Reign of Shadows (16 page)

“Well, I'm not changing my mind either.”

“Perhaps you should. For one so young, you're in an awful hurry to die.”

“I don't want to die,” I snapped. “It's the only way. Once the king has me, he'll lift the kill order.”

“Oh, I understand your motives. They're fine and altruistic, but that boy's only concern is for you. You might want to think about that.”

I sighed. “It doesn't matter.” I couldn't let it matter, even as much as it made my stomach flutter to know that the aloof boy I first met cared about me.

Fowler didn't return until shortly before midlight. I followed him into his room, dogging his heels. “You promised we would talk.”

“I promised once you saw logic, we would talk.”

“That's not right!” I stomped my foot. “You're about to go out on the lake and you're only now returning? You're not leaving any time for us to discuss—”

“I can tell by your expression that you have not had a change of heart, so there's nothing to say. I don't want to talk about your crazed, suicidal plans—”

“I thought we were friends,” I accused, my voice cracking slightly. “Granted, I have not had a great deal of those, but I didn't think friends ignored you when they don't like what you say or do.”

“I am a friend. Such a good friend that I'm making this decision for your own good.” He rustled through his things, slipping a jacket over his tunic, continuing on as though there was nothing to say on the matter. He would think that. He would think that I was totally at his mercy to go where he directed. “We'll talk more about this when I get back,” he said in a softer voice.

“Oh, will we?” I swallowed against the tightness in my throat and chafed my hands up and down my arms as though suddenly needing the warmth. “I thought the decision was made. For my own good? Is that not what you said?”

He exhaled an audible gust of breath. As though I was a burden. A great weight upon his shoulders that he must endure—and that stung and pricked at all the raw and sensitive parts of me that yearned to be free and strong. Didn't he understand by now that I was as independent as he was and not someone who must be cared for as one cared for a pet or child?

When I left home, I'd told myself Sivo let me go because he thought I was strong enough, smart enough to survive in this world.

I had believed that. I still did.

And yet Fowler didn't. His doubt of me crept in, undermining my own faith. He made me feel vulnerable and scared beyond what was right. A little fear kept you alert. Too much left you crippled.

“Let's not do this, Luna. Not now.”

“No,” I said, surprising even myself at the firmness of my voice. “I want to do this now.”

His sigh sounded tired. “Is it so very wrong of me? To want to keep you safe?”

“It's wrong if it's what I want to—”

“To die?” he demanded. “No. That is wrong. That's selfish and—”

“Only the selfish belong in this world. Isn't that what you said? I'm only doing my part.”

I heard his swift intake of breath. For a moment I regretted flinging his own words back at him like that, but then I thought about the multitude of girls being killed across Relhok. Because of me.

“I'm trying to stop him and save lives. How is that selfish?” I pressed, gentling my tone as I stepped closer. The heat from his body radiated toward me. “It's my life. Mine to do with as I see fit.”

“I promised Sivo and Perla—”

I scoffed at that, knowing how much he had resented that promise. At least in the beginning. “I appreciate your dedication to keeping your word, but Sivo and Perla will never know. They'll live out their days convinced that I've reached the Isle of Allu. They'll never know any differently.”

His hands closed on my arms, each finger splayed wide, a burning imprint that seared me through the sleeves of my shirt. A pulse beat in his broad palms, thrumming directly into me, merging with my own racing heart.

I dragged in a shuddery breath, thinking I would forever feel those hands on me, an indelible mark long after this—whatever
this was—had ended. And it would end one way or another. Either he supported my decision to leave or I was leaving without him. Preferably with him, but I'd cope either way.

“But I'll know.” He hauled me closer and I went forward with a breathless squeak. “I'll know.” He was close, his head dipping, bending toward mine.

I lifted my face up, seeking, unable to stop myself even though I knew this would likely end with fresh torment. He'd almost kissed me before. I was sure this would end the same.

“Luna.” My name sounded pained coming from him.

He brought me closer, crushing me against him, our bodies fused until I felt every hard line, every dip and hollow and contour of him. The pressure of his hands on my arms deepened, lifting me slightly until I was on my tiptoes.

“What are you doing?” I demanded in a voice I couldn't even recognize as my own.

“What does it look like?” His lips were on mine then, grazing the sensitive flesh while he rasped, “For every day of my life, I will know. And I will mourn you.”

He didn't give me a chance to respond. He deepened the kiss.

I shrugged my arms free of his and looped them around his neck, clinging desperately, following some untapped instinct. I stood on my tiptoes and pulled his head closer. It was like a floodgate had opened. Everything poured out of me, all the longing and hope I'd ever felt. Every dream I ever had I unleashed into this kiss.

The poetry in my mother's books wove through my mind.
This was nothing like the emotions suggested in that stilted language. I thought I understood the secrets behind the words that Sivo and Perla had read to me—how a single kiss could brand a person—but I didn't. Now I knew that the reality was so much better. So much more intense. Now I felt it all: the singe of his mouth slanting on mine, the increasing pressure, the growing need, the friction that spread to my very toes.

I lifted trembling hands, spearing my fingers through his hair, reveling in the silky locks filling my palms. He slanted his mouth one way, then another, as though he couldn't get enough. I cupped his cheek, enjoying the sensation of his hard jaw under my fingertips as we kissed.

“I like that,” he growled. “You. Touching me.”

I shivered. Did he know how badly I had wanted to touch him? More than just those few times? Every day since we came together I had craved this, yearned to feel him but scared to reach out. I had worried that he would turn from me and I would be left feeling more alone than before.

I knew how soft his lips could be, but I had no idea how they could consume me. I was lost in his mouth on mine, in the sensation of his hand holding my face as his fingers dove into my hair.

He crouched for a fraction of a moment, wrapped his arms around my waist, and lifted me off my feet until we were perfectly aligned, my mouth level with his. He started walking.

I tightened my arms around his shoulders, hanging on. I gave the smallest gasp when he backed us into a wall, but that didn't
stop the kiss. No. He didn't slow down. His mouth was thorough, soft and hard and hungry. I felt him everywhere. And this was just a kiss. Leaving him would ruin me.

A thump sounded outside the door. “Come on, boy! They're heading to the lift. It's time to go.”

My mouth lifted from his at the sound of Mirelya's rusty voice. Our breaths crashed between us. I held his face, my thumbs tracing small circles on his warm cheeks.

After a long moment with Fowler's arms still wrapped around my waist, he said in a voice that stroked a shiver down my spine, “That's why you can't go. Princess.” He brushed back a tendril of hair off my face. “I'm going out on that lake and when I get back we'll continue to Allu.” He paused as though he wanted that to sink in for me. I didn't have the heart to fight anymore. I said nothing, but my resolve only deepened.

I would go to the capital with or without him. I had to.

“Fowler!” Mirelya's voice boomed from outside our room, all patience gone.

He lowered me back down to the ground and dropped his hands from me. He strode from the room without another word.

I stood in that same spot for a long moment, stupidly staring into the dark of my mind, still as a stone until I jolted to action. Pulling my cap from my pocket, I tugged it back over my head, as if that helped hide my gender. Feeling suitably disguised, I followed him out.

“I'll look after her,” Mirelya was assuring him in her creaking voice, sitting somewhere to the right, presumably at the table.

I snorted, finding a bit of irony in that. This ancient woman, nearly as blind as I was, would look after me? Her bones cracked every time she moved and there was the odor of decay about her.

“Thank you, Mirelya,” Fowler said.

“Watch yourself out there, boy. There's more than kelp in those waters.”

Cold seeped into my bones. “What do you mean? Is it very risky?”

“It's no simple task,” Mirelya allowed.

“Well, no then.” I turned in Fowler's direction. “You can't go. You're nothing to them. They care nothing for your life. You're expendable to them. One of many to be lost for their purposes—” I strode across the room, my fingers finding and latching onto him, curling into the worn leather of his jacket. I had been so caught up in my insistence to return to Relhok City that it hadn't occurred to me that they might force him into a dangerous situation.

“Luna.” His hand closed over mine. “I've survived this long. This isn't going to be the end of me. It would take more than a lake to kill me.”

He lifted my hands off him, his warm touch no less firm for all its gentleness. My hands dropped to my sides, empty.

“I'll be back,” he assured me.

“I don't want you to go.” There was no wavering in my voice. It rang solidly. I needed for him to be safe and well. I needed him not to go off into whatever danger waited in that lake.

Suddenly I understood his insistence that I not go back
to Relhok City. I understood because I felt the very same way. I wanted him safe, and he wanted the same thing for me, but I wouldn't tolerate it of him.

But his life didn't equal the death of an entire group. Mine did.

I wanted him to forget about going out on that lake. I wanted him to wait until midlight and then continue on his journey to Allu as he'd always planned—as he had always intended from the moment we first met. It was his plan before we met. It was his plan after we met. It would be his plan no matter what happened to me.

I swallowed against the bitter taste in my mouth. Whether I was with him or not, he would eventually see that. As long as he survived. As long as nothing happened to him out on that lake.

“We need the supplies. There's no choice. I have to do this.”

There was a rustling as he lifted his pack, and the familiar whisper of his bow and sheath of arrows as he picked them up from where they rested near the hearth. “I'll be back.”

Then he was gone.

I felt his absence even though his tread fell silently. It was an ache as keen and sharp as the point of a knife's blade at my skin.

“Come, girl, you can help me with laundry.”

“Of course.” I fell into step behind her and tried not to think about Fowler and where he was headed.

“You well? You're hardly moving.”

“I'm fine.” I shook off my sluggish movements. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Because your man might not return, that's why.”

The words struck me like a slap. I swallowed back the lump rising up in my throat. “He's not mine. But he'll be back.”

I shoved down the rest of my fear and convinced myself that this was the truth. Fowler had been on his own for a long time. This wouldn't be the end of him.

T
HE LAKE STRETCHED
like an endless sea. Our creaking wagons stopped at its bank with a groan of grinding wheels. I stared out at the water in the muted midlight. The light spilled brighter through breaks in the clouds as if the sun itself wanted to touch the lake's surface.

My heart lifted for a moment. It was the most sunlight I had seen in years. A fractured memory rippled across my mind. Giggling with my mother outside, my small hand tracing her pretty face while she loomed over me, her chestnut hair gilded in the sunshine as she smiled down at me. Such a rare thing that smile, and nearly as blinding as all that light washing over us.

“Come.” Glagos snapped out the command. “Can't gawk all day. Time is waning and we need to be on the water.”

I shook off the cobwebs of memory and hopped down from the wagon. The sooner this was done, the sooner I'd get back. Back to Luna.

I didn't like leaving her. Even if Luna was disguised, there was a bounty on her head and that fact gnawed at me. The sooner we put Ortley behind us, the better I'd feel.

I had kissed her. I knew I should regret it, but I didn't. I could only think about getting back to her and doing it again. Maybe if I kissed her enough she would forget about going to Relhok City and turning herself in to the king.

I followed the others, gathering nets and tools from the wagons and walking down the stretch of dock to the moored boats, three in total, rocking gently on calm waters.

“You're with me.” Glagos waved me after him.

A near dozen of us clambered aboard boats—three or four to each one. We pushed off. I wasn't stupid enough to take Glagos's insistence that I join him as a compliment. I was the newest arrival to Ortley. He was the leader. He had to keep a close eye on me.

I settled in the middle of the boat and took up an oar. The boy beside me did the same. He was no more than fourteen with reed-thin arms and I wondered how well he functioned when he looked fit to expire from hunger. Apparently the boy didn't eat his fair share of the kelp he fished out of the lake.

We rowed, falling into an easy rhythm, our oars slicing water. Glagos studied me as I worked, rubbing the scar on his face
pensively, looking for weakness. I held his stare. With a sound that was part snort and part laugh, he looked away to assess the lake. The other boats fanned out, a lantern in each, bobbing on the current and spilling light into a wide circle on the dark waters.

Midlight gradually slipped away and night returned. I inhaled the familiar darkness, the musky earthiness that signaled the return of the dwellers. I scanned the shoreline. No sign of them yet, but they were out there.

“What? Worried they'll swim for us?” Grinning, Glagos followed my gaze. “They won't.”

“I wasn't worried.”

“Good then,” Glagos murmured. “Let's have it.”

I returned my gaze to the lake. The water gleamed like black, shimmering glass. It was not the typical dark. The usual darkness was like staring into a black pit. There was no gloss or shimmer to it. No wink of anything buried in its depths.

We didn't go too far from the shoreline. “The kelp doesn't grow like it did in the old days,” Glagos grimly remarked. “Might have to dive a bit deeper for it.”

“How far down is this kelp? Last time I checked I still need to breathe.”

The boy snickered at my joke. “Take a deep breath before going under. It helps.”

“That's it? That's your advice?”

“Good advice as any.” We dropped anchor and the boy lifted his sword, taking position at the helm.

I removed my boots and stripped down to my trousers. The
boy grinned at me as I shivered in the chilly air. “Wait until you hit the water. It will wither your insides it's so cold.”

Glagos stepped over the seat and grabbed my wrist.

I jerked at the contact. “What are you—”

His fingers squeezed. “Hold still.” He looped a strip of leather about my wrist. A set of shearers hung from one end of it. “The blades are strong,” he said. “They'll slice through the kelp like ribbons . . . and anything else you might come across.”

I winced but uttered no complaint as he tightened the strap around my wrist. His gaze moved from me to the water. I tossed the shears once in my hand, catching them. I clenched the worn leather, flexing my fingers around the grip.

I followed his gaze to the water, his earlier comment not lost on me. “What else might I come across?” I asked.

He stared at me again, his expression mild. “We're not the only ones who like to feed on the kelp.”

A bleak smile twisted my lips and a short bark of laughter escaped me. Perhaps I had uttered a lie to Luna after all. Perhaps surviving the lake wouldn't be the simple matter I insisted.

“You find that amusing?” Glagos murmured.

“That I would survive this long only to die swimming in a lake for kelp? Yes. It's amusing.”

The young boy tossed me the net. I caught it in one hand. “Don't forget that. You'll need it.”

I looped the strap over my head and across my chest, securing the net at my hip, testing the opening where I would stuff the kelp.

I looked at Glagos. “It might help if I had an idea of what I'm up against?”

“Hard to say. Since the dark-out, the lake life has evolved to survive.”

“Haven't we all?” I muttered dryly.

The boy nodded. “The eels are particularly nasty. Big as a boat, some of them. But you'll see them coming at least.” He laughed. “They make this popping sound followed by bursts of light.”

Splashing could be heard in the distance as the other divers hit the water. I exhaled and studied the shore. The horizon bounced before my eyes as the boat bobbed. I'd promised her I'd be back tomorrow.

Almost in reminder, I spotted several dark dwellers trudging along the edge of the lake, their hunger a palpable thing as they looked in our direction, no doubt drawn by the lights of the lanterns. They stood sentinel, their bodies pale smudges against the dark.

As long as they stood there, we weren't getting off this lake until next midlight. Gazing out at the dwellers, I vowed that this wouldn't be a pointless risk. Leaving Luna. Coming out here. I wasn't leaving Ortley without the necessary supplies.

I faced Glagos again. “I'm ready.”

“Here.” I took the contraption he offered me, turning it over in my hands. It resembled a pair of spectacles except with a leather strap that went around my head. “It's dark down there,” he explained. “Darker than it is up here, but occasionally an eel
will offer you a flash of light. When that happens these will help you see.” I tapped the edge of one lens.

“Tortoiseshell,” Glagos added. “Should keep water from leaking in and allow you to see.”

I tugged them on, wincing at the tight and uncomfortable fit around my eyes.

“Once you fill your net, we'll be ready at the side of the boat to swap it out for a new one. The more you haul, the more you keep. Good luck.”

With a nod, I swung a leg over the side. I plunged into the frigid depths, opening my mouth wide in shock. Water filled my throat and nose. Bad idea. I broke the surface, sputtering and choking on the silty water.

Glagos peered over the edge. “Thought you could swim.”

“I can,” I gasped, swimming in place, still adjusting to the shocking cold.

“Swimmers usually don't swallow the lake.”

The boy shooed his hand at me. “Go on, get to work.”

I glared at the little runt and resumed swimming. It didn't take long to feel the silky tendrils of kelp that grew up from the depths of the lake bed brushing my bare feet. Readying my shears, I sucked in a breath and went under, headfirst.

I found a long rope of kelp and wrapped it around my fist, following it down until my lungs ached for air. When I couldn't stay under another minute I cut the taut length of vine and broke through the surface, tossing back my head.

Sweet air filled my lungs as I stuffed the kelp into my bag,
legs working under me to keep afloat. Something gossamer soft brushed my arm, and I tensed, slowing my tread. I studied the lake's surface as though I could see within.

A sharp burst of pain flared along my side, and I whirled around in a quick circle in the water, attempting to escape it. “Ow! What was that?”

“Oh, did I mention the carp? They've developed a taste for flesh,” Glagos called down at me from the boat, an edge of annoyance to his voice, as though this shouldn't give me pause.

I pressed a hand to my ribs, feeling a chunk of skin missing there.

“C'mon, boy,” Glagos barked. “You've got a net to fill.”

Releasing my side, I sucked another breath into my lungs and dove back under, intent on getting through this no matter how much was left of me at the end. I only needed to survive and get back to Luna. I blocked out the pain and worked until my arms burned, cutting at the kelp, ignoring the nips and tears at my flesh from creatures I couldn't see coming. I lost track of how many bags of kelp I passed up into the boat. I worked a steady, relentless pace, my mind wandering, remembering Luna. The kiss. The warm taste of her.

A shrill scream carried over the water. I froze and looked toward the other boats. I couldn't see the diver closest to me anymore. The men in his boat leaned to the edge, peering over the side and calling for him.

“Don't stop. Keep working,” Glagos commanded.

“What happened—”

“He either made it or he didn't. It has nothing to do with you,” he called down impatiently.

Luna's face materialized in my mind. I tightened my grip on the hilt of my shears.

I couldn't leave her.

I continued working, alert, trying to feel for the slightest ripple or change in the current lapping around me. I spent as much time cutting kelp as I did swiping at the foreign bodies brushing me in the black waters.

After a while, I didn't hear any screams or voices searching for the diver. I continued swimming down, pulling up kelp, trying not to think about how cold the water was or what was out here with me. I thought about Luna. The smell of her skin. Holding her. Kissing her.

A movement to my right snagged my attention. Someone else was swimming in that first diver's place. I focused on cutting vines, one after the other, and didn't let myself think about what happened to the other diver.

Until the eels came.

The surface rippled as though a giant wind blew, but it wasn't a current. The eels undulated along the surface, passing through the other swimmers. My stomach dipped at the sound of the divers' screams. The eels turned and shot a direct line for me. I couldn't outswim them. This was their world, not mine.

They rolled through the water toward me like a sea of dark snakes, bigger than any snake I had ever seen on land. I braced myself, my pulse hammering at my throat. I flexed my hand
around the grip of my shears, every muscle pulling tight in readiness. The slippery bodies swarmed me a moment before the first popping sting. More stings followed, charges of heat exploding on my skin. I jerked, thrashing in the water. I swiped, cut, and stabbed with the shears, but there were so many of them.

I was on my way up for another breath when some other creature grabbed hold of my leg and yanked me back down. It was big. Strong.

I struggled against whatever it was. It pulled me down, the pressure on my ankle increasing, squeezing.

My lungs burned fire, desperate for air. I lashed out, my shears fighting wildly, swiping around me, desperate to gain freedom. Air. Sweet, lifesaving air.

Water choked me, filling my mouth and nose. I continued to go down, descending amid a tangle of kelp vines. Luna. Luna.

I couldn't pull free. In a final attempt to save myself, I dove, chasing after whatever was holding me, stabbing at it, the tip of my shears making contact. A pair of yellow eyes peered at me from the depths. Its body was indistinct, just a big amorphous form.

My efforts didn't help. Its grip on my leg didn't lessen. One of its tentacles clenched tighter, as if sensing that this was a struggle to the death.

Blackness filled my world. A deeper dark than anything I'd known before. The kind of dark one didn't come back from. A dark that was total and final and consuming.

My muscles weakened, but still I stabbed at the tentacle
wrapped around my ankle, hacking at it as my lungs screamed for air.

Amid all that darkness I saw Luna. Luna's face with the impossible freckles that had never tasted real sunlight. Luna, who I'd given my word to return for.

Luna, who I kissed and wanted to kiss again and again.

Luna, who waited for me.