Regrets of The Fallen (Victis Honor Book 1) (29 page)

It wasn’t hard to discern why; sounds of chaos echoed outside. Haruka knew well the sound of battle and the dying and it seeped through the wooden walls with a distant, eerie quality, as if the chaos itself was moving towards them. Haruka readied herself for whatever was coming, keeping her gaze fixed on that wall just like the family’s was.

After several minutes during which the fighting died down, that wall of the house suddenly exploded. The family and Haruka all covered their faces as splinters of wood and billows of smoke filled the air. As the smoke slowly cleared, a figure was revealed in the newly-created entrance, a figure with red hair and eyes that Haruka recognized too well. Isabella of Two Faces stood in her demonic form with her large two-handed sword held loosely in one hand, its point scraping the ground. This time her eyes didn’t see Haruka, but they focused on the family coldly.

The elder father made a quick decision at that moment – to protect his family. He pushed his daughter back to his wife and charged forward with a yell, moving to tackle her to give them a moment to escape, but both Haruka and the Isabella of the time knew it was a pointless endeavor. The Golden Butcher disappeared in a flash of movement, reappearing behind him and curling an arm under his chin, catching and stopping his charge. Without hesitation she snapped his neck and let his body drop to the ground, not bothering to watch him die.

His family, of course, cried out at that, but fear pressed them back into the wall. Isabella slid one foot back and turned her attention to them. Knowing what was coming Haruka tried to look away, but dreams didn’t use reality’s rules so she saw it anyway. She saw the mother beg as the children clung to her, and she saw Bella’s lack of emotion as the blood sprayed across the wall.

IXH

“Haruka, please, wake
up
!”

The monk jerked awake and sat up rigidly, fully alert and covered in a cold sweat. She slowly released the tension in her muscles as she realized she was back aboard the
Black Wake
, in bed with Isabella, who was on her knees looking at her worriedly. Haruka sighed, closing her eyes and running a hand over her face. “Sorry I woke you.”

“What was going on?”

She shook her head. “Just a nightmare,” she said dismissively.

Isabella looked away, seeming not to buy it. “About what?”

Haruka shrugged. “Random things. Who knows why the mind picks what it does?” She glanced at Bella, who seemed nervous.

Bella met her gaze. “It wasn’t random. I heard you asking me to stop.”

“I don’t know what that-“

“Haruka, please. Don’t patronize me. What did you dream about?”

The monk sighed. “How is that going to help?”

Isabella slammed her hand into the wall. “Tell me! I have a right to know what’s being shown from my own past!”

Haruka looked away, considering lying but knowing it wouldn’t help. “It was… I don’t know the specific incident, but I think you were clearing out a town. I only saw you kill one family, though.”

“You
saw
it? Why are you…” She looked down at her fists on the bed. “Why are you seeing these things?! How much are you going to see?!”

Haruka turned to put a hand on hers. “
It’s fine, I don’t-“

“No!” Isabella threw off her hand and leapt back out of the bed, stumbling back to support herself on the wall and glaring at her. “You can’t just say
it’s fine, you can’t always just try to make me feel better.”

Haruka retracted her hand. “Bella, I don’t care about those things.”

“Yes, you do.” She raised herself up, looking down at her. “It certainly sounded like you cared. You want to keep lying and acting like you don’t care?” she said with a hard voice, her gaze fierce. “You don’t even know how much you ‘don’t care’ about. You want to hear some? One time I hung a
four-year-old
as a message to the rest of the village. You don’t care about that? How about the times –
plural
– when I set fire to buildings with people inside them? Or when I tortured a woman to get information on her son? Or-“

“Fine,” Haruka said with a sigh, looking over at her. “I
do
care.”

“Of
course
you care. Only a
monster
wouldn’t.” Isabella looked down in frustration, her hands clenched uselessly at her sides. “It’s not… You’re the first person who actually
liked
me, and now you’re being shown all the reasons you shouldn’t.”

Haruka stood up on the other side of the bed, shaking her head. “That’s not a reason.”

“If you’d met me then, you would’ve been against me.”

“But I
didn’t.
I met you
now
. You’re different now; a different person.”

“How long is that going to last?” Bella looked at her sadly. “How many of these visions will it take before the past outweighs the present? There’s already so much going against us, eventually you’ll decide it’s not worth it.”

“Have I ever given you any reason to think that? Have some damn faith in me!”

“I
do
have faith in you, but it’s hard for that to help when I think that leaving me would be the right decision for you.”

“Why would you even think that?”

“Haruka, I’m not…”

Haruka was tired of this argument and tired of that defeated expression. She vaulted the bed and pushed Isabella against the wall, kissing her more fiercely than she ever had before. Bella returned it after a moment of shock as the monk gripped her arms, keeping her there for a long time before ending the kiss but not backing off. “Stop confusing the way
you
feel about you and the way I feel about you.” She lifted a hand to her chin, making sure Bella’s eyes stayed on her. “I love you,” she said more quietly. “And I’m determined and stubborn, and I’m not going anywhere no matter
how
hard you try. I don’t care if you think it’s a bad decision. And these visions just let me prove to you that I don’t have to be ignorant of your past to feel this way.”

“Why?” Isabella studied her face. “I need to know… Why?”

Haruka was silent for a moment, watching her seriously. “Because you deserve it,” she answered. “And because I have nothing better to do.”

Isabella gave a weak smile, looking away. “Now isn’t the time for jokes…”

Haruka tilted her head. “It’s a joke, but it’s true. There’s nothing better I could be doing, even if I had every option in the world.”

“You’re really… very good at this,” Bella said softly without looking back at her.

“I have to be. You’re a challenge.”

Isabella sighed, closing her eyes. “I love you, too.”

Haruka smiled. “I know.” Bella looked back at her and opened her eyes, but there was something different there now, a spark that hadn’t been there before. And the look she was giving… “Bella?” Haruka asked curiously, unsure what was going on in her head. It became clearer when she was shoved back onto the bed and soon had the other woman on top of her, locking her in a kiss that had even more passion than the last one.

It seemed to heat up by the second until Bella finally broke it, leaving both of them panting. She put a hand on either side of Haruka and pushed herself up, tilting her head as she looked down at her. “I hope you got enough sleep already,” she said playfully.

Haruka grinned. “I don’t need a lot of sleep. But…” She caught one of Bella’s wrists, flipping them over and causing the blue-haired woman to yelp in surprise. With their positions now reversed she grinned down at her girlfriend. “…If you think you get to stay on top, you’re sadly mistaken.”

“…I’ll fight you for it.” Haruka just smirked at her, leaning down and kissing her neck as she slid a hand down her side. Isabella’s eyes fell shut as she leaned her head back, catching her breath. “Or… You can have it…”

Haruka chuckled against her skin, her eyes shining. “You won’t be disappointed.”

IXH

Morning seemed to come way too early for Bella these days. She was usually a heavy sleeper but this morning she awoke as the sky was barely light, still a good time before sunrise. She reached over and felt that the bed was empty beside her, but still warm. Sounds alerted her to the fact that Haruka was still in the room, and she could see her getting dressed once her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. “Haruka?”

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you.” Haruka finished pulling on her longcoat and moved over, sitting on the bed and leaning down to kiss her. “You need to keep sleeping.”

Isabella sighed, laying an arm across her waist. “I’d rather be with you.”

“Being with me is the
reason
you haven’t gotten much sleep.”

Bella grinned. “Oh yeah… It’s worth it, though.”

“I certainly
hope
it’s worth losing some sleep for.”

“Yep. Just barely, though.”

“Mmm. I’ll work on my technique.”

“Could you? I mean, it was pretty shoddy.”

“Ah. So all those noises you made…?”

“I was trying to make you feel better.”

“Of course. You’re a good person, Bella.”

“
I
think so. I think I’m a
great
person.”

“Well sure. And it’s even better that you acknowledge how great you are.”

“Well I mean, modesty is all well and good, but at some point you’re just fooling yourself, right? Sure, I could
pretend
I don’t realize how awesome I am, but wouldn’t that just be lying?”

“Yes, and lying is wrong. Something about flaming pants.”

“I’m not wearing pants.”

Haruka glanced down at her. “Really…”

“I’m not wearing
anything
, actually.”

“That’s… very interesting…”

“But I mean, if you were leaving, then-“ Bella cut off with a laugh as Haruka was already back under the sheets and kissing her in seconds.

IXH

Isabella yawned, leaning on the railing of the ship and resting her chin on her arms as she watched the horizon. It was already four hours after sunrise, far later than she’d usually get up, but the smile on her face proved it was worth it anyway. “You’re up late,” a voice said beside her, and she lifted her head a little to glance at the pirate captain.

“Huh?” she said eloquently. She considered coming up with a better response before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort.

Freya raised an eyebrow. “You okay, lass? Y’ seem… out of it.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Bella replied with a smile, laying her head back down. “More than fine, really.”

“I was gonna ask if y’ were feelin’ better, but y’ seem t’ be ‘appy. Y’ also seem tired, though.”

“A little, yes.”

“Weren’t you asleep for about ten hours?”

Bella smiled distantly. “No, I was in
bed
for about ten hours.”

Freya scratched her head. “I don’t get th’ difference. What were you…
” She blinked. “Ah.
Ahhhhhh
, I get it now,” she said, a grin spreading across her face as Bella smiled at her. “Had a bit o’ fun, did you?”

“Had
all
the fun.”

“That explains yer mood, fer sure. It’s a bit quick though, ain’t it?”

Bella looked down at the water, her smile fading. “I think a lot of things will have to be quick. We don’t have a lot of time.”

Freya watched her expression change as her own saddened. “It’s that bad, huh?” she asked in an uncharacteristically quiet voice.

Bella nodded and glanced at her. “About a year, I think.”

Freya turned around and sat on the railing, looking at the deck. “You sure ‘andle it well.”

“I’ve known for years now. I’d accepted it already…”

“But now…?”

Bella sighed, straightening and glancing towards the cabins. “Now I’m worried. I have something to lose now, but more than that…”

“You’re worried about
‘er
,” Freya finished for her, receiving a nod from Isabella. “Pretty unfair. What’re you gonna do about it?”

She shrugged and gave a small smile. “Try to help, I guess. It’s easier for me, I think. She has to keep going afterwards, and while I have a pretty low opinion of myself, I know that she doesn’t and it’s going to be hard.”

“Well, I’ll ‘elp however I can,” Freya said with a nod. “An’ she’s welcome t’ join me or my nephew or somethin’.”

Bella smiled at her. “Thank you. It’s good to know she’ll have others when I’m gone. Maybe we’ll meet more people like you.”

“It’s not jus’…” Freya sighed, removing her hat and running a hand through her dark hair. “I’m gonna miss you too, y’know?”

Bella’s smile widened. “Oh, I’m going to miss
you
as soon as we leave this ship. You’re the best thing to happen to us since this whole thing started.” She turned around to sit on the rail beside her. “I hope I get to see you again.”