Relinquishing Liberty (14 page)

What the hell was I thinking?

I had no idea how I let Brett weasel me into going on a date with him, but before I knew it, I was agreeing to this silly charade. I knew I didn’t share the same feelings for Brett and yet, for some reason, I still just couldn’t say no to him. I’m not sure when I became such a pushover. I guess it was after AJ died because from that point on, I let my parents walk all over me. Well I promised myself it was the last time I was going to let that happen. Hopefully when it was all over, Brett would realize we were in no way compatible. I cared more about keeping our friendship intact than anything else. I just hope I wasn’t making a huge mistake.

I had to warn Maddie ahead of time about what was going down. I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression because in my opinion it wasn’t even a real date; I was only going through with it because I didn’t want to disappoint Brett. She knew how strong my feelings were for Shayne and that I in no way wanted to jeopardize anything between us. This “date” with her brother was going to be a one-time thing.

Maddie wasn’t thrilled with the idea of me stringing her brother along, but she knew just as well as I did that Brett wouldn’t give up. He was very tenacious about getting his way. All she asked was that I promise not to hurt her brother because otherwise she would never forgive me. Okay, I guess that was putting it mildly; her exact words were, “You break my brother’s heart, and I will shove my foot so far up your vagina—”. At that point, I cut her off because I more than got the point. I reassured her that would never happen, but if it did, she had free reign to shove her foot wherever she pleased. I would never in a million years do anything to hurt my family and they were my family now.

It was Saturday afternoon, and luckily, based on our work schedules, it was the only time Brett and I could get together. A lunch date was the perfect plan; this way it felt much more casual, like two friends who were just grabbing a bite to eat. We agreed to meet at Alessandro’s, a small Italian bistro that I had been dying to try since I arrived in Savannah. I told Brett I had some errands to run earlier in the day so that I could drive separately. The less it felt like a date, the better.

Brett had arrived first and was already sitting at a table on the patio in front of the restaurant. When he saw me approach him, he stood, biting his lip and shoving his hands forcefully in his pockets. He suddenly looked very shy…maybe even a little nervous.
Okay, seriously, who the hell is this and what has he done with Brett?
Not once had I ever seen Brett look anything remotely close to being shy or nervous. This was a totally new side of him.

“Wow, you…you look really great, Liberty.”

I looked down at myself. I was wearing an old pair of jeans that were ripped at the knee and a t-shirt that read, “I’m not short, I’m fun size”. I had my hair pulled back in a messy bun and only applied the minimal makeup that I wore on a daily basis. I hadn’t really put much thought into how I looked today. What was the point? But now it was as if Brett was seeing me in a whole new light.

“Thanks, Brett. You look nice, too.” And he did. He was dressed in black twill pants with a burgundy polo shirt that was hugging his biceps. His hair looked shorter than when I had last seen him, and his face was clean-shaven. Brett always looked good, and he clearly put in the effort today. But he needed to understand it was going to take a lot more than just good looks for me to fall for a guy, and there wasn’t any chance of that happening with him.

“We don’t have to sit outside. I was just waiting out here for you.”

“No this is fine. It’s a beautiful day, and I could use the fresh air. I feel like I’m always cooped up inside the apartment or at work.”

“Well we’re just going to have to fix that now, aren’t we?” He smiled and winked at me. If things had been different between us, that sexy little wink of his would have done me in.

I quickly picked up my menu to avoid eye contact with him. Glancing over the dishes offered, the first thing that caught my eye was chicken piccata. My mouth began to water as I thought back to the delicious dinner Shayne had prepared for me the other night. I smiled remembering how sweet it was of him to put so much thought into our date. If this were a competition, Shayne would have blown Brett WAY out of the water.
Great, now I couldn’t stop thinking about Shayne.

“What are ya thinking about over there, darlin’? Must be something good to put that beautiful smile on your face.”
Oh, it was definitely something good.

“I was just thinking about how good everything looks on the menu. I can’t decide what to get.”

“Well I come here a lot so I can honestly say everything here is pretty good.” He comes here a lot huh? Made me wonder if this was where he brought all of his dates.

I guess Brett was telling the truth when he said he came here often; all of the waitresses knew him by name and made it a point to greet him and strike up a conversation. To be honest, it was nice to have the distraction. When our waitress came over, we placed our orders and of course, I had to order the chicken piccata.

“So do you have any plans later on today?”

I knew Brett had to work tonight, but luckily I had the day off. I mentally went over a checklist of things I still had to get done today: laundry, grocery shopping…

Before I could answer Brett, my phone started vibrating in my purse, and I noticed Shayne’s name was lit up across the screen with a text. Just seeing his name instantly gave me butterflies. How was that even possible? He wasn’t even here, and he was still having an effect on me.

Shayne:
Hey, gorgeous! How are you doing on this fine day?

A cheesy grin spread across my face. Shayne had been texting me every day since our date. I knew he was busy with work, but he always found time to at least say hello and see how I was doing. The fact that he was thinking about me at all had me all giddy.

Me:
Hey there yourself, handsome! I’m better now that I’ve heard from you. How are you doing? How’s work?

The night after I came home from Shayne’s house, I stayed up late talking to

him on the phone about anything and everything. I learned that Shayne worked with his dad on a deep-sea fishing charter boat. He worked long hours, getting up at the ass crack of dawn to prep the boat for the day, and they were usually out until the sun began to dip in the sky.

Shayne:
Just pulled the boat back into the marina, but we got another group ready to head out soon. What are you up to, sweetheart?

Me
:
Not much, just out to lunch with a friend right now.

Had I been actually talking to him on the phone, I would’ve added a little extra emphasis to
friend
. I wasn’t ready to tell him I was out on date with Brett. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but I was afraid he might misunderstand it for what it really was, and it would take too long to explain through a text. He deserved to have me explain the situation in person.

Shayne:
You got any plans tonight?

Me:
Other than a date with my laundry?…no.

Shayne:
Ouch! You’ve already moved on? Looks like I’m just going to have to work a little harder to win you back then. ;)

Now I really regretted agreeing to this date with Brett. Brett! Oh. My. God. I completely forgot I was even on a date with Brett until the waitress came back with our food. I set my phone down and looked up to see Brett staring back at me with such anguish in his eyes that is nearly tore me apart.
Shit
. The smile on my face fell, seeing the pain in his eyes. I honestly didn’t intend on ignoring him like that. I was so engrossed in my conversation with Shayne that everything else around me seemed to fade away.

“This food looks really good. Thank you so much for taking me here, Brett.” I gave him a weak smile, trying to recover what was left of our date. I had originally planned on being a little subtler in my attempt to convey my disinterest in the idea of a relationship with Brett, but now I knew he got the message loud and clear since I blatantly ignored him. I reached across the table, placing my hand over his and giving it a light, reassuring squeeze. He forced a smile, but his eyes appeared devoid of any emotion.

He turned his attention to his food and barely spoke to me the remainder of our time together. The chicken piccata I ordered was good but had nothing on Shayne’s version. He was truly gifted in the kitchen, and I’d rather have a dish prepared by him any day than be taken to a five star restaurant.

I opted not to get dessert, hoping to end this disaster of a date as soon as possible. Brett paid the bill, and we headed back to my apartment. As he drove ahead of me, I could hear him blasting “Cold” by Crossfade from his truck.
How fitting.

When we pulled into the parking lot, I stepped out of my car and climbed into Brett’s truck. He sat there looking straight ahead with his hands gripping the steering wheel white-knuckled. I felt horrible for the way things went, but I had no idea what to say to make it better.

“Brett, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I know you didn’t really want to go on this date with me. I just kept trying to convince myself that maybe,
just maybe
, you felt something for me. I guess I was wrong.”

I reached out to hold his hand, but he pulled it away. “Brett, I do have feelings for you. I care about you so much. You were the first person I met here, and you’ve helped me in more ways than you will ever know. I can never repay you for that. I just…I don’t feel anything for you romantically. The spark was never there between us.”

Brett continued to avoid eye contact with me. I knew I was hurting him, but he had to know why I cared about him so much…why I felt so close to him. “Brett, I have to tell you, when you held me in your arms for the first time, I felt something that I hadn’t felt since my brother was alive. Safe. Like all of the stress and worrying that has been weighing me down the past few years just melted away. I felt…free. Do you know what it meant to me to feel that again?”

I held back my tears the best I could, failing miserably. I hated wearing my heart my sleeve, but right now I was a full out blubbering mess. “Y-you and Maddie are like f-family to me, and I don’t want to do anything to risk losing either one of you. You’re too important to me.”

Brett finally loosened his grip on the wheel, slowly turning his head in my direction. His eyes appeared softer, almost remorseful. He unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled me across the bucket seat closer to him. He cupped my face, wiping away my tears and wrapped me up in his arms, tenderly stroking my hair until my body ceased to tremble.

“Shhh, Liberty, please don’t cry. I hate seeing you like this, and I hate even more knowing that I’m the one making you feel like this. You have no idea how important you are to me too. I’m sorry if I pushed you into this. You’re right…we had a good thing going, and now I’m ruining it.” He looked away with his jaw clenched, angry with himself. I don’t know why he was being so hard on himself…this was just as much my fault.

“Brett, don’t beat yourself up over this. You didn’t ruin anything. I’m just as much to blame. I should have been more upfront about my feelings instead of leading you on like I did. I’m so,
so
sorry. Do you think you can ever forgive me?” I prayed that he would.

“Let’s just say we’re even and forget about the whole thing.” He smiled down at me before pressing a kiss to my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him, basking in the warmth of his embrace. I was so thankful for having Brett in my life; I truly was. He helped fill the void in my heart that AJ had left vacant for so many years.

I untangled myself from Brett and reached for the door handle, but before opening it, I turned back to kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, Brett. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Brett brushed his knuckles across my cheek giving me a crooked grin. “Love you too, darlin’.”

I did love him. There was no questioning that. It just wasn’t the same love that I had for Shayne.
Wait…pump the brakes…did I just admit I love Shayne!?
I mean, yeah, I definitely have strong feelings for Shayne. There was no denying that, but…
love
?

Brett stared at me for a moment smiling, but there was sadness behind his eyes. “You really like him, don’t you?”

What hell…is he a mind reader now?
“What makes you say that?”

“That look on your face. You had that same look while you were texting him at the table. I can tell when you’re thinking about him, Liberty. Your whole face lights up and you tune out everything else around you, like you’re the only two people in the world. It’s the only time I ever see you look like that.”

Heat crept up my face as I blushed.
Shit.
I guess he did pick up on that. I wasn’t going to tell him it was Shayne that I had been texting, but I guess he had already figured it out. Thank God I never played poker because I sure as hell couldn’t hide my emotions from anyone.

“It’s okay. I get it. I knew how you felt about him even before I asked you out. I guess I was hoping maybe I could change that by taking your mind off of him. Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?” He let out a pathetic laugh laced with jealousy, but I knew he wasn’t finding any of this funny.

“Just promise me one thing, Liberty.”

“Okay…”

“I accept whatever it is going on between you and Shayne, at least I’m trying to, but…just be careful with him. I don’t ever want to see you get hurt, darlin’.”

I opened the door to his truck and slid down from the seat. I turned back and looked up at him with sincerity. “All right, Brett. I promise.”

He smiled and nodded appreciatively before I shut the door. I felt much better after he left; the tension between us had fizzled out, and I was confident that everything was going to be okay.

When I got inside the apartment, I tossed my purse on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch, expelling all of the air out my lungs with a big “oomph”. I wasn’t expecting today to be so emotionally draining, but then again, nothing ever turned out the way I expected it to. I heard my phone vibrate in my purse and saw there were two texts from Shayne.