Rhyme Schemer (2 page)

If I was

short

wide

freckle-faced

I would beg for home school

or a ticket

on a boat

to Siberia.

Watch out, Sideshow Robin.

I'd take the long way to recess

if I were you.

I only suggest this

as a friend

because Giant John looks

grumpy

tired

hungry.

He might mistake you

for lunch.

Wait.

Can you take a boat

to Siberia?

The tires squeal

like Petey's car is making the road

screeeeeeam

in pain.

Get out
.

I pull my backpack onto my shoulder

put my hand out

a fist bump

to say good-bye.

He just leaves it hanging.

A lonely bumpless midair fist.

I said, get out
.

So I do.

The road screams again.

Petey and his air guitar are gone.

My fist hangs at my side now.

Heavy as a stone.

If I am stone

my fist is a gargoyle, scaring people away.

If I am stone

I don't have to answer questions in class.

If I am stone

I don't have to listen to all the boring things.

If I am stone

I am unbreakable.

If I am stone

My foot is jagged, cold, strong.

If I am stone

I don't laugh when Robin trips on my jagged foot

and slides down the aisle between desks

like he's a pebble rolling downhill.

I'm not always stone.

Mrs. Smithson.

That old meanie

with Harry the mole

jiggling in my face.

She made me go see

Hartwick.

Dun

Dun

Dun

Duuuun

He called my mom

but she didn't answer

so he gave me a warning.

BE NICE

OR ELSE

What a jerkface.

As a side note,

I have composed an ode

to Hartwick's tie:

[Clearing throat noise here]

O, Principal's tie

You make me want to cry

Because you are the color of

An armadillo butt

Another old book.

Another old page.

Just a quick sneak into the library.

Riiiiiiip
.

The trick is to do it fast

when someone is sharpening a pencil.

Noise camouflage.

(A good name for a band.)

A secret message

left from a secret word scratcher.

The teachers are not happy,

and that makes it even more fun.

When I'm old

enough

I'll leave

this place.

Will Mom cry?

Will Dad miss me?

I can see them now

laughing together

about one less mouth to feed.

Will they worry?

Will they care?

Mom can use my room

for emails and bookshelves.

She will like that.

We are not rich,

though people think we are.

I'm sick of it.

Get it?

Sick?

'Cause Mom and Dad are doctors.