Rhythm of Us: Book 2 Of The Fated Hearts Series (27 page)

“My people, Mother? Have you any idea how offensive your statement is?”

“Don’t be so sensitive, Bennett. You were always too emotional and it was the reason you got so fat.” Her tone was both superior and dismissive and it grated on my last fucking nerve.

Why was I there? Why did I even bother?
I was no longer a sad, lonely little boy who only wanted to be loved by his parents. I was a grown man capable of choosing who I let in his life and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I tolerated my parents and their poison near me.

“Let’s just get this night over with,” I said tersely, which went right over her head.

I grabbed Beverly’s arm and led her toward a person with a clipboard who could validate our tickets. Once inside the event, she began looking around and prattling quietly about this couple and that couple, whispering all about their personal lives, as if I gave a shit.

“Oh, there he is.” Beverly’s excited voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. She dug her claws into my bicep and practically dragged me over to where a group of men stood. “Jagger,” she exclaimed excitedly. I about crapped my pants when JJ turned around and smirked in my direction. I had forgotten his first name was Jagger until my mom said it like they were best of friends.

“Ben,” JJ said smoothly. “How’s life been treating you?”

“Not bad. How about you? You must be really happy with the Supreme Court’s ruling on gay marriage bans.”

“I am thrilled about their decision, even though it isn’t something I want for myself. It was just the tip of the iceberg, though. The LGBT community still faces an inexcusable amount of discrimination, especially in the workplace. That’s where my focus will be going forward.”

“Wait! You two already know each other?” Beverly sounded gleeful. She directed her appraising gaze at JJ. “I didn’t know you’d had the pleasure of meeting Bennett.”

“I’ve not had all the pleasure he has to offer, yet, but we have been acquaintances for over a year.” I didn’t miss how JJ’s voice lowered several sexy notches when he mentioned pleasure.

“Well,” Beverly said with a giggle. “I’ll just let you two talk.”

“What the fuck was that?” JJ asked me as soon as Beverly walked away.

“That’s her pitiful attempt at matchmaking.”

“Me? Why? I’d make a horrible husband. I couldn’t be faithful if you paid me. I’d gladly fuck you though.” I watched as JJ’s face went from shocked that my mom would think he was a husband candidate to leering at the thought of a quick, dirty fuck.

“She’s not concerned about your fidelity or if you’d be a good husband to me. It’s all about what you could do for Beverly’s reputation.” I chose to ignore his comment about fucking.

“She sounds as horrible as my mom.” JJ looked around the room and narrowed his eyes a minute before looking back at me with a puzzled expression on his face.

“How are things with you and the rocker? It looked like the two of you were all hot and heavy at the wedding reception. The way you moved together was like watching two men having sex with their clothes on. It was pretty hot.”

His comment rubbed an already raw nerve. I’d had all I could take from people. “I’m surprised you noticed with all the drinking you were doing. Must’ve been pure misery watching the man you love marry someone else.” JJ flinched and I immediately regretted the hateful things I said. How would I feel if Xavier started dating someone else and all I could do was watch him move on without me? “Sorry, man. That was a low fucking blow and you didn’t deserve it. Fuck! I can’t stand my hateful self, right now.”

JJ slapped me on the shoulder and chuckled. “Don’t waste your time on worrying about my nonexistent feelings, Ben. You’d be better off to worry about that.” He nodded his head to something behind me and I turned to follow his line of sight.

Xavier was at the benefit and it was obvious that he came with Miller Bexler, Gray’s best friend and JJ’s manwhore equal. I watched in dazed silence as Miller handed Xavier a bottle of water. I was overwhelmed by jealousy and disillusionment so fierce that it eviscerated me, leaving me in a bloody heap of heartbreak on the fucking floor.
Fuck me!
Apparently I wasn’t over his abrupt exit from my life. One look at him and I recalled every lonely minute while I waited for one simple word from him.

“That should be your focus, buddy. Miller has wanted that guy from the moment he laid eyes on him. What Miller wants, he gets. Always.”

I was fully aware of Miller’s persuasiveness, but chose to keep that tidbit to myself. I thought I detected a tiny hint of bitterness in JJ’s voice, but I was too interested in self-survival to pay him much attention. “It’s none of my business.” It hurt to say those words, but they were true. Xavier chose to exclude me from his life and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, except make a quick exit before he realized I was there. I refused to cause a scene and embarrass myself. I left JJ standing there staring at the two handsome men across the benefit and went in search of my mother. I found her gossiping with a nest of pit vipers she called her friends.

“Mother, I’m leaving. You’ll need to call your driver for a ride home.” My goodbye was abrupt and I offered no explanation. She followed after me, bitching about my poor attitude, lack of respect, and how I once again embarrassed her with my behavior.

“Are you listening to me, Bennett?” she snarled at me as we reached the door.

“I’ve heard every hateful thing you’ve said to me since the day I was born. I’m going to do us both a favor and permanently remove myself from yours and father’s lives. Lose my number, Beverly.” I left her gawping at the door.

It felt liberating to be free of her. I ripped my tie off as I made my way to my car. My blood pulsed and throbbed in my veins and I had two choices: I could go find a man to fuck or I could go home and box. I chose the latter, but I refused to acknowledge that Xavier played a role in my choice.

I made it across town in record time and was lucky I didn’t get pulled over. I changed into a loose pair of shorts and headed to my garage where I kept my exercise equipment and punching bag. I turned on my radio to a heavy rock station, grabbed my jump rope off the hook, and began my warm up routine of stretching and jumping. Once finished, I taped up my hands and set to work on my arms and shoulders with jabs, crosses, hooks, and uppercuts. I went through the circuit three times before moving onto my legs with front kicks, side kicks, and roundhouse kicks.

I was dripping with sweat by the time I was finished, but I was too fucking exhausted to think about my misery, which was my intended goal. I tidied up my space and shut off my radio and that was when I saw ten texts and five missed calls from Xavier. I told myself to delete his texts without reading them, but I was a fucking glutton for punishment.

JJ said you saw me with Miller at the benefit. I’d like to explain. Can I call you?

Ben, I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls or texts last week. I wasn’t ready to talk yet. I am now.

Come on, Ben. Talk to me!

I’m sorry about the way I treated you. Truly!

All of the texts followed the same pattern of apologizing or pleading until I got to the final one.

OPEN YOUR FUCKING DOOR!

MY FIRST REACTION
when I saw Ben standing in his doorway dripping in sweat was unbridled lust. I wanted to catch that salty rivulet of sweat that was making a fast path down to the elastic waistband of his shorts. Of course, I noticed that he was once again without underwear and that did nothing to slake my thirst for him. Then I looked into his eyes and saw the raw hurt and disappointment; I was ashamed, because I had put it there.

“You don’t owe me an explanation of where you were or who you were with.” The betrayal that appeared in his gaze said differently.

“Chase and Gray bought the tickets before they picked a wedding date. They’d forgotten about it until the tickets arrived in the mail. They asked Miller and me to go in their stead and we agreed to go. Separately. I wouldn’t . . .”

“Why not? He’s exactly what you need – sexual relief without any emotional entanglements.” There was so much hurt and disillusionment in his voice.

“I thought you said it was overrated?”
Was I too late? Had I pushed him too far?
God, I hoped not, but I was scared that I ruined something full of promise and hope that had been building between us. I wasn’t giving up without a try.

“I was mistaken.” He was kind enough to leave out the
because of you
part, but I knew I was the source behind the reversal of opinion. Ben blew out a frustrated breath. “Are you okay, Xavier? That’s all I needed to hear from you last week.”

“I’m getting there, Ben.” I ran a hand through my hair while I worked up my courage to ask for something I had no right to. “Can I please come in?” I saw the hesitation and wariness in his beautiful gray eyes before he stepped aside to allow me to enter his home.

“I’m going to take a quick shower so go ahead and make yourself comfortable. There’s plenty of soft drinks and juice in the refrigerator.”

“Thank you,” I replied to his retreating back.

I looked at Ben’s vinyl record collection while he showered upstairs. I closed my eyes and wished I could curl up on his couch and burrow into him while we listened to albums. God, I missed him so fucking much, but I wasn’t sure I had the right to say that to him.

Ben returned several minutes later and situated himself in the chair across from me instead of sitting beside me on the couch. The few feet between us felt like an unsurmountable chasm made worse by the wall that Ben erected while he was upstairs. Damn if I didn’t want to kick that wall down and crawl into his lap where I felt I belonged. I wasn’t sure where to start so I chose to go with brutal honestly.

“This has been the hardest seven days of my life. The urge to do drugs was the strongest I faced since I quit. At one point, I got in my car and went to a club so I could find a dealer and buy some E. I sat in the parking lot and fought the biggest battle of my life, Ben, but I won in the end. I drove back home and called the Narcotics Anonymous hotline and talked to a counselor, because I can’t do this alone. I went to three meetings in seven days and I’m feeling stronger now, but it will always be a battle for me.” Ben’s expressionless face told me nothing about how he was feeling. I took a deep breath for courage and soldiered on. No guts, no glory.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much, Ben. There wasn’t a day that passed by that I didn’t want to call you to hear your voice and let you assure me that everything would be okay. I wanted to lay my head on those broad shoulders and let you help me forget that my ex-boyfriend had been brutally killed. I wanted you to tell me it was okay that I wasn’t sad about Damien’s death. I hurt you and I’m sorry.” Ben made a scoffing sound like he wasn’t hurt. “I
did
hurt you and I am sorry.”

“What do you want from me, Xavier?” I wasn’t the only one going straight the crux of the problem.

“Right now or long-term?”

“Both. I’ve made a really big move tonight by saying goodbye to my parents and our lethal relationship. I also learned this past week that I will no longer pursue a man who doesn’t want my attention; I’m not the kind of guy who wants or needs a challenge in his personal life. I’m not asking for a declaration of your affections, Xavier, but I need to know what you want for us now and down the road. If you just want to be friends then I will do that for you. I will find a way to push the crazy chemistry aside and just focus on being your friend. I can’t be your fuck buddy, though. I just can’t be that to you and keep my heart intact.” His honesty and vulnerability gave me the courage to be the same for him – honest and vulnerable.

“Right now I want to curl up with you on your couch and snuggle while we listen to some of the amazing records in your collection. Later, if you’ll have me. I’d like to spend the night in your arms and wake up to your face in the morning.” I took a shaky breath before I continued. “My long-term goal is to earn your trust again and give in to my heart when it screams that I hold on to you and never let go.”