Replace Me (19 page)

“I’m good.” I could hear that she was happy and knew it was because of him.

“That’s good.” It pained me to say. “Listen, I know you have school this mornin’, but I was wonderin’ if we could meet tonight. There’s somethin’ I need to talk about and I think you’re the only person I can trust with it. I know it’s askin’ a lot, but…”

“Can you come here? My parents won’t be home. They have some thing at the restaurant and are going to stay there until it’s cleaned up. We’ll have privacy to talk.”

“Yeah. Do you want me to grab some dinner? I can get you that sandwich you like from that new place in Easton.”

She giggled. “That would be cool. Shayne, you’re not coming over to try something stupid, are you? I…I can’t do that with you and you know why.”

“It’s not like that. I really need a friend, Lace. Things are all fucked up.”

“I’ll see you tonight. Any time after four is great.”

“Alright. See you then. Thanks for this.”

“Shayne, it’s fine. I want to be friends with you. We were friends before all of this happened. We need to get back to that.”

“I’ll see you tonight, Lace.”

“Bye.”

After we’d hung up, I was too excited to see Lacey. Work went by slow and I couldn’t stop thinking about being close to her again. I knew we weren’t a couple, but in the back of my mind I couldn’t help hoping that I could make her want me again.

Traffic was horrible after work and I didn’t get to her house until after six, after picking up her favorite food. She greeted me with a smile, but offered no hug. I don’t know why I was hoping for one. It wasn’t like she’d missed me, while being shacked up with Joey for the last few weeks.

We sat at the table facing each other during our meal, saying pretty much nothing the entire time. Being in a room with her was a bit uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to begin a conversation, or what would be offensive to her.

After we ate and cleaned up, I grabbed her hand and held it as she looked back at me. “I miss you so much, Lacey.”

She pulled her hand away, but didn’t move. “Shayne, please don’t make this awkward.”

“I’m not. Sorry. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Is that your whole reason for coming? Did you think I’d let you back in so easily?” She stood with her hands on her hips expecting some kind of explanation. “Of course not. I came here because I need advice. My life is so fucked up right now. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

Lacey leaned against the counter and looked concerned. “Why. What’s wrong now? I thought you had things figured out?”

I covered my face with my hands, unable to look her in the eye. “Ashley’s havin’ twins. We found out a couple days ago. I tried to call you then, but Joey said you were in the shower.”

“You tried to call me? When? I didn’t have any missed calls.”

“Saturday, maybe it was Friday. I don’t remember. He said to stop callin’ you and that I needed to leave you alone.”

“What?” She looked pissed and I couldn’t help but feel glad about it.

“I thought he’d tell you, Lace. I’m not tryin’ to cause problems.” Really, I would have loved to be the reason that she hated him.

She picked up her phone and started dialing and I grabbed it out of her hand. “What are you doin’?”

“I want to know why he lied to me and why your number was erased from my call log. Look at it.” She held up the phone. “There’s not one single call from you.”

“He’s probably jealous of what we have. Think about it. You still love me and it probably bothers him.”

She raised her eyebrow and gave me a look like I shouldn’t have dared to say something so boisterous. “Don’t say that, Shayne.”

“It’s true though, isn’t it? You still love me.”

She wouldn’t look at me. Instead she started washing the dishes.

I leaned over the counter and got her attention. “Your love is what makes me want to keep goin’. Do you know what it’s like livin’ with Ashley? She’s pregnant with twins. I’m a damn mess. Do you know how hard it is knowin’ that you’re fuckin’ someone else? It's killin’ me, Lace. I keep thinkin’ that if I do all of these nice things, you’ll come back and give me another chance.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Shayne. We can’t be like that again.”

“I don’t care about Joey, or anyone else.” I walked over and touched the back of her shoulders. Since she refused to face me, it was easy to keep my arms there without seeing her disappointed face. “Tell me you don’t miss me. Tell me you never think about all of the good times we had together. I’m not talkin’ about sex, Lace. We were closer than that and it took you leavin’ me for me to realize it.”

She turned around, finally, looking me right in the eyes with tears coming out of hers. “I do miss you. I waited so long to be your girlfriend and when I finally was, it felt better than I thought it would. I could see us having a real future together. I wanted it.” She looked sad again and wiped off her tears. “But this relationship changed so fast. Trust is everything to me, Shayne. Without that, we’ve got nothing to go on. You act like this is so easy for me. It’s not. I’ve been miserable and I know you hate Joey, but he’s kept me sane. He doesn’t make promises that he can’t keep.”

“He lies too. Look at the phone call. Are you just goin’ to ignore the fact that he threatened me and neglected to tell you I called?”

“No. I will deal with him later.”

She started to walk out of the kitchen and I followed her. “Lacey, don’t walk away. We need to talk about this. I can’t let you go.”

I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around, causing her to smack into my chest. We looked at each other and I could feel a connection. She could feel it too, because she had suddenly stopped fighting me. So I leaned down and kissed her, passionately, like my life depended on it. Lacey pulled away when I tried to put my tongue in her mouth. Her hand came across my face, swiftly shocking me by the force of the slap. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

I pulled her close to me once more, this time pleading with my words. “Please don’t be mad. Lacey look at me. Look up at me and tell me that you don’t miss me.” Then I decided to change my plan. Pleading wasn’t working. I needed another way. “If we’re really done, not because you don’t love me, but because you can’t trust me, then be with me. Sleep with me one last time, Lace. Let me make love to you and get closure. I can’t hurt like this anymore. Please. It’s killin’ me feelin’ like this. I know you owe me nothin’, but maybe it will help both of us, in some way. Don’t you want to be able to let go?” My eyes were burning. I was so damn desperate that I was almost in tears.

Lacey didn’t answer. She couldn’t because she was too busy bawling. She knew right from wrong and my plea had only confused her feeling more. Knowing that she was a one man kind of guy, I’d put her in the position to do something that she was very much against.

I pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head as she cried, feeling bad about making her react this way.

When she finally calmed down enough, I let go of Lacey, took a deep breath, and looked down at her. She reached her arm up and touched my cheek with the palm of her hand. Just feeling her touch me gave me hope, because I knew she still cared. That was when I felt the first tear fall down my face. I hadn’t cried in years, even when Harley passed away. Sure, I’d been upset and even had tears in my eyes, but this was different. Lacey watched me for a moment and then laid her head against my chest again. “I’ll do it Shayne. I’ll be with you one last time, so that we can both walk away with closure. This isn’t fair to either of us, lingering on. I want to be friends, but I can’t with these feelings. I can’t move on until we both know it’s over. If we do this, Shayne, it’s to say goodbye, and nothing else. Promise me?”

She’d given me the green light and I knew I had one last chance to win her back. “Yes, I promise.”

Lacey

We’d made it up to my room before either of us touched one another. My shirt came off first, perhaps to give him the motivation to move forward with our stupid plan.

Shayne’s kisses were aggressive, like he’d waited forever to be able to do it. I didn’t stop him though, after longing for what felt like forever. This wasn’t ideally what closure looked like, but I was willing to do whatever it took to get him out of my system.

With each brush of our lips, every touch from his hands, and the way he looked at me, I thought about Joey. This wasn’t something that I was going to be proud of doing. I kept telling myself that I missed Shayne, that I wanted this and it was necessary, when all along it was apparent that it was wrong.

Our charge for closure would leave us more broken, that was a given.

Just as I was about to pull away, I realized something. Shayne was here with me, giving me every ounce of what he had to offer, and it wasn’t enough. It didn’t give me butterflies, or send me to new heights with every touch.

In fact, as much as he tried, I wasn’t turned on. My mind wanted Shayne, because I felt like he’d broken my heart, but my body wanted Joey; the man who had claimed to not lie to me and done it anyway. I should have walked away from both of them. That’s what I was going to have to do.

Shayne broke my train of thought when he scooted down between my legs he tugged off my clothes and I lifted my legs, allowing him an easier pull. He ran his hand up and down my pussy, looking at it like it was a delicious pie.

Still no butterflies.

Shayne didn’t ever initiate this with me. He was all about himself, always. Right away I could tell he was silently begging, pleading for me to want him back. His lips pressed over my smooth skin, while his tongue began to lick over my clit. Of course it felt good, but I still wasn’t feeling that burst of pleasure that Joey often gave me.

I hated comparing them, albeit I couldn’t stop. With every brush of his tongue, every motion of his hands, I imagined being with Joey.

I grabbed Shayne’s hair and tried to get into what he was doing. It felt great and in time I would cry out in bliss, except it wouldn’t take me to new places, and knowing that crushed my optimism.

This was the man that I wanted a forever with and I couldn’t focus on the fact that he was lying in my bed, attempting to make sweet love to me.

It was possible that unconsciously, I’d shut down my ability to feel what was happening, due to the fear of falling apart when it was over. I certainly didn’t want to think of this being our last time together.

My sudden realization woke me up a bit. Shayne licked harder, pressing his tightened tongue firmly against my bud. My body began to respond and I refused to fight it. I wanted to feel butterflies and scream out his name. My toes curled and I pulled on his hair harder as I felt that magical feeling overcoming me.

Shayne kissed my thighs, each side the same, before kissing his way to my bellybutton. He drove his tongue in it, like he was tongue-fucking me. Thankfully, I was feeling so good, that it didn’t gross me out like it normally did. He got off on it, so I let him be. I put my elbow behind my head so I could watch him loving on me. His hands came up and cupped my breasts, just as his mouth sucked up one of my nipples.

I was wet and ready, thankfully.

Shayne stood up and started removing his clothes. When his boxer briefs came down, he stood at full attention. His length, beat out his girth, and I did get chills imagining him being inside of me. I loved Shayne, but for the life of me, this wasn’t the amazing goodbye that I’d thought it was going to be. It was mediocre, leaving me desperately needing more. Shayne’s focus had changed already and he wanted to be between my legs. In fact, he grabbed them and pulled them to the edge of the bed. Just as he was about to enter me, I pulled away. “What the Hell? Did you change your mind?”

I pointed at his naked shaft. “That gets covered, or this isn’t happening!”

He smiled and tried to come at me on the bed. “Baby, we’ve done it a million times with no rubber.”

I kicked him off me again. “That was before I knew the truth. It was before I knew you slept with those two sluts at Parker’s college.”

He froze and I wondered if he’d lose his erection at that slap of truth.

He didn’t.

Shayne shook his head, but said nothing as he grabbed his pants and pulled out his wallet. Little things like that had never bothered me before, albeit I’d never considered that he kept them in there to hook up with random strangers.

I watched him bite open the condom and felt the burning start in my eyes. I’d changed my mind, but didn’t have the heart to tell him to stop. Shayne leaned down and kissed my lips, but I kept my eyes shut, avoiding letting him see the tears forming. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him.

He entered me slowly, continuing to kiss me, until I responded. While focusing on his body and the way I’d memorized his physique, things became easier. We grinded together and I wrapped my legs around him. Shayne drove into me, then pulled all the way out. I gasped each time, enjoying the pleasure, finally, as he invaded my sensitive opening again and again.

I threw my head back as his tempo increased. My nails dug into Shayne’s back and I finally opened my eyes. He leaned in and kissed me tenderly, giving me a reminder of the man I loved. He was still in there, masked by another part of him that couldn’t be faithful. I wanted this nurturing man back; the one that called me and shot me a random text for no reason.

Sweat ran down his back as our pace continued. We switched positions and I sat up, riding him, causing a special friction that only this position allowed. Shayne grabbed my ass and dug into my skin. His head arched back and he shut is eyes tightly. I could feel him shooting hot cum into the rubber that separated us.

As he finally finished and regained composure, he pulled me on top of his hot chest. “This can’t be over, babe. I can’t let you go.”

The tears came back instantly. I lifted off of him and sat on the edge of my bed. “Shayne, I’m so sorry. I thought this would help, but it made it worse.”

He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his arms. “What are you talkin’ about?”

I looked at him, with warm tears running down my flushed cheeks. “We’re done. Shayne.”