Revenant (38 page)

Quinton and I both stared at him in expectation while he fell silent, thinking, the colors of energy around him whirling like the view through a kaleidoscope full of volcanic glass.

“What?” Quinton demanded after a while.

Carlos replied slowly, as if dredging his thoughts from long-faded memory. “The day Rui and the Kostní Mágové have chosen to raise the Dragão do Inferno is the memorial day of Saint Jerome. That sharp-tongued aesthete is the patron saint of librarians, translators, and encyclopedists, and in that regard, the Kostní Mágové consider themselves Hieronymites—followers of Jerome. I had almost forgotten. They are gatherers, translators, and protectors of the knowledge of the bones. Jerome himself was fascinated with the bones of the dead and the righteous. He walked through the tombs and catacombs of Rome regularly as penance for his sins when he was a young man—he considered it a vision of hell. His biographies say that he cited a passage from Virgil’s
Aeneid
:
‘Horror ubique animos, simul ipsa silentia terrent’
to describe the horror and repentance that he felt in the silent judgment of the dead
.
It is ironic that the bones of a common soldier were entombed and venerated as those of a king—the dust of a great deception—in the monastery of Saint Jerome. And now that profane dust lies in the hands of fanatics who consider themselves the hidden acolytes of that same saint.

“On Saint Jerome’s Day, they will bring forth their monster, clothed in fiery deception, blessed by the saint’s own, and constructed of bones from both the innocent and the depraved, carved with the song of an unholy resurrection. The perversity of their plan is magnificent. It binds the sacred indivisibly to the obscene. The drache cannot be killed, because it is not alive. It cannot be cursed away by darkness, nor banished by light, since it is made of both. Rui has advanced better than I’d expected. It’s too bad I’ll have to kill him.”

“You make him sound . . . commendable,” I murmured.

“I would be lying if I said I did not admire tenacity and ingenuity. Especially since I hadn’t expected him to survive ten years after I left.
But how he’s chosen to use his talents and with whom he’s chosen to ally himself do not please me in the least. I will consider the return of his powers to me as a worthy apology for the small matter of his sending his student to kill me. . . .”

Quinton shuddered beside me and I felt no happier about the idea myself. “He gave me the impression that Griffin either did that on her own, or didn’t follow his instructions,” I said, compelled to be fair.

“A detail of no consequence. Rui seems to have forgotten that I am also tied to Saint Jerome—I was born and died on the saint’s memorial day. That will give us some additional strength, but we would be better served if we could stop him and the rest of the Kostní Mágové before they can assemble the final form of the drache. Given what we know he has and what he intends to create, how he means to weave the holy with the blasphemous, I know what else he must have that can only be found in the ossuaries of Alentejo. He has already taken the bones of a sacred, virgin child from Évora. Now he will need the bones of someone infected with a plague that killed thousands, and he will need the skull of a repentant thief who died in a fire. I know where both of those might be found. If they yet lie undisturbed, we may be able to upset Rui’s plans. But if we cannot, we must be prepared to fight a monster that may be nigh on unstoppable.”

“How come this doesn’t surprise me?” Quinton asked the air of the room. “Leave it to my father to hook up with a bunch of bone-waving spell-slingers who can raise an undead and unslayable dragon that breathes fire.”

“Not merely breathes fire. Is made and born of eldritch flame that burns everything it touches except the beast itself.”

“So . . . fire extinguishers aren’t going to help?”

I snorted a laugh and winced as my whole aching body seemed to nag at me for moving.

Carlos turned to look me over again, his face creased with unaccustomed worry, and held out his hand for mine. “May I see it?”

“Not pretty,” I warned him—more for Quinton’s benefit since Carlos wouldn’t care one bit how my mutilated finger looked. I put my hand into his and he unwrapped the bandages with great care.

Beneath the gauze, my whole hand was swollen, discolored, and misshapen. I winced with an unexpected pang as Carlos removed the last of the packing around my dismembered joint. I hadn’t looked at it since I’d cut off the tip of my finger and was taken aback by how terrible it looked. The skin remaining on the palmar side had been stretched over the cut end and stitched down, leaving a hideous line of bloody sutures and bruising across the top of what had been the upper joint of my ring finger. The wound had wept blood and serum and the doctor hadn’t been overly nice about his work. It looked as if there were no remains of the bone I’d hacked off, but I didn’t know if I’d managed to remove the fingertip so cleanly myself or if the surgeon had done that, cleaning up some chopped-off bit I’d left behind inadvertently. I hoped the latter hadn’t been the case, since even a sliver of the bone might draw Rui to the doctor who would have no reason to lie for us even if the bone mage didn’t do anything to persuade him.

Carlos glowered and shook his head. “It could have been better done.”

“The chopping or the sewing?” I asked, my voice nearly faded to nothing by now.

“Both. And you waited too long in repairing it.” He held on lightly and laid his free hand over mine. His hands were cool and dry, his touch more soothing than I could have imagined. I closed
my eyes and let the sensation flow over me, not caring where it came from. “I can’t make it whole again—the tip is unrecoverable—but the remaining bone and tissue are dying,” he said, his voice very low. “For that I have some recourse.”

The relief of pain I hadn’t even acknowledged was so great that I cried and was dizzy. Tension that had held my shoulders rigid for hours faded away. I could feel Quinton supporting me, his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I went limp against him, his breath stirring my hair. The constant, red ache in my body eased and flowed away, replaced by a cool, creeping tide that seemed to loosen all my joints and draw me toward a sensual floating sensation. I felt adrift, aware of the room as if from a distance. Then the coolness began to warm to an uncomfortable degree. I moved a little, trying to pull away, trying to make an objection with my sleepy, ruined voice, but it came out as a weak whimper. I forced my eyes open as Carlos let go of my hand, surrendering it to Quinton with a thin smile.

Carlos rose to his feet from the chair he’d occupied and turned toward the door. “I shall ask Nelia for more bandages.”

He left us alone in the quiet room and I looked up at Quinton, fighting to keep my heavy eyelids open.

“Are you all right?” Quinton asked, watching me with clear anxiety.

“Hand’s better,” I whispered.

“It still looks bad but not like something from a train wreck anymore,” he said. “I can’t say I’m pleased with Carlos about it, though. Something felt . . . weird about that.”

I tried to laugh but
didn’t make it past a snort.

Quinton started to smile. “All right, how ’bout one snort for
‘you’re imagining things’ and two for ‘you may have to challenge him to a duel’?”

This time I did manage to laugh.

“I’m sorry. That sounded like ‘You’re imagining that I want you to challenge him to a duel and die tragically.’”

“Never,” I said, my vocal cords having received a small benefit from whatever Carlos had done, as well. “Showing off.”

“Me or Carlos?”

“Him.”

“What sort of showing off are we talking about here? Because I’m grateful for the healing thing, but if he’s been messing around in your head . . .”

“No. My head’s fine. Funny that you’re still jealous.”

“Of a dead guy? I am not.”

“Liar.”

“All right. I am jealous of someone who has a connection to you that I can’t have. And I’m jealous of the time I haven’t been able to spend with you while I was chasing after my father, giving in to my own obsessions instead of being with you. I’m envious of my sister. She has a family and a home, and she can hold her loved ones close and be with them all the time, wherever and whenever she wants. And I wish I had that. I hate what I’ve done in leaving you alone and I wish I’d quietly broken Dad’s neck when you weren’t looking last year.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Why? If he’d died, none of this would have happened.”

“You’ve said that before, but we can’t know that, and you would have become a man who had murdered his own father in a fit of rage.”

“But I still think the world would be better off if he were dead.”

“I agree, but a year ago, you weren’t thinking of the world. You were caught in your own fury and fear. If you had killed him, your remorse and your horror at what you’d done would have torn you to pieces. What’s happened is terrible and I feel for your sister and her kids, but you can’t preempt every atrocity in the world by perpetrating more—that’s the route your father has taken. It would be unwise for you to be the instrument, no matter how necessary his death may become. You don’t need the guilt and you would carry it forever. I know you. It would weigh you down even more than knowing the end results of what you did for the government does now. I want you to be free of that, but I can’t take it away and you would never let yourself off that hook, so don’t put yourself there. Let someone else carry the guilt.”

“You?”

“No. I think he ought to be dead, but I won’t be the one to do it. He is very ill. Rui and his plans may be all it takes. Let him go.”

“I will. I’ll have to work on it, but I will. I would rather hold on to you.” He looked at me as if asking permission, and the colors around his body were fluttering, unsure.

“Right now?” I asked, feeling there was something that pressed on his mind that he was afraid to say, and was trying to get around to, or escape from somehow.

“Yes.”

“All right,” I said.

He pulled me closer into his lap, swinging my legs over so I was snuggled sideways to his body. I nestled my cheek into his shoulder and, in spite of the topic, I wished I could purr with the contentment of being quiet in his arms. Quinton wrapped those arms around me and we sat like that for a while, me listening to the reassuring constancy of his heartbeat at rest.

After a time, he pressed his cheek against the top of my head. “I love you so much,” he said, “and ever since I saw you again in the doll hospital, I can only view the world in the context of you. Every step I take without you beside me or in front of me seems like wasted motion. I feel you in my heart like a separate but indivisible part of me. Not just the magic thing; the everything. If you died, I wouldn’t know how to live. I would be like an old-fashioned watch that had lost its spring. I never want to be far from you again.”

An electric wariness tingled over my nerves. “What if I didn’t die, but I couldn’t be with you? What if we had to be apart for a while through no desire of our own?”

“Like this past year? Are you hinting at something I should know . . . ?”

“No,” I replied too quickly. “Just hypothesizing. But what if . . . ? Would you wind down and die?”

“No. Because I would know you were still in the world, still spinning the little gears of my existence, if from afar. I wouldn’t like it much, though.”

“I wouldn’t, either. I didn’t like this past year much at all.”

“Maybe we should do something about it.”

I made a small interrogative sound, confused and apprehensive about where he seemed to be leading the conversation. . . .

“This isn’t how I pictured this moment. . . .”

“What moment? What’s wrong with it?” I asked, startled, and twisting out of his lap to get a better look into his face.

He let me back away, but kept his gaze on me, his expression so soft and full of longing that tears pricked in my eyes. “Will you marry me? Harper? I want . . . us to be . . . together.”

“But we are.”

“Legally.”

I blinked at him. “You think you’re going to die.”

He stared and then broke out in startled, uncomfortable laughter. “No! If I thought
that
, I wouldn’t be asking. I know I’m supposed to do this differently—I’m supposed to get on one knee and have a ring and all that, but I suck at that kind of thing.”

“But . . . you’d be stuck with me. You’d be out in the open. Everyone would know how to find you and you’d never be able to hide again.”

“I don’t want to hide anymore. I think I’m too old for hide-and-seek.”

“What about your father?”

“What about him? When this is over—one way or another—he’s not going to matter anymore. It’s not about him—except what dealing with him has taught me about myself. About what I want and what I don’t want. Back at the agency—the other one—the field guys were all single because they were wild cards, mobile, replaceable . . . expendable. When a guy moved up, he got a desk job, got a house, got married, because now he was a real person with a real place in the world—not what we used to call a ‘wild dog’ with no permanence, born to roam, born to die. I want to be permanent. With you. Out in the open.”

I was panting and sweating, couldn’t answer him while I wrestled with a fear I hadn’t faced in years. I thought I wasn’t afraid of anything so paltry, but the impulse to flee that captivity and everything that I associated with it hadn’t quite let go of me, as regressive and stupid as it was.

Quinton frowned and leaned forward, reaching to brush my cheek and then pulling back, his eyes widening a little. “You’re panicking. Which I sort of understand. But you don’t have to. What I’m offering is not a prison and a wedding ring is not a shackle. You
wouldn’t be my property. The only thing that would change between us would be the light.”

“Light?” I repeated, confused and disoriented.

“It’s that condition that isn’t shadows, secrets, and darkness. And we could live there.” He looked down at my injured hand, biting his lip.

“It’s OK to touch me. I won’t shatter into pieces,” I said.