REMEMBRANCE (25 page)

“What a pity. I thought that it might be amusing to discuss ancestral history with him,” Garth said snidely.

“Why on earth would you think that he would be interested in discussing that topic with you?” she asked, astonished.

“I thought that it might hold a mutual interest to all that were here, that was all.”

By mentioning Tom, he gave her the distinct impression that he was up to something. She was now sure that Mr Lewis new about her secret liaison with Tom. Still, she could not understand how or where he would come into possession of such information. She wondered if her uncle’s employees had said something that gave their secret away. She suspected that, bribed with the right amount of money, they would not hesitate to expose her and Tom’s entanglement. She chose not to entertain him on the matter any further and turned her attentions back to Mr Grainger.

Having been given the snub, Mr Lewis angrily turned to talk to Sir John. How dare she dismiss him as if he was nothing? She would pay for the embarrassment she caused him, he assured himself.

Maria was fully aware of the anger that radiated from his person. Why would he develop sudden interest in their heritage, she did not know. She could feel him watching her even as he discussed the politics of the country with her uncle and she was glad that Mr Grainger had been present so that she did not have to make polite conversation with the despicable man.

The evening was drawing to an end, and having quite enough unsettling conversation for one day, she excused herself, leaving the men to their cigars and port.

She had just stepped out into the great hall, heading towards the spiral stairs, when Mr Lewis’s voice sounded behind her.

“Miss Austin,” he drooled.

“Mr Lewis?” she turned to face him, shocked that he had quite evidently left the others so that he could seek her out.

He came towards her and, taking her hands in his yet again, he said, “If you would do me the honour of giving me an audience with you tomorrow, there is something particular I would like to speak to you about.”

She almost snatched her hand away in disgust. “Unfortunately, Mr Lewis, I have a prior engagement,” she informed him quickly. “So, if you will excuse me, I would like to go up to my room, for I am very tired.” With that, she turned her back on him and climbed the stairs to her room, leaving the very furious Mr Lewis standing open-mouthed as she retreated.

* * * * *

Although the sun was high in the sky, the gathering of grey clouds in the distance indicated that rain would soon come. She sat on the lemon-coloured blanket, her watercolour paints laid out to her side, as she attempted to paint the scene before her. In the flowerbed, near where she sat, Mr Smith, the head gardener, was pruning the once red roses, cutting off the crusted buds. He raised his tatty brown hat in her direction and she smiled to him.

The serenity of quietness that swept over the gardens was idyllic and the view breathtaking. She sighed as she studied her painting. Although it was the exact replica of the scene in front of her—with the long grass of the field waving gently in the breeze and the sun shadowed against the distant trees—it had not turned out quite how she would have liked. Still, it was her first attempt and she knew that she could only get better with time.

She had not seen or heard from Tom in two days and her heart ached terribly from his absence. Where had he been these last few days? What was keeping him from her? She had just made up her mind to pack her brushes away and take a walk when Bella came towards her from the house.

“Miss, there is a Mr Grainger to see you.”

“Mr Grainger?” What on earth would Mr Grainger be doing here unannounced?

“I have shown him into the drawing room, Miss,” her maid informed her.

“Thank you Bella, I shall be there in a moment.”

Upon entering, she noticed that Mr Grainger seemed agitated.

“Mr Grainger,” she called his name to make him aware of her presence.

“Miss Austin,” there was a nervousness in his voice.

“Well, it is very good to see you again so soon; to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Seeing him pacing back and forth, she could tell that something was bothering him.

“Pray, Mr Grainger, will you be seated? Shall I call for some tea?”

“No… No. Please forgive me, Miss Austin, I do not care for tea at this present time.”

She took her place upon the old leather sofa and looked up at the flushed gentleman.

“Please, Mr Grainger, whatever is the matter?” she enquired.

He turned his gaze upon her face, opening his mouth to speak, before closing it again, as if he suddenly had second thoughts.

“Mr Grainger?”

“Please, Miss Austin, I am so sorry for the intrusion, but there is something that I wish to speak to you about,” he finally managed to say.

A small knot had formed in the pit of her stomach. Having guessed what he was about to say, she stood up sharply.

“Mr Grainger, I am sorry but I do have a prior engagement,” she lied.

He suddenly came to stand before her as he realised that she was about to leave the room.

“Please Miss Austin…,” he paused, “you must know that I most ardently admire you. I believe that I have not kept my affections towards you a secret, as you are probably aware that a union between us is most definitely expected. I know for certain that Sir John looks favourably on our match.”

“Mr Grainger,” she tried to cut in.

“No… please, Miss Austin, let me finish,” he cut in nervously, as if he would lose the courage to speak if he did not blurt it all out right now. “As you are aware, I have come with a proposal and wish it… that is, if you would do me the great honour of accepting my hand in marriage?”

“Mr Grainger… Sir…,” was all she could say.

She watched him, as he went down on to one knee. She was scared; how could she tell the kind Mr Grainger his fate?

“Please Miss Austin, will you marry me?”

She was sure that she was holding her breath. She could not, would not accept his very kind offer.

“Pray, forgive me, Mr Grainger, for what I am about to say. Still, you have spoken your mind and I must honour you with a reply. As you are a very kind man, it breaks my heart to tell you that cannot accept your proposal.”

Mr Grainger rose to his feet, the shock evident on his face. He had been so sure that she would accept him. Maybe Garth had got to her before him, he wondered.

“Is it because of Mr Lewis?” he asked sharply.

“Pray, Mr Grainger, I assure you that my response has nothing to do with Mr Lewis. Moreover, you can be certain that, had he expressed the same wishes as yourself, my answer to him would be just the same.”

He looked confused. “Miss Austin, may I be so bold to ask if your refusal then has anything to do with Mr Bradley?” He saw that he had touched a raw nerve, for she looked quickly away. “I see from your reaction that this must be the case.”

Recovering herself, she turned to say, “Mr Grainger, as you are aware, Mr Bradley is shortly to be married to Miss Cartland. As I admire you greatly, I would not wish to accept your proposal under the false hope that I share your feelings. Thus, I have resigned myself to the fact that I cannot marry the one that I love, and I have chosen never to marry.” Again she lied.

“I offer you an honourable marriage of security and I would endeavour to make you happy.”

“Mr Grainger, please, I know that you would make a very fine husband, but unfortunately I would not make you a fine wife. I could never make you happy or you me; I have made up my mind.”

“Then, I assume that you have chosen to become the Heir of Nedgely’s mistress, as rumours have stated?” he suddenly asked.

“Mr Grainger!” she was shocked by his blunt remark.

“I am not so blind, Miss Austin, that I have not noticed the way the two of you act when in each other’s company. Then there are the rumours.”

“Mr Grainger, I am quite shocked that you would even think that of me!” she exclaimed, desperately trying to cover her tracks.

“Please, forgive me, Miss Austin, but I wish to save you from the falling grace of society that would inevitably happen if you were to continue down this path of becoming his mistress.” He spoke sincerely.

“Falling grace, Mr Grainger?”

“I know how you must be feeling and I offer you my hand as protection,” he continued.

“What could you or anybody else possibly know of what I must be feeling?” Anger welled in her tiny frame. “Do you think I do not know what people are saying? Have you any idea what it is like to live your life with your name tarnished just for wanting to be with the person that you love? Can you even imagine how it feels to have all your dreams taken from you by one simple mistake? Do you not think that I live in shame to walk past the very people that used to honour me with their presence, knowing that they will see only the whore to the Heir of Nedgely? I am aware that my children will never be accepted and will forever be shunned by society because they are the bastards of the great Lord and will never bear the Bradley name. Still, my love for Tom is so strong that I would rather be his mistress than suffer not having his love again!” She wiped the tear that ran down the pale surface of her skin. “No, Mr Grainger, you do not know how I feel!”

He stood in silence at the young woman’s torment; he had been quite mistaken about her. She had quite openly admitted to him that she was involved with Mr Bradley. He wondered if she had spoken it out of great pain and never meant to utter it at all, or she did not care who knew of their attachment. He felt sorry for her; it pained him to see this beautiful woman suffer so. Still, if her and Mr Bradley’s love was as passionate as it seemed, why would he go ahead with the marriage to Miss Cartland?

“Please forgive me, Mr Grainger, for I do not mean to offend you, especially after you have shown such kindness towards me.”

“No Miss Austin, it is I that should beg forgiveness, for I had no comprehension of the extent of your feelings for Mr Bradley.”

She said sadly, “We do not choose our own paths, for sometimes they are forced on us. Mr Bradley and I would have been married if it was not for Miss Cartland.” She moved towards the door. “I am sorry to have taken up so much of your time with my childish outburst, but I am adamant which path I shall endeavour to take.”

He moved quickly to her side and, placing a hand upon her arm, he said kindly, “I do know how you feel, for I have had all my own hopes crushed with this union.”

“Miss Cartland?” she whispered, bewildered.

He nodded slowly, “Miss Cartland and I have been friends for many years, just as you and Mr Bradley have been. It was my understanding that she and I would eventually marry, that was until he parents persuaded her that my wealth and position would not raise them high enough within society.”

“I see,” she said quietly.

“You must not blame her for the constitutions of her parents; she likes this union no better than Mr Bradley.”

“Are you saying she was forced into this arrangement as well?”

“She has not always been so bad, I can assure you, for I know her well. Once, she was happy and as carefree as they come, but it all changed when her parents put their social ambitions before her happiness. My hearts aches for her, Miss Austin. I have never seen her so unhappy.”

“I am so sorry.”

“There is nothing for you to feel sorry about. I asked about Mr Lewis earlier and that I am sorry for; but, you see, my friend is used to having his own way and it has been brought to my attention that he is paying court to yourself and Miss Cartland.”

Something in his words struck a chord in her mind, Mr Lewis and Miss Cartland, what was it that they had in common?

“So, you see, I do understand, Miss Austin, and if there is anything that I may be able to do to ease this burden that you carry please do not hesitate to ask me.”

She knew that she would cry, but a short laugh left her parted lips as she responded to his last remark, “Unless you are able to engage Miss Cartland’s affections for yourself, unfortunately there is nothing that you may do for me.”

She patted his arm kindly, “Now, if you will excuse me, Mr Grainger?” She curtsied and left the room.

* * * * *

Thomas had been battling with his conscience for the past two days; he had purposely stayed away from Maria in order to think straight, for, as always, when he was with her, their passion would override his capability of thought. His mother’s words had been beating at him constantly. He knew that she was right, Maria and the Austin name would be ruined by his conduct, and there was an issue of how much longer they would be able to keep their affair quiet. Already, he had seen the way the servants within both households whispered. It would only be a matter of time before the gossip reached the ear of Sir John.

His mother was correct, Sir John would not stand for it; he would terminate their involvement immediately, whether they wanted it or not. Maria would probably be sent away and he would be stuck here in a loveless marriage, dying just a little bit more one day at a time.

He stood up and started to pace; he had to make a decision and, once decided, he had to stick to it. He raked his fingers through his hair with frustration.