Red Queen (20 page)

Gisa fights tears, forcing herself to say the words. “He tried to run away. He was executed.”

My legs give way so quickly even Cal doesn’t have a chance to catch me. I can’t hear, I can’t see, I can only
feel
. Sorrow, shock, pain, the whole world spinning around me. The lightbulbs buzz with electricity, screaming at me so loudly I think my head might split. The fridge crackles in the corner, its old, bleeding battery pulsing like a dying heart. They taunt me, tease me, trying to make me crack. But I won’t.
I won’t
.

“Mare,” Cal breathes in my ear, his arms warm around me, but he might as well be talking to me from across an ocean. “Mare!”

I heave a painful gasp, trying to catch my breath. My cheeks feel wet, though I don’t remember crying.
Executed.
My blood boils under my skin.
It’s a lie. He didn’t run. He was in the Guard. And they found out. They killed him for it. They murdered him.

I have never known anger like this. Not when the boys left, not when Kilorn came to me. Not even when they broke Gisa’s hand.

An earsplitting whine screeches through the house, as the fridge, the lightbulbs, and the wiring in the walls kick into high gear. Electricity hums, making me feel alive and angry and dangerous. Now I’m creating the energy, pushing my own strength through the house just like Julian taught me.

Cal yells, shaking me, trying to get through somehow. But he can’t. The power is in me and I don’t want to let go. It feels better than pain.

Glass rains down on us as the lightbulbs explode, popping like corn in a skillet.
Pop pop pop.
It almost drowns out Mom’s scream.

Someone pulls me to my feet with rough strength. Their hands go to my face, holding me still as they speak. Not to comfort me, not to empathize, but to snap me out of it.
I would know that voice anywhere.

“Mare, pull yourself together!”

I look up to see clear green eyes and a face full of worry.

“Kilorn.”

“Knew you’d stumble back eventually,” he mumbles. “Kept an eye out.”

His hands are rough against my skin, but calming. He brings me back to reality, to a world where my brother is dead. The last surviving lightbulb swings above us, barely illuminating the room and my stunned family.

But that’s not the only thing lighting up the darkness.

Purple-white sparks dance around my hands, growing weaker by the moment, but plain as day. My lightning.
I won’t be able to lie my way out of this one.

Kilorn pulls me to a chair, his face a storm cloud of confusion. The others only stare, and with a pang of sadness, I realize they’re afraid. But Kilorn isn’t afraid at all—he’s angry.

“What did they do to you?” he rumbles, his hands inches from mine. The sparks fade away entirely, leaving just skin and shaking fingers.

“They didn’t do anything.”
I wish this was their fault. I wish I could blame this on someone else.
I look over Kilorn’s head, meeting Cal’s eyes. Something releases in him and he nods, communicating without words.
I don’t have to lie about this.

“This is what I am.”

Kilorn’s frown deepens. “Are you one of
them
?” I’ve never heard so much anger, so much
disgust
, forced into a single sentence. It makes me feel like dying.
“Are you?”

Mom recovers first and, without a glimmer of fear, takes my hand. “Mare is my daughter, Kilorn,” she says, fixing him with a frightening stare I didn’t know she could muster. “We all know that.”

My family murmurs in agreement, rallying to my side, but Kilorn remains unconvinced. He stares at me like I’m a stranger, like we haven’t known each other all our lives.

“Give me a knife and I’ll settle this right now,” I say, glaring back at him. “I’ll show you what color I bleed.”

This calms him a bit and he pulls back. “I just—I don’t understand.”

That makes two of us.

“I think I’m with Kilorn on this one. We know who you are, Mare, but—” Bree stumbles, searching for the right thing to say. He’s never been one for words.
“How?”

I barely know what to say, but I do my best to explain. Again, I’m painfully aware of Cal standing over me, always listening, so I leave out the Guard and Julian’s findings, to lay out the last three weeks as plainly as possible. Pretending to be Silver, being betrothed to a prince, learning to control myself—it sounds preposterous, but they listen intently.

“We don’t know how or why, just that this
is
,” I finish, holding out my other hand. I don’t miss Tramy flinch away. “We might never know what this means.”

Mom’s hand tightens on mine in a display of support. The small comfort does wonders for me. I’m still angry, still devastatingly sad, but the need to destroy something fades. I’m gaining back some semblance of control, enough to keep myself in check.

“I think it’s a miracle,” she murmurs, forcing a smile for my sake. “We’ve always wanted better for you and now, we’re getting it. Bree and Tramy are safe, Gisa won’t have to worry, we can
live
happy, and you”—her watery eyes meet mine—“you, my dear, will be someone special. What more can a mother ask?”

I wish her words were true but I nod anyway, smiling for my mother and my family. I’m getting better at lying and they seem to believe me. But not Kilorn. He still seethes, trying to hold back another outburst.

“What’s he like, the prince?” Mom prods. “Maven?”

Dangerous ground
. I can feel Cal listening, waiting to hear what I have to say about his younger brother.
What can I say? That he’s kind? That I’m beginning to like him? That I still don’t know if I can trust him? Or worse, that I can never trust anyone again?
“He’s not what I expected.”

Gisa notes my discomfort and turns toward Cal. “So who’s this, your bodyguard?” she says, changing the subject with the slightest wink.

“I am,” Cal says, answering for me. He knows I don’t want to lie to my family, not more than I have to. “And I’m sorry, but we have to be going soon.”

His words are like a twisting knife, but I must obey them. “Yes.”

Mom stands with me, holding on to my hand so tightly I’m afraid it might break. “We won’t say anything, of course.”

“Not a word,” Dad agrees. My siblings nod as well, swearing to be silent.

But Kilorn’s face falls into a dark scowl. For some reason, he’s become so angry and I can’t for the life of me say why.
But I’m angry too.
Shade’s death still weighs on me like a terrible stone. “Kilorn?”

“Yeah, I won’t talk,” he spits. Before I can stop him, he gets up from his chair and sweeps out in a whirlwind that spins the air. The door slams behind him, shaking the walls. I’m used to Kilorn’s emotions, his rare moments of despair, but this rage is something new from him. I don’t know how to deal with it.

My sister’s touch brings me back, reminding me that this is goodbye. “This is a gift,” she whispers in my ear. “Don’t waste it.”

“You’ll come back, won’t you?” Bree says, and Gisa pulls away. For the first time since he left for war, I see fear in his eyes. “You’re a princess now, you get to make the rules.”

I wish
.

Cal and I exchange glances, communicating without words. I can tell by the tight set of his mouth and the darkness in his eyes what my answer should be.

“I’ll try,” I whisper, my voice breaking. One more lie can’t hurt.

When we reach the edge of the Stilts, Gisa’s good-bye still haunts me. There was no blame in her eyes, even though I’ve taken everything from her. Her last words echo on the wind, drowning out everything else.
Don’t waste it.

“I’m sorry about your brother,” Cal blurts out. “I didn’t know he—”

“—was already dead?”
Executed for desertion. Another lie.
The rage rises again, and I don’t even
want
to control it. But what can I do about it? What can I do to avenge my brother, or even try to save the others?

Don’t waste it.

“I need to make one more stop.” Before Cal can protest, I put on my best smile. “It won’t take long at all, I promise.”

To my surprise, he nods slowly in the dark.

“A job at the Hall, that’s very prestigious.” Will chortles as I take a seat inside his wagon. The old blue candle still burns, casting shifting light around us. As I suspected, Farley is long gone.

When I’m sure the door and windows are shut, I drop my voice. “I’m not working there, Will. They—”

To my surprise, Will waves a hand at me. “Oh, I know all that. Tea?”

“Uh, no.” My words shake with shock. “How did you—?”

“The royal monkeys chose a queen this past week, of course they had to broadcast it in the Silver cities,” a voice says from behind a curtain. The figure steps out, revealing not Farley but what looks like a beanpole in human form. His head scrapes the ceiling, making him duck awkwardly. His crimson hair is long, matching the red sash draped across his body from shoulder to hip. It’s clasped with the same sun badge Farley wore in her broadcast. And I don’t miss the gun belt around his waist, full of shiny bullets and a pair of pistols. He’s Scarlet Guard too.

“You’ve been all over the Silver screens,
Lady Titanos
.” He says my title like a curse. “You and that Samos girl. Tell me, is she as unpleasant as she looks?”

“This is Tristan, one of Farley’s lieutenants,” Will pipes in. He turns a chiding eye on him. “Tristan, be gentle.”

“Why?” I scoff. “Evangeline Samos is a bloodthirsty jerk.”

Smiling, Tristan throws a smug look at Will.

“They aren’t all monkeys,” I add quietly, remembering Maven’s kind words earlier today.

“Are you talking about the prince you’re engaged to or the one waiting in the woods?” Will asks calmly, like he’s asking about the price of flour.

In stark contrast, Tristan erupts, vaulting out of his seat. I beat him to the door, two hands outstretched. Thankfully I keep myself in check. The last thing I need is to electrify a member of the Scarlet Guard.

“You brought a Silver here?” he hisses down at me. “The
prince
? Do you know what we could do if we took him in? What we could bargain for?”

Though he towers over me, I don’t back down. “You leave him alone.”

“A few weeks in the lap of luxury and your blood is as silver as theirs,” he spits, looking like he wants to kill me. “You going to electrocute me too?”

That stings and he knows it. I drop my hands, afraid they might betray me. “I’m not protecting him, I’m protecting
you
, you stupid fool. Cal is a soldier born and bred, and he could burn this whole village down if he really wanted to.” Not that he would.
I hope.

Tristan’s hand strays to his gun. “I’d like to see him try.”

But Will lays a wrinkled hand on his arm. The touch is enough to make the rebel deflate. “That’s enough,” he whispers. “What did you come here for, Mare? Kilorn is safe, and so are your siblings.”

I heave a breath, still staring down Tristan. He just threatened to kidnap Cal and hold him for ransom. And for whatever reason, the thought of such a thing unsettles me to my core.

“My—” One word out and I’m already struggling. “Shade was part of the Guard.” It’s not a question anymore, but a truth. Will lowers his gaze, apologetic, and Tristan even hangs his head. “They killed him for it. They killed my brother and now the Silvers want me to act like I agree with it.”

“You’re dead if you refuse,” Will replies, telling me what I already know.

“I don’t plan to. I’ll say whatever they want. But—” My voice catches a little, on the edge of this new path. “I’m in the palace, the center of their world. I’m quick, I’m quiet, and I can help the cause.”

Tristan sucks in a ragged breath, pulling back to his full height. Despite his anger earlier, there’s now something like pride shining in his eyes. “You want to join up.”

“I do.”

Will clenches his jaw, his stare piercing through me. “I hope you know what you’re committing to. This isn’t just my war or Farley’s or the Scarlet Guard’s—it’s yours. Until the very end. And not to avenge your brother but to avenge us all. To fight for the ones before, and to save the ones yet to come.”

His gnarled hand reaches for mine and for the first time, I notice a tattoo around his wrist: a red band. Like the ones they make us wear. Except now he’s wearing his forever. It’s part of him, like the blood in our veins.

“Are you with us, Mare Barrow?” he says, his hand closing over mine.
More war, more death
, Cal said.
But there’s a chance he’s wrong. There’s a chance we change it.

My fingers tighten, holding on to Will. I can feel the weight of my action, the importance behind it.

“I’m with you.”

“We will rise,” he breathes, in unison with Tristan. I remember the words and speak with them. “Red as the dawn.”

In the flickering candlelight, our shadows look like monsters on the walls.

When I join back up with Cal at the edge of town, I feel lighter somehow, emboldened by my decision and the prospect of what’s to come. Cal walks alongside me, glancing over occasionally, but says nothing. Where I would poke and prod and forcibly pull an answer out of someone, Cal is the complete opposite. Maybe it’s a military tactic he picked up in one of his books:
let the enemy come to you.

Because that’s what I am now. His enemy.

He perplexes me, just like his brother. Both of them are kind, even though they know I’m Red, even though they shouldn’t even see me at all. But Cal took me home and Maven was good to me, wanting to help.
They are strange boys.

When we enter the woods again, Cal’s demeanor changes, hardening to something serious. “I’ll have to talk with the queen about changing your schedule.”

“Why?”

“You almost exploded in there,” he says gently. “You’ll have to go into Training with us, to make sure something like that doesn’t happen again.”

Julian is training me.
But even the little voice in my head knows Julian is no substitute for what Cal, Maven, and Evangeline go through. If I learned even
half
of what they know, who knows what help I could be to the Guard? To Shade’s memory?