Recaptured Dreams (30 page)

Yes, she was. She’d lost the man of her dreams because she hadn’t told him the truth. She’d lost an important parental relationship with her first child because her own mother was delusional. Now she would have to have Xavier’s child—again—and live her life knowing everything she could have had was ripped from her because her family was crazy and she herself was stupid.

“It’s complicated,” Sophia muttered under her breath.

“No, it’s not. You’re making it complicated. Mistakes can be corrected, you know. You remember that time my hair ended up green, right? After some researching and thinking, we fixed it, didn’t we?”

“Oh, my heavens, Anne Marie! We’re talking about a baby, not hair.”

“And that time our car broke down when we were driving through the outskirts of York? We were geniuses when we found the owner’s manual and figured out that switch problem.”

“A baby,” Sophia reiterated.

“And your education. At one point after the accident, you thought that was hopeless. And now look, you’re getting ready to graduate!”

“Please, stop.” Sophia rolled onto her side, covering her head with her arms.

“The point is, anything can be overcome if you put your mind to it. The solutions are right there; all you have to do is find them.”

Sophia really didn’t want a lecture. Her whole life had been a lie, and now she had to deal with that. She would have to live with her mistakes and find some way to overcome the rawness in her heart and keep on living life. Even it that meant living it without Xavier.

“You’re right,” she whispered. “But I need time.”

Anne Marie touched the top of Sophia’s head, stroking her hair. “That’s what I want to hear. I know you. You can do it, Sophia.”

The truth was, Sophia didn’t know if she could.

Xavier was living a nightmare. He couldn’t focus; his head wouldn’t stop pounding, and the last thing he wanted to create was clothing that reminded him of the one thing he could never have.

Maybe he’d been too harsh. He shook his head and rubbed at the hollowness beneath his ribs.
No
. He’d made the right decision. How could she have hidden something like that when he’d always been honest with her?

No, you haven’t
.

Damn
. His hand dropped to his side. The scenario went around and around in his head, the feelings and truths he’d withheld from her while she’d tried to find her memory. Honestly, he’d thought he was sparing her some of the hurt he’d inadvertently caused himself. But he should have told her everything from the beginning. Maybe then this story would have ended differently.

A loud knock at the door had him cursing.

“Come in,” he barked.

His jaw dropped when the prim and proper Katherine Montel strode into his New York office. Of all people he didn’t want to see, she was number one on the list.

“Hello, Xavier.” Her kind, serene voice scratched at his last nerve. Her once accusing eyes had gone soft as she made her way to the chairs in front of his desk. “I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I’m afraid this matter wouldn’t wait any longer.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “If I’d had any idea you would show up here, I would’ve told my secretary not to let you in. And if you came all the way from London to tell me again to stay away from Sophia, you’re wasting your breath.”

She sat down, her starched, light gray dress suit barely even wrinkling with the motion. She crossed her legs at the ankles and placed her hands in her lap. “I won’t be but a moment.”

Feeling strangled, Xavier loosened his tie. “Make it quick. I have a meeting.”

Katherine lifted her head, looking him right in the eye. Her words came out cool and calm: “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Xavier cocked his head and blinked. “Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Did Sophia ever tell you about my mother?”

Xavier stared blankly at Katherine.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She smiled. “That doesn’t surprise me, since I never really told her the truth about her grandmother.”

Why didn’t that surprise him? Xavier slumped in his seat and tried his best to contain his resentment.

“Sophia doesn’t know that my mother was a whore.” Katherine didn’t flinch when she spoke, but Xavier almost came out of his chair.

“That’s a fine thing to say about the woman who gave birth to you.”

“And that’s all she did,” Katherine said sadly, wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes. “My mother was poor and fell hopelessly in love with a well-to-do man. She got pregnant, and he threw her away like rubbish.” She brushed an invisible hair off her forehead. “When I was born, she resented me. I was the reason she’d lost the one man who’d cared about her. She couldn’t stand to look at me, let alone speak to me. She no longer cared about herself or life. She gave up everything she wanted because of love. Because a man broke her heart.”

Xavier rubbed his hands over his face, trying to take it all in.

“Not able to take the pain I saw every day in my mother’s eyes or the hurt she’d caused me, I ran away when I was fifteen. An elderly couple took me in and gave me the love I needed. I knew how lucky I was when I found my husband. But even that was a struggle. He was an earl, and I was a commoner. Even in this day and age of Charles and Camilla and William and Kate, those classes don’t mix in some circles.” She eyed him curiously. “If you knew Sophia’s grandmother—her father’s mother—you’d know what kind of struggle getting down the aisle was for me.”

Xavier could barely contain his growl. He’d met the woman, all right. He didn’t need to be told she was crazy.

“Elise,” Katherine continued, “never cared for her only son marrying someone like me. I had to prove my loyalty to her and to the family. According to Elise, I was a black spot on the family tree.”

She leaned forward. “Once I had a family of my own, I was determined that no children of mine should think their parents don’t love them. And no one should chase love just for the sake of it. Look where it got my mother.” Katherine rose from her seat and walked to the edge of the desk. “Elise thought the same thing. She was bound and determined to not let the past repeat itself. And because she is head of the family, we went along with her wishes—to make sure her only granddaughter was raised properly without the mess of a young love or child. I always thought I was guarding Sophia from the same mistakes my mother made. I didn’t want her to be loved and then lost in a sea of sadness if you left her. And I certainly didn’t want your child to think the same thing. And Elise didn’t want anything to ruin Sophia’s prospects—”

Xavier withheld a growl. “Prospects?”

An unpleasant grin curled Katherine’s mouth. “Yes. Life prospects. All the things Sophia could have had…if she’d stayed on the right path.”

“The right path being what?”

“Obeying her grandmother. Getting the proper education to carry out her life as the wife of a powerful man. Not having a child and ruining the future that was planned for her. At the time, I truly believed that was the proper thing to do.”

Xavier tapped impatiently on his desk. “What do you believe now, Mrs. Montel?” He was delighted at Katherine’s quick flash of disapproval at his less-than-proper form of address. He’d rot in Hell before he’d call Katherine
My Lady
or
Your Ladyship.
God.

Katherine blew the disrespect off quickly, looking toward the window and drawing in a long, deep breath. Her eyes slid back to him, hooded and clouded. “I was wrong. Sophia’s not like my mother.” A rueful laugh escaped her lips. “And she is most certainly not like me. I should’ve trusted her more. I should’ve trusted myself more. Had I done that, she wouldn’t be in this mess. I knew in my heart that how Elise wanted us to raise Sophia was wrong. After all, I wasn’t raised like that, and I turned out well.”

Xavier stifled a laugh at the irony of Katherine’s statement.

“But in the forefront,” she continued, “I had my husband, who was fiercely loyal to his mother. Because of all that had happened in my life and our marriage, he refused to let her down again.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “But he had a soft spot for Sophia. He’d come to the conclusion to raise her with the changing times and give her the slice of freedom we didn’t have. He didn’t regret allowing Sophia to grow into the wonderful child she did, but he took the brunt of the blow from Elise when we found out Sophia was pregnant. After the accident, he wanted to make it up to his mother. So we did what she required of us…because we saw no other way. It didn’t take long after the baby was born for him to have a change of heart. He’d known what Sophia was
really
missing out on, and he’d hated himself—and me—for going along with his mother’s plan. But we couldn’t change what we had done; all we could do was move forward and give Sophia the best chances she had for a normal life.”

Xavier scowled at the way she’d used the word
normal.
If Sophia had had any aspect of a normal life, then Xavier was going to be the next President of the United States.

“I wished we would have handled it differently,” she continued. “I, of all people, knew how important it was to follow my heart. I failed Sophia in that regard. She deserved better than me.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I needed to clear the air. Not for Sophia, because she has a mind of her own, but for myself. I know you two loved each other that summer. I’m not sure how you feel about each other now, but I know what I did was wrong. It affected you both in ways I didn’t consider. I’m sorry.”

Katherine turned around and started to walk out of the office. Xavier rose from his desk and hurried to her side. “What exactly did you expect to gain from this trip?”

She shrugged, a sheen of tears glistening in her eyes. “Redemption for my actions.”

She pulled the door open, but Xavier blocked her path. “Did you come here for the sole purpose of making me feel guilty for leaving Sophia?”

“No. I came to tell you the truth.”

“And your truth is supposed to make everything better?”

Katherine shook her head. “You don’t see, do you?”

“Apparently not.”

“I can’t fix your problems. You’ll have to do that on your own. But I can come clean with my own mistakes, to show you where Sophia comes from, in hopes of making everything clear. You two can repair the damage that has been done so long as you know the truth.”

Xavier stepped out of her way. “Your daughter made the decision for me when she hid the truth. She’s the one who walked out on me. Maybe she’s more like you and your mother-in-law than you think.”

A chilling laugh escaped Katherine’s lips. “If you believe that, Mr. Cain, then you aren’t the man I thought you were.”

As the door clicked shut behind her, Xavier pounded his hand against it.

He went over to the window and jerked the shades closed. Crossing to his desk and seizing the phone, he then called the one person he knew could help him. Glancing at the calendar while the international call connected, he realized he didn’t have that much time to put a plan in place that was only beginning to form in his head.

Time mattered, and he hoped like hell he could pull off a miracle.

A quiet voice answered the line. Before she could even speak, Xavier’s words spilled out.

“This is Xavier Cain. Please listen carefully.”