Redemption (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Never break the chain

Mathias

Of course there was more goddamned to it. But before I discussed that with her, I left her in Rebel’s care and headed back to Charlie.

I’d fought more than once tonight. I’d have no problem taking on someone else. And when I kicked the door open and Charlie saw me, he backed up a few steps.

He’d been expecting Jessa to come back. And he’d sorely underestimated her. I rubbed my sore hands together as Bish came into the room behind me.

“What are you going to do with me? Because anything you do to me, Jessa will end up hating you for it,” Charlie told me. “She’s delicate.” He pointed to his head. “She had a couple of breakdowns. That suicide attempt wasn’t out of the blue. She’s fucking nuts. I can take care of her a lot better than you can.”

“Bullshit,” Bish said, startling me. But I’d signed the word unconsciously and now, he continued to translate for me to Charlie.
How were you protecting her by selling her?

“I did the best thing for her. Keller would treat her like a princess.”

Did the guy really believe that?
Shit like that doesn’t happen in the real world.

Charlie smiled. “All part of the plan.”

Yeah
,
I
know the plan.
Jessa told me everything.

“No way she’d do that. She’s been in love with me since she was a little girl.”

But you couldn’t make her come
, I told him.
Never underestimate how far something like that goes.
I
opened up her eyes to a whole new world.

“Low class.”

“Since when is good sex low class?” Bish demanded. “Shit, I’d never want to be president if they’ve got you in chastity.”

Why take her on in the first place?
I asked Charlie.

“I was nice to her because I had to be, for both our families. A united front. I could keep her in line. I did keep her in line, until she decided to spy and stick her nose where it didn’t belong.”

Charlie looked so goddamned smug. It was hard to remember, at times, that he was Caspar’s age. But Caspar appeared so much older. This guy was a spoiled kid who’d never grown up, and he had so much power behind him.

“No one’s come for you yet,” Bish said. “Ever consider that they’re happy you’re gone, that you’re a liability?”

Charlie’s face got red, like he was mad we suggested it. Mad it might actually be true. “Give them time.”

Give ’em all the time they need.
But Keller and the LoV aren’t helping you anymore.
They know you used them and that you’d planned to put all the blame on them.
They’ll also know that the LoV was up next for execution.

I left then, because it was time for Jessa to tell me everything. Keller and the LoV were here. They knew Jessa and Charlie were here, and Caspar had let them in and then escorted them out.

Keller wanted to negotiate. Before that happened, Defiance deserved to know the whole story. So did I.

I found her sitting on the bed, doing that hand-wringing thing again. Rebel waited outside with Bish and I had the alphasmart, because this would be too much for lip-reading. Even though I expected her to do most of the talking, I’d have to do most of the convincing.

“What did he tell you?”

He said you’d had a couple of nervous breakdowns.

She rubbed one wrist unconsciously, but didn’t look down at it. “He’s right.”

Want to talk about it?

She stuck her bare wrists out toward me. “Isn’t this telling enough?”

No
,
that’s actually the easy way out.

“The attempt or telling you about it?”

Both.

She stared at me, offended. “I never said I was strong, Mathias.”

You don’t have to.
You are strong.
Why don’t you know that?

“Because my whole life, I had people telling me I was too weak.”

And you believed them?

“Obviously.” She paused. “The first time I tried to get away from my family was when I was sixteen. I ran away from the bus and the campaigning and tried to get to Europe. I got as far as the airport before the bodyguards caught up with me.”

And if they hadn’t stopped you
...

“I wanted to disappear. And I told my parents and the doctors that. I wasn’t allowed to choose my own classes or my friends or my clothes. Everything was carefully orchestrated to get me to the next level, and the hospitalizations were kept quiet. The press thought I was homeschooled the second time I went to the hospital. This was right after the campaign started and they just had the doctors drug me up with happy pills, put me in long sleeves. Of course, there were always rumors, but the Chaos brought an end to most of the paparazzi.”

I watched her carefully.
What was wrong?

“I was a teenage girl who wanted to do her own thing, not play family politics. Therefore, I must be crazy.” She held her body tight, so tense she looked like she’d break if I tried to touch her. I didn’t, continued to play the part of the bodyguard and not the boyfriend—a fucking ridiculous term when we’d nearly seen the end of the world—and she kept staring up at the darkness like that would give her all the answers.

You already have them.

I’d signed without thinking about it, and the movement of my hands caught her attention. She blinked in my direction and then she gave the briefest of smiles, lighting me up before it disappeared and her tight-lipped look was back.

I went over to her, wondering if she’d understood what I’d told her. It seemed like it, like she was trying to hide shit from me still. And that was never a good idea.

She tensed slightly, because she knew I was going to get her to talk. Part of her wanted to, but she’d want to be forced to tell me. I didn’t know if that’s the role I wanted to take, because it could come back to haunt both of us. But if she wanted to survive—and she’d already proven that a thousand times over—she’d have to share her burden.

“I don’t want to make you an accomplice to this.”

You think I’m not?
She’d turned to see me mouth the words. I brushed a tear from her eye.
You think I’m worried about a fight?
About being targeted?

“Maybe you’re not, but am I not allowed to be worried for you?”

Yeah, I guess she was. And I’m not going to lie, it felt good. But it didn’t change what needed to happen.
Let it go
,
Jessa.

She sighed, almost inaudibly, but it caught on a sob she tried to swallow down with a soft hiccup. I pressed my palm against the back of her neck, cupping it, massaging the tense muscles until she surrendered to the touch and hung her head. I didn’t stop for a long while, until she pulled away reluctantly, turned and caught my hand in hers.

“It’s bad, Mathias,” she said urgently, her voice a pained whisper. “The things I know...I should be dead for knowing them.”

Then why didn’t Charlie have you killed?
Because that would’ve been simpler than selling her and coming up with the elaborate kidnapping scheme.

And then I knew.
You were in on the kidnapping.

She nodded, the briefest of gestures, like acknowledging to me was physically painful. I let go of her hand, tried to anyway, but she gripped mine tightly, like she needed that contact to make me understand. “Mathias, you have to believe me. What you rescued me from, that was all real. Charlie betrayed me. What I found out...I thought he was as upset about it as I was. That’s what he told me. He said that we’d disappear, that the LoV would help us disappear, and then we could find a way to let the world know about what was going on. We’d get across country to the bunker in California, tell the senators who were housed there. And if not, he said we’d get out of the country, that some world leader would help us. That they’d listen to us, because of who we were.”

I didn’t know what she was talking about. Her words stumbled, her cheeks flamed red with anger and shame and I wanted like hell to believe her.

“Charlie’s dad...he was planning on having internment camps set up. Ordering executions. He called it natural order. Starting over. Razing the bad and keeping the good.”

And when was this going to happen?

She paused for a second, touched the corner of her mouth nervously with her tongue. “It’s already started.”

Over my head

Jessa

When I’d discovered the plans, completely by accident a month earlier, I hadn’t believed what I’d been hearing. I’d stumbled into the war room—as the tiny, closed space was called—and I’d been watching the cameras, eager for a glimpse at the outside world I hadn’t been allowed to see for myself in more than a year. When I’d heard Charlie’s dad and other members of the cabinet coming, I’d hidden, because I didn’t want to get in trouble or embarrass Charlie any further. Already there had been talk that his marrying me was a grave mistake, that I wasn’t the kind of woman prepared for the politics of the brave new world.

Looking back, I wasn’t sure if this had all been a setup from the start, if Charlie already knew I liked going in there. If he’d left the door unlocked purposely to set me up.

And if Charlie was in on that plan, was anyone else? My parents?

“I hadn’t been allowed outside at all for a year, because they’d been doing their eradication of problem areas for that long. No one else was supposed to know. We were on total lockdown and told it was because it was too dangerous. It was dangerous because the people our fathers were trying to kill were rebelling.”

Mathias was staring at me, his dark eyes full of the understanding I’d craved. He believed me. His hand gripped mine again, a solid caress. His arm went around my back to pull me close. It was only minutes later I realized it had been to stop me from collapsing, because the revelation I’d spilled had me shaking.

“I wish you didn’t have to know that.”

Can’t unknow it.

“That’s why I’m in so much trouble.” I knew he’d tell Bishop—he had to. They were nearly the same person, and then Bishop would have to run too.

We’ve got to tell Caspar and the others.

“No.” I pushed away from him violently and he let me. “I won’t do that. Bad enough that Charlie’s dad knows he’s being held here.”

We’re already a target for what you’re telling me Charlie’s father is doing.
Defiance deserves to be prepared.

God, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe I’d been selfish holding this back, refusing to let Defiance prepare to defend itself against an onslaught. But there was no way to prepare, not for what I’d seen.

Jessa.
Come here.

He was signing and I knew those signs, knew my name. Even if I didn’t, he got a certain look in his eyes when he wanted me to come to him—they darkened, his pupils taking over—and he seemed so steady and sure.

I did what he wanted, went back to him, laced my fingers into his—both hands—and we stood facing each other. Finally, he let go of one hand so he could sign to me, fast at first, and then slowly, until I understood.

You told me.
It’s going to be all right.

“I was part of my own kidnapping. I brought this on myself.”

You thought you were going for help.

I had. It wasn’t until the LoV tied me up that I realized how badly I’d miscalculated everything. “My father said government needed to use the Chaos to their own advantage. That Charlie’s father approved, but he couldn’t be the one issuing the orders. That they had the chance to create a better place. And that they had the means to do so.”

If they had the means
,
then they could’ve made things easier during the past three years.

“Yes, they could’ve. The satellite they use is doing the bare minimum. Purposely.”

Survival of the fittest
, Mathias mouthed as he signed.
That’s what the old head of this MC used to call it.

“I told you that politics had a lot in common with MCs.” Being right was of small comfort though.

Think the president wants him back badly enough to leave Defiance alone?

“I think the second they get him back, they’ll try to destroy you.”

And that’s why he can’t go back.

I’d grown up in a world of politics, where rules were meant to be broken and everyone has a price. This time, the price was too high. I shuddered, not so much because I felt sorry for him, but because of how the world had changed for the worst. Charlie’s dad’s vision had disgusted me enough to leave my bubble and go with Charlie to seek help. But Charlie had never planned on going against his father’s wishes at all. He wanted to destroy the people he deemed subversive and dangerous to the very nature of government. What he’d wanted to destroy was me, because I threatened those plans.

“
There’s no way the U.S.
can hope to survive in any meaningful way unless it neutralizes its enemies.
And our very worst enemies are those who seek to destroy us from within.
” My father’s words, echoed by Charlie’s father.

“I won’t go back there. No matter what happens. You have to let me run, Mathias. It’s what’s best for Defiance.”

Not without me.

“You’d go with me?”

He nodded, like he was surprised I’d even ask. “But...”

He put a finger on my lips to stop me, signed as he mouthed,
Me and Bish.

They were a package deal. Now I was part of that package. “I’ll be running forever. I can’t ask you to do that.”

Running is what Bish and I do best.

“But you want to settle here.”

He shrugged and I could see the struggle going on inside of him.

Putting down roots these days isn’t smart.

“But Defiance survived.”