Relinquished (28 page)

When I’d first planned on making my father tell us the truth about everything, never in my wildest thoughts did I imagine we’d hear that my family tree was so fucked, and Raymond Maxwell was responsible for the devastation. As fractured as I felt, I couldn’t even imagine how the hell Holden and Jules were coping as he carried her into their hotel room. 

Raymond fucking Maxwell was going to pay for what he’d done to my family, plus knowing that Travis and Sam were tangled in the mix was all the motivation I needed to go after their asses, too.

Before entering the room, I patted Marcus on the shoulder. “Give me a few minutes and have someone ready to go with me back to see my dad.”

He nodded knowingly, and I had to wonder how much of our shouting he’d heard earlier.

Closing the door behind me, I joined Holden and Jules in the living room area of their suite.  She was curled up on his lap with his arms wrapped around her. I hadn’t seen him let go of her since we’d left our father.

I’d made sure to keep my emotions at bay as much as possible during our meeting. Right now was no exception.  Letting the crazy ass thoughts and feelings that had tried to choke the living shit out of me, guide my actions, wasn’t going to help anyone.

“We need to come up with a plan.” I strolled to the wet bar on a mission to pour the strongest drink I could handle. Once my glass was half full of whiskey, I sat in a chair near them.

Holden cleared his throat. “Jules and I are leaving, going away where nobody can find us. We need to figure things out, together.” The way he watched Jules as he spoke made it crystal clear he was focused on one thing—protecting the woman he’d almost lost.

I knew it wasn’t his intention, but I felt like I’d been sucker-punched in the gut.  They wanted to start over, just the two of them, and leave me behind. I understood, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting any less.

Enough of this sentimental bullshit, I needed him to think logically and strategically. “And when were you planning on going?”

“Immediately. I’ll charter a plane if I have to.” Desperation oozed from his every word.

Rileys do not back down, cower, or hide away.  Whether he likes it or not, he’s still one of us.
“And how long are you going to run away?” I asked as I played with the condensation rolling down my glass. 

He glared at me. “I’ve never run from a fight, Dante. Even when you’d watch me get my ass beat when we were kids. I learned back then how to take care of myself, but I also realized when to take some time away to think about
how
I was going to fight back. I’m not alone anymore. I have to think of Jules, too.”

He almost had me convinced he’d grown a steel set of balls with that talk, but his shaking hands and red eyes still proved he was running.

"Don't you get it?” I said harshly. “If you leave, you’re not thinking with your head.  You can't keep her safe on your own.  We need to work as a team, the way we have ever since she got out of the hospital. Holing up in some remote place will not guarantee he won't find you.” I leaned forward, staring right at Jules.  If I couldn’t get through to Holden, I still had a chance to reach that fighter in her—my sister. “We both know how powerful Maxwell is and the lengths he’ll go to get what he wants."

Holden trembled with anger, once again stepping in for her. “And what the fuck does he wants at this point, huh? We don't even know. He won’t get his fucking hands on her again, there’s no way.”

Jules grimaced a little as Holden squeezed her tighter. 

“You think I want him to get to her?” I could hear the hurt in my voice. “She's my sister, dammit.”
And I won’t let you take her without an argument,
was how I wanted to end that sentence, but at this point, I wasn’t sure how much brother credit I had left to work with.

Jules blinked hard, staring at me while Holden let his head fall back on the edge of the couch. Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed herself up so that she was sitting on his lap. “You’re right,” she spoke softly, her words prompting Holden to snap his head forward.

Holden began shaking his head as his face turned red. “I let a lot slide before, but there’s no way I’m putting you in any more danger, Jules.  We have to leave, it’s the only way.” As irrationality grabbed ahold of my brother, all I could do was wait patiently and hope Jules could bring him back to his logical sense.

“And then what? Holden, I’ve been running away from these guys my entire life.” At those last two words, she let go of a heavy breath, obviously feeling the weight of what she was saying.  “I’m tired of it. If I’m ever going to have a future, to stop looking over my shoulder at every turn, I have to break these chains.  They’ve kept me from having a family, from enjoying any kind of normal life. I’m not going anywhere…yet.” She straightened, showing her resolve.  I could see she was a step closer to being on board with me so we could find those assholes before they found us.

Besides wanting to keep her safe, Holden didn’t have a legitimate reason to argue against her points. Raising his eyebrows at Jules, as if questioning how sure she was, he released the air he had been holding. “The only way I’ll agree to this is if we all go somewhere safe, with heavy security and,” he pointed to me, “you can’t make any moves without us knowing.  All our asses are on the line here, so we each have equal say.”

I smirked. Jules had, once again, talked my brother into doing something he didn’t want to do. “Works for me,” I replied. “We have no secrets, so there’s no reason to keep each other in the dark about anything. We keep Dad in the loop, though. From what he said, he’s been working on something for a while, and I don’t think it’s smart for us to be stepping on each other.” I swallowed the last of my drink, put my glass on the side table, then slapped my knees and stood up.

Holden stood to stop my progress.  Hands in his pockets, he asked me the question I’d been dreading. 

“Tell me something, since we aren’t keeping secrets any more.  Why weren’t you as shocked as Jules and I when we found out she’s your sister?”

I let out a long sigh. “I may’ve had to live with my mom part time when we were young, but I remember what Nicholette looked like.  I’d studied her features enough, wondering why dad left my mom for her.” I paused, remembering that first day I’d seen her. “Jules reminded me of her, but I really didn’t think it was possible. I was sure Dad would’ve said something if that was the case. Deep down, I think that could be why I struggled between wanting to protect you, Jules, or walk away. As a child, my impression of Nicholette was the home wrecker who destroyed my world.  Now that I’m looking at this with an adult view, I see she made Dad happy, more than my mother ever could.  She’s the ultimate reason I have you two.”

“Okay.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Go talk to Da—um,
your
father, and we’ll figure out where we can meet up and discuss the plan.”

When he was about to say dad the first time, I could see the pain sweep over him.  Watching my brother doubt his connection to us was ripping my heart out.  And after everything he’d gone through, witnessing his real mother’s grizzly murder…How had he turned out so well?

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.  “
Our
dad, Holden. The only thing that’s changed tonight is we now know that Jules is an even larger part of our lives.  Dad’s explanation didn’t take anything away, it gave us the answers we needed to take care of the fuckers responsible for all of
our
pain.”

Stretching one of my arms out to Jules, I invited her into the hug.  She’d been quietly standing by as we spoke and readily accepted, putting her arms around us. As touching as that felt, it was time to take back our lives.  With a quick embrace, I released them and moved toward the door. “I hate to break this party up, but I have to get out of here if we’re planning to move on this tonight.”

Jules squeezed Holden’s arm, asking softly, “Can you get our suitcases out so we can pack? I need a quick minute with Dante.”

He raised an eyebrow but then moved in to kiss her lips. “Of course.” He turned then, rubbed the back of his neck like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. After shutting himself in the master bedroom, Jules and I were alone.
It was still hard to look at her and think
sister.
She was my sister.

“I really don’t have anything specific to say,” she said, looking nervous. “I just felt like we needed a moment.”

I nodded. We had a lot of shit to air, but it would take time. “Once all of this is over, we’ll have to figure out how this,” I pointed back and forth between us, “is going to work. I’ve fucked up a lot with you, but I want to make everything right. I don’t want to act like we aren’t brother and sister just because we weren't raised together.”

“I’d like that, too. I’d also like to, um,” she looked around, wringing her fingers, “get to know our dad. Maybe have lunch?”

I had to laugh at her unfounded self-doubt. “I’m sure he would love that.”

Reaching up, she wrapped her arms around my neck. “Thank you so much for everything, Dante. We can’t do this without you.”

I swallowed. “That’s where you’re wrong, little sister. I need you guys.”  I kissed her on the forehead, then walked us to the door. “Be ready to roll as soon as I call. We’ll all meet up once I figure out what Dad has in mind.”

Nodding quickly, she opened the door for me. I pointed to Marcus as I walked out, noticing another of his men by his side. “Get Abel back here with you and don’t trust anyone. Holden will let you know when it’s time to leave.”

He gave a curt nod. “Whatever you say, boss.”

I took another glance at Jules. “Don’t go anywhere without Marcus, okay?”

She looked up at Marcus and smiled.  “I don’t think I’ll have a chance to be alone anyway.”

Smiling back, I turned to walk away.

Damn right, little sis. I have a lot of years to make up for.

I was both emotionally and physically exhausted by the time we received the call from Dante. He and our father were still hashing out the details, but insisted we leave the hotel and go to a place they were referring to as a safe house until they’d be meeting up with us in the morning.

Holden had been quiet and even more watchful than usual.  Each time I walked into another room, he was instantly by my side.  I knew we couldn’t live like this for long, but to be honest, I didn’t want to be alone, either.

Thankfully, Marcus had already made arrangements for a new rental car. He, as well as Abel, were sitting in the front seat while I cuddled into Holden in the back.

I peeked up at him and wondered what was going through that usually free-spirited mind of his. As he stared out the window, I was reminded of how soldiers must observe their surroundings at all times, but the constant circular rubbing of his thumb on my knuckles assured me of his promise to keep me safe. Little did he realize, I was just as determined to keep him safe as well.

“Is it okay if I ask you what it was like growing up with…my dad?” It was still weird saying that out loud, thinking of that man as my father, my true flesh and blood.

“Honestly, it was difficult at times because he traveled a lot. And as you know, Dante and I had to live in an all-boys boarding school, but I do have fond memories of when I was young. Of him and a few of your mom.  Before…ya know…”

I didn’t miss how he caught himself saying ‘your mom’. It made me so sad to think that he didn’t think of ‘our’ mom as his anymore.

Biting my lower lip, I asked, “I know you were little, but they obviously loved you. Do you remember what that felt like?” For the first time, I felt the stinging pang of jealousy. Holden had had the life I was supposed to.  Even if it was for a short time, he had both of my parents, and I would never have the opportunity to meet my mom. 

I don’t know how I would feel if I was in his shoes, but I couldn’t comprehend why he’d been so willing to walk away from my dad and Dante, while I planned to find the place I belonged in this new reality.  We had a lot of adjusting to do.

“I was so young when she was around,” he went on. “I don’t have a lot of clear memories of her, just flashes. But one day I remember playing with my wooden trains on the floor in my room. She came in, squatted down beside me and said we were going on a mommy/son date.” He smiled at the memory of that, but I saw the sadness there. “Dante must’ve been at his mom’s house because I don't recall even thinking he was going with us. We picked up all the trains since that was one of her rules. If you have time to take it out, then you have time to put it away.”

He allowed a soft chuckle and went on. “The next flash I have, which could be of a different day, is of her driving us somewhere. There was a lot of wind, and thinking back, it must’ve been a convertible because I remember her hair whipping around. I was laughing because she kept spitting strands out of her mouth while she made silly faces at me in the rearview mirror.” The laugh lines on his face deepened, and I held him tighter.

“When we pulled up to the beach, she held my hand as we ran to the sand and chased the waves.” He glanced at me then. “I’m sure it doesn’t come as a surprise that I’ve always loved the beach, but I never related that love to the times I spent with her there.”

He looked off introspectively. “Her voice was beautiful, and she sang all the time. She was always kissing and tickling me.  Ya know, besides my very last memory of her, I only have warm ones.”

I gulped, feeling the love from his memories, but I felt selfish about being so damn envious. The only love I’d ever known had come from him. What would it have been like for her to love me the way she loved him?

Swallowing back tears, I tried to encourage him. I never wanted him to hold back one of these beautiful moments simply because I wished they were mine. “It sounds like you were closer to her than you realized. I sometimes wondered what it would’ve been like for someone to adopt me and actually choose me.  That kind of love has its own specialness.” My voice tapered off at the end.

He looked at my face like he wanted to believe me, but didn’t quite. “Yeah, I guess an adopted parent’s love does have its own greatness.  Your parents didn’t have to take me as their child, they decided to.”

And it should’ve been me.

No matter how much I didn’t want to think that, I couldn’t help it.

I cleared my throat and stuffed away my emotions when we pulled up to the back of a large commercial building not far from the bay. Bringing my face closer to the window, I looked up at the four-story building. It could easily be mistaken as a warehouse.

“What is this place?” I asked.

Holden’s expression was sad. “It’s the newest facility we're getting ready for our organization. But for now, it’s home. This area is called Potrero Hill, and for the most part it’s residential, but there are several old buildings like this around.”

I patted his hand reassuringly. “I can’t wait to see it. When all this is over, I’d love to help make sure it's a comfortable environment for those women.”

He ran a gentle finger down the side of my face, his eyes so loving. “I’ll take you up on that.”

The sound of the driver and passenger doors closing called my attention as I turned and kissed the inside of Holden’s wrist.

When we got out, I wrinkled my nose at the fishy scent in the air. We must’ve been closer to the water than I thought. Holden opened the latch to a keypad next to the entrance, showed Marcus how to punch in a code, then opened the door.

It was odd how our minds put things together differently. Where Holden was so relaxed around the keypad, I was having flashbacks to the bar and how it was the one thing that had kept me in that night. Well, that and those damn unbreakable windows. I still had nightmares about those windows.

Before stepping inside, I glanced at the windows on the facade and could only hope that the security in this building would have the opposite effect of what I’d already experienced.

Holden pulled me into a large, open area that looked similar to one of the artist lofts in downtown Los Angeles I’d seen showcased in a documentary online. I looked up at the high ceilings and exposed pipes as the four of us toured the bottom floor, and Holden explained the purpose of each area. Drop cloths and paint cans laid next to tools on the floor.

“This building is designed to have several tenants, so there are a lot of rooms set up like that first one.” He pointed to a larger, more open space
that had tables and chairs covered in plastic placed strategically along the walls.  “We’ve knocked a few dividers down to open up areas, like that cafeteria over there. But for the most part, the first and second stories are community sections
with attached lofts.”

We came up to a dark stairwell and before I had a chance to let fear creep into my subconscious, Marcus flipped on a light, kept his gun drawn, and led the way up to a large landing.

Holden gestured around. “The third floor is where we’re planning on having the classrooms. We’ve already set up the health center.” 

Up on the highest floor, there were a ton of hallways. It almost resembled a hotel.

“
These used to be offices. We’re still in the middle of turning them into bedrooms, but a few are complete.” He pulled open the door to a one of the rooms and although it had what looked like a double bed as well as a bunk against the walls, I could see how it would’ve once been an office.

“This one and the few next door are set up for women with children.”

That surprised me. Although I’d spent my life alone, I’d experienced firsthand shelters turning me away in favor of families. I don’t know why it never crossed my mind that some of the women under Dante and Holden’s protection had children with them.

Holden glanced at Marcus. “You guys can take turns sleeping in the room next door, but one of you will be stationed at our door at all times.”

The idea of feeling somewhat trapped made me ask, “Can you take me back to the entryway? I have to know how the security code works here.” I was trying to squash my PTSD, but it wasn’t entirely working.

“You don’t need to bother with that.” Holden waved Marcus off. “I’ll be with you, always.”

“Holden,” I said carefully. I didn’t want to upset him with my undue panic. “I almost died because I didn’t know how to get out of that damn bar. I refuse to ever let things slide by again because it’s easier for someone else to take care of it.  Please, for my peace of mind, let Marcus show me how it works while you get the bed ready.  I saw the sheets over in that open cabinet in the hall. I’ll be right back, promise.”

Abel looked on quietly as Marcus patted Holden’s shoulder. “I’ll take her down and walk her right back so you guys can get some sleep.”

With a tight face, Holden agreed.

We made our way back down the stairs and to the alarm pad in record time. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that if push came to shove, I’d be able to get out if nobody was with me.

Then I relaxed my shoulder as we went upstairs. “Thanks for calming my paranoia, Marcus.  I really appreciate it.”

When we got to the third-floor landing, Marcus stopped me. “Jules.” He pursed his lips, searching for the right words. “Things might get crazy in the next couple days, but I’m going to ask that you don’t drop your guard at any time.  Things are not always as they appear.  Remember your training and stay focused.  Distraction is your worst enemy right now.”

I gave him a small smile. “I haven’t told you this much, but I really appreciate everything you've risked to help us. Thank you, Marcus.”

Sure he was getting paid, but he’d rarely left our sides over the last couple months. That was loyalty if I ever saw it.

Even after we shared our light moment, an unspoken thickness still weighed heavily in the air as we made our way up the final flight of stairs.

Most nights, I went to sleep fearing the unknown.  Tonight, I knew what was lurking in the dark corners, waiting to attack me, and strangely that knowledge made me feel just a little stronger.  For the first time, I knew what and who we were up against, that we were all on the same page, and that they were going to have to pay.