Reckless (22 page)

I’d chosen San Diego University for college because it would put me far away from their constant control, and I would be free to make my own choices for myself. And I had stood up to Damian when I’d broken my silence about Taylor Lamberth.
 

Back then, Damian had threatened to kill me. Now, my parents were threatening to kill my dreams. It almost amounted to the same thing, in my book. One just took longer.

Screw it.

I was going to call them.

It wasn’t quite 10:00pm on the east coast, and my parents were usually awake until eleven. I dialed the house and put my phone on speaker. My nerves went nuts before the phone even rang. I stood up from the couch and started pacing my living room. I held my finger up to my lips and made a shhh face to Christos.

He nodded understanding.

“Hello?” my dad said.

“Hey, dad,” I sighed.

“What a pleasant surprise. It’s so good to hear from you, Sam. Your mother and I thought you wouldn’t call for a few more weeks. How is Micro Economics?”

Jesus. A
“How are you?”
would’ve been nice. In general, I felt like my father was more of a manager to me than a father. His relationship with me was something he calculated, weighed, considered. The feelings and love parts were glaringly absent.

“Sam?” he prompted.

I steeled myself. This was it. “I’m not taking Econ.”

“What?” My dad was shocked. “Sam, we
talked
about this.”

I rolled my eyes to Christos.
 

He made a compassionate sort of wince. At least he understood.

“
You
talked about this, Dad. I mostly listened. I don’t want to take economics.”

My dad pushed out a hard sigh on the other end of the phone. “Fine. But you can’t keep putting it off if you plan to graduate in four years. What about accounting? How is Managerial Accounting? I always enjoyed that topic.”

OMG. “I’m not taking it. I dropped the class.”

“What?!” my dad panicked. “Sam, what are you doing? You can’t take the upper division classes for an Accounting major if you don’t finish the lower division foundation courses first!”

“That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is, because I changed my major.”

“What?!” My dad was going to explode at this rate. “To what?”

“Art.” I expected him to explode. A hot flush bounced through my body, and not in a good way. I fanned my face. This was about to get ugly.

“Hold on, Sam. I’m going to have your mother join us on the extension.”

Like I said.

While I waited for doomsday, I glanced at Christos. He took the cue and walked over to me. He placed a comforting hand on the small of my back and rubbed it gently.
 

A moment later, I heard my mom pick up the other line. “What is going on, Sam?” she demanded sternly.

“I’m changing my major to Art.”

“You can’t do that!” my mom said.

“I meant, I already changed my major.”

“Then change it back,” she said stridently.

I’m pretty sure my apartment was shrinking around me. Was I sweating? My arm pits felt like furnaces. I took a deep breath.

“Sam? You will change your major back. Immediately,” my mom commanded.

This was it. “No.”

I think I had expected the ground to open beneath my feet or maybe a giant asteroid to crash into San Diego at that moment. But all I heard was silence.

I had never stood up to my parents like this. Could it be this easy?

“Bill?” my mom asked. “Did you hear what your daughter just said?”

I’d always loved how my mom disowned me the second I disobeyed.
 

“I’m nonplussed,” my dad said. I don’t think I’d ever heard him sound so exasperated before. “Aaaah…” he mumbled. “Linda?”

I had the distinct sense that the phone in my hand had started to heat up to like two hundred degrees. I know that was silly, but I knew something was about to go thermonuclear.

“If you insist on disobeying your father and I, then you—”

I cut her off. “Disobey? This is
my
life, mom. I don’t want to be an Accountant. I want to make my own decisions about what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. I’m nineteen, for god’s sake!”

“Watch your mouth, young lady!” my mom barked. “And don’t use that tone with me! You will march down to the Registrar’s Office first thing tomorrow morning, and you
will
change your major back to Accounting. And that’s final!”

“Do what your mother says, Sam,” my dad grumbled.

I sighed petulantly. Did my parents still believe I was in junior high? “No, mom,” I said softly. “I’m not changing my major.”

“Do
not
disobey me!” my mother shouted.

“I’m not doing it, mom.”

“Bill! Talk to her,” my mom said, flustered.

There was a moment of silence.

“Bill? Say something.”

“Hold your horses, Linda. I’m thinking.”

I didn’t know if that was good or bad. I looked at Christos. He shrugged his shoulders. There was nothing he could do.

“We have an opportunity here, Linda,” my dad said calmly. That always worried me. “I think it’s time Sam learns the true value of a dollar and an education. I suggest we terminate the subsidization of Sam’s living expenses.”

“What?” my mom and I asked in unison, although the tone of our voices was quite different.

“Yes, I think that is a terrific idea,” my dad continued. “Sam, your mother and I will no longer pay for your apartment. In addition, any incidentals that we have been funding will be your responsibility. Linda, does that make sense to you?”

“Perfect sense,” Mom said victoriously.

“Wait,” I said, “You guys can’t—”

My mom cut in. “Oh yes, we certainly can, young lady.”

I goggled at Christos, unsure what to do. “How am I going to pay my rent? I don’t have any money!”
 

“I’m sure there are ample opportunities for work-study programs on campus,” Dad said. “Failing that, there is a myriad of unskilled jobs available in the labor market. I suggest you try the shopping mall or fast food restaurants. Either will be more likely to hire a young, able-bodied person with no work experience. You are intelligent, and if you are enthusiastic and ready to work hard, you will find a job in short order.”

“I can’t argue with that,” my mom said, a smile in her voice. “This will be good for you, Sam. I promise, when you look back at this experience, you will thank your father and I.”

I glanced at Christos. The expression on his face was what I would imagine a normal person would look like if they arrived at the scene of a terrible traffic accident and discovered all their children had been crushed under an over-turned delivery truck. I kind of felt bad for Christos. I was used to this sort of behavior from my parents. He wasn’t.

I sighed.

I had always suspected my parents were insane. Now I had proof. They were trying to blackmail me, or maybe bribe me, into following their abhorrent order to become an accountant no matter how much the idea sickened me.

How had my life managed to take a nose dive in less than twenty minutes?

Oh yeah.

My parents.

CHRISTOS

I was grinding my jaw the entire time Samantha talked with her parents. For all the shit I’d dealt with after my parents split, I’d never gone through something like this. My parents never forced me to do something I hated. Sam’s parents didn’t even seem like human beings to me. More like robots.

After Samantha said goodbye to her parents, she stared at me with watery eyes.

“
Agápi mou
,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

She reached out to hug me.
 

I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight. “That was total bullshit.”

“What am I gonna do?” she said, panicked.

“It’s okay,
agápi mou.
We’ll figure it out.”

“I need to look for a job. Right now.” She looked up at me, her eyes wide with fear.
 

It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen, like her whole world was gone. My heart was breaking as her fear escalated. I don’t think I’d seen this much fear on her face even on the day we’d met, the day I’d punched out that fat dude screaming at her.

Right now, she looked scared to death.

Samantha pulled free from my arms, like I wasn’t able to protect her or comfort her. She rushed over to her book bag and yanked on her laptop. The computer was caught inside the bag. She panicked and pulled harder, but what she needed to do was relax. The laptop didn’t budge. “I can’t get it out!”

I kneeled down and put a hand on hers. “Relax,
agápi mou
.”

She looked at me, a mixture of hope and doubt in her eyes.

“You know that saying ‘easy does it’? It applies in situations like this most of all.”

“Huh?”

“Stop pulling so hard.”

She relaxed her grip on the computer.
 

I peeled back the corner of the book bag gently. “Now try it.”

She slid the laptop free. Her hands shook. She sat down on the couch, flipped the computer open, and fired it up. “I have to look for a job. Right now. I’ve only got enough money to last till the end of the month. Then I’m out.” Her hands clenched into fists over and over. You’d think she’d just been told her world was ending.

Maybe she had.

My guts twisted as I watched the growing horror on her face. She was freaking out. I couldn’t deal with it. “Samantha, you don’t need to worry about this. I’ve got money. How much do you need?”

“Oh, I couldn’t take your money, Christos.”

“Why not?”

“It wouldn’t be right.”

“You took your parents money, why can’t you take mine?”

She paused, eyes darting around the room uncertainly. “That’s different. They’re my parents.”

“And I’m your boyfriend. I’ve got more than enough money to help you out.”

“No, Christos, I just couldn’t.”

“Samantha, please try to understand my side of things. I’m sitting here watching you freak out because your parents suddenly fucked you over. You’re feeling betrayed. Right?”

“I don’t know what the word is for what I’m feeling right now, Christos. But it’s terrible. It’s like they’re trying to control me. They’re not listening to me, to what I want. They never ask, they just issue orders.”

I had to clamp down because I really wanted to go off on her parents right now. I wanted to snag her phone, dial her parents, and tell them they were fucked up bungholes. But I didn’t think that would help the situation any.
 

“Samantha, I’m listening to you. I can bail you out of this situation.” I winced when I said the word bail. That was my problem, not hers. Samantha’s seemed manageable. All she needed was some extra cash. That, I had.

What I didn’t have was a bottle with a genie waiting to grant me three wishes, one of which would be to make my trial go away. Not gonna happen. But I
could
fix Samantha’s money situation. I could be her genie, even if I didn’t have one of my own. I smiled at her. “Samantha, my money is your money. Just say the word, and poof! Your problems are solved.”

“Oh, Christos. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. But I feel like I need to do this myself. Otherwise, I’ll feel beholden to you. I can’t take your money.”

“What do you mean, beholden?”

“I don’t know. I just have to do this myself.” Her eyes glazed over.

She wasn’t getting it. You could lead a horse to water, but you couldn’t make it drink. And you weren’t supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth, either. Sam was doing both. I couldn’t blame her. She had too many horses and too many problems all at once.
 

All because Samantha wasn’t thinking rationally. Her fear was driving all her thoughts like wild horses. See? Too many fucking horses.

I shook my head and sighed while she searched online job websites.

“My parents didn’t say they’d stop helping with tuition,” she said to herself. “Just rent. I can figure that out. There’s jobs. I’ll go to career services tomorrow and see what I can find. I’m sure I can figure this out.”

Yeah, she wasn’t talking to me. She was just thinking out loud.
 

I tried to catch her gaze, but her eyes were wild, like those god damn horses again. She didn’t even realize I was in the room with her, willing and able to help her through this.

She was oblivious to my presence.

There was nothing more I could do but give her time, enough space, and be there if she fell.
 

I heaved another sigh.
 

It hurt that she didn’t want my help, like I was somehow a bad person waiting to take advantage of her. But I couldn’t force my help on her, no matter how easily I could solve her money problems.

Man, that sucked.

“Samantha, if it gets to be too much,” I reassured, “let me know. I’m here for you,
agápi mou.
No matter what.”

I don’t think she’d heard me.

I needed a drink.

Chapter 12

SAMANTHA

Needless to say, I slept like crap that night. I couldn’t stop thinking about finding a job. Christos had left after an hour. I only had the one computer, so there wasn’t much he could do in the way of helping me job hunt.

I had searched around the internet for hours, trying to find something, but had no luck. I would look on campus for a work-study job today between classes, but feared there’d be none left this late in the academic year. If that happened, I’d try looking in my neighborhood for a restaurant job, a coffee shop, anything.
 

I did my best not to think about it.

My only class that morning was Oil Painting with Romeo and Kamiko. I had to buy supplies at the campus bookstore before class. I picked out the paints, brushes, palette, canvases, and other supplies and took them to the register.

The total was $147.38.

My money was going to be gone in two weeks at this rate.

I walked toward the Visual Arts building with my bag of supplies. When I’d walked this route to Life Drawing for the first time three months ago, I’d been full of hope. Now I was full of dread. I had to find a job. That was all I could think about. My lack of money.