Reality Check (2 page)

Unlike half the guys at Vienna West High
School, he actually has some semblance of intelligence (he majored
in Economics at the University of Richmond) and he thinks it's
wrong that Mr. Ansen gets on my case about the Frosty machine. (You
know I'm extra careful about cleaning it, but Mr. A. has a serious
stick up his butt about that machine.)

Anyway, get this: I heard Kyle tell one of
his friends that he thinks it's sexy if a girl owns combat boots.
Which, of course, I do. Not that I can wear them to Wendy's and
make him fall to his knees with a serious case of lust, because
then I'd be out of uniform and Mr. Ansen would fire my Wendy's
black polyester-covered ass, but still.

Part of me wants to go for it, but the smart
part of me realizes that Kyle thinks of me as a mere child.

How can I stop thinking about him? How, how,
how?

Now you see why I can't say anything to
Christie and Natalie. I mean, Nat would probably tell me to go for
it, but she would spill the beans to Christie, and Christie would
be horrified. Christie still lives in the Leave It To Beaver world
where every girl wants to date the neat-o guy with the letter
jacket and the crew cut who'll give her a beee-yoo-tiful corsage
for prom, and where people have nothing better to do than smile at
each other and say "please" and "thank you" all the live-long
day.

Any indication that I have a Kyle obsession
would give her a total conniption fit.

According to the Official Val Clock I keep by
my computer (well, it's really an old alarm clock I swiped from
Michael, so let's hope he doesn't notice and rat me out to Mom),
it's nearly midnight where you are in Schwerinborg, and it looks
like you've signed off your computer for the night, so I guess I'll
talk to you tomorrow.

Jules

P.S.—I will say something kind to Christie
next time I see her so she doesn't think I'm mad at her.

P.P.S.—If Natalie does kick me in the head I
pray it's hard enough to stop my fixation on Kyle. However, she
should know me well enough to know that I kick back. And I kick
harder than she does.

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: RE: WACKED IS RIGHT!

Coolest Jules,

Sorry to leave you hanging last night. Dad
came back from some dinner party just before midnight and he
would've gotten all ticked off at me for still being on the
computer—the rule is that I have to be off by eleven—so I had to
sign off fast before he caught me.

Anyway, I am sorry for missing the day/night
manager distinction. I am totally relieved. I was wondering how
many cigarettes you've been sneaking out there at the Wendy's
dumpster—which you should quit doing, you know—and if the nicotine
was starting to affect your judgment (and yes, I did appreciate
your earlier use of the correct spelling of judgment.)

But, that being said, the day versus night
thing still does not make it right. He is eight years older than
you. He is out of college and his ideal woman is probably closer to
thirty than fifteen.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much I
can say to stop your obsession. Look how long I lusted after David
Anderson before I discovered that he was wrong, wrong, wrong for
me.

Just tell yourself that Kyle is a colossal
waste of your time and energy, and that he doesn't deserve you or
your sexy combat boots.

E-me when you get home from work and let me
know how your shift went.

Val

P.S.—You know Nat would never really kick you
or Christie in the head. She may have been brave enough to pierce
her tongue (which still makes me squeamish), but she is not brave
enough to mess with you.

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: World Peace

Val,

Jules and Christie both seemed better today.
Thank you! What did you do? We sat together at lunch and all we
talked about was what'd be on Mrs. Bennett's exam and about what
movie Christie and Jeremy should see on Friday night.

No, don't tell me what you did. I don't want
to know.

May you have a beautiful life with Prince
Georg in your landlocked country, and access to a private jet so
you can fly to Virginia and hang out with us whenever you want,

Nat

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Too Late

Val,

I read your e-mail too late. As in, after I
got home from work today. As in, after I made a complete and total
ass of myself.

I told Kyle in a very flirty way that I heard
he has a thing for girls in combat boots. He laughed, so I thought
everything was going well. Our usual behind-the-counter,
before-the-dinner-rush conversation, you know? And then when we
were alone in the walk-in fridge getting out supplies I said, "You
know, I happen to have a pair of combat boots."

He got this look on his face like I'd just
offered him crack or something equally vile and illegal. He walked
out without saying another word and didn't talk to me the rest of
the shift. I was working drive-thru and he was on the registers and
in the back office, so it's not like there was a lot of opportunity
for talking, but I got the feeling he was going to avoid me no
matter what.

I definitely need to quit and go work at
Subway. I hate to do that, but at least at Subway I won't come home
smelling like the bottom of the deep fryer.

Humiliated,

Jules-I-probably-should-change-my-name-now-Jackson

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Too Late

Jules!

I am trying to calm down. I cannot believe
you. What were you thinking?

Okay, okay. I know you weren't thinking. But
you didn't say anything overly awful, it doesn't sound like. I
mean, it's not like you professed your undying love for him or
anything like that.

Next time you see him, make it clear that you
were joking. You know you weren't, and I know you weren't, but Kyle
won't be sure. So tell him that you overheard him telling
whoever-it-was that he thinks combat boots are sexy and you wanted
to yank his chain a little.

Don't go to Subway yet. Please.

Val

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: RE: Too Late

Val,

You're only saying that I should stay at
Wendy's to get free Biggie Fries and access to my Frosty machine
whenever you're home, so don't you yank my chain. I know you and
your grease addiction. I personally think it's worse than me
sneaking the occasional cigarette.

However, I will follow your advice and see
how things go tonight at work. It had better go well, because I'm
off on Thursday and I don't want to have everyone talking about me
behind my back and saying I have a thing for Kyle.

Don't get caught on your computer, okay? It's
after midnight in Schwerinborg, isn't it? I don't want you to lose
computer privileges when I am having a serious crisis. Even Ho-Hos
don't seem to be curing me.

I know because I've already eaten half a box
tonight.

Jules

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: PMS

Val,

I think you were right about Jules having
horrid PMS. She was all chipper yesterday, then today she was quiet
and moody again. I tried to steer clear. She's working tonight, but
has Thursday off. Maybe I can talk her into coming over to my house
with Nat to study for Mrs. Bennett's WWI exam? I bet we can find a
way to cheer her up.

Hope you and Georg have fun weekend plans.
Jeremy and I are going to see a movie on Friday but we don't know
what yet.

Christie

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: PMS

Christie,

Studying sounds like a great plan...very low
key. Good luck. I'm sure Jules will snap out of it soon. And I'm
not sure what Georg and I are doing. He says he has a movie for us
to watch, but it's a surprise. I'll keep you posted.

Val

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Christie

Jules,

First, put down the Ho-Hos. They never solve
your problems.

Second, quit being an über-grumpus around
Christie. She's going to realize that PMS does not last more than a
few days and then there will be questions.

Let me know what happens at work tonight,

Val

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Christie

Val,

You've been living in Schwerinborg too long.
Did you notice that you used an umlaut in your last e-mail?

Anyway, no problem on the über-grumpus thing
around Christie. Or Nat, for that matter. I am officially out of my
funk because YOU WERE RIGHT.

Kyle was a colossal waste of my time and
energy. No way does he deserve me or my combat boots. He didn't
even deserve me joking around with him. Or working for him.

I've had a serious reality check.

More in a sec....

Jules

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: WHAT?!?!?!

Jules,

DON'T DO THIS TO ME!! What is going on?

Swearing never to use an umlaut again,

Val

* * *

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: WHAT?!?!?!

Val,

Sorry!

I was watching TV to see if it was on the
news. It wasn't, but it's gotta be tomorrow, because there were
cameras there at the end.

You are not going to believe this.

Kyle was caught stealing. Apparently, he
never graduated from the University of Richmond like he told
everyone, because he was tossed out while he was there for
something (I'm still trying to find out what) and the Wendy's
corporate types found out this morning that he lied on his
resume.

Mr. Ansen was off today, but he came at the
beginning of the shift to confront Kyle, since Kyle goes on-duty at
four o'clock, and he totally caught Kyle off-guard. So off-guard,
in fact, that Kyle was busy handing stuff out the back door to a
friend who was loading it into his pickup truck when Mr. A found
him. Hand soap, a case of paper towels, an industrial-size can of
pickles and even a box of ground beef.

What kind of person steals that kind of
stuff? I mean, do thieves sell paper towels and ground beef out of
the trunk of a car like you see them selling stolen TVs and laptops
on all those cop shows?

And if they did, who's buying it? Wouldn't
they rather go to a regular supermarket? I mean, I'd wonder about
that ground beef.

Of course, Kyle was fired on the spot. The
cops showed up before he even finished unloading the truck and
trying to apologize his way out of it. Turned out to be quite the
show while he was taken away in the back of the cop car. I wasn't
sure whether to be horrified or to laugh my ass off.

Could you imagine if I'd actually hooked up
with a guy like that? Not that I would, because I love my
independent self.

No offense to you and your non-independent
self. In fact, from now on, I will listen to anything you have to
say about guys.

Jules

P.S.—Well, maybe not anything.

P.P.S.—If it's on tomorrow's news, I'll see
if there's a webcast and I'll send you a link so you can watch over
there in Schwerinborg. Then you can tell me if you think he's hot.
Even if he did turn out to be a toad.

* * *

To: [email protected],
[email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Jules, of course

Hey Christie and Nat,

I think you'll find that Jules is about done
PMS'ing. She's been this way for a week, and PMS shouldn't last
that long. So be nice to her and pretend she hasn't been cranky and
let me know if I'm right about her being done. I bet I am.

I'm off to see my fabulous prince—not to rub
it in or anything—so I'll e-mail later and let you know what
surprise movie he found for me, and if any of the actors have hot
accents (you know how I start losing brain cells when I hear an
accent, especially if it's Australian.) You guys know you're
totally my A-list (and Jules, too, PMS or not) so I expect to hear
all the details of your weekend adventures.

Later!

Love, Val

P.S.—You should watch the news tonight. I
have a feeling it'll be entertaining.

* * *

About the Author

Niki Burnham
is the RITA-Award winning
author of several books for teens, including
Sticky Fingers
,
Scary Beautiful
, and the popular Valerie Winslow trilogy,
which includes the books
Royally Jacked
,
Spin
Control
, and
Do-Over
.

All three Valerie Winslow titles are
available in a single volume titled
Royally Crushed
.
Reality Check
is a bonus short story featuring Jules
Jackson, a popular character from the Valerie Winslow trilogy.

You can learn more about Niki and her books
by visiting
http://www.nikiburnham.com
or by following her on Twitter at
http://www.twitter.com/nikiburnham
.