Reservation Blues - Alexie Sherman (30 page)

* * *

From the night report, 34th precinct, Manhattan:

12:53 A.M. Two Native Americans, Thomas
Builds-the-Fire and Chess Warm Water, reported disappearance of two
friends, Victor Joseph and Junior Polatkin. All are from Wellpinit,
Washington, and are in a rock band called Coyote Springs, along with
a Checkers Warm Water, who is waiting at the band's hotel. The
disappeared supposedly took off on drinking binge after confrontation
at record company. Took down stats on the missing but informed others
that we couldn't do much unless there was some evidence of foul play.
Joseph and Polatkin will probably stagger into hotel at dawn.

Builds-the-Fire was lead singer of the band.

* * *

Checkers waited in the hotel room and stared out the
window, at the clock, at the door. She was afraid for the rest of
Coyote Springs, because she knew that Indians always disappeared. She
knew about Sam Bone, that Indian who waved to a few friends, turned a
corner, and was never seen again.

"
Please," Checkers said, her only prayer.
She lay on the bed, closed her eyes, and prayed. She prayed until she
fell asleep, and then she dreamed.

Checkers?
asked the voice,
like a knock on the door.

Chess
, Checkers whispered
as she rushed to the door and opened it.

Hello
, said Phil Sheridan
as he pushed his way into the room.

What do you want?
Checkers
asked.

I came to apologize, Sheridan said. Where is
everybody?

They all just left. They'll be back soon.

You're alone?

For Just a little while,
Checkers said and edged back toward the door. Sheridan stepped around
her, shut the door, and locked it. He stared at Checkers. His eyes
were wild, furtive.

You guys really blew it
,
Sheridan said.

What do you mean?

You blew it by acting like a bunch of goddamn wild
Indians. I might have been able to talk Mr. Armstrong into listening
to you again. He might have given you another chance. But not after
that shit you pulled in the studio. You caused a lot of damage.

We didn't start it.

That's what you Indians always say. The white men
did this to us, the white men did that to us. When are you ever going
to take responsibility for yourselves?

Sheridan paced around the room, lit a cigarette, and
waved it like a saber.

You had a choice
, Sheridan
said.
We gave you every chance. All you had to
do was move to the reservation. We would've protected you. The U.S.
Army was the bestf riend the Indians ever had.

What are you talking about?
Checkers asked.
We're not in the army. We're a
rock band.

Checkers made a move for the door, but Sheridan
grabbed her.

This is Just like you Indians,
Sheridan shouted in her face.
You could never
stay where we put you. You never listened to orders. Always fighting.
You never quit fighting. Do you understand how tired I am of fighting
you? When will you ever give up?

Sheridan threw Checkers to the floor. He pulled off
his coat and necktie.

Listen,
he said and tried
to regain composure.
I don't want to hurt you.
I never wanted to hurt anybody. But it was war. This is war. We won.
Don't you understand? We won the war. We keep winning the war. But
you won't surrender.

Sheridan kneeled down beside Checkers and tied her
hands behind her back with his necktie.

I remember once
, he said,
when I killed this Indian woman. I don't even
know what tribe she was. It was baok in '72. I rode up on her and ran
my saber right through her heart. I thought that was it. But she
Jumped up and pulled me off my mount. I couldn't believe it. I was so
angry that I threw her to the ground and stomped her to death. It was
then I noticed she was pregnant. We couldn't have that. Nits make
lice, you know? So I cut her belly open and pulled that fetus out.
Then that baby bit me. Can you believe that?

I don't know what you're talking about
,
Checkers said.

You know exactly what I'm talking about. You
Indians always knew how to play dumb. But you were never dumb. You
talked like Tonto, but you had brains like fucking Einstein. Had us
whites all figured out. But we still kept trying to change you. Tried
to make you white. It never worked.

Mr. Sheridan, what are you going to do to me?

I don't know
, Sheridan
said and sat on the floor beside Checkers.
I
never know what to do with you.

Sheridan studied Checkers. He had watched her during
the last few centuries. She was beautiful. But she was Indian
beautiful with tribal features. She didn't look anything at all like
a white woman. She was tall with narrow hips and muscular legs. Large
breasts. She had arms strong as any man's. And black, black hair that
hung down past her shoulders. Sheridan wanted to touch it. He had
always been that way about Indian women's hair.

You know, Sheridan said, you're more beautiful
than your sister.

She didn't listen. She didn't really care one way
or the other. She just wanted help. I
I
don't care what you think,
Checkers said
.
I don't believe in you.

What?

I don't believe in you. I 'm just dreaming. You're
a ghost, a dream, a piece of dust, a foul-smelling wind. Go away.

Sheridan reached across the years and took Checkers's
face in his hands. He squeezed until she cried out and saw white
flashes of light.

Do you believe in me now?
he asked.

* * *

Thomas and Chess walked into Carson's All-Night
Restaurant on the Lower East Side. They had been lost on the subway
for hours, sure they were going to be mugged at any time.

"Why aren't we dead?" Chess asked Thomas as
they sat in a booth.

"
Probably because we looked too pathetic to
mug," Thomas said.

"
What do you want?" asked the waitress who
came to the table. She had an unusually beautiful voice for a
waitress, but it was New York. That waitress had been blonde at
several different points during her lifetime, even though she was
currently red-headed. Still, she was pretty and had even been called
back for a few television commercials. She hadn't gotten a role yet,
but there was a bathroom cleaner spot in her future.

"Hey," Chess said, "you ain't seen two
Indian men come in here, have you?"

"What?" the waitress asked."What do
you mean? From India?"

"
No," Chess said."Not that kind of
Indian. We mean American Indians, you know? Bows-and-arrows Indians.
Cowboys-and-Indians Indians.

"
Oh," the waitress said, "that kind.
Shoot, I ain't ever seen that kind of Indian."

"We're that kind of Indian."

"
Really?"

"Really."

"Hey, Kit," the waitress yelled back at the
fry cook and owner of the deli."Have you seen any Indians in
here?"

"What do you mean?" Kit asked. ""You
mean from India or what?"

"
No, stupid," the waitress yelled."Indians
like in the western movies. Like Geronimo."

"Oh, I ain't seen none of those around for a
long time. I saw a few in a book once. You sure there are still
Indians around at all?"

"These two right here say they're Indian."

Kit the fry cook came out to look at the two
potential Indians. Chess and Thomas saw a fat man in a dirty white
t-shirt, although they weren't sure where the shirt ended and the man
began.

"
Shit," Kit said."They don't look
nothing like those Indians in the movies. They look Puerto Rican to
me."

"Yeah," the waitress said."They kind
of do."

"
Do you speak English?" Kit asked.

"Let's get out of here," Chess said to
Thomas.

"Yeah, let's go home," Thomas said.

"Hey, you speak good English, " Kit yelled
after Chess and Thomas. "Have a good trip back to Puerto Rico."

* * *

I 'm pregnant, Lynn had told Junior after they dated
for a few months during that first year in college.

"I'm' pregnant," Junior said aloud as he
sat with Victor in their sixth bar of the night. After hours. Victor
would have been falling down drunk if he had been standing up.

"Who's the father?" Victor asked and
laughed.

What do you want to do?
Junior had asked Lynn after she told him.

"Am I the father?" Victor asked and laughed
some more.

Lynn had Just shrugged her shoulders.

Do you want to get married?
Junior
had asked her then.

"Do you want to get married?" he said aloud
in the bar.

"I ain't going to marry you if I ain't the
father," Victor said.

I can't marry you
, Lynn
had said.
You're Indian.

Junior had turned and walked away from Lynn. He
always wondered why they had been together at all. Everybody on
campus stared at them. The Indian boy and the white girl walking hand
in hand. Lynn's parents wouldn't even talk to him when they came to
campus for visits.

Junior walked away from Lynn and never looked back.
No. That wasn't true. He did turn back once, and she was still
standing there, an explosion of white skin and blonde hair. She
waved, and Junior felt himself break into small pieces that blew away
uselessly in the wind.

"
Nothing as white as the white girl an Indian
boy loves," Junior said aloud.

"What the fuck you talking about?" Victor
asked."I ain't white. I'm lower sub-chief of the Spokane Tribe."

Junior walked away from his memories of Lynn and
looked Victor square in the face.

"You know, " Junior said, "the end of
the world is near."

"Shit, I know that. Don't you think I know that?
I'm a fatalist."

Spittle hung from Victor's mouth, his eyes were
glazed over, and his hair was plastered wetly to his forehead. He
smiled a little, a single tear ran down his face, and then he passed
out face first onto the table.

"
It's time to take you home," Junior said.

Junior picked him up and carried him out the door.
The bartender watched them leave, cleaned the glasses they had drunk
from, and erased their presence from that part of the world.

* * *

Do you know how many times I've dreamed about you?
Sheridan asked Checkers.

It couldn't have been very many
,
Checkers said.
You haven't known me very long.

I've known you for centuries.

Jeez, now you're starting to sound like Dracula.
And I don't believe in monsters.

I want to kiss you
,
Sheridan said.

No, Checkers said. I don't believe in you.

Sheridan slapped Checkers hard, drew a little blood.
A little is more than enough.

Do you believe in me now?
he asked.

You ain't nothing, you ain't nothing.

I'm everything.

You ain't much at all. You're just another white
guy telling lies. I don't believe in you. All you want to do is fight
and fuck. You never tell a story that's true. I don't believe in you.

Sheridan kissed Checkers, bit down hard on her lips.
He was pulling at her clothes when there was a knock on the door.

George Wright knocked on the door of Coyote Springs's
hotel room. He couldn't sleep at all. He had tossed and turned,
worrying about the band. So he Jumped into a taxi and came over. He
was'n it even sure why. He knocked on the door again. He heard a
woman's voice inside and then her scream.

"Shit, " Wright said and threw his shoulder
against the door. He was surprised when the unlocked door flew wide
open and sent him sprawling.

* * *

From a letter Junior kept hidden in his wallet:

Dear Junior:
It's
over. I went to the free clinic and it's over. My parents will never
know about it. You don't have to worry about it. I'm okay. I barely
even felt anything. I just closed my eyes and then it was over. I
hummed a little song to myself so I couldn't hear anything and then
it was over. My parents will never even know it happened. You don't
have to think about it anymore. Just remember that I love you. But
that's all over now.
Love,
Lynn