Recursion (12 page)

“What? But that’s…unprofessional!” The words sounded childish even to her own ears.

Eva staggered across the room, finally getting her trousers up to her waist. She turned her back on Katie and pulled off her nightgown. Her breasts felt heavy and sore this morning, and she held one arm over them as she looked for her sweatshirt. Katie blushed and gazed at the ceiling.

“Nurse Dyer is jealous of Alison. Alison is clever and pretty. Please come and speak to her.”

“What can I say? I barely know her.”

“I don’t know. You’ll think of something. You’re clever, too.”

“Me?” Eva gave a bitter laugh. “I couldn’t even get promotion in a fast-food shop.”

Katie said nothing. She waited nervously as Eva found her shoes, grabbed her book to shove into her back pocket for safety, then followed her into the corridor. They found Nicolas standing in front of Alison, holding his hand as if it had just been bitten, an expression of utter horror on his face.

“Get away from me, you bastard!” shouted Alison. “You bastard. Bastard! BASTARD!”

She jumped forward and began to beat at him with her fists. Nicolas backed away uncertainly. Katie took him by the arm and pulled him away from Alison, sliding her body into the space between them.

“She doesn’t mean it, Nicolas,” Katie said, her words emerging in staccato bursts. “She’s just taking it out on you. Go away and she’ll be fine by this evening.” Katie stared at the floor. Nicolas merely nodded. He turned and walked away, looking hurt.

Katie looked directly at Eva for the first time, her tiny blue eyes gazing straight into hers, a fraction of a second and no more, then they flicked toward Alison, reminding Eva of her instructions. She took a deep breath.

“Alison,” she said softly.

Alison turned toward her, face twisted with rage. As she looked at Eva, some of the rage drained from her eyes. She stifled a sob.

“Oh, Eva,” she said. “The bastards. The bastards.” She put her arms around Eva’s neck and dissolved into tears. Eva gazed up at the ceiling, wondering what to do next.

Eva and Katie sat with Alison as the sobbing turned to crying, the crying turned to stray tears, and finally, just red-eyed despondency.

“I used to be a university lecturer,” she said. “History. Look at me now. All because I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched, that everyone was talking about me behind my back.”

“That’s how I felt,” said Eva. “The difference was I never made anything of my life. Too stupid, I guess.”

Her voice tailed away. Some sixth sense made her aware of Katie’s gaze on the back of her neck. As she spun around to look, Katie quickly glanced away.

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” Alison said colorlessly. “Katie thinks you have a lot of potential, and Katie is never wrong.” The expressionless tone made her sound as if she was totally uninterested in what she was saying.

Eva did not think a reply was appropriate. Once again, silence descended upon the room. She was about to open her book when Alison continued.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve been in here, is it?”

“No. I was brought in when they killed my brother.”

“They killed your brother?” Alison said in astonishment. “Who did? What happened?”

She sat up straight on her untidy bed, her eyes wide with amazement. Eva felt a surge of embarrassment. She blushed, unsure what to say next. “Um, I don’t know.”

Katie came to her rescue.

“It’s not what it sounds like,” said Katie in a rush of words. “Can’t you tell, Alison? She was addicted to MTPH.”

“Oh,” Alison said. “An emptyhead? Now I understand.”

They weren’t allowed to wean someone off MTPH anymore. Addiction was held to be a matter of personal choice, and there was a growing argument that the second personality had some rights too…Eva had been one of the last people to be forcibly broken of the addiction; even now she struggled to forget the last few days of her “brother’s” life.

She had been locked into the room next door but one to the room she occupied this time. Just herself and a bed in that great empty orange cube of a room. The toughened glass windows didn’t open; they merely offered a view across the scrubby lawn towards the dull grey lime trees, dissolving in the mist of the rain. Her brother had sat cross-legged on the floor, retaining an expression of acceptance on his face as he faded away.

“How can you be so calm!” He had just shrugged and smiled sadly at her.

“All things must pass, Eva,” he said, a little grin playing around his lips. “Besides, I can’t imagine what will happen to me. I’m your opposite, aren’t I? MTPH stimulates the underused parts of your personality. I’m everything you are not. Calm, positive, dull and unimaginative…”

“It’s me who’s the dull and unimaginative one,” said Eva. “Oh, what am I going to do without you?”

“You’ll make other friends. Maybe some real company will do you good, Eva.”

“No! How can you say that?”

The arguments had raged during her brother’s last few days, until he had simply faded away to leave her all on her own. The people who had shut her away insisted that he had never actually existed: he was only a hallucination, brought about by continuing exposure to MTPH. But they didn’t understand. Only someone who had taken MTPH could understand.

“They’re plotting something, Eva.”

Eva sat up in bed in her darkened room, hugging the duvet tightly around her body.

“Who’s plotting something?”

“Katie is. And Alison is, too, but not quite the same thing. Nicolas is involved, but he’s just a passenger. It’s Katie we need to watch. If only we knew who she was…”

Eva felt fear take hold of her, her stomach filling with dark dread.

“Who is that?” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Why do you keep talking to me?”

“They’re in the lounge, Eva.”

“Who are you?”

The voice went silent. Feeling rather foolish, Eva draped the duvet around herself and stumbled sleepily from her room. The corridor outside was brightly lit but deserted. The nurses’ station stood empty, a nearly full vending machine cup sat steaming on the desk. Muted music and voices could be heard from the game room. Eva headed toward the sound.

They were watching a game show. Alison and Nicolas were sprawled on two comfortable seats, holding hands, Katie sitting upright behind them on a hard plastic chair. She turned round as Eva stumbled into the room, then reached to shake Alison’s shoulder.

“Eva? What’s the matter?” said Alison, repeatedly waving the sound down. Eventually the ancient viewing screen caught the signal.

“What time is it?”

“Just after two o’clock,” said Nicolas. “What is the matter?”

“I keep hearing voices,” Eva said.

Katie and Alison exchanged glances.

“See?” Katie said. “I told you.”

“Okay, okay,” said Alison. “I’m sorry, I should have believed you. Eva, come and sit with us. I don’t want to go to sleep tonight. Katie and Nicolas are keeping me company.”

“Yes,” Nicolas said. “You can lie here on the chair next to me. You’ve got your duvet.”

“Thank you,” Eva said uncertainly. She sat down on the chair and wrapped the duvet tightly around herself. The soothing light of the viewing screen and the gentle background dialogue filled the room. It was strange, but there was something welcoming about the atmosphere of the room, filled with the silence of people who felt comfortable with each other. For the first time in weeks, months even, Eva felt as if she could relax. It didn’t matter that Nicolas and Alison were exchanging looks in some unspoken conversation. It didn’t matter that the voice had been right and they were plotting something. It was enough that the same voice had sent her to be part of this group, and that they had accepted her into their circle. Maybe tomorrow she would worry about their schemes; tonight, she felt accepted.

Eva allowed herself to drift off to sleep, snuggled tightly in her duvet.

It was a bright, sunny morning. Only a faint chill to the air hinted that autumn was approaching. Eva woke to find herself in her own bed. She had a vague memory of Alison and Katie leading her back here the night before and tenderly tucking her in. Eva got up and pulled on a loose yellow sweatshirt and grey leggings and headed for the communal kitchen to make toast for breakfast. She felt surprisingly positive this morning. Someone had left black toast crumbs in the butter, but even that couldn’t spoil her mood.

After breakfast she wandered outside, out across the scrubby grass to her circle of limes where she gazed up at the leaves. Some were already yellowing in promise of autumn. The ground was wet; it soaked through the cuffs of her leggings, yet she didn’t care.

When Nicolas suddenly poked his head out from among the trees at the other side of the clearing and beckoned her toward him, she wasn’t at all surprised. She got to her feet and followed him into the strip of woodland that separated the Center from the nearby main road. Old cans and stained fast-food wrappers littered the woodland floor. The sound of fast-moving traffic filtered through the trees. Nicolas led her to Alison and Katie, standing in a tiny clearing by a patch of nettles and a hawthorn tree. Alison nodded at Eva as she approached. Katie was staring at an old beer can, an odd expression on her face.

“Eva,” Alison said.

“Alison,” Eva replied. Alison looked at Katie and came to a decision.

“Eva. Do you know that we’re being watched?”

Eva looked at Alison and frowned. “Well, yes. Everyone is being watched. Of course I know that.”

Alison shook her head. “No. I’m not talking about Social Care. That’s just something that’s been concocted so that the people in charge can say that they’re concerned about our well-being. We point to the poor souls that have been blinded by laser weapons and they say, ‘Who, us? Why should we do that? The world is a better place thanks to us. Look at all the money we spend on Social Care.’”

“Yeah,” Nicolas said. “It’s like the way the petroleum companies used to spend money on conservation projects: a way of presenting a clean image.”

“I’m sure there’s more to Social Care than just that. Some of them really believe in what they’re doing.”

“Okay,” Alison said impatiently. “Maybe that’s true. The point is, though, there’s an awful lot of information being collected about us. Did it ever occur to you that someone, or something, is behind all that watching? It’s not just about a collection of people or computer programs watching over us for our own protection. There’s something more sinister occurring.”

Eva smiled. “I have heard it talked about. It’s just the paranoia of our times. Back in the twentieth century, people thought that they should be looking in the phone system for an evolving intelligence plotting as it listened to their conversations.”

“Did they?” Alison said, looking impressed. “I never knew that. Well, this isn’t paranoia. It’s true. Katie thinks so, and we think she’s right. Katie is always right. It’s different when you’re here in the Center, a little bit removed from the rest of the world. You get to look at things from a distance. There’s something out there watching us. And we’re not sure why.”

“It’s trying to make us do something,” Nicolas said.

The looks on the faces of the others convinced Eva that they believed what they were saying. Eva chose her words with care.

“It’s trying to make you do what?”

Alison glanced at Katie, who shook her head. Alison spoke in low tones.

“We don’t know. We think it’s trying to bring us to itself.”

Eva picked a leaf from the nearby hawthorn tree. She rolled it between her fingers, staining them green with fresh-smelling juice.

“What makes you think that?”

Alison spoke haltingly. “We have ideas of escape. Opportunities present themselves, but we’re suspicious of them. Are they our ideas, or is something putting them our way? It’s difficult to explain—”

Nicolas interrupted: “A few weeks ago we watched a TV program about life in the free Russian States, where there’s a charter guaranteeing no monitoring of citizens. And then, the next day, Katie comes upon details on the net of cheap train fares to get there. Coincidence, or not?”

Alison spoke up. “I have a dream about walking down to the gate and hitching a ride from a red Mitsubishi van. Nicolas and Katie are already hiding in the back. I even dream about how to disable the onboard sensors so our passage is not detected. The next day I’m walking by the gate and I see the same van from my dream. Exactly the same van, down to the company colors on the side and the dent in the bumper. How could I know that would happen?”

Eva ran her fingers through her hair and frowned. “You’re saying that the Watcher planted the idea in your head? How?”

“I don’t know.” Alison shrugged. “But it knows everything about me. It must know how to push my buttons. Maybe it placed some sort of subliminal influences in the programs I watched just before going to bed.”

“Of course, we could just be paranoid. We are a bunch of loonies, after all,” put in Nicolas helpfully. He gave a nervous laugh.

“But I don’t think so,” Alison said. She gazed at Eva intently. “We’re frightened. We want to get out of here, get out from under the nose of the Watcher so that we can think for a while and examine our actions, decide what it is that we really want. But where to go? We may think we are running to safety, but really we may just be running toward the Watcher.”

Nicolas spoke up. “That’s why we want you on our side. Katie thinks you can help. You almost fooled Social Care in your suicide attempt. We want you to help us devise our escape.”

For the first time in months, Eva felt like smiling. It wasn’t that she believed the three of them; their ideas were riddled with supposition and fueled by paranoia. They were a self-confessed bunch of loonies.

Then again, she wasn’t exactly normal, either.

The thing was, they trusted her. They wanted her to be their friend. For that reason, more than anything else, she gave her answer. “Of course I will.”

“Good.” Alison smiled. “Come on. We’ve got to get back now. If we stay out of their sight for too long, someone or something might get suspicious. We’ll let you know more later on.”