Remember the Starfighter (13 page)

“Today I might die.”

Nalia whispered the words to herself, only to clam up, and shake her head in disgust.

“Shit,” she said, standing in the hallway.

It had always been a strange habit, to say it.
I might die —
it was the annoying tick that would never go away. Ever since she had been drafted into the military, the compulsion had come and gone as it pleased. The words always breathing down on her neck, waiting to remind her of the nihilistic fact. That the world was ending, and so might she.

Maybe it was a morbid joke to herself. A way to poke fun at the darkness. But there was no chuckle, no smile. No, there was nothing close to laughter. That reaction had gone stale long ago.

A normal life
— now, that was something to laugh at. Nalia could howl over the thought. To the so-called normalcy in her military career. As far as she was concerned, there had been no such thing. The war
was
her life.

Choices had been replaced with orders, leisure given way to sacrifice. She was just a vessel, a cog in this last war machine of man. She had her duties. They all had their duties. But most of all they were expendable. Military logic had demanded it.

So why was she here? Waiting for him? Did she really need this? 

Nalia didn’t even know what she wanted anymore. However, before she could even try to answer the question, she started to hear the footsteps. Nalia straightened her uniform, trying to move past the nonsense in her mind. She then spotted him at the other end of the hallway.

“I haven’t seen you around much,” she said, eyeing him as he approached.

En route to the Lightning’s hanger bay, Julian stopped as he saw her, her body leaning against the wall. She flashed a curt smile, and raised her hand in a sign of hello.

“Been busy,” he said, holding up the data tablet. “New orders.”

“I heard.”

He let the tablet fall to his side as Nalia walked closer. Straight into his eyes she looked, not wanting to tip-toe around it.

“Are you upset?” she asked.

“Not at all.”

“You don’t have to be coy with me starfighter,” she insisted, her index finger nearly pressed up against his chest.               

“It is what it is,” Julian said coldly.

Folding her arms, she leaned back against the wall, her gaze turning away.

“You’re going back out there again, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

He tried not to focus on it. But Julian could see the look on Nalia’s face, her once firm smile slipping away.

“It’s a top priority,” he said. “Orders are orders.”

She unfurled her arms, snatching the data tablet from him.

“Nalia. What are you doing?”

Ignoring his protest, she examined the classified information, looking over the procedures, along with Julian’s notes.

“Seems sound enough. I’d just make sure you run those acquisitions by S-COM. Could speed things up.”

Annoyed, Julian seized back the tablet.

“Someone needs to watch out for you,” she quipped, giving a half-hearted salute. “Even captains need help.”

As she said the words, she pointed to his collar, where his command insignia lay pinned at his neck.

“Been a while, since we last talked, hasn’t it?” he asked.

“A month. Pretty much a life-time for people like us.”

“And yet here we are.”

Closing her eyes, Nalia gave another deep breath.

“I understand if you don’t walk to talk,” she said. “I feel like I’ve ambushed you.”

He shrugged, seemingly out of apathy. Nalia could even imagine the words — “It is what it is” ready to come out of his mouth again. 

“Listen, this war. It just messes things up,” she confessed. “Can’t have a normal relationship with anyone.”

Nalia uttered the words, trying to unspin the knot of frustration within. Shaking her head, she then scoffed. 

“But I’m no rookie,” she said. “I’ve been through this. Far too many times.”

Pulling down her uniform, Nalia turned away.
This was silly,
she thought.

“Anyways, I’ve got my duties. Just wanted to see you. Captain.”

Nalia was so ready to walk away. A relationship with a man —
Silly, indeed
. Men would always come and go, but there was no need for the pain or the complication. This was war after all.

“It is what it is,” he had said. Nalia agreed, steeling herself.

The real Julian, however, had his own thoughts to say.

“Hey,” he said, stopping Nalia in her tracks. He reached out, and gently touched the side of her shoulder. 

“Want to grab a drink?” he asked. 

Rather than go to the station’s bar, which was closed, they sat alone in the near empty cafeteria, their only company “the chef”, a robotic drone that dispensed pre-fabricated meals and drinks.

Julian had barely touched the cup of synthetic yogurt in his hand. He was still surprised, finding himself sitting with her. Nalia next to his side, drinking a pack of juice.

“I didn’t think we’d talk again,” he said. “I thought you had moved on.”

Julian finally stabbed into the yogurt with the plastic spoon. “Which is okay,” he continued, taking a taste of the milky goo. “It’s common. Happens all the time.”

Nalia rolled her eyes.

“Sounds like I’m a tease. A flirt, playing some childish game.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

She finished her pack of juice, and threw it playfully at his chest.

“You’re an ass,” she said in a jest.

Julian laughed.

As he ate another spoonful of yogurt, Nalia looked at her surroundings inside the vacant hall.

“Feels like we’re skipping school,” she said. “I like it.”

“Yeah,” Julian said. “It’s nice to have some time for ourselves.”

“So what should we do?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Maybe decorate that lonely robot over there. Or raise the stakes. We steal a starship. Become bounty hunters. Me and you, partners in crime.”

She grinned, her white teeth forming a deliberately sinister smile.

“Sounds like you were a naughty kid back in school.”

“I suppose so. All these rules and regulations. Always trying to stifle the fun.”

“I just want to live,” she said. “Live my little life, as insignificant as it may be.”

Julian listened, taking another spoonful out of the yogurt, when Nalia brought up his last mission.

“Doesn’t seem fair. You starfighters having all the adventure. I heard about what you found. That Endervar ship.”

“Yeah. I never imagined,” Julian said, still puzzled by his discovery. “The strangest thing. Drayden told me they even found a body inside. Maybe we’ll end up talking to the Endervars soon.”

“You think?” Nalia wondered. “Well, on behalf of the galaxy, I’d respectfully like to tell them to fuck off.”

Julian laughed, imagining the intergalactic incident unfold.

“I second that,” he replied. Nalia laughed too, the chuckle eventually dying down.

“I just wish the mission hadn’t taken so long,” Julian added. “Felt like I was out there for ages.”

Nalia understood what he meant.

“I worried,” she admitted. “It’s not right for you to be alone, like that.”

“It’s okay. It’s all part of the job. At least, my psychological profile says I can take it.”

“No,” Nalia said in revolt. “It’s not right. I never liked it. I can barely stand it sometimes.”

“At least, when you’re alone, there’s no fuss,” he said, almost finishing the yogurt.

“True. But still...”

“It’s empty, I know.”

“Everybody should have someone.”

“Is that why I found you with that officer the other day?”

Julian didn’t mean any offense, smiling with the last scoop of yogurt. “He seemed nice,” he added. “Clearly, you liked him.”

“Jealous?”

Julian didn’t answer, closing his eyes with a cool shrug.

“I don’t think I even remember his name,” she said. “I think it was Talo. Maybe... some lieutenant. A bit of an air head.”

“I see.”

“Oops,” she said, brushing aside the lapse with her hand. “I guess, you’re right. Sometimes, it is too much fuss. But I can’t help and want to try and enjoy what I have. Enjoy those moments. Who knows what will happen next.”

“Have you lost someone before?”

“Well, everyone has. Although I can’t say I’ve gotten far. People transfer too much, or just want to satisfy their urges and move on.”

“Yeah. Some people are just passing through, and that’s it. Or they meet someone else.”

She looked at him, and could see the bleakness in his face. Nalia had to ask. “So, are we just passing through?”

“No,” he said. “Well, not to me, at least.”

Julian suddenly thought back to when he saw Nalia with the other man. He had tried to think nothing of it. But still, it bothered him. More deeply than he ever thought it would.

“For a moment, I felt like I belonged. And then I didn’t,” he said. “It’s funny when you like someone. It’s actually quite dangerous. For all you know it may end badly.” 

“But I guess it’s inevitable. You want to feel it. That hope. Even though you know, it’s dangerous. You just can’t help it. You just have to risk it.”

Julian let out a sigh, embarrassed by what he felt was a nonsensical screed. His face flinched like it was in pain, and then his gaze fell to the table.

Nalia touched his hand.

“Then I’ll risk it too,” she added. “You’re not alone Julian.”

He grabbed her hand with his own.

“If only it weren’t the end of the world,” Nalia went on. “What to do?”

She gave out a sad-eyed grin, the sarcasm tainted with a sense of doom

“You shouldn’t worry so much,” he said. “From what I can tell, this war, it’s coming to an end. Even I’m starting to see it.”

He sat there confidently, as the thought entered Nalia’s mind. It was true. In another week, she and the rest of Bydandia’s personnel would be gone from the base. They would be thousands of light-years away, in what would be a new world, in a new life. It was something she had so easily forgotten.

Unsure of what to say, Nalia paused as her wits struggled to crack a joke. It was then she relented, knowing that she only wanted to say what mattered.

“Hey,” she said seriously. “When you get to Isen, make sure you contact me.”

Nodding his head, Julian obliged.

“Will do, commander.”              

Laughing, Nalia rubbed his neck. Then she kissed him on the lips. It was an act that lifted the emotions inside. In a way, it came almost as a shock. She took another glance back at Julian, seeing the steady smile on his face. Nalia shook her head in a happy disbelief.

Maybe,
she thought. Just maybe she could have it: A life. Perhaps it would be one with Julian. If only it could be made true.

Nearly a light-year away from the station, the cold vacuum of space shook, the disturbance warping the physicals laws of the universe. In a burst of alien energy, the ship came, its target the star system that lay ahead. 

Pausing in mid-flight, the vessel observed. Even from this distance, it could read the signs of life, having been designed for that very purpose. In this case, the scale of activity was minor compared with the previous systems it had encountered. Unlike the others, this star possessed no world capable of sustaining life in its natural environment. Scans instead showed only a collection of barren moons circling several gas giants in orbit.

Even so, an advanced civilization had attempted to subsist here, clinging as it may, on to some kind of survival. 

The beings in question had already achieved space flight, as evidenced by the clusters of mechanical vessels moving throughout the system. Structures, both large and small, sprawled around the orbits of the star. Other artificial constructs could be found installed on the different asteroids and moons of the system. Perhaps, this was a remnant of life it had confronted before, somehow escaping its previous subjugation. Now the inhabitants had taken root in another system, fortifying themselves against what they knew would be an inevitable attack.

All of this, however, was inconsequential. What had brought the ship to the star was something else it had harbored, a force it had sensed light-years away. Its location had now been pinpointed to a colonized moon orbiting a gas giant. Repeatedly, the ship had tried to communicate with the entity, knowing it to be built from the same fabric as its own. But there was nothing to indicate consciousness, let alone allegiance. It was simply a shell, screaming in the night, unknowing of its own origins.

The ship then sent the signal into the abyss. In time, others of its kind would arrive. They had finally found the aberration, after trailing it across the sector. Soon, they would initiate what they had done so many times over. But this time, in a far more thorough pattern. It was one of the reasons they had been built for. Not only to obey and exist in this world, but ultimately to conquer and destroy.