Rexanne Becnel (27 page)

“Far away, far away, child; When will you give me a smile …” she crooned softly to the baby. But the blurry infant gaze that met hers seemed as unlikely to smile warmly at her as was Corbett’s piercing one.

She sighed as she thought of her difficult husband. She did not know what he wanted of her any longer. Once she’d thought she knew. He’d wanted Orrick, of course. Then she’d thought his clear pleasure with her in their marriage bed would be enough to keep them both content. But that was no longer sufficient for her. And obviously it was not enough for him either. But what did he want of her?

She bent her face down to nuzzle the baby’s soft cheek. Elyse smelled of milk and mint oil and baby, and it was strangely reassuring. When the door creaked slightly she did not even look up but only murmured, “You need not return so soon. I’ll stay with her awhile.”

“And neglect your duties in the meantime?”

Lilliane’s head jerked up at Corbett’s quiet remark. He stood within the door opening, almost as if he hesitated to enter. A part of Lilliane, something deep within her, leapt to see him standing there. He had come to find her, and she could not ignore the feelings of satisfaction that gave her. But she cautioned herself not to make too much of it.

“The castle will not be neglected by my absence on this single occasion. Magda will see that naught goes amiss.”

“Magda cannot sit beside me.”

Lilliane peered warily at him, trying to decipher the meaning behind such odd words. Then she gave him an arch look. “If you fear the gossip springing from our—our disagreement in the bailey, well, I have much familiarity with the gossips. Believe me when I say you will survive.”

To her surprise, he did not rise to the sarcasm edging her words. Instead he took a step further into the room and closed the door to the drafty corridor. When he still did not speak she peered at him curiously, unable to fathom his strange mood.

Finally he came nearer then stood before her, his legs planted apart, his hands behind his back. “Is this some new method you have adopted to annoy me?”

Lilliane knew he referred to her absence from the table, but she took perverse satisfaction in feigning innocence.

“How selfish you are to begrudge this little motherless baby a few minutes of my time,” she replied in her most injured tone.

“Damn it, woman! That is not what I meant.” He stared accusingly at her. “And you’re well aware of it also.”

It was all she could do to stifle the laugh that bubbled to her lips; she had to look down quickly at Elyse’s puckered face so that he would not see her expression. She knew she would have to say extra prayers this evening to atone for the wicked delight she took in frustrating him this way. But then, he deserved it, she reminded herself, recalling how abruptly he’d spoiled her ride earlier.

“Well, if it is not the time I spend with Elyse that bothers you, then what?” she persisted.

Corbett’s scowl deepened. “How long shall you stay away from the evening gatherings?”

“It is not my intent to irritate you by my absence,” Lilliane finally answered more soberly. “It was just that today …” She trailed off as she thought once more how unreasonable he had been.

“It is just
today
that you wished to irritate me,” he finished curtly.

His self-centered complaint was the last straw. She stood up quickly and laid the baby back in her wooden cradle. After tucking the soft wool blanket securely around her, she slowly turned to face Corbett. She was furious all over again at his selfish attitude.

“Today,” she began vehemently, “today I simply could not abide one more minute of the farce we call a marriage.” She smiled bitterly when his brows raised in surprise.

“This castle has a long history of strife. But I’ve never felt it so keenly as now. Not even when our families were embroiled in fierce combat! And it’s all your fault!”

“My fault!” he exploded. “My fault? From the first moment I laid eyes on you you’ve been nothing but trouble!”

“Then leave here!”

In the silence that followed her shrill cry they stared at one another. He looked furious, his face darkened in a frown. But her vision was quickly blurred by the tears that sprang unwanted to her eyes. Mortified, she turned abruptly away. How she wished she could take back those rash words. But once said they could not be banished. Indeed, she was not at all certain what she would say in their place.

“You’ll not be rid of me so easily, Lilliane. No matter how much you may wish me gone.”

A lump lodged in her throat at that and she wrung her hands together. “I don’t … I didn’t mean that,” she admitted in a small, quiet voice.

When there was no reply from him, she peered cautiously up at him. He had not moved. Not an inch. He was just staring at her as if he struggled to understand just what sort of woman it was that he had wed.

“I confess, you leave me continually baffled, Lilliane.” For once he truly seemed not in control of the situation. “What is it that you mean? Shall I leave or shall I stay?”

She would not believe he would actually leave Orrick if she so demanded. She was certain he would never do that. Yet perhaps it was their marriage he referred to. Still, whichever it was, she took some comfort in knowing he wished to know how she truly felt.

As she struggled to find words, he ran his hands through his hair and released a weary sigh. “Will you at least give me an honest answer? You need not fear my reprisal.”

“I feel so … so alone,” she confessed softly.

“Alone? God’s teeth, but we are surrounded day and night! By servants and retainers. And unwanted guests.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she interjected softly. With her nerves in a tangle, she began to restlessly roam the small chamber. “I too feel the strain of the last weeks here. But I am nonetheless alone. I don’t know …” She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know what you expect of me.”

He was silent a moment. “But do you want me to leave or stay?” he asked once more in a quiet tone.

The low rumble of his voice seemed to strike some chord in her and a quiver shook her. She knew her answer. It was foolish of her to pretend otherwise.

“I want you to stay,” she admitted, watching him guardedly. At the quick lifting of his expression she hurried on. “But we cannot continue on as we are. Some things must change.”

Corbett nodded slowly, keeping his smoky gray gaze locked thoughtfully upon her. “Perhaps …” he began. Then he smiled and it was almost as if the sun suddenly shone upon her. “I must depart for London very soon. Would you leave Orrick to travel with me?”

“Leave Orrick?” Lilliane was completely taken by surprise.

“Dunn will see to the defenses. Ferga will tend the babe. Magda will keep everyone else well in line. Orrick will survive your absence, Lily.”

“I do not doubt that,” she revealed, a hesitant smile beginning to curve her mouth.

“Do you doubt the sincerity of my invitation?”

Lilliane did not answer. Perhaps a change of scenery would be good for them, for away from the routine of Orrick—and the oppressive presence of William and Dunn—they might indeed be able to work out some of their problems.

“But why so far away? Why London?”

He shrugged. “I have business to attend there. Besides, does it really matter to you where we go so long as we are together?”

Lilliane could hardly believe his words. He wanted her with him! It was impossible to credit, but it was true nonetheless. Her amber eyes were fixed upon him and she did not pause to debate her answer. “Yes. I would like to go with you.”

At her acceptance, Corbett let out a hearty laugh. Then he crossed to her and pulled her gently to him. “So my lady shall go to London. No doubt you think it a treat, but I warrant you’ll tire of court very quickly.”

“I am sure I shall love it,” she contradicted, regaining her composure somewhat. “So many important lords and ladies. So many fine things to see.”

“We shall not be staying overlong,” he cautioned.

“Good.” She finally smiled up at him. “As much as I shall enjoy it, I shall still enjoy returning home all the more.”

For a moment he did not reply but only stared at her unseeingly. Then he focused on her and forced a smile to his lips as well. “As shall I,” he murmured. “As shall I.”

L
ONDON WAS AT ONCE
fascinating and terrifying. Lilliane was amazed at the magnitude and the size of the many buildings crowded together near the banks of the Thames and stretching out into the green countryside. She was dumbfounded by the throngs of people, by their constant motion and their utter nonchalance at their surroundings. Her nose wrinkled at the heavy scent of smoke—and slop—but even that could not dim her enthusiasm.

The entire journey had been a wonder to her for, once they’d passed Burgram Abbey, she’d been in territory completely foreign. For the first two days they’d followed the old road through the Pennine range. The mountains were beautiful in their early mantle of snow. But once they descended into the midlands, the snow gave way to mud and drizzle and the going was more difficult. Still, each day brought new places, different people, and a dawning awareness of how truly large the world must be.

They found shelter each night at castles eager to offer the new lord of Orrick and his lady their hospitality. The castles and the many lords and ladies she’d met were beginning to blur now in her mind—Sir Frederick of Bexhill, Lord Rufus and Lady Anne of Tutbury, the drunken Herbert of Wolston. She’d been most relieved when they stayed at the abbey at Woburn, for the spare mode of living there was a blessing after the opulent feasting of the previous five nights.

At Berkhansted the accommodations had not been so comfortable, but by then Lilliane had not cared for she’d known London was only another half day’s journey.

Now as the entourage of heavily armed men-at-arms made their way into London, Lilliane could hardly contain her excitement. On impulse she urged her mare forward, ignoring the alarmed cries of the two knights assigned to her. Before they could prevent it she had pulled abreast of Corbett and she turned to him eagerly.

“Oh! Look, see the fair! Why, who has heard of a fair so late in the season?”

At once Corbett grabbed her reins, clearly annoyed that she was ignoring his instructions to keep herself always surrounded by the knights when they rode through towns. But his sharp reprimand died unsaid. Her eyes were so bright and her smile was so gay within her wind-pinkened face that his scowl would not hold.

“’Tis not a fair as you are familiar with,” he answered, signaling a man to ride up along her other side. “In London there are markets continually open. In the warmer months, though, there are fairs that bring rare and precious goods—fine jewels and oils, silks and cottons.”

Corbett chuckled at Lilliane’s wide-eyed wonder. “And now, have you a yen to spend my coins at the market? Well, I may be inclined to escort you there. But mind you, Lily.” His face grew more serious. “Do not venture anywhere without my express consent and an ample guard about you.”

Lilliane scarcely heard his warning, so excited was she by their surroundings. Corbett had been most considerate during their journey, and the long ride had gone far toward easing the tension between them. He had not changed; she knew that. He was as careful and watchful as ever, as his warning had just proven. But he had begun to relax around her. It was the first chance they’d had to spend any time together outside of their bedchamber, and he’d proven to be a most entertaining companion. He’d told her tales of the various towns and churches and castles they’d passed. He’d further kept her amazed with stories of the crusades and Prince Edward’s campaign, chuckling sometimes at her wide-eyed wonder and naive questions. Even when she’d asked him hesitantly about the scars that marked him he’d answered her: the sword that had glanced off his brow at Byzantium; the bear that had clawed him so viciously when he’d fought it away from Edward near St. Blasiens; and the spear that had come close to separating his arm from his shoulder.

With every tale came another revelation. Slowly she began to see him in a different light. He was stern and demanding, yet he took his duties seriously, never shirking a task. He was proud to the point of arrogance, yet he’d proven himself in battle and tested himself against steel. He was harsh and yet … Lilliane smiled to herself as she thought of their recent nights together. He was always a tender lover, even from that first terrifying night in the shepherd’s cottage. But now there seemed a completeness about their joining, a wholeness, meeting in equal eagerness. In equal desire.

Oh yes, he was a harsh man. But never cruel. And he was learning how to bend.

In what was becoming a most natural gesture, she reached her hand to grasp his. The quick squeeze he gave her leather-gloved fingers warmed her through and through, and confirmed what she was beginning more and more to realize. Her heart had no defense against this fierce warrior husband of hers. Despite the bitter wind and the damp, seeping chill, she was warm and happy as she passed through the Bishop’s Gate at Corbett’s side.

Lilliane had not given a thought to their accommodations in London; she knew Corbett would attend to those details as he’d attended to the other facets of their journey. She was not prepared, however, for them to stay within the imposing complex surrounding the White Tower.

When they were waved entrance into the Tower Green and then were met by a full complement of eager attendants, she was speechless with surprise. She knew little of the world and hardly more of England and English politics. Yet even she knew that Tower Hill was the seat of the Kingdom. And here was her husband being greeted with such obeisance and attentive respect. The retainers seemed almost to compete for the honor of serving him.

Corbett took it all in good stride, as if he were quite accustomed to such attention. However, when an ornately uniformed man made to help Lilliane dismount, he stayed the man with a quick gesture. Then he lifted his own hands up to her, waiting patiently with a smile curving his firm lips.

In Lilliane’s eyes he was the most handsome of men. The wicked scar that had horrified her on first viewing now only made him more masculine and appealing. She knew he was physically powerful; his arms and shoulders bulged with iron-hard muscles and his back and legs were equally endowed. But now, seeing what respect he commanded, she knew his power extended far beyond his battle prowess. It may have been at war that he’d received the title king’s Bird of Prey, but it was clear it was a role in which he was equally cast here in the center of English government.