Resilience (4 page)

“Deputy Benson, what can I do for you today?” It was on the tip of his tongue to make some ridiculously corny joke about arresting Lexie, but Adam reminded himself he was not flirting with the sexy deputy. Besides, Benson had flushed beet red in the seconds Adam had spotted him. No wonder, if he was a good little deputy for that asshole Kaufman. Adam didn’t feel so much like flirting anymore as he gave Benson a—he hoped—steely look. “Are you here on behalf of your stalker boss?”

Adam had never seen anyone go from red to ghostly white so fast in his life!

“What?” Todd slapped a hand on the countertop. Adam at first thought he was being a

dick, then he realised that, no, the deputy really was shaken up. Over Kaufman?

“Your boss?” Adam asked, arching a brow at him. “You know? That asshat who parks

in front of here most mornings? Who I suspect drives by my place? It’s like he has an obsession with me. Any idea why?”

Todd stuttered out a no then shook himself and coughed, then stuttered again when he started to speak. He looked miserable, but Adam didn’t know what to do to help him out. He didn’t even know what was wrong! But it seemed like Todd was working himself into a

worse state, stressing over his stuttering, Adam guessed, and probably growing more

embarrassed by the second. Adam felt really bad for the guy and hoped he wasn’t a weirdo like Kaufman.

“Look, calm down, okay?” he finally said. “And don’t get all mad at me for saying that.

It’s just—” Adam heard his helpers whispering down the hall. He sighed and walked out from behind the counter. “Come back to my office, please.” He waited until Todd preceded him then shot a glare at Verna and Jade. “You two should get back to work and stop

eavesdropping. Ignore them,” he said to Todd.

Adam closed the office door and started for his desk when he realised Todd was staring at his feet. “Long story. Well, not really.” Adam sat down and kicked his remaining shoe a few feet away. “I thought I’d take off my shoes and relax while I took care of some

paperwork. Lexie, a pup we’re boarding for a client, sneaked in and made off with one of them.” He gave a sad-sounding little huff. “Will I get ticketed for driving home with no shoes on? Or will one count?”

Todd looked a little less miserable now as he shook his head. “Kaufman gets off at four today. No one’s going to bother you. I c-can t-talk to him about b-bothering you.”

Impossible to miss the way Todd’s stutter returned when he spoke of confronting his

boss. For some reason that caused a weird pinching sensation in Adam’s chest and he didn’t like it. Of course, maybe he just had heart disease. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble with him—unless you are on his side, which, granted I don’t know him, but I am pretty sure his side is the evil one.” He watched Todd nod eagerly. Huh.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Todd began, and with a lot less

nervousness than he’d had just seconds ago. “See, here’s what happens in this messed-up town…”

“Jesus,” Adam muttered later as he gaped at Todd. “I moved to get away from fucked-up people and ended up here!” He snorted and shook his head, missing the look on Todd’s face. “Of course I’ll help, if your friend Gabe will let me. I was kind of a douche to him the other day.”

Todd was pretty sure he was dehydrated, his hands had sweated so bad through the meeting with Adam. At least he’d finally been able to stop stuttering, mostly. And Adam had agreed to help, which was good. But it was bad, too, because that meant Todd was going to be seeing more of the sexy man and that wasn’t going to help him get the twisted thoughts of ravishing Adam over his desk out of his head. It didn’t help that he thought he’d caught Adam checking out his package at least once, but, well, Todd had done that to guys

sometimes not even realising it. He’d bet straight guys did it too because men were competitive and just about everything centred on the size of their dicks. Whatever, he knew it didn’t mean anything. Except maybe that he hadn’t shaken off so well—

Todd breathed a relieved sigh. All safe down south. Well, he didn’t know why Adam

had looked. Probably he had been staring off blankly, that was all. Anyway, Todd was going to have to get his shit together, because he’d be seeing more of Adam. If Adam was gay, he’d never be interested in someone like Todd, and even if he ever, ever was, Todd couldn’t do anything about it.

But he could find out what Kaufman’s problem with Adam was. Todd thought it was

just him being a veterinarian, and Kaufman being afraid he was going to get busted for animal abuse, but Todd wasn’t sure. You could never tell with Kaufman.

Todd parked his cruiser beside Kaufman’s at the station. He got out of his vehicle and promptly gagged. In seconds, his eyes began watering as the scent of rotted seafood—

shrimp, he thought—flooded his nostrils. In the hundred-plus degree weather, the odour was overwhelming. Todd waved his hand in front of his face, trying to fan away the stench as he quickly left the parking lot.

Kaufman was in for a surprise when he left work today. And it was only two. By four o’clock, the smell would be…toxic, just about. He wondered where Gabe had stuck the shrimp, because that had to be who’d done it, and if it wasn’t shrimp it was some other stanky crustacean. Maybe the hubcaps, Todd thought. He could easily visualise Gabe

popping off one or all of them, packing in some gross stuff, then putting the hubcaps back on.

Todd circled the block and parked at the movie theatre then walked around to the

station, staying as far away from Kaufman’s vehicle as possible. He went inside and knocked on the sheriff’s door, waiting until Kaufman called out for him to come in.

Once he did, Todd dove right in before he had time to get nervous and think, although he knew from years of dealing with Kaufman not to be accusatory. “Has the new vet done anything wrong?”

Kaufman sat back in his chair, still looking at his computer screen. He had an addiction to the card game Pyramids, and Todd would bet that was what he was doing, playing games, not working.

“Nope, but I bet he’s another queer. Don’t want him perverting anyone else if he is.”

Kaufman sounded so calm, as if he was being perfectly reasonable. “Although maybe I’m wrong. I figured for sure he’d be fucking around with that bent motherfucker Staley, and that ain’t the case, as far as I can tell.”

Todd considered weighing in, saying he didn’t think Adam was gay, but didn’t,

knowing nothing he said would help and might, more likely, cause Kaufman to continue spying on Adam.

“Why you asking?” Kaufman still wasn’t looking at him, for which Todd was grateful.

“No reason, really,” Todd muttered. “Just saw your car there a couple times this week in the morning.” That wasn’t true, but Kaufman didn’t need to know it. “Figured I’d ask in case there was something I needed to know of, keep an eye out and such.”

“Nah,” Kaufman said dismissively. “I can handle that city boy myself anyways. Go do

something useful, like take my car to the wash. Had a weird smell to it this morning. Think I might have left part of a tuna sandwich in there under a seat or something.”

Todd gulped as quietly as possible as his stomach tried to turn inside out. This was karma, wasn’t it? What he got for telling Gabe about Kaufman’s personal business. Todd sighed and thought it wasn’t quite fair that he was the only one karma was crapping on today. “Yes, sir.” An idea occurred to him. “Can I take it home and clean it? Be cheaper to use a hose and dish soap.” And Kaufman would assume, by home, Todd meant his folks’

place. It wouldn’t be odd for Todd to drive out towards Gabe’s, and if he just decided to turn in and share his crappy karma with Gabe…well then, who’d know?

Besides, he needed to tell Gabe about Adam agreeing to help, and give him Adam’s cell number. Which, yeah, Todd had in his own phone now, but that was just so he could contact Adam in case of an emergency rescue, that was all.

Todd absolutely wouldn’t ever call Adam for anything other than that.

Shasta was definitely a screwed-up little town, Adam thought as he helped Gabe and

Todd carry in the unconscious dog that, had Adam not known better, he’d have sworn was a small pony.

“Heavy,” Gabe grunted, and Adam would have said ‘No shit, genius’ but he could

hardly breathe, much less speak. Damn it, he was going to have to start doing more than a few hundred sit-ups a week! He sneaked a glance at Todd. In the six months or so he’d been helping rescue the strays in and around Shasta, Adam had ogled the deputy on the sly quite a bit. He hadn’t, however, got to know the man any better.

Which was good, right? That was what he wanted, to keep everyone at a distance. He

sure didn’t want a lover. Or a fuck buddy. Whatever. Adam slammed his elbow into the doorjamb and yelped.

“Get your head out of your ass,” Gabe snapped. “If you drop that end of the stretcher I’m gonna—”

“Calm down,” Todd murmured, and damned if he didn’t sound just that, calm and

soothing and velvety smooth like melted dark chocolate—Adam smacked the back of his

head against the doorjamb, this time on purpose. He needed to stop thinking such stupid crap. Seriously.

But Todd was so… Adam strained his brain trying to figure out what it was about the

quiet deputy that got to him. Because he could deny it until he was blue in the face—or until he herniated every disc in his spine carrying this dog—but the truth was, Todd fascinated him. The guy was just… Adam shut down that train of thought as the dog began to convulse.

Hours later, he was bone-tired and contemplating sleeping in his office chair. Sparky, the huge mastiff-mix that’d been hit by a car or more likely a damned tank, was stabilised.

Adam was drained physically and emotionally. He’d almost been too slow to save Sparky.

Luckily he’d stopped the internal bleeding, but Adam knew that didn’t guarantee Sparky’s survival. He couldn’t contemplate anything but a recovery for Sparky, not without bawling like a baby.

“You need a ride home?”

Adam lifted his head up from where he’d been resting it on his desk. He blinked until there was only one Gabe standing in the doorway. Gabe had about passed out on them a few times, especially when Adam had had to open Sparky up. “Probably you shouldn’t drive.

You were kind of…shaky.”

Gabe snorted. “Fuck shaky, I have nerves of steel but a stomach of glass or something pussy-ish like that.” He shuddered and plucked at his shirt, which was splattered with blood. “In fact, I was gonna ask if I could borrow a lab coat or something?”

Adam stood up on shaky legs and started for the file cabinet. Inside were some tacky shirts he’d got for free from a vendor, and he was glad, now, that he hadn’t tossed them.

“Got a T-shirt, just a sec—”

Gabe whipped his shirt off and tossed it towards the trash can. “Thanks. Try to control yourself, okay? I know I’m irresistible, so don’t look directly at me or my beauty might blind you…”

Adam was laughing before Gabe finished his ridiculous diatribe. The guy was cute and all, but not someone Adam ever would have found irresistible. He opened the cabinet and pulled out a God-awful orange and blue shirt. If he remembered right, the front had lime green and neon pink fleas doing a tango or something. It was truly obnoxious—and perfect for Gabe, Adam thought. He turned with the shirt in hand and started to make a smartass remark but it died on his tongue as soon as he saw Todd standing behind Gabe, glaring daggers at his friend.

Well, Adam had wondered and wondered about Todd, hadn’t he? He was pretty sure

six months of questioning himself about Todd’s sexuality had just got answered. His gaze clashed with Todd’s as Gabe squealed excitedly—how the hell did he have any energy

left?—and grabbed the shirt.

Adam ignored Gabe’s babbling and kept his eyes locked with Todd’s. There was an

interesting tic at the corner of Todd’s left eye, one that was set off by—what? Adam wondered. Anger? Jealousy? Did he suspect Adam was gay? Was Todd, really? Was he

closeted and screwing around with Gabe, was that why he looked pissed off? He’d walked in on Gabe topless and— Stop it, stop it, stop it! Adam tore his gaze away and felt heat crawling over his face. He needed to cut this shit out, stop looking for what he wanted but didn’t want at the same time.

“I’ll pass on the ride. Think I’m going to sleep here, keep an eye on Sparky.” Adam cleared his throat, irritated that his voice had dropped to that husky, fuck-me level. “I gotta go to the restroom. Y’all lock up on your way out, okay?”

Adam kept his eyes on an invisible target as he walked out of his office. He went into the restroom and hit the light and fan switches. He needed to back away from Gabe, keep a professional distance, because letting people close hurt, even as friends. Adam hadn’t heard from Jameson in ages, and that was an unexpected…betrayal. He couldn’t think of any other word for it. His texts, emails, phone calls—none of them had been returned. It fucking hurt, and he didn’t want to think about it, didn’t know why he was doing so anyways right now.

Adam turned on the sink and started scrubbing his hands and arms, then he washed his face. The hand soap was going to do a number on his skin, but he’d moisturise later. Adam concentrated on that, on superficial things like potential wrinkles and whether or not he’d dye his hair when he started going grey, anything but the empty ache inside him.

Or he tried to, but sometimes he was so lonely he hurt with it, like a physical pain that made him curl up and hold himself. His were the only arms he’d felt around him in months, his the only voice he’d heard that really knew him, and Adam sometimes felt he was

straining at the edges, ready to come unravelled because he wanted yet loathed to be alone.

No, what he wanted was to not be hurt, Adam thought. And, yet, Jameson, his best friend for most of his life, had just ditched him completely. What was it about him that made him unlovable? Adam wished he knew, and he wished to hell he was better at being a