Remembrance: A Contemporary Erotic Romance (Iris Series Book 4) (33 page)

Tears streamed down her face.  She was so confused.  She’d gotten home the night before at around 9:30 and he’d left the message about 45 minutes later.  When had he gone out with Vanessa?  Maybe they’d decided to stay in?  It would be just like Vanessa to ask for some of the cookies she’d made for him while he was leaving a message for her.  He fuckin’ better
not
have shared them with her!  Asshole.

There was one more message on her phone.  It was a text message from Luke, from
just before she had woken up.

LD: 
U up?  Can u talk?

She covered her mouth and leaned over, feeling sick again. 
Janie ran to the bathroom and threw up.  All of the pictures of Luke in the past had told the truth; why would this time be any different?  He really did see Vanessa last night.  She couldn’t believe it.  Every insecurity that she’d ever had about the man had risen to the surface like a toxic and oily film. 

Hugging the toilet, she emptied her stomach until she was dry heaving, sobbing and watching the tears drip into the water.  She fell to the floor and cried her heart out.  She’d always suffered from unrequited love when it came to Luke, but somehow this hurt so much more, cut so much deeper.

She’d thought things had changed. 
Every
one had thought things had changed.  She didn’t want to think it of him, but she’d felt as if he’d led her on in some way.  Betrayed her.  Maybe she shouldn’t think it, but she did. 

I mean, I climaxed in front of the man, for shit’s sake!  What did he
think
I would think? 
He’d been flirting, he’d stopped dating Vanessa ages ago.  He
said
he wasn’t going to be having sex, but here he was secretly meeting up with the bitch.  Didn’t he know how mean spirited she was?  Why would he even want to sleep with her?  Wasn’t he looking for a woman he could go home to?

It’s just sex, Janie.  It’s different for guys.

She knew he didn’t necessarily owe her anything, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d wronged her.  He’d said he wasn’t a player, but she felt like he’d been playing with her affections all along.

She was so hurt and angry. And this was
Luke
.  The one man who’d always cared for her, was sweet to her, stood up for her.  The one she’d compared every other man in the world to.

He does love you, Janie, just not the way you want him to.  It’s time to reconcile yourself to that fact. Maybe you really can’t play with the big boys.

She sat there on her bathroom floor for what seemed liked forever, staring off into space and swiping furiously at the tears streaming from her eyes.  After several long minutes, she crawled into the shower, trying to scrub clean the feelings of anger, bitterness and betrayal.

He doesn’t owe you anything, Janie.  Get over it.  It’s time to find your real Mr. Darcy.  Time to stop thinking of Luke Daniels.

She eventually walked back into her bedroom, a zombie, dead inside but still somehow alive.  She looked at her phone.  He was supposed to call her about the details of their upcoming evening together and now she didn’t even want to speak to him.  What would she say?  Hope you had a great time fucking Vanessa on your birthday?  After you told me you had meetings and couldn’t go out?  After you told me you wouldn’t be having sex?  After you told me you wanted a woman who felt like ‘home’? 
Does Vanessa really feel like ‘home’ to you, Luke?

Her stomach was a wreck, feeling completely unsettled and nervous.  She d
idn’t want to text him back or talk to him.  She didn’t know if she’d be able to keep it together if she heard his voice.  She needed to wait a while, then she’d text him later saying that she’d forgotten she’d made other plans and couldn’t get together.  That would buy her a little time to think through how to handle the overall situation.

So she did just that.  She putzed around the loft, cleaning and picking up, but after a few minutes, she was so tired, she had to lie back down.  Depression had sapped her of all her energy.  Quiet sobs shook her body while she closed her eyes.  It was now late morning and another text came in from Luke.

LD: 
Hey.  Call me when u get this.  We need to set up details for our hot date.

Normally, the text would’ve made her smile, feel giddy.  Now it just felt like he was making fun of her, toying with her, not taking her seriously.  She cried some more and fell back onto the pillow. 

She needed to get out of the loft, be around people.  Preferably, people who would give her a shot of self-confidence, make her feel like she could attract a man.  And she knew just how to do that. 

How pathetic that she was going to go through with what she was now devising in her head.  How pathetic that she needed another man to come on to her to make her feel worthy. 

Now, she was getting mad. 

She
was
worthy, regardless of whether friggin’ Luke Daniels wanted her or not.  Hell, she was worthy regardless of whether
any
man wanted her or not, but it sure would be fun to get some more compliments.  And if Luke couldn’t appreciate what was standing in front of him, then screw him.  She’d go out and have fun and forget all about him. 

She immediately sent an instant message through Facebook to Chaz letting him know she was available for the evening.  She asked if he wanted to meet her later for drinks at a wine bar in Chelsea. 

JC: 
Hey Chaz.  It looks like I have some time to tonight to get together.  Are you free?

CC: 
Absolutely! 

JC: 
Great.  There’s a wine bar in Chelsea.

She gave him the name and address.

CC: 
I’ll meet you there at 7:30.  And I was just talking to Tony Romanowski today.  Remember him?

Janie rolled her eyes.  He’d been a bigger dick than Chaz in high school.

JC:
Yeah.

CC:
He says hi.

JC: 
Hi back.  ;)

CC: 
I’ll c u tonight then.

She held her stomach and took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.  She was going to do this.  She was going to blow off Luke and go out with the asshole of CAS high school instead. 

Simply standing Luke up didn’t sit well with her, though.  She knew she needed to let him know their date was off.  She’d just wait until she was ready to send him a message. 

After lunch time, he’d sent her yet another text asking where she was.  Then a half hour later, she got a text from Mike asking her if she was alright. 

She knew if she heard her brother’s voice, she’d dissolve into a puddle of tears, so rather than call him, she texted. 

JC: 
I’m fine.  Why?

MC: 
Luke’s trying to get in touch w/ u.  He said u haven’t been answering ur phone all day and he’s worried.  Lmk ur ok.
 

Shit.  That only made her cry more.  She needed to text Luke and just be done with it, but before she did she responded to her brother. 

JC: 
Just busy today. Love u.  XO

MC:
  Love u back.  Call Luke.  He’s worried.  XO

She sighed and toyed with the phone, thinking through her text for Luke.  She started typing.

JC: 
I have plans w/ an old high school friend tonight that I forgot about.  We’ll have to get together another time.  I’m sure you’ll find something to do to fill the lonely hours.

Before she hit send, she looked over the casual message about a hundred times, analyzing every nuance, every possible interpretation and then finally just sent it.  Whatever.  She didn’t care anymore. 

Moments later, her phone rang.  A flurry of nerves hit her and she looked at the phone.  Thankfully it was Carolyn calling, Luke’s assistant.  She took another calming breath and answered.

“Hi, Carolyn.”

“Hey, Janie.  Have you recovered yet?” she asked with a small laugh.

“Yes,” she said with a smile. 

“It was a great night,” she said, referring to the holiday party.  “Really, Janie.  The food was outstanding.  I’ve heard so many great comments and those of us in the office are still talking about it.”

“I’m so glad.  Thanks for all you did to help.  I know what a huge undertaking it was for you to organize everything.”

“I enjoyed it thoroughly, but I ain’t gonna lie.  I’m glad it’s over,” she laughed.  “So I just wanted to settle up and talk through the invoice then we can send you the final installment of the payment.”

“Great,” Janie said, happy to be talking business.  A couple of minutes into their discussion, Janie heard Luke in the background, then Carolyn said, “Excuse me?  Yeah, it’s Janie.  Do you need her?”  Luke was obviously standing near her desk.  Janie heard a short response then Carolyn came back on the line.

“Sorry about that,” Carolyn said.  “Luke just wanted to tell you that he needs to talk to you before we hang up.”

“You know what?” Janie began, her heart galloping now at full speed and panic setting in.  “Unfortunately I don’t have time right now.”

“Oh, okay.  Umm,” Carolyn said.  “He was kind of adamant,” she said professionally, but whispered into the phone.  “You know how he is.”  She sounded like an indulgent mother who was smiling.  “Can I tell him you’ll call him back in a bit?”

“I really don’t have time, Carolyn.  I’m actually getting ready for a date,” Janie blurted out.

Now why did you go and tell her that, Janie? 

You
know
why.  She’s going to want to tell Luke.

Is this what you’re doing now?  Using sweet wonderful people like Carolyn?  Horrible.

There was a pause, then, “Really? Well,
that’s
exciting,” Carolyn gushed.  “Who are you going out with?” she asked in a whisper.

Janie winced, immediately feeling guilty, but said quickly.  “Just a guy from high school.  We caught up on Facebook and decided to go out for drinks tonight.”

“Well, well,” she said knowingly.  “I can see why you don’t have time to talk to Luke, then,” she chuckled.  “I’ll just let him know you’re unavailable.”

Janie bit her lip.  “Thanks, Carolyn.  Tell him we’ll talk soon.  Maybe that’ll appease him,” she added.

“I doubt that,” Carolyn said dryly.

“So we’re all good with the bill?  Any last minute questions?”

“No, I think we’re good.  I’ll get the check out to you today.”

“Great.  Thanks so much, Carolyn.”

“Don’t be a stranger, Janie.  I got used to seeing you.  And listen, you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year’s and let’s make sure we get to see you after the holidays, okay?”

“Will do.  You have a good holiday, too.”

“Bye, Janie.  And have fun tonight,” she sang out with a laugh.

“Thanks, Carolyn.  Bye.”

Janie disconnected and sat down on the sofa, gnawing on her lip, her stomach a jumble of nerves.  She got up to start picking out her clothes for the evening and while doing that, her phone rang.  She looked over and saw it was Luke.

Shit.  Stop calling me, Luke.  You’re killin’ me here.

She let it go to voicemail and a moment later she heard the beep that he’d left a message.  She grabbed her phone to listen to it.

“You’re going out on a date?” he asked softly.  “You tell me in a text you forgot about plans with an old high school friend, then Carolyn tells me you’re going on a
date
?  And, what, you just decided to have drinks
tonight
?  This was before or after we made plans, Janie?”  He sounded annoyed.  “We had plans, Janie, so you’re just going to have to break the date.  And it better not be with fucking Weston, I swear.”  Then he muttered some Spanish swear words.  “Call me.  I mean it.  Otherwise, I’ll be at your doorstep so fast, your head will spin.”  Then he hung up.

Janie groaned out a feeling of agony from deep in her gut.  She was so pissed at him.  Who the hell did he think he was, after breaking their agreement and having sex with that monster last night? 

She gave herself a mental shake and went back to picking out clothes for her drinks with Chaz.  Something sexy that showed off her best attributes.  Her boobs, her waist, and her… Just then the conversation from when she’d been shopping with Luke floated into her consciousness.
You should wear skinny jeans.  You got the legs for them, woman.

Janie grabbed her purse, some accessories and other articles of clothing, and ran out the door.

……

At 7 o’clock that night, she looked at herself one last time in the mirror of her mother’s bathroom and turned to inspect her backside.  She couldn’t believe it, but she had purchased, and was now prepared to show off her nicely encased legs and ass
, in her very first pair of skinny jeans.  Dark in color, she’d tucked them into the new boots Luke had bought her.  Then on top she wore a low-cut rust colored shirt with a touch of Lycra in it to hug her body.  With it, she wore a long necklace of different metallic metal tones with matching earrings, then finished it off with one of her long bohemian sweater coats made of multi colored threads and yarns, along with a complimentary scarf.