REMEMBRANCE (18 page)

He kicked himself away from the tree and stood on the pool’s bank. It brought him no peace standing here—in a place that held so many memoires, where images of all the times they had been here together invaded his thoughts. He bent to pick up a stone and skimmed it across the water. He had come here every night for the past week, telling himself that, here, in their place, he would be able to think—away from the accusations of his mother and the scrutiny of the servants. Yet, he knew that the real reason for his repeated visits was that he hoped that she would come and he would be able to catch sight of her.

Now he knew that she wasn’t coming and probably never would again, for it would be too painful. Angry and disappointed, he skimmed another stone across the water. He had been here almost three hours with no sign of her. He had sent a message this very morning, asking her to meet him here. Had he really thought that she would come after the atrocious way he had behaved towards her? Still, he didn’t regret one moment of their time by the stream. That experience had opened his eyes and helped him realise that he wanted Maria more than life itself.

He had spent the time here going through so many reasons for her not meeting him. There was a possibility that the letter still sat on her dresser, unopened, even though he had to admit that it could be that she had read it and refused to come. There was an option that she had read it and was now laughing at him from a distance. Yet, he still tried to believe that she had never received his letter and was unaware that he would be waiting for her here. It didn’t really matter why she did not come; she wasn’t here and he missed her terribly.

He stubbed the toe of his boot into the dusty soil in frustration, thinking how Dudley would get his kicks out of this for months, with an ‘I told you so’ expression. Good old Dudley, if he hadn’t had to return to London, all of this might have been avoided. He would have seen it coming. Tom, on the other hand, lost sight of everything else whenever he was in a two-foot radius of Maria. Dudley would have prevented the situation from escalating to these disastrous proportions. He sighed deeply; it was no good thinking of maybes, he had no one to blame but himself. He now realised that everything that had happened was his fault, for if he had kept his wits about him, he would have been able to see through Miss Cartland’s plan.

Ah, Miss Cartland! What was he to make of her? He should have paid heed to what the gossips had said instead of laughing it off. He believed himself to be safe from fortune hunters. How wrong he had been! Maybe it was time he paid his friend a visit; he sure as hell didn’t hold any expectations where M was concerned. Yes, a few days in London might just be what he needed. Not only would he be away from his mother and her accusations, it would give him some time to reflect and think about what to do next.

*****

It was the next morning when Maria raised herself from the damp sheets of the bed and slowly got dressed. Running the brush through her hair, she noted with disinterest that the soft curls had tangled from her heat. The urge to escape the stuffy confines of her room and to be outside in the fresh air called to her. She made her way downstairs. The house was silent; it was still very early and most of the servants were still in their beds. She let herself out into the garden, where she dropped to the dew-covered grass. The orange glow above the trees gave the promise of a warm day and the strong scent of Jasmine penetrated the coolness of the air, while the birds sang their morning chorus.

Every part of her body ached. Her limbs were practically void of all feeling and she felt… so, so tired. She sat there upon the damp earth looking out over the willowy grass plain, wishing that she could find the energy to walk to the Crystal Pool, with its all familiar oak tree that Tom and she had loved so much as children. She was oblivious to her tears, until she finally felt them on the smooth skin of her hand.

How was she to bear this confinement, when all her life she had been free to run wild with her best friend? How was she to bear this separation, knowing now that her love was too strong even for her to comprehend? As each second passed, she could feel another part of her die away.

* * * * *

It had been several weeks since that fateful day and she had spent her time idly roaming the grounds of the Manor. On rainy days, she would go to the drawing room, where she played sorrowful melodies on her harp. On one such a day, Sir John came to talk to her.

“Maria, Maria?” His voice sounded urgent as he entered the room, waving some paper, “Maria, here you are!”

“What is it Uncle?” she enquired tonelessly.

He rushed over to where she sat, all red faced and still waving his piece of paper. “Oh my dear… it is an invitation.”

“Invitation?”

“Yes, there is to be a ball, at the Nedgely Inn! Is that not grand news?”

He patted her hand eagerly; his grinning fat lips making him look chubbier in the face than he really was.

She gave him a weak smile and responded flatly, “Well, that’s nice, Uncle. It has been a long time since you ventured out into society.” With that, she turned back to the harp and continued to play.

Sir John looked shocked at her response. “I do not think that you understand me correctly, dear.”

“Oh, I understand you completely, Uncle. You are to go to a ball,” she replied without even looking up.

His face was getting redder by the second. “Apparently, you do not,” his voice started to rise. “WE are going to the Nedgely Inn ball.”

Her hand stopped mid-note and she raised her dull eyes to his face, “Pray Uncle, forgive me, but I really do not feel the need to socialise at present.”

“Unfortunately, I have already given our acceptance. So there will be none of this, ‘pray forgive me Uncle’ nonsense,” he told her sternly.

She opened her mouth to speak.

He raised his hand. “I will not hear anymore about it. You will go; it is expected of you, and that is final.”

He looked down at the sadness on the face. He understood her reaction, but he also knew that she needed to be out in society again. Not only it was expected of her, but he also hoped that the preparations for the ball and the outing would ease this melancholy mood of hers. More importantly, she could not be seen to be unfit in any way, if his ‘capital’ was to pay off, as were his intentions all along.

“It will do you good, dear,” he added, as he patted her hand again, before leaving the room.

She sat motionless upon the little stool. How was she to bear it if Tom was to be at the ball with Miss Cartland? How was she to face the pair of them? How would she cope with being scrutinised by her neighbours and the local society? She buried her face in her hands. “How shall I bear it?” she whispered.

She sat there long after her uncle had left, oblivious to the now silent harp’s strings, her thoughts elsewhere. The room suddenly held no appeal. Rising from the stool, she was about to leave, when her eyes settled on a painting on the far wall. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen the picture before, it had sat in the same place for as long as she could remember, but the oddity of it was she felt as if there should be another image there instead of the one portraying hunting dogs.

* * * * *

Bella was dressing the curls of her hair with tiny blue jewels that matched the dark blue of Maria’s silk gown. Her skin provided a stark pale contrast to its colour.

“Oh Miss, you must not let this get you down. There are plenty of willing admirers that seek your affections.” Bella was aware of her mistress’s misery.

Sir John, as much as he would have liked, could not stop the gossiping tongues of his staff. They were all aware of the events that took place on the day of the picnic, for they had discussed it at length in the kitchens. Bella’s heart went out to Maria, for she believed that her mistress would make a far better lady of Nedgely than Mr Bradley’s chosen one.

Maria knew that Bella meant well, but her heart was truly not in it. She so very much wanted to stay at home. Even though she felt that it would probably the best for her to stay hidden away in her room, she couldn’t quite help that, for the first time in a number of weeks, she suddenly felt a little excited at the prospect of seeing Tom again. However, just over a week ago, she had thought that, if they could not be together, she would not be able to bear ever seeing him again.

“There Miss, all done,” Bella stood back to admire her handiwork.

“Thank you, Bella,” was all she could muster, as she stared at the pale image in the mirror.

The streets of Nedgely town were bustling with coaches carrying ladies and gentlemen dressed in their finery on the way to the halls of the Nedgely Inn.

Maria sat in the safety of her coach, looking out at the eagerness of the people, listening to their laughter that filled the night air. It had been a long time since a village ball had been held, and it was the grandest of occasions that brought together the local gentry.

Upon entering the finery of the hall, she was swept along by the crowds. Losing sight of her uncle, she came to find herself standing alone at the edge of the dance floor, watching ladies and gentlemen coupling with the music, their faces alight with happiness as they enjoyed the dance.

Although she tried not to, she found herself looking for Tom, her eyes scanning the room at the groups of people engaged in their conversations. She didn’t know whether she was relieved or disappointed that he was nowhere to be seen. Even though she knew most people here, no one held her interest. She stood alone, not in the mood for making polite small talk appropriate for such gatherings. She was just about to leave the dance area when the unmistakable tones of Alfred Grainger’s voice reached her ears.

“Why, Miss Austin, what a pleasure it is to see you again!”

“Mr Grainger,” she replied, turning to face him, a little embarrassed.

“It is good to see you in good health; I have heard that you have not been well.”

She smiled at his kindness, “I am quite recovered, thank you.”

If she had been worried that he had taken offence at her actions on the day of the picnic, she was quite mistaken. He engaged her in his usual light-hearted chitchat and was quite happy to enlighten her in all the local gossip. It also came as no surprise when he asked her to take a turn on the floor with him.

“You did promise, remember, when we dined at Nedgely Hall.”

“Of course I remember,” she smiled.

She was glad of the diversion that the dance brought; and found that he even enjoyed being weaved in and out of the other people that also took the floor. Feeling herself relax, she started to enjoy the light exercise. When the dance had finished, Mr Grainger engaged her for the next one almost immediately.

She was laughing at some remark he had just made, as they passed each other and had just begun to turn and receive the person to her left, when she suddenly came face to face with Tom.

As the dance came to an end, they both came to a halt and just stood in silence, staring at each other.

As his blue eyes settled upon her, she was sure that her heart had stopped beating for a moment. She noticed the darkened circles that tainted his skin, but she still thought that he looked so handsome, so… intoxicating.

“Miss Austin,” his voice was soft.

“Mr Bradley,” she replied nervously.

He noticed the tiny sparkle that flickered in her eyes as she looked at him. She looked pale, he thought. He had heard of her illness on his return from London and he had tried so very hard not to ride over to Whitmore, so that he could be with her. Instead, he had spent many a night at the Crystal Pool, where he knew that he could be close to her, but not close enough for anyone to know. He had sought its solitude in order to think.

“I hope you are in good health?” he forced himself to say politely, as he became aware that people were watching them.

“Yes, I am well, Sir, thank you.”

“Are you here with Sir John?” he found himself struggling to say. What he really wanted to say was… I love you M, and then take her in his arms and show her that he meant it. She looked divine; he felt his body’s response to her nearness and had to stop himself from reaching out.

“Yes, I believe that he is around here somewhere,” she replied.

She felt the little sparkle of life come alive in her numb body at the sight of him. The familiar warmth started radiating through her deadened limbs, as she smiled impulsively up at his handsome face. She so very much wanted to reach up and touch his skin, kiss his lips and walk away with him form this crowd, so that they could finally be alone. The awareness between them was so strong; she saw the little muscle at the corner of his mouth twitch as he smiled.

“Ah, Mr Bradley there you are,” the beautiful red haired vixen appeared at his side.

“Oh, Miss Austin,” she suddenly said upon noticing her, the anger evident in her eyes.

The two ladies reluctantly curtsied to each other and then she slipped her hand through Thomas’s arm, purring up at him, “Come, Mr Bradley, my father is waiting,” she gave a gentle tug on his sleeve to urge him to move with her. Feeling his hesitation, she repeated her request, “Mr Bradley,” glaring at Maria.

“If you will excuse me, Miss Austin,” he bowed regretfully and moved away, leaving her to watch his departing back. She had to bite back her sob.