Reckless Temptations (The Tempted Series Book 4) (45 page)

Cerebral Palsy.

Mental Retardation.

And that was just if he had a brain bleed.

I think.

All I knew was he spoke of things no parent wants to hear.

“Can I see him?” I asked, interrupting him as he went down the list of possible occurrences. Pea wasn’t going to get any of those things. I was sure of it. He was half Lauren and half me. He was his mother’s son and he was a fighter. He’d get through it.

Dr. Meadow’s eyes assessed me before he sighed.

“I’m going to get a nurse to give you some scrubs and get you out of these clothes. The NICU is a very sterile environment. You’ll need to scrub down and then of course you may see your son,” he said, turning toward Maria and Anthony. “The rest of you may see him from the window but at this time we’re only going to allow the father inside the unit.”

Maria nodded, turning to me.

“You tell that little boy he has a lot of people who love him and can’t wait to meet him. You tell him his mommy is the number one person on that list, okay?”

I nodded, pushing down the lump in my throat as I stared at her. I get it now…what family is. It’s the people you laugh with, the people you cry with, the people who stand by your side through the good times and bad. You fight and make up, or maybe you don’t, maybe you go months, sometimes years without speaking but then something happens and it erases all that negative shit that kept you from being family. One circumstance is all it takes to bring a family together. If you’re lucky it’s a birth or a wedding, some warm, fuzzy shit that everyone wants a piece of. Other times, times like now, it’s when everything falls apart and things are so far out of control, they’re so fucked you can’t help but turn to one another for support. It’s times like these when families become stronger.

“We’ll go get you some clothes,” Pipe spoke up. “Anything else you need?”

I reached into my pocket and threw Pipe my keys.

“There’s a bag on my kitchen counter can you bring that too?”

“Aye, of course,” he agreed.

I thanked him, tipped my chin to the rest of them and squeezed Maria’s hand reassuringly before following the doctor through the doors and into the elevator. I was taken to the eighth floor and a nurse handed me a pair of scrubs, pointing to a vacant room and instructed me to change my clothes. I pulled the shirt over my head, laying it flat on the chair and stared at the dried up blood, a nasty mix of red and brown painted the once plain white t-shirt.

Lauren’s face flashed before my eyes.

Choose Pea
.

Our son.

I twisted the shirt in my hands and shoved it into the waste basket before I continued to peel the clothes from my body. I changed into the scrubs and met the nurse outside the door. She took me into another room and I started to feel anxious as she handed me a bar of soap and instructed me to wash my hands and forearms. I vigorously scrubbed my skin, watching as the water in the sink mixed with the blood on my hands and swirled down the drain.

Once my hands were sterilized I followed her into the NICU, my heart beat rampantly inside my chest as my eyes scanned the room, looking at all incubators and wondering which one held my son until the nurse came to a stop and turned around to face me.

“Are you ready to meet your son?” She smiled warmly, as she stepped to the side. “He’s been waiting to meet his daddy,” she continued.

My eyes dropped and rested on the little miracle fighting for his life. I heard the gasp escape my lips as I took a step closer, cocking my head to the side as I stared at the tiniest human I had ever laid eyes on. He looked so frail, so fragile hooked up to all the machines. Aside from the respirator and the feeding tube, his skin was decorated with tiny little stickers that connected more wires to him.

But I saw past the wires and ignored the sounds of the machines, focusing on the beautiful little boy that was half Lauren and half me.

“You can’t hold him just yet but you can stick your hands through the holes and touch him,” the nurse stated. “It would be good for him to feel you,” she encouraged.

“Can he hear me?” I asked hoarsely, running my hand over the top of the incubator.

“Of course he can,” she smiled. “He already probably recognizes your voice from in utero.

His eyes were closed and because of the feeding tube and the ventilator I couldn’t assess his features, but still, I knew he had the most adorable face.

After all, I was his dad.

And his mom? She was pretty hot too.

I lifted my hands from the incubator, hesitating as I brought them to the circular holes for my arms to slide through.

“You sure I won’t hurt him? I can’t like pull a wire or anything like that, right?”

“I’m sure,” she said calmly.

I drew in a sharp breath, turning my gaze back to my son, thinking how strange it was that it felt perfectly normal to be calling this little guy my son. That wasn’t something I expected to feel. I thought it would feel strange at first, constricted and forced but one look at him and it was the most natural feeling I had ever had.

I was always a sure shot, a steady hand and a perfect eye. My hand never once quivered when it was wrapped around a gun but my hands trembled as they slid into the incubator and my fingertips touched my son’s skin for the first time.

“Oh,” I whispered. “You’re really here,” I said, softly caressing the top of his hand with my index finger.

He’s so tiny, making my hands look so much bigger than they really are.

“Hey, little guy, I’m your dad,” I introduced myself, crouching down so he could hear me better and I could see him more clearly. “It’s okay, Daddy’s here, you don’t have to be scared. I know it’s a big deal, coming into the world and all that. It’s terrifying to go from being safe inside your mom to the ugly world that ripped you from her but I promise you, you don’t have to be afraid anymore,” I vowed, drawing circles on his tiny hand with my fingertip.

“You know I’m already the proudest dad in this place. Just look at you being such a strong boy, fighting hard like a little bull—you get that from your mom. She’s a fighter and right now she’s fighting with everything she’s got because she wants so badly to meet you, to hold you and to kiss you. She’s loved you since she first found out you were just a little pea inside of her,” I whispered, feeling the sting of unshed tears assault my eyes.

I blinked, tears escaping the corners of my eyes but I didn’t take my hands out of the incubator to dry my eyes. I wanted to touch him for as long as I could, to comfort him. I wonder if he realizes I’m here. Does he recognize my voice? Probably not.

“Do you have a name picked out for him?”

I turned my gaze to the nurse and shook my head.

“No, but I bet his mom does,” I said, turning back to glance at my boy. “I’m sure it’s a good, solid name, perfect for you.”

I pictured Kitten holding our son for the first time, looking up at me and telling me what the name she chose for him was but then another thought invaded my mind.

What if she doesn’t make it?

What if she doesn’t get to meet our son?

What if he doesn’t get to know what a great mom he has?

What if she never gets to tell us what his name is?

I felt myself teetering on the edge, ready to lose it and succumb to the grief of it all. The grief of losing Bones, of not knowing if Lauren will live or die and standing here watching as a machine breathes for my newborn child.

And then the most amazing thing happened.

A tiny hand wrapped around my finger.

I stared at my son’s hand, his small fingers wrapped around my index finger and I was undone.

I thought I had the perfect life, that I had everything I wanted and wasn’t missing anything. But it wasn’t until that moment, when my son held onto me that, I realized I didn’t know the meaning of life…until him. Kitten and Tiger may have given this boy life, but he gave me a reason to live mine.

Heart.

It was right there, three pounds one ounce of the purest love I’d ever know.

Thank you.

“Oh, kid, you’re already wrapped around my finger, but thank you,” I whispered. “I love you, Pea,” I whispered.

A knock on the glass window startled me, pulling me away from the most precious gift I had ever received and when I glanced over my shoulder my eyes met Anthony’s. His eyes dropped to the incubator before they closed briefly then finally lifted back to mine.

He crooked his finger and I read his lips as he uttered the name that made my world stop for just a second.

Lauren
.

Anthony filled me in as we walked toward the elevators, riding it up to the twelfth floor where they were moving Lauren to an ICU recovery room. She survived surgery but her body was in a state of shock. The doctors were able to stop the bleeding and remove the bullet that missed her heart but nicked her lung, causing it to collapse. Once they had the bullet out they had to repair the damage to her lung which was why the surgery took longer than the doctors had anticipated.

She was unconscious, and like her son, she was on a respirator because her lung function was too weak. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours would be critical for her. As we stepped off the elevator Anthony became quiet, causing me to turn around and look at him.

“What is it?”

“The doctor said if the two bullets Bones took had hit her, she would’ve died on the spot,” he said, lifting his eyes to mine. “I don’t know him but I’ll always be thankful to him,” he said, sighing heavily.

“Yeah, that makes two of us.” I said somberly.

“How’s my nephew?”

“He’s tiny but he’s going to make it. I know he is. That kid wrapped his finger around my hand, and as small and fragile as he is, he has some grip,” I replied, proudly glancing around the intensive care unit. “Where is she? I need to see her,” I demanded.

Anthony led me around the nurse’s station, stopping in front of a large glass wall. I spotted Maria first and then I let my eyes travel to Lauren. Again, I wasn’t prepared to see her like that, hooked up to several machines, lying perfectly still as the life support kept her breathing.

Maria lifted her head, made the sign of the cross, before turning around and meeting our worried gazes. She rose to her feet, bending her head to kiss her daughter’s hand before slipping out of the room. Before she could ask me any questions, I brushed past her and walked into the room, sliding the glass door closed behind me.

I stood there, my feet firmly planted on the floor as I stared at my Kitten. The sound of the machines she was hooked up to was the only noise in the room, reminding me they were keeping her here with me. Finding the courage inside of me, I moved to the side of her bed and looked at her beautiful face. I would do anything to see her smile at me, hell, she didn’t even have to smile. She just needed to open those beautiful blue eyes and I’d even welcome a snarl, or one of her snarky remarks.

I just needed to know my Kitten was going to be okay.

I tore my eyes away from the tube that ran all the way down her throat and stuck out between her lips and looked at the machine and the slinky looking thing compressing the air into her lungs.

I pulled the chair closer to the bed and sank into it as I leaned over the bed and reached for Lauren’s hand, careful not to disturb any of the wires as I interlocked my fingers with hers.

“Hey, Kitten,” I whispered, as I looked up at her, trying to make sense of all the things going on in my head, all the things I knew I needed to say, all the things I felt down in my soul.

“I’m so sorry it came down to this,” I began, hoarsely. “I’m so sorry you’re lying in this bed and not me. Every move I made, every attempt to push you out of my life was to prevent you from being exactly where you are. I thought by staying away from you I was protecting you but all I did was waste time, time I could’ve spent showing you how much I wanted you. How goddamn grateful I was that you came into my life and how excited I was for you to make me a dad. I thought the best title I’d ever hold was being one of the Satan’s Knights but it pales in comparison to being Pea’s dad. That’s the best title, the only one worth a damn,” I expressed, pausing as I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles.

“You need to wake up, Kitten, you need to find your strength and you need to pull through because there is a little boy sitting in the NICU who needs his mommy. He’s beautiful, Lauren, so beautiful. You did such a good job, baby.”

I swiped my free hand across my face, fighting back the emotions threatening to surface. I was starting to cry more than a goddamn bitch in a soap opera but I owned that shit too, proud to cry, proud to know I was capable of some sort of feeling. Proud because every tear that threatened and every single one I exposed all meant that I was owning my feelings of how much Kitten and Pea meant to me.

Bones would be proud.

“I love him,” I whispered. “It’s the craziest thing I ever felt and nothing compares. I mean it Lauren, one look at that little boy, knowing he is ours, did something to me. He filled all the parts of me that were empty. He’s everything I never knew I wanted, everything I never knew I needed. He’s just…he’s everything,” I wiped my cheek, and switched the hand that held hers. “Thank you, Kitten. Thank you for giving me my heart.”