Revolution Business (21 page)

The next day, Miriam visited the clinic again-this time, for her own appointment.

Brill had found her an anonymous motel suite near the interstate, along with a survival kit. "Here's your driving license, credit card, and phone. Want to do dinner?"

"Sounds like a plan. Uh, what about you guys?"

"Oh, we'll be around." Brill looked amused. "I thought you'd appreciate some privacy. Tomorrow…"

"Yeah, that."

Tomorrow dawned hot and early through the picture window in the suite's lounge; Miriam rolled over and buried her face in the pillow until the bedside alarm radio cut in, reminding her that she really needed to get up. She sat up slowly, fuzzy-headed and confused:
Where am I?
A concatenation of hotel bedrooms seemed to blur behind her.
What am I-oh.
And so it began-the first day of Iris's, of her own, little conspiracy.

She swallowed, feeling a mild sense of nauseous dread.
You can't avoid this step,
a little voice reminded her.
But it's too much like admitting it's real.
The result of the cheap pregnancy test kit on the road had left her feeling numb but clearheaded. Going to
see
an OB/GYN and finding out whether it was a boy was the inexorable next step down the road, but she wasn't ready to face up to her destination yet, or to decide whether she was going to go there or stamp on the brake pedal. As she brushed her teeth, combed out her hair-which was darkening at the roots again, after its brutal treatment in New London-and pulled on her clothes, she found herself treasuring every remaining second of her indecision.

Brill was waiting for her downstairs in the lobby, concealed behind a newspaper. She rustled it as she rose, to signal her presence. "Ready?" she asked.

"Let's get this over with." Miriam managed a brittle smile.

"As my lady wishes."

While Miriam had been held prisoner for a couple of months by Baron Henryk-held in the conditions of a most privileged prisoner, the troublesome heiress of a noble family who must needs be mewed up and married off before she embarrassed the elders enough to warrant strangling-the baron had arranged a most unpleasant medical examination for her by a doctor who specialized in making sure that the family tree always bore fruit in the right places. And seven weeks later, give or take a couple of days, her period was
still
late, and she was regularly skipping breakfast. Not to mention the other, terrifying symptom: the loss of her ability to world-walk. There was no room for doubt in her mind, even before the test stick had shown her the treacherous blue label.
It's not like I haven't been pregnant before,
she'd told herself. But dealing with it was another matter entirely, and if it was male, potentially heir to an explosive situation… this wasn't about
her
doubts and fears. It was about everybody else's.
And
Mom.
Mustn't forget Mom.

"Your pardon, Miriam-aren't you a bit tense?"

"Put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel?"

"I'd be petrified! If it's a boy it's the heir-" Brill stopped, her hands gripping the steering wheel.

"That's what we're going to find out," Miriam agreed. With the free run of a fertility clinic, yen Hjalmar would have been able to put his sperm samples through a sex sorting protocol, and while that wasn't a surefire guarantee, she wasn't inclined to bet against it. "But what about me?"

Brill paused for a few seconds. "I'm sorry."

Miriam took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Don't be. What's done is not your fault."
What happens next, though…
"Just get me there and back. Then we'll talk."

This time there was no security cordon of bible-scholar bandits to penetrate, just a brilliant and vacuous smile from the receptionist followed by directions to a waiting room. "Dr. Price is waiting for you," she added as Miriam put one foot in front of the other and forced herself along the corridor. Brilliana, behind her, felt like the shadow of all her fears, come to escort her to the examination room.
I've done this before,
she reminded herself.
Yes, but you were twenty-one and indecisive and Mom guilt-tripped you
out of
having an abortion-and there
was a nasty thought, because how certain was she that Mom wasn't playing a riff on that same head game all over again?

Seven weeks along. All I have to do is ask. Huw said he'd sort everything out.
She held the thought like the key to a prison cell as she paused on the threshold of the examination room, and the guy with curly brown hair sitting at the desk turned to look at her and then rose to greet her. "Hello? Are you Miriam? I'm Dr. Price, Alan Price." His eyes tracked past her. "And this is…"

"A friend." She practiced her smile again; she had a feeling that if she was going to go through with this she'd be needing it a lot over the next weeks and months. "Hi. I understand you're an OB/GYN." She shuffled sideways as he gestured towards a chair. "Have you ever worked with Dr. yen Hjalmar?"

Price frowned. "Van Hjelmar… no, doesn't ring a bell." He shook his head. "Were you seeing him?"

"A different practice." Miriam sat down heavily, as if her strings had been cut; a vast weight of dread that she hadn't even been aware of disappeared. "I really didn't like him. Hence this, uh…

"I understand." Price leaned over and dragged a third chair into position, then waved Brilliana towards it. His face assumed an expression of professional interest. "And your mother, I gather, suggested?…"

"Yes." Miriam took another deep breath. "My fiance is, uh-"

"-He died last month," Brill picked up without a pause. "Oh, I'm sorry!" Price sat up. "Well, that probably explains it.

"It was a shooting accident," Miriam said tonelessly, earning her a sharp look from Brill.

"Eh." Price glanced back at his computer screen. "Alright. So you were on his HMO plan, but now you've moved to-oh, I see. Well. I think my receptionist's got the new release forms through-if you can sign one and get your old practitioner's details to us we can take it from there."

"Okay." Miriam nodded.

"Meanwhile?…" Price raised an eyebrow.

"Well." Miriam managed to get a grip on her breathing:
mustn't start hyperventilating.
"I'm pregnant." It was funny how you could change your script and the person who you were talking to would fall into a new pattern of their own, she thought as she watched Price visibly tense as he tried to keep up with the conversation: from polite sympathy through to curiosity to a quickly suppressed wince. Brill glanced sidelong at her again:
You're laying it on too thick, back oft?
"It wasn't planned," she added, not backpedaling exactly but trying to fill in enough details to put Price back on ground he was comfortable with, that wouldn't raise any questions. "We were going to wait until after the wedding. But.." She shrugged helplessly.

"I see." Price was visibly trying to get a grip on the situation. "Well, then." He cleared his throat. "Have you used a pregnancy test kit?"

"Yes. I assume you'll want a urine sample so you can verify?…"

"Yes." Price opened his desk drawer and removed a collection jar. "If you wouldn't mind? The rest room is through there."

When Miriam returned she placed the collection jar on the desk as carefully as if it were full of nitroglycerin. "Here it is."

"Right." Price looked as if he was about to say something else, then changed his mind at the last moment. "I'll run it right now and then we can take it from there. Is that okay?"

Miriam didn't trust herself to reply. She nodded jerkily.

"Okay. I'll be right back." Price pulled on a blue disposable glove, then stood up and carried the sample jar out through a side door.

Miriam looked at Brill. "How discreet is he going to be?"

"Very. He's on salary. Our dime."

"Ah."

They sat in silence for five minutes; then, as Miriam was considering her conversational options, Dr. Price opened the door again. He was, she noticed, no longer wearing the glove. There was a brief, awkward silence as he sat down again, then: "It's positive," he confirmed. Then he picked up his pen and a notepad. "How long ago did you last have sex?"

The question threw Miriam for a moment, bringing back unwelcome memories of Roland. She was about to say "at least eight months ago," when suddenly she realized,
that's not what he's asking.
"Seven weeks," she said. A little white lie; sex had nothing to do with her current situation, except in the most abstract imaginable sense.

"Well. You've made it through the riskiest period-most spontaneous miscarriages occur in the first eight weeks. So the next question is-I'm assuming you're here because you want to continue with it?" He paused, prompting.

Miriam could feel the blood pounding in her ears. No matter how she unpacked the question it didn't quite make sense to her: It felt like the introduction to a much larger question, monstrously large, an iceberg of possibilities.
1 could say no,
she thought.
Get this over with right now. Quit the game.
Mom might disapprove, the duke might object when he recovered, but they couldn't stop her if… Miriam opened her mouth. "Yes," she heard herself whisper hoarsely. She swallowed. "Yes," she said again, louder; thinking,
I can change my mind later. There's still time.
"I'm assuming you're going to want to schedule an amniocentesis appointment, for," she swallowed, "things like Down's syndrome and hydrocephalus? Will you be able to check on the-my baby's-sex?"

"Eh, we can do that. It's a bit early for amniocentesis right now, though, if it's only been seven weeks. I'd like to start by asking some questions about your family and medical history. Then I'm going to take a blood sample to get started with, while we're waiting for your old records to arrive. Shall we begin?"

After they left the clinic, Brill drove Miriam back to the motel. Miriam could hear the questions tumbling over and over in her head: The silence was so loud that it roared.
And now, the talk,
Miriam thought, keyed up and tense. It had to come to this sooner or later…

"You said you wanted to talk," Brill said into the abrupt emptiness that flooded the car's interior as she turned off the ignition. She studied Miriam in her mirror, carefully avoiding eye contact.

"Yes, yes I did." Miriam opened her door. "Do you have time to come in?"

"Of course." Brilliana looked as if she were walking on eggshells. "I imagine this must be hard to adjust to."

"That's the least of it." Miriam held her tongue as they entered the lobby and walked to her door. "Come in."

Brill had rented a suite for her; Miriam took the sofa, and the younger woman perched on the armchair opposite. For a few seconds they stared at each other in silence. Finally, Brill cracked. "It's hard, isn't it?"

"Yes." Miriam kept her eyes on her. "I have three questions, Brill."

"Three? Is that all?"

"I think so."
Because if you can't convince me I can trust you, then…
well,
that
was an interesting question, and not one Miriam wanted to consider just yet. "You work directly for Angbard, don't you? Tell me, are you sworn to him personally? A vassal under his patronage?"

Brilliana looked at her warily. "You never asked before." She rubbed her cheek thoughtfully. "What makes you ask?"

Miriam licked her lips. "I'd like a straight answer. Please."

Suddenly Brill's expression cleared. "Oh!" The penny had clearly dropped. "I am ranked as a sergeant in the Clan's Security, that is clear enough. But you have the rest of it, too: His grace swore me to his personal service." She looked Miriam in the eye. "To be discharged by death, or his word."

"Ah." Miriam nodded, very slightly.
So Mom was telling the truth.
A tension in her chest began to unclench.

"Why do you ask?" Brill repeated.

Miriam took a deep breath. "You-you, and Huw, and my mother, and the tooth fairy, for all I know-say you want me to trust you. Well, right now I find I'm very short on trust. I've been locked up, beaten, I've been
impregnated"-she
paused to breathe again-"then suddenly a couple of weeks later it's all `trust us, we want you to lead us'! And-factional differences or not-I'm having a hard time buying it. So. Second question. Why did Angbard sic you onto me?"

Brill closed her eyes, startling Miriam. "Crone give me patience"-she opened her eyes again-"Helge, he's your
uncle.
He married but his wife died years ago and they produced no offspring-don't you get it?"

"But surely-"

"Surely
nothing!
Have you no idea how violent the civil war was? His line were targets! Your mother was targeted, her husband killed! The whole reason for Clan Security is to prevent anything like that happening ever again! Meanwhile, you, you-" Brill's shoulders were shaking. "Please!"

"Please, what?" Miriam stared, bewildered. "It's this social thing again, isn't it? What am I doing wrong
this
time?"

With a visible effort, Brilliana collected herself. "You're your mother's heir," she said quietly. "How hard is it to see that you're also your
uncle's
heir? Or at least his closest surviving descendant by distaff-you're a woman, so you won't inherit everything, but you're attached to the title to a whole damned
duchy.
God-ona-stick, Helge, don't you get it? Henryk wanted you under his thumb because it gave him a weapon against his grace! And it shut you up, but they've always had a casual way with their women," she added with offhand venom. Then she looked back at Miriam. "I am a sworn vassal of your uncle, Helge. Sworn to protect his interests. You are his next of kin. Need I to draw you a diagram?"

"Uh." Oh boy. Miriam turned it all over in her mind.
Damn, I'm really going to have to work on figuring out how these extended family links work!
"But your direct loyalty is to him, not to me. Right?"