Revolving Doors (25 page)

CHAPTER 45

~*~*~

I didn’t know how true it was when Robert said that he would “
lay off and accept things as they are…as they come
,” but that Sunday, making an attempt to acknowledge his feelings, I invited him to a family dinner at my parent’s house so that they could, “
meet the guy I have been casually dating
.”

They didn’t need any other information than that. There was no number scale applied to the “casual” and I sure as hell was not about to provide the timeline because that would open up a whole other set of circumstances.

For all they knew, he was someone I met recently.

I made sure to emphasize
casually
so that my mother couldn’t run rampant with it, but not surprisingly, the play on words went unnoticed by her.  She extended more invitations to dinner than I’d ever known her to do.

“Mom, slow down!” I’d demanded. “Maybe before you invite him to all the dinners you host, you run it by me first.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll check with you first from now on,” she’d promised.

Did she do it?
Hell no
.

And when I confronted her yet again, at first she claimed that it had slipped her mind.

“Mom…you know I don’t buy that. I really don’t want Robert reading more into what’s going on between us than there is. You either, for that matter.”

“I don’t see the harm in it Gabriella,” she rebelled. “He seems to really be into you and I like that.”

“
You
like it, Mama. That’s great. But I don’t want him forced into my space like that. I don’t need every time I come to eat with you and Dad, for Robert to be in tow.”

“
Okay
…
Okay
,” she declared. “I get it.”

But she really didn’t.

Robert was soon introduced to Di and Joseph. My mother made it a point to have them over so they could meet who she had already made up in her mind was my soon-to-be husband.

The very reason I was against introducing Robert to my parents, was happening. It was more my mother’s end than my father’s.

My father was cool with things, but of course to him nobody would ever be good enough for his daughter. So he remained neutral and slow to attach to the idea.

My preference would have been for it to remain with the immediate family only, so that Robert didn’t start to get the feeling that he was all in, but I kept mum because I knew, as with all the other times, whatever I had to say would fall on deaf ears.

When I called to discuss my dilemma with Kelli, her response was, “Gabriella, it’s not such a bad thing to give in to that man. He’s a catch and I’m sure if you don’t want him, somebody else will be all too happy to take him off your hands. You’re just a hot ass who wants a selection to choose from! Men everywhere! And being somebody’s woman is gonna shut
all
that shit way down.”

Not entirely, but I let her live with that belief.

“Okay, Kelli. That’s the last time I call you in the Arizona desert! What happened to being on my side?”

“I don’t think it was right that they double-teamed you. That wasn’t fair, but I’m sure they meant well. My mom already called and told me how much she was impressed by him. So was Joseph.”

“Oh my god. No doubt they’re already making wedding plans.”

“We’re all on your side. The side that says you need a good man and he appears to be it.”

I knew that they all meant well. The fact of the matter was that I was feeling pressure to succumb and I didn’t like it. I had been living my life my own way and all of a sudden I had everyone coaching me on how I should proceed.

My intentions were always to let the process flow organically, without anything being forced. However, with the family’s interference the whole idea of a relationship caused me doubts.

My professional life was fine and thriving, but the personal life was under scrutiny and since I was unwilling to disrespect my parents or hurt Robert, I internalized a lot of it.

Robert began pushing harder than he had in the past, and his attitudes became more frequent because once he met the family, he then began posing the question, “
why introduce me to your family if you weren’t going to consider a commitment
?” I felt like I’d entered the Twilight Zone, or like he was working from selective memory.

I had never promised him that. I was merely putting the shoe on the other foot and recognizing how he felt. I thought I was doing a good thing, but it backfired.

I never understood why if he was that unhappy with the way our union was progressing, he didn’t take the initiative and end things himself.

On some level, I began to resent the totality of the situation. Not the people involved – of which there were many – but how it made me feel inside. It was as though I was losing control of my own
existence and the way I had chosen to handle my life. I was proceeding forth based on what others expected. It became more about what they wanted, and less about what I wanted for myself.

CHAPTER
46

~*~*~

One week before my annual departure to
Brazil, I was already in my mode to leave. The source to my calm was nearing.  I was going to use the trip to assess the Robert situation.

My hope was that I would come back more clear-minded and with a plan to move forward.

Of course my entire trip wouldn’t be used for thoughts related to home because I would be robbing myself if I allowed that to happen.

I needed Paraiso Belo
for my peace of mind, and it never failed with providing the serenity I craved.

It was a world gifted to me from a deep hurt, yet grew to be a great love and something that provided comfort to me when nothing and nobody else could.

~*~*~

I wasn’t surprised that as the date neared, Robert became withdrawn.

The first year we got together, he didn’t pose questions about Brazil because he recognized it as something that pre-dated him.

The second year, he hinted at going, reminding me that it was always somewhere he wanted to go and us going together would be ideal.

When my last trip approached he threw out, “How do I even know Brazil is where you’re going?”

When I refused to entertain him with a response, he reached a
point where he went days without calling. He even declined one of my mother’s invitations to dinner.

I never led Robert on. I was always as up front with him as I could possibly be about where my feelings were and what I was able to contribute in the way of our relationship.

I was honest when I told him that I wasn’t in love with him and that although I wasn’t in love, there were feelings present that went beyond a basic liking of a person.

I felt that I had compromised in some areas – particularly, introducing him to my parents – but it
hadn’t seemed to satisfy him.

My feelings became, i
f he wanted to be upset, then so be it. If he wanted to break up, by all means he should do so. My ego wasn’t such that I would get bent out of shape if he dissolved the relationship first.

With so many last minute details to tend to before leaving, it was easy for me to give Robert his space. I left him to his attitude.

I wasn’t going to stop and worry about what was going on in his head. I was too ready to board my flight to be bothered.

Needless to say, when
so much time had passed since the last time I spoke with him, I was surprised to get a text the night before I left:

“
I’ll be by to pick you up for the airport
.”

“
You really don’t have to do that, Robert
.”

“
I know…I want to. I want to keep my word. Besides, it would be nice to see you before you left since you’ll be gone for a bit
.”

I sent a simple response.

“
Ok. I appreciate it. I’ll cancel the car service
.”

Cool!

~*~*~

I rose early the next morning with a burst of energy.

In four hours I would be sitting in my seat on American Airlines and en route to paradise.
Much-needed retreat, here I come
!

I went into my home office, checked emails, responded to a few. Then called my mom to make sure she didn’t have any pending to-do’s for me that needed my attention prior to departure.

“Rise and shine, Mama!” I yelled into the phone.

In an agitated morning voice not yet ready for the day, she yelled, “Gabriella!” It’s 5 AM!”

“I know Ma, but I wanted to check in to see if you have anything pending for me that I need to go over with you before I take off?”

“Did we not spend the entire day together yesterday? Was I not there in the salon with you when you cut all your beautiful hair off against my better judgment?”

“You said you liked my hair, Mama!” I said, instinctively taking my fingers through my short tresses.

“I love it. Not the point though. The point I’m trying to get across is that
I just saw you yesterday and we covered all that we needed to cover
. I’ve done this too many times to not know what I’m doing,” she said suddenly sounding fully awake.

“Not doubting that…just wanted to make sure.”

“How long has Goodie Bagg been open?
Six years
. How long has the club been opened?
Three years
. How many years’ experience did I have before you were even born, little girl?
Please
! And how many times have you gone to Brazil, returned home and all was well? Probably better than you left it? Huh?” she proclaimed sarcastically.

“Ha! I highly doubt it!”

“Please don’t. You’re messing with a powerhouse in the flesh.”

“
Oohh
…somebody’s bragging, I see.”

“Yep, somebody’s earned bragging rights…
long
before
you were an embryonic thought, thank you very much.”

We broke into a hearty laughter and it made me realize how silly and overprotective I was being. When the laughing was done, my mother was the first to speak.

“I got it handled, sweetie.
Promise
. Di is pitching in to watch over things. She’s bored now and needing something to do, so we’ll be tag teaming and kickin’ ass at it.”

“Mama…you know I appreciate you, right?”

“Prove it! Bring me something back!” she kidded.

“Don’t I always?”

“You do, my love. Oh yeah!” she suddenly blurted out. “Make sure I get lots and lots of pictures of you and Natalia in your Carnival costumes…and footage if they have that.”

“Yeah, the school’s videographer is on top of it so you’ll have plenty of visuals when I come home.”

After a half an hour of joking and everything in between, mother and I were coming to the end of our conversation.

“I love you
, sweetheart. Enjoy yourself and kiss the family for me.”

“I love you too, Mama. Kiss daddy for me when he’s up.”

“Muah!” she sounded into the phone.

“Back at ya!”

Ahhhh
…I was breathing and fully relaxed knowing, as usual, that things were in good hands.

It wasn’t that I doubted my mother, it was that Club Rendezvous and Goodie Bagg were my babies, so I wanted that last minute reassurance they were in good hands.

When my mother and I disconnected the lines, I texted Di: “
I Love You, Auntie
!!!
Thank you for your help while I’m out of town. Expect something nice
.”

I was restless and a bit anxious once my calls were made and text messages were sent, so I took my nervous energy and headed to my bedroom to finish last bits of cleaning.

In my OCD state, I needed the entire house spotless before I exited my front door, so that I could return to a clean environment. It would simplify the unpacking process because I wouldn’t have the task of cleaning and unpacking. 

I dressed for comfort for my lengthy flight. No need to deal with hair, the new pixie cut was wonderful! Allowed me to ruffle my fingers through and go. No makeup, minimal lip gloss application and I was ready…and right on time apparently, because no sooner than I did, Robert called from outside to announce his arrival.

I was surprised when I saw that the “
ride
” was a limousine. I knew exactly what he was up to…and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna fight him on it.

“Good morning, Beautiful,” he said when I opened the front door. His eyes widened when he took a closer look. “You cut your hair!”

I blushed and ran my fingers through the waves, as if feeling them for the first time. “I did…yesterday! Got a little bold and decided on something different for a while.”

“
Wow
…I like it. It fits you perfectly.”

“Thank you! I appreciate that.”

He smiled. Robert was a beautiful man. When he smiled, I was reminded of that.

“Not everyone can pull off what
Halle pulls off…but you’ve done it, lady and it’s working for you.”

“
Awww
!” I couldn’t help it. I leaned up on my tiptoes, and kissed him on his cheek.

“So, you ready to take off?”

“As ready as I can be.”

He picked up one of my bigger bags and signaled for the driver to assist with what was left, while I waited to lock my doors behind them.