Restless Hearts (17 page)

Driving her to the steamer this morning and seeing her safely on board had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. And yet it was something he had to do. He’d known it last night when he heard her with Teresa, telling the other woman about her business in San Francisco. The enthusiasm in her voice as she outlined her plans was unmistakable, and there and then he’d decided to tell her that he wanted to stay on at the ranch. Much as he wanted to ask her to stay with him, he knew he had to let her go... that she had to make her own dreams come true before she could become a part of his.

The paddle wheeler rounded the bend and he lifted a hand again, even though she was out of sight.
Please come back to me,
he prayed silently.
So I can tell you how much I love you.

His mood lifted as he headed back to the ranch where he would be content to spend the rest of his days. The soft rolling hills called to him, and he knew that Sarah was right: he had come home.

Sarah found herself passing the doors to the Grand Salon for the third time. She’d scarcely been aware that she’d circled the promenade deck that many times.

It had been a long time since she’d walked to clear her mind. Back home in Boston, it had been her custom to walk the waterfront when confronted with a particularly thorny problem. The fresh sea air usually helped her to see things more clearly, and she’d hoped that a walk around the ship would do the same today.

But this was a different sort of problem. This time, there might not be an answer. Especially since she could see both sides of the problem. She wasn’t being logical. She knew that, but the knowledge did little to ease her mind. There was no doubt that she wanted to go back and ensure that her business thrived. And she couldn’t do that from
Rancho Agua Dulce
any more than Jamie could manage the ranch from San Francisco. And yet she’d wanted him to ask her to stay.

She stamped her foot on the deck and then looked around guiltily. She was not some flighty woman prone to temper tantrums. Being in love must have addled her brain, at the very least.

She walked to the railing and watched the water rush past, trying to be honest with herself. What was really upsetting her? Was it the fact that Jamie had decided to stay, or that he hadn’t asked her to stay with him? If he loved her, he would have asked her. And yet he hadn’t said those magic words. Was that what she really wanted?

She wasn’t the first woman Jamie had made love to, that much was clear. He was an experienced lover, and desire pooled deep in her belly as she recalled the past two nights. But he hadn’t said he loved her, not before, during or after.

She raised her eyes and stared blankly at a small herd of cattle on the bank of the river. What if she was nothing more to him than a challenge to his virility?

“No.” She said the word out loud. Jamie cared for her, she knew he did. But did he love her? She could ask herself that question all day long and not know the answer. Her time would be better spent planning the future of her business. At least that was something she could control.

* * *

San Francisco’s raw energy surrounded Sarah as she stepped from the steamer. She’d been nervous about hiring a cart to get from the dock to her home, but it was surprisingly easy, and before long the driver was pulling up in front of the familiar dwelling.

Darkness had fallen, and she noticed a flickering light coming from the tent in the front yard. A few men were standing on the street, waiting their turn to eat and she smiled at them as they doffed their hats. Inside the tent, the long tables were full, and along the length of the table, candles had been set in bowls filled with sand. She noticed that some of the men had extinguished their cigars in the sand, which was better than tossing them on the ground, as she had noticed in other eating houses. One of Addie’s innovations, no doubt.

She walked past the dining room, where one table was full of four men, and the other one held Angus and a man with his back toward the door. “Hello, everyone.” She stepped into the busy kitchen.

“Hi Sarah. Welcome back.” Addie was busy spooning beans into a large bowl. “Are there still men waiting out in the street?”

“Just three or four.” Sarah felt left out. “What should I do?”

Addie laughed. “Well, you might go back into the dining room. There’s someone there who’s anxious to see you.”

“Really?” Sarah peered around the door. “Who?”

Addie rolled her eyes. “You’re a big girl. Go see for yourself.”

Sarah checked her appearance in the small mirror. “We really need a better mirror,” she muttered, stalling. “Come on, Addie. Give me a hint.”

Her friend gave her a gentle shove. “He doesn’t bite. Just go.”

The man rose as she walked into the room and she almost fainted. “Devon!” she cried, arms wide. “I can’t believe it’s you!” She stepped into her brother’s embrace and started to blubber. “I can’t believe you’re really here.” She pulled back and looked at him. “You look so much older!”

“Not that much,” he said, grinning broadly. “It’s good to see you too, big sis.” He lowered his voice. “You just about gave our father a heart attack when mother showed him your note.”

Sarah’s heart sank. “He’s all right, isn’t he?”

“He’s fine.” He held her at arm’s length. “You look different than the last time I saw you.” he tilted his head to one side. “You look like a woman who knows who she is... where she’s going.”

His words were exactly what she needed to hear. “I am, Devon. Coming here has been the best thing that ever happened to me.” She turned to Angus. “I see you’ve met Angus, and I would imagine you’ve met the others, as well.”

“I’m staying here,” he said sheepishly. “I hope that’s all right. Addie’s had me working to pay for my keep.”

“Doing what? You can’t cook.”

“No, but I can’t believe how much food they put out from that kitchen every day. For the last two days they’ve had me running all over the place buying supplies. I think they’d have me washing dishes if I wasn’t so clumsy.”

“He’s been a great help, too.” Addie appeared and placed a bowl of savoury broth and fresh bread on the table, indicating that Sarah should sit. “You might as well eat something while you catch up with your brother.”

Sarah listened eagerly as Devon brought her up to date on events at home. “Mother seemed shocked when she found your letter,” he said, watching her closely as he spoke. “But by the time father came back from that medical convention in New York, she’d accepted the idea. I think father blamed her at first for not keeping a closer watch on you, but after a day or so, he realized that there wasn’t much she could have done.”

“That’s a relief. But what are
you
doing here?” she asked, still puzzled by his sudden appearance.

“Our father isn’t quite the unfeeling ogre you think he is...”

“I didn’t say that!”

Devon ducked his head. “Perhaps not, but you’ve thought it once or twice.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“Anyway,” he said, brightening. “After he got over his shock, he sent me to find you, to make sure you’re all right. And here I am!” He turned to Angus. “Perfect timing, too. Angus tells me that the mail steamer arrived yesterday after a long delay. I’ll be able to send a letter informing him that you’re fine.”

Sarah looked at the reporter. “The miners will be glad of that, won’t they?” Angus nodded and she turned back to Devon. “Letters are the only contact they have with their families. The mail has been sorely missed these past few months.”

“People stood in line for hours to get their letters,” said Angus. He glanced up as Anna passed through to deliver more food to the tent. “Addie didn’t miss a beat. She made extra pies, and Anna and Missy sold every one to those standing in line. I hear Missy made almost as much as Anna.” His face softened as he spoke of the child. “The miners are so taken with her; many of them give her a pinch of gold.”

“That reminds me.” Sarah looked around. “Where is she?”

“I believe she’s upstairs, with Walter, but she’s probably fallen asleep. The poor little thing was tired when she came home.” He said it with pride.

“I’ll see her later, then.” Sarah turned back to Devon. “So what are your plans? Can you stay for a while?”

He turned serious. “Father didn’t ask for any promises one way or the other. I think he’s hoping that I’ll make something of myself, even if it takes staying here to do it.”

Sarah looked fondly at her younger brother. “There are plenty of opportunities. You just have to find something that interests you.” She turned to Angus. “Isn’t that right?”

“Oh, aye.” His attention had been on Anna as she walked back to the kitchen.

She leaned toward him. “Angus McKellern, you’re not paying attention.”

Angus bristled, embarrassed at being caught out. “Yes, I am.”

Sarah laughed. “I’m just teasing, my friend, but it’s true. Every time your mind wanders you come out with something in that wee brogue of yours.”

A flush crept into his face. “Do you think it’s too soon, Sarah? It’s been less than a month since she learned she’s a widow, but I love her.”

Her thoughts drifted back to Jamie, standing on the dock in Sacramento, waving goodbye. How could she advise Angus, when she didn’t trust her own heart?

“I have no idea,” she said, but gave him an encouraging smile. “That’s something the two of you will have to work out.”

“You’re right, of course.” He toyed with his coffee cup for a moment, then raised his head, a guilty look on his face. “I forgot to ask. What was the ranch like?”

Sarah shot a quick glance at Devon. “It was beautiful. Much larger than I thought it would be.”

Angus’ journalistic instincts took over. “How large?”

“I don’t know. I’m not good at estimating things like that, but Diego pointed to some distant hills and said they were the boundary of the ranch.” For a moment she could almost feel the horse moving beneath her, and smell the sweet tang of the fir trees. “He says they average a hundred and forty head of cattle each year.”

“What was he like?”

She thought for a moment. “Jamie is lucky to have had him as a steward. I’m fairly sure he intends to keep him on.”

“Does he speak English?”

“What? Oh, yes. Very well. And he isn’t afraid to say what he thinks about how the ranch could be more successful. He’d like to see them expand into produce.”

“The new gold,” murmured Angus.

Sarah had to agree. “Speaking of which, we had potatoes.” She closed her eyes. “Roast chicken and potatoes. And Jamie picked some old ears of corn and ate them.”

“Sounds like you had a good time.”

She focused on her soup, afraid to meet his gaze. “I did.”

“Will you be going back?”

Sarah paused a moment before replying. “Yes. I’m not sure when, but I did promise to go back.” She forced a smile. “Teresa... that’s Diego’s wife... is going to teach me how to make tamales.”

“That’s good.” If Angus noticed the change in Sarah, he didn’t let on. “You’ll like Jamie,” he said, speaking to Devon. “But after I got to know him I had a feeling he wouldn’t stay around long.”

Devon frowned. “He didn’t like it here?”

“It’s not that. I think he felt constrained by his family’s business. Some men just aren’t cut out to spend their lives in an office, and Jamie seems to be one of them.”

“I know how that feels.” He looked at his sister. “I’d like to meet this friend of yours.”

Sarah tried to sound nonchalant. “The
Senator
travels both ways. I’ll introduce you the next time he comes back.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

* * *

“Mommy, there’s a Chinaman hiding in our yard.” Missy had wandered into the kitchen and was wiping the sleep out of her eyes. “I saw him out the window.”

“Missy!” Anna was tired, and she wanted to spend some time with Angus. This was the second time today her daughter had come to her with the fanciful story. Missy had become fascinated by the growing number of Chinese in San Francisco, and mentioned them constantly. She kneeled down and took her daughter by the shoulders. “You mustn’t make up stories, Missy.” She looked into the child’s eyes, worried that she was working her too hard. “Maybe we should take some time off tomorrow and go for that picnic Angus has been talking about. Would you like that?”

“Yes, Mommy, but...”

Anna cut her off. “Sarah is back. Have you seen her yet? She’s in the dining room.”

The child’s eyes lit up. “Can I see her?”

“Yes, of course. Now run along.”

“Sarah!” Missy ran into the dining room. “You’re back!”

Sarah stroked the child’s hair. “Yes, I am.”

“Where is Uncle Jamie?”

Something lodged in Sarah’s throat. She’d have to stop reacting every time someone asked her about him. “Uncle Jamie decided to stay at the ranch for now.”

“But he’s coming back, isn’t he?”

“Of course. Now what did you do while I was away?”

“I sold lots and lots of pies.”

“That’s what I hear. What else?”

Missy’s gaze cut over to Angus then moved away. “I saw a Chinaman in the yard.”

Angus interrupted. “Now, Missy. You know what your mother said.”

“Well, I did.” She gripped Sarah’s arm, her eyes pleading. “He’s still there, and he’s getting cold. I saw him shivering.”

Sarah glanced over at Angus, who shook his head in warning. But something in Missy’s voice made her wonder. “Can you show me?” she asked, taking the child’s hand. “I’d like to see.”

Angus and Devon started to rise, but Sarah motioned for them to stay seated. “It’s okay,” she mouthed, and followed Missy out the front door.

“Around here, beside the wood pile.” Missy tugged at her hand.

Sarah peered into the gloom. “I can’t see much of anything. I should have brought a candle.”