Authors: Shae Buggs
I worked out a perfect system so that right when an escaped gas bubble was about to appear at the surface of the mud, I would wave my hand across the top and stop the bubble from surfacing. I keep thinking how lucky I am that the mud already has a strong scent so no one can smell me letting loose.
Our time is only half over and I am so uncomfortable. I know I can’t make it until the end of the treatment. My stomach suddenly grumbles so loud without enough warning for me to try to cover up the sound. Everyone looks at me. Again.
“Are you ok?” Jake asks pulling his hands out of the tub. “Your stomach sounds like drain pipes and you look like you are sweating.”
I feel my forehead with the clean part of my arm and my head is so wet you would think I just got out of the pool.
“I have to get out of here,” I say feebly lifting myself out of the tub. I feel weak.
“Be careful, that mud is slippery on the floor,” Jake warns as I shimmy out of the tub, not very gracefully, with my legs clenched. I slosh mud all over the floor and I splatter the front of Jake’s shirt.
I obviously don’t hear him because as I am rounding the table by the bathroom door, I slip on the mud and scream as I slide to the ground knocking everything off of the table as I go down. My scream wasn’t the only thing that everyone in the room heard. I know I farted at least three times on my way to the floor but I don’t care. Right now it’s just a race to the toilet. I grab on to the doorknob and pull myself up. I fling open the door and make a break for the toilette slipping a little along the way. The door shuts behind me but I know no door is thick enough to block the sounds emanating from the bathroom. I know they can hear everything. All I care is that I made it to the bathroom in time. I can hear their conversation through the door.
“Is she going to be ok?” Jake asks and it is obvious he is trying to be genuine but is clearly stifling his laughter. There is a pause in their talking and I think it is because of the splattering noises I am making. Normally, that would make me extremely uncomfortable but, I don’t care anymore.
“She’ll be fine but I think our session here is over,” Drey says and the guys take that as their cue to leave. I hear quick shuffles as they pack their stuff up and bolt for the door. I don’t blame them for their hasty departure. The sounds that are coming out of this bathroom are out of this world.
Drey and Kara are laughing hysterically. How dare they? Although, it is pretty funny. I mean, I just practically shit myself during my mud bath. If I wasn’t so sick, I would probably be laughing too.
“Lucy,” Kara says as she opens the bathroom door slightly. “Drey and I are going to get cleaned up and head out to the pool. Just go back to the room and rest. We will meet up with you later.
“Ok,” I say barely able to get a word out.
Kara closes the door and she and Drey gather their things. I’m sure when they open the door to the waiting room, the noise in this bathroom will flood the previously silent room. I can hear them giggle as they finally shut the door and exit the mud room.
Somehow I make it back to my room although it was an eventful journey getting here. I just wanted to be out of that room as fast as I could. I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my body still covered in mud and shimmied my way through the waiting room, across the lobby, and up the elevator. Apparently my mud bath ended at a popular time to check in as there were hundreds of people in the lobby, or at least it felt like it. Realistically, I probably passed ten people, but when you are covered in mud, wrapped in a too small towel and about to crap yourself standing up, ten people feels like hundreds.
Now that I have showered, I feel a little better and I’m at a point where I don’t have to be two feet away from the toilet anymore. I’m drinking bottled water, trying to stay hydrated but the thought of eating anything makes me sick.
I can’t believe our parents will be here tonight and I don’t know how I am going to make it through the rehearsal dinner.
I hear voices outside the door and then Drey and Kara walk into the suite and see me sprawled out on the couch in my robe. I think I still have mud in my hair.
“How are you feeling, Lucy?” Drey asks covering her mouth with her hands to hide her smile.
“Ha ha very funny,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “What an awful experience. At one point I wasn’t sure if it was mud or poop running down my leg.”
They both break into a fit of giggles and tears start running down their cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Lucy,” Kara says sounding sincere but her laughter doesn’t stop. “Do you need anything?”
“Like some Depends?” Drey screeches and she can barely breathe she is laughing so hard. “You should have seen the look on your face when you hit the ground. I thought you might have shit yourself right there.”
Kara glares at her and comes and sits next to me on the couch. “We need to get you ready for tonight. We want Mason drooling over you.”
“I think he put something in your margarita,” Drey says. I have been telling myself all afternoon that he wouldn’t be that cruel but maybe she‘s right. I bet he had something to do with it. There is no other explanation for this agony.
“If that’s the case, then he is going to pay,” I say trying to get feisty but my gut clenches reminding me of my less than fortunate state. I lay my pounding head back on the couch.
“You can’t let him see you like this. If he did this to you, then you can’t let him know how it affected you. You have to pretend like it didn’t faze you.”
“Oh, it fazed me alright. But I see what you’re saying. I won’t let him know that he won today.” Even though I feel like hell, a little fire has been lit inside of me. I’m ready to take on Mason…after one more trip to the porcelain throne. I stand feebly and shimmy to the bathroom, my knees clenched together.
The next couple of hours consist of the two of them attempting to get me ready for the rehearsal and the dinner. Every 20 minutes or so, I have to shoo them out of the bathroom and let Montezuma’s revenge take its course. After they finally get all of the mud off my body, they do my hair and my makeup and get me into my dress. I have on a fitted baby pink dress that hits a few inches above my knee. I should feel hot in it but today I feel anything but. The good news is I have lost about five pounds today so the dress fits me better than it normally does. I’m immediately relieved that I won’t have to suck it in all through dinner.
I insist on wearing heels even though Kara and Drey think I need to stick with sandals since I have had such an exhausting day. I want to look my best so I put on my matching Louboutins and sway a little as I stand in front of the mirror. I have a collection of heels but I never wear them because, quite frankly, they are very uncomfortable. But I like the way the shoes look and Mason loves me in heels. “Well, Mason, you can eat your heart out,” I murmur to myself as I admire my reflection in the mirror. I look pretty good for having such a crappy…er…awful day.
The three of us make our way down to the beach. Why did I think getting married on a beach was a good idea? I can feel my hair respond slightly to the humid air.
My parents and my in-laws should be here. Ugh! I don’t want to deal with them right now. Not after my day anyway. My mom can be quite smothering and she is always worried about Mason and I. She means well but sometimes it is overwhelming. My dad is very outgoing and social and always has something to say. I’m hoping he is tired from the flight and will be a little more relaxed tonight.
Mason’s parents are very interesting. Mason’s dad owns a big consulting company and Mason works for him. Both his mom and dad come from money and have made their own fortune along the way. They are also very social but they can come off as snobby. I have a good relationship with them but it hasn’t always been that way. It used to bother me when Martin, Mason’s father, would push him so hard at work. Mason has always felt like he isn’t good enough for his parents which is surprising because Mason is so confident. It’s one of the traits I like most about him.
“Hi bumpkin,” my mom coos as she runs clumsily towards me. She isn’t very coordinated normally and to top it off, she has a glass of wine in her hands. I definitely get my unstable ways from her. She slips a little as she tries to move in the sand but eventually makes it to us.
It’s so good to see her. We are very close but I have been so busy with work lately that I haven’t got to spend much time with her. She pinches the part between my butt and my thigh as she gives me a hug and it tickles. “Mom!” I say as she giggles at her funny game. She always does this to me and has since I was a little girl. Lucy and Drey head over to the area where the rehearsal will take place, giving me time to talk to my mom.
“Have you been drinking?” I say as I smell the alcohol on her breath and watch her sway a little.
“Oh, just having a little fun darling. Your father is around here somewhere.” She gazes off in the distance as she shields her eyes from the sun. She has a large blue visor on so her hand gesture is just for show. It looks like she went with the nautical theme today as she is sporting white linen pants and a blue and white striped shirt with gold buttons off center down the front.
She starts waiving frantically. “Frank, she’s here!” she shouts towards the figure that looks like my dad. My dad is very handsome but he has an interesting style. Today he is wearing a sun hat, khaki shorts and an orange shirt covered in fish of some kind and beer bottles. The fish are smoking cigars. He calls it his party shirt and has one in about five different colors. He bought them when he went on a fishing trip in Montana several years ago. He is a goof ball but I love him.
As my dad jogs over I realize how happy I am to see my parents. However, I am a little worried about how Mason and I will be around them. They can’t find out that we hate each other. Eventually, they will know once Mason and I officially split up but I know it will break my mom’s heart. “Sweetie, how are you?” my Dad asks, embracing me in a big bear hug.
“I’m good, Dad. You look like you’re having fun.” His cheeks are red, a dead giveaway that he has had more to drink than just the Corona in his hand. He steps towards my mom, gives her a hug and kisses the top of her head.
“This is great here, Lucy; just like last time. Your mother always looks so beautiful on the beach,” he says looking at my mom like he is seeing her for the first time. My mom reaches up and kisses him on the cheek. I always wished Mason and I would be like my parents. “How’s Mason? Does he remember anything yet?”
“No, not yet. I’m hoping that something at the wedding tomorrow will be familiar to him.”
“Oh, Lucy I’m sorry this happened to him but he will recover,” my mom says.
Not soon enough
. I am just about to change the subject when I am swept off my feet and held closely by a firm body. Everything is happening so fast that I can’t tell what is going on. Whoever this is, he smells good. Wait, I recognize this cologne…oh no…it’s Mason! I try to focus my eyes as he tips me back into a dramatic kiss, his lips pressed tightly against mine. Uh-oh, my stomach gurgles and clenches. My eyes widen and I try to pull away but he has a tight hold on my head. He has his eyes scrunched shut. What is he playing at? He finally stands me on my feet and releases me. My mom is staring at us with tears in her eyes at such affection.
Believe me lady, there was no affection from either of us.
“Hi,” Mason smiles at me. I am so flustered from what just happened that all I can do is glare at him. “You must be my in-laws.” He winks at me and then shakes my dad’s hand and kisses my mom on the cheek. As I straighten my dress, I stumble on my heels and I regret wearing these shoes in the sand.
“We need to start soon,” I say still reeling and angry. Why am I so mad? Maybe it’s because Mason is acting like everything is fine between us and it’s not. But he doesn’t remember that I guess and I did tell him to pretend to get along. But my goodness, was that show necessary? It makes me mad that he used to be playful like this with me and then it all stopped because we got busy in our own worlds. Now that I think about it, he has picked me up and kissed me like that before. Does he remember that? Is his memory back? Surely not.
My mom and dad walk in front of us, holding hands and Mason starts talking. “So, how was your afternoon? Did you get the drink I sent you?”
“Yes,” I say a little snappy trying to make it sound like I didn’t crap my brains out all afternoon. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me.
“Was it good?” he snorts and I turn and glare at him. “I heard your stomach growl when I kissed you,” he says now laughing uncontrollably.
“What did you do to my drink?” I snap, my face heating. I have to stop for a second and take a breath to calm my stomach.
“You have to be careful that you don’t drink the tap water here. I hear it just rips your body apart,” he continues through his fit of laughter. That bastard put tap water in my margarita! “You had it coming, baby. After all you have put me through on this trip.”
I have put him through hell, or at least I have tried to but he always manages to charm his way out of his unfortunate situations. I am so furious with him right now though I could combust. I grunt and storm off as fast as I can in my skyscraper heels. I make it about two feet and fall right on my hands and knees in the sand giving Mason a brilliant view I’m sure. I roll on my back and rustle around in the sand trying to peel my shoes off my feet.
“Stupid things,” I yell as I try to relieve my heel from the shoe. I’m sure I’m a site to see cursing the sand, my shoes, and whatever else is in my way.
As I peel off my second shoe I see Mason approach me with an outstretched hand. I can tell he is amused. I reluctantly reach for him and he pulls me to my feet. All of a sudden, he is inches from my face staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes alight with humor. Man, he really is sexy.
“How could I forget how beautiful and clumsy you are?” he says gazing into my eyes. His words hit me right in the stomach. I swallow trying to gain my equilibrium. “Oh yeah,” he says taking a step back and releasing me. “My crazy wife hit me with a wine bottle that’s how I forgot!” He smiles and walks away leaving me frustrated, flushed, and confused.