was in heels. I was the same height without my kitten heels on and only a little taller with them on. Lexi wore a gorgeous suit that looked tailor-made rather than anything off a hanger.

I had been internally comparing myself to her without really noticing I was doing it and when I did notice, I quit. Lexi was a beautiful woman with a friendly, if a little exuberant manner.