#Rev (GearShark #2) (7 page)

Inside his body. Inside his heart.

Gently, I speared him with my tongue, and he nearly came up off the bed. My laugh was throaty, and his cock jerked in my hand.

“Someone likes that,” I murmured.

“I’m already tortured enough,” he growled. “Finish me.”

I took pity on him and let go of his cock and reached toward the nightstand. The first couple of times, I relied on T to have lube. It took me a while to get used to having it around.

Note: it didn’t take any time at all to understand its pleasure.

But I was past that. I kept some here now, and I pulled it out.

“I’m not ready to finish you. I want more.”

He started to rise up off the bed and grabbed his side.

“Lie back. You can’t be moving around,” I ordered.

He made a rude sound. “Why is it you decide to get all feisty and bold on me when I can’t frickin’ move?”

I tilted my head to the side and pondered the question. “Truth?” I asked, because hadn’t we said we weren’t going to talk about stuff tonight?

His voice was gentle. “Yes, Drew. The truth.”

“Because seeing you on the ground tonight scared the shit out of me. Because seeing someone so strong and brave start to crumble was a giant wake-up call.” I glanced into his eyes and then looked away. More quietly, I said, “Because you’re only giving me tonight.”

This time, he ignored the obvious protest in his body and shoved himself into an upright sitting position. He grabbed the bottle out of my hand and tossed it aside. When his palm cupped the side of my face, I pushed a little closer to it.

“No, Drew. I’m giving you my forever. I’m giving you my heart for my entire lifetime. I’m just not taking that from you.” His thumb stroked over my cheekbone.

My stomach felt hollow, empty, like an arctic wind was blowing through.

“I don’t want you doing things in this bed tonight that you aren’t completely ready for. I don’t want you to be down there because you think it will somehow change my mind.”

“You act like me giving you the same thing, my heart
and
my body for my entire lifetime, is some kind of… hardship.”

His hand fell away from my face, and I wanted to pull it back. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t even realized the truth behind my words, but they hit me like a bolt of lightning. Why was it okay for him to give me all of himself, but not okay for me to do the same?

“Don’t you think I want that?” he asked. “I want that more than anything on this entire planet.”

“I’m giving it to you and you won’t take it.”

“Because I want you to be safe. I want to protect you.”

Frustration welled up within me.

“What hurts worse right now, your body or your heart?” I asked.

His forehead wrinkled. “What?”

“Your body or your heart?” I asked again.

His shoulders slumped. “I think you know the answer.”

“Well, your heart isn’t hurting from that beating. Your ribs endured a lot to protect what’s beneath it. They cracked under the pressure, but they still held strong. They protected your heart. Seems like the beating they took was for nothing, because for all the sheltering they did, you are pretty fucking intent on pummeling it.”

His face paled.

“You aren’t protecting me right now, Trent. It isn’t my body that needs the safety. Just like you, it’s my heart, and it’s taking a beating right fucking now.” His eyes were stricken when I looked into them. “You’re the one throwing the punches.”

It was clear my declaration tormented him. The tone of his voice matched the look in his eyes.
“Drew.”

I nodded like I wasn’t buckling under the weight of his inner struggle, like I didn’t feel guilty for adding to it.

But all was fair in love and war.

If I had to fight dirty to keep him, then I’d be the dirtiest motherfucker there ever was.

“So what’s it going to be, Trent?” I pressed. “Are you going to protect my heart
and
the love it holds for you, or are you going to walk away?”

Trent

Body or soul.

I wished it were that easy.

He made it sound that way. He made it feel that way.

God, I love him.

On the surface, it seemed like a simple choice, but matters of the heart rarely were.

“It’s not that black and white,” I said, my voice gravely and deep. The guilt I felt just then, the all-encompassing urge to pull Drew into my arms and say to hell with everything else, was like trying to hold back an orgasm when the release had already begun.

“You won’t let it be,” Drew argued.

I guess it had been too much to think we could take an entire night and not get into this. We’d been fooling ourselves. But wasn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t I tired of pretending?

Thick silence pressed in around us. He’d tossed me the ball. He’d laid down one epic argument and left me with a choice. I glanced at the mark I’d put on his chest, so near his heart. The heart he so willingly offered me.

I’d give him anything… but how could I take from him? Yes, he was offering, but just because something was offered didn’t mean it was right to take.

But…

I was hurting him and I didn’t want that.

“It seems like no matter what I do, you’re going to get hurt,” I confessed.

“There’s only one kind of hurt for me that won’t ever heal.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled. “Stop saying shit like that.”

“Why? Because it bothers you? Because you know it’s true?” His voice was argumentative, matter-of-fact.

“Of course it bothers me!” I shot out. “You’re my weakness, Drew. You’re the one person in this entire world I would do anything for.”

“All I want is you.”

“You have me,” I said, weary, collapsing back against the headboard. I was exhausted and hurt in so many ways.

And I was naked.

This was a damn heavy conversation to be having without my drawers.

“Where’s my damn boxers,” I muttered.

“You don’t need them,” Drew replied.

I raised a brow. He lifted one back.

I fought a smile, but in the end, my lips curved upward.

The dimple in his cheek made an appearance, and I groaned.

“Please say you understand where I’m coming from,” I pleaded.

“I understand you’re an overprotective and bossy bastard.”

“You flatter me,” I quipped.

“We’re talking in circles.” Drew sighed. “I asked you a question.”

“Just because the people in this house accepted us doesn’t mean everyone out there will. How do I condemn you to that? How do I justify my love is worth the risk? It’s not just your body, Forrester, I’m trying to protect. But it’s your heart, too. What happens when you tell your father and he flips the fuck out? It’s gonna crush you. What happens if your brother is sickened his brother likes dick?”

Drew’s face tightened, and I knew what I was saying was crude and hard to hear. Good. It would never get easier.

“And what about your racing career, the one you’re just starting? Do you think Gamble is gonna want a gay man as the face of his new sport? What if he drops you? What if you never get another opportunity like this again and you spend the rest of your life behind a computer, cut off from your father, brother, and maybe your mother? What happens when you go out and people whisper crude words, when they call you a fag and dick licker?”

He didn’t say anything, just sat there and looked at me.

“You’ll start to resent me,” I whispered. “You’ll blame me for all the shit you lost.”

“Even if I lost every single one of those things you just listed, it still wouldn’t add up to the single loss of you.”

I was dumbstruck. So completely astounded. He told me he loved me. I knew it was true. What I hadn’t realized was his love for me rivaled my love for him.

How did a man fight that?

I couldn’t.

I was going to cave.

It was like all the reasons I put us through this were suddenly null and void.

“You know what I think?” he asked softly.

I gestured for him to speak.

“I think it’s not just me you’re protecting, but yourself.”

Yes. But not from the bigots and the haters in the world. I was protecting myself from me. From all the things our relationship could do to Drew. As I said, it was he who was my weakness, and it was
his
hurt that had the power to destroy me.

“Protecting you is protecting me,” I whispered.

“I really think you’re the bravest man I’ve ever met,” he confessed, almost shy.

I took it as some kind of affront, a challenge. Like he thought I was being weak by trying to push him away. “Pushing you away was brave, Drew. It took everything I had.”

He nodded and reached for my hand. “I know. I don’t want you to be brave for me, Trent. I want you to be brave
with
me.”

“Look at me, Forrester.” My eyes bore into his. “Look at my bruises and cuts. Look at the way people I’ve been friends with for years turned on me without even asking first if the rumors were true.” I gave his hand a squeeze. “Are you up for this?”

He scooted forward on the bed, our legs bumping together. “I’m
asking
for it. I’m asking for you.”

My chest felt tight, and it wasn’t because of my ribs. I felt near to max capacity with emotion, as if everything we’d been through to get to this moment had been nothing but practice. My doubt and fear was waning, being replaced with a sensation of luck.

I was sitting in Drew’s bed, beaten and bruised. Some people out there wouldn’t accept us. Our life would never be as easy as it might have been if we just stayed friends.

It didn’t even matter.

Our fingers were entwined together; his body carried the weight of mine more than once tonight. He was holding out his heart, extending it between us, offering me everything I honestly never thought I’d have.

He was so much more than I ever imagined.

How did I get so lucky? How was Drew able to look past my walls, past the façade I built for everyone to see? He saw me for who I was. For the man I was still discovering… I wasn’t even sure who I would fully become.

But he seemed to see.

And he loved me.

“I can’t say no to you,” I whispered, my voice cracking halfway through. “Denying you anything would be like ripping out my own heart and abandoning it to the wolves.”

Drew cupped his hand around the back of my head and made a sound I could only describe as intense relief. He wasn’t smug he convinced me. He wasn’t arrogant he’d gotten his way. When he pressed his forehead against mine and met my eyes, all I saw was gratitude.

Both our chests heaved a bit, and his fingers dug into my scalp where he held me.

“
Thank fuck
,” he all but groaned.

I smiled. “If you think I’m protective now, it’s probably going to get worse.”

Now my defensive instincts weren’t only concentrated on keeping him safe… but on my radar was
us
. Two men who shared a single heart.

Vicious wasn’t even a strong enough sentiment to define how I was going to protect that.

“I don’t care,” he murmured, still holding my head against his. “As long as you’re my person.”

“And you’re mine.”

Drew’s eyes darkened. “No more talking tonight, frat boy.” Both hands grabbed my jaw and his lips covered mine.

He kissed me passionately, like we’d both jumped off a ledge into a bottomless well… His lips were the only ground I’d ever meet again. We tumbled together. Our tongues danced and caressed each other without hesitation. I rubbed my chin against his as we made out, the feel of his rough stubble causing tension to heighten inside me as my dick began to harden.

I didn’t feel any pain, not even when we slowly lowered as one onto the mattress. His body covered mine, but he wasn’t heavy. Drew supported all his weight on his hands and only allowed his chest and hips to brush me lightly. If my ribs weren’t busted, I would have pulled him over me completely and reveled in the strength of his body.

Our hips started grinding toward each other as our cocks rubbed together. I palmed his hips and pulled them closer so his dick was pinned beside mine and there was no room to do anything but rock slowly.

His head fell to my shoulder, and I whispered, “I love you.”

Drew moaned like the words only intensified his pleasure. Between us, his cock jerked. Abruptly, he pushed up, hovering just inches above me, caging me in.

I was far too big of a guy to ever feel that way, and between us, I was the protective one. But right now, I felt small. In this moment, it was as if Drew were the one protecting me.

“I want to be inside you,” he declared with passion-thick words.

We’d yet to explore that far with each other; we’d barely even talked about it.

Once again, he read me. Once again, he saw my deepest thoughts and cut them off.

“This isn’t just the heat of the moment.” He paused. “Well, maybe a little. But we both know this is only a matter of time.”

“No one said it has to be right now,” I said gently, not wanting it to sound like a rebuff.

In truth, the idea of him entering me was something I thought about a lot. I wanted it. I craved it. Sure, I was curious, too. I wondered if it would be pleasurable for both of us or just the one on top. Thing was I couldn’t imagine not liking anything Drew gave me. In fact, the mental image of him between my legs and filling my body made my mouth run dry and skin feel feverish.

“I want it to be right now.” His eyes shifted between mine. “I…” He looked away and his jaw worked.

“Say it,” I implored, rubbing my palm over his bicep.

“I want to give you the only thing I haven’t yet.”

“Then I’ll have all of you.” I liked that. I liked the commitment and trust doing something like that also represented.

He nodded. Seconds later, his expression turned a little sheepish. “And yeah… I want to claim you.”

I laughed low, ignoring the pull in my chest. “Possessive bastard,” I said fondly.

His straight, white teeth flashed, but it was no match for the dimple that came out to play. Without thought, I swept my thumb along the indent and pressed in, finally, finally finding out how deep that little charmer really went.

Turns out it was deeper than it looked.

It went all the way to my soul.

Drew lowered his body, supporting his upper half with his elbows, and dipped his lips. Our kiss was soft and slow. It made me feel as if I were floating underwater and everything around us was muffled except for his lips.

“Trent?” he asked against my mouth.

“Yes, Forrester,” I murmured. “Take me.”

When he swooped down to kiss me again, I felt the acceleration of his heart against my chest.

“I’ll go slow,” he whispered, pulling back. At my side, he paused, “You up for this? How bad are you hurting?”

“I’m not hurting at all,” I uttered, reaching down to stroke his cock through his boxers. “You’re a very good distraction.”

His muscles moved beneath the smooth skin of his arm as he pushed the hair back off his face. His lips were slightly swollen and his eyes were already heavy with desire. His hand closed around the abandoned bottle of lube at the same time his tongue caressed my nipple.

The rock-hard pebble vibrated with pleasure as he nibbled at it while his hand traveled south.

Careful to avoid my injured ribs, Drew kissed his way down my body. At one point, I got a little choked up when he grazed directly over the fracture. The kiss was so soft it was barely there, like the brush of butterfly wings when one fluttered too close, then flitted away.

No one had ever treated me with so much thought and care before. It was almost my undoing.

Before settling between my knees, he tossed away the boxers. His cock sprang free with enthusiasm, and I closed my fist around it and licked my lips.