Riding Tall (8 page)

“You look miserable,” Kristen said, flopping gracelessly onto the ottoman in front of him. “Why don’t you dance?”

“Turns out I don’t like dancing unless I’m high,” he said sadly.

“So get high.” Her expression made it clear she’d found the obvious solution.

“Nah,” he said, leaning back into the leather. “Don’t feel like it.”

“Is this a Joe thing? Does Cowboy Joe disapprove of drug use?”

Mackenzie frowned. Kristen wasn’t the first friend who seemed to have gotten a negative impression of Joe, and it was beginning to be annoying. “I don’t think so. And he’s not here. I can do what I want. I just don’t feel like getting fucked up. I’m a bit too old for it, you know?”

“You’re two years younger than I am!”

No way was Mackenzie drunk enough to pursue
that
topic. “I’m thinking another hour or two, and then home to bed?” He could tell as soon as he saw her expression that he wasn’t going to like her response.

“Actually… I was thinking of bed quite a bit sooner.” She grinned and cut her eyes toward a young preppy guy standing by the bar, clearly waiting for her. “But he lives somewhere….” She frowned as she tried to remember the details. “I don’t know. Somewhere I can’t go. So we need to go to my place.”

The effect that would have on Mackenzie was clear, but he tried to delay the discussion of it. “Is it possible he lives
with his parents
? He’s just a kid, Kristen!”

She grinned again. “I
know
. He’s going to be fun!” And then she got more serious. “But you know how small the apartment is. It’s would be a bit… you know. Kind of awkward. If he’s in with me and you’re out on the couch, hearing everything….” She made a cutesy face that had probably been a lot more effective when she was the age of her prospective fuck. “You can find somewhere else to crash, right? I mean, you know lots of people here tonight….”

Mackenzie did know them. Or at least, he had. But they’d drifted out of his life over the past months, and he hadn’t missed them. Kristen was the only friend from the city he’d stayed in touch with, and now she was ditching him for some guy. Which, of course, was completely in keeping with the rules they’d always had for their friendship. It wasn’t Kristen’s fault that Mackenzie had settled down and gotten boring.

He forced himself to smile at her. “Have fun. I’ll find somewhere else, no problem.”

His response earned him a quick kiss, and then she was gone, giggling and grabbing the prep’s hand. He sighed. He wanted another drink, a real one.

Well, it wasn’t
that
cold of a night. He could take the subway back up to where he’d parked the car, sleep in it, and pay a couple dollars for a shower at the community center the next morning. Not his ideal night, but not the end of the world, either. It was a workable plan. He’d wasted too much money the last time he was in town, so there was no way he was paying for a hotel, and he really didn’t want to beg a bed from any of the people he saw in the bar.

It all made sense. Which made it that much more confusing when, less than an hour later, he found himself being dragged out of the bar, Anton clenching his hand as if one or both of them were drowning, heading for…. “Where? Where are we going, again?”

“The Blue Room,” Anton said. “It’s just down the block. Or a few blocks. I don’t know, it’s in here somewhere.”

“And Alexi is there?”

“That’s what Casey said. That son of a whore! He said he wanted a quiet night at home! Said he needed some peace!”

Well, that would certainly not be something he’d get hanging out with Anton, Mackenzie mused. He stumbled along behind as Anton continued to rant and rave, managing to wrench his hand free just in time to avoid being run into the sandwich board advertising dinner specials outside a restaurant. He glanced in through the tall glass windows and saw four men, maybe a bit older than him, looking out at him with a mix of horror and amusement.

They weren’t envying his youth and beauty, he realized with a start. They weren’t wishing they could live a carefree life of adventure and glamor and flirting and late-night fun. They thought he was a mess.

Anton grabbed his hand again and yanked him forward. “Move it, Mackenzie!” he ordered.

Mackenzie let himself be dragged along, but his mind was back with the men in the restaurant. They hadn’t looked like tourists, or even suburbanites. They lived in the city, they were part of the community, they were enjoying the cultural offerings on tap… they were just doing it in a different way. A way Joe would have been comfortable with.

It wasn’t about city versus country. Mackenzie could feel the truth of that, and he tried to chase down the details. It was just lifestyle choices. There were people getting messed up and doing crazy things out in the country, and there were people having quiet dinners with friends in the city. There had been a time Mackenzie had
wanted
the craziness, but that time was gone. He wasn’t living the way he was because he was stuck in the country; he
wanted
a quieter, saner life.
With
Joe, but not
because
of Joe.

He didn’t want to be drunk and confused, getting dragged through the streets because Anton was trying to track down some maybe-boyfriend and punish him for some real or imagined slight. Just because work brought him to the city didn’t mean it had to bring him to his old lifestyle.

It was a good thing to realize, he was pretty sure, and he tried to run over it in his mind so that at least the major features of the idea would still be there when he sobered up.

“He’s in there!” Anton hissed, dragging Mackenzie past the wide window and toward the bar’s doorway. “You need to play along, okay?”

“Play along? What are you doing?”

But Anton didn’t answer. He was too intent on getting the door open and pulling Mackenzie inside. The place wasn’t too crowded, but Mackenzie had no idea what Alexi looked like so he didn’t bother looking for him. Anton ordered them shots of something, so that was a silver lining, and then there was a cocktail of some sort to follow, and Mackenzie hadn’t paid for any of it. This wasn’t too bad.

Anton was talking about something, his face too animated and his voice too loud, but Mackenzie was still able to tune out most of it. And it took him quite a while to notice just how close Anton was standing, and how possessively he had his arm draped around Mackenzie’s shoulder. When he finally figured it out, he sighed loudly enough for Anton to give him a dirty look before resuming his monologue.

They were making Alexi jealous. How original. And how productive. This was a scenario designed to produce drama, not to strengthen a relationship. More likely to tear a couple apart, really, but Anton probably didn’t care about that. It was his pride that was hurt, not his heart.

Whoever Alexi was, he didn’t seem to be taking the bait, and, as Mackenzie should have known he would, Anton upped his game. He leaned in and started whispering in Mackenzie’s ear, then nuzzled his neck, leaving a cold trail of alcohol-infused spit behind.

It wasn’t a big deal, nothing Mackenzie would have thought twice about back in the day. Nathan’s friends used to do this sort of thing all the time, under Nathan’s watchful gaze, of course. Sample the merchandise, understand how this was one more of Nathan’s top-drawer possessions, but don’t go too far. Touch the car’s leather, but don’t take it for a test drive. Or maybe for a drive, even, but not too far. Down the street and back, not out to the highway. Nathan would ride along, of course, and make sure his property came back to him in pristine condition.

Different now, though. Mackenzie was pretty sure Joe wouldn’t be quite so relaxed about it all. He didn’t think he owned Mackenzie; no, he seemed convinced that he didn’t have any permanent claims at all. He’d take this as one more piece of evidence that Mackenzie wasn’t truly committed. And Mackenzie was tired of Joe feeling that way.

So he pushed gently at Anton’s chest, bringing the man’s face around so he could see and hear Mackenzie. “One more minute,” Mackenzie said. “I’m counting to sixty. Then I’m out of here. You can come with me if you want it to look like we’re going home together.”

Anton looked petulant. “I’ll buy you another drink,” he suggested.

“Eight,” Mackenzie said. When he saw Anton’s confusion he added, “I started counting as soon as I told you I was going to count. We’re at twelve now….”

“Oh, come on!”

“Fourteen.” It was kind of fun. “Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen—”

But it was pretty hard to keep talking with Anton’s tongue in his mouth. Not something Mackenzie had ever wanted, but he’d made the deal and he’d do it right. He wasn’t kissing Anton, he told himself. He was kissing his old life, all the good times and the bad times and the friends who had faded away when he’d moved, the bright lights and crazy nights. He was kissing it all good-bye, and he’d leave the life with the same enthusiasm with which he’d lived it. So he grabbed Anton’s ass and pulled him in tighter, brought a hand up to muss his hair, and kissed his old life for all he was worth. Then he pulled away, ignoring Anton’s clinging hands. “Sixty,” he said, and he smiled. “I’m out of here.”

“I’m coming with you,” Anton avowed.

Mackenzie didn’t object. He just headed for the door. The cool air helped him clear his head, at least a little, and he took a moment to orient himself before starting down the sidewalk toward the nearest subway stop.

He didn’t even realize Anton was beside him until the man said, “Kristen’s busy, right? You want to come to my place?”

If Anton had only been offering his sofa, it would have been an easy answer. But things were never that simple, and Mackenzie really didn’t want to fight off unwanted advances or deal with a guilt trip. Besides, Anton was from the old life, and Mackenzie had moved on. “No, I’m all set. Thanks, though.”

“Your loss,” Anton said. “I’m getting a cab—you want me to drop you somewhere?”

“No, I’m okay.” Mackenzie stopped walking. “Thanks, though.” He’d known Anton a long time, and they’d been through a lot together. “For everything.”

Anton shrugged, “It was just a cab ride,” he said with a bemused smile. Then he stepped to the curb and raised his arm, his gaze on an upcoming taxi with a lighted roof sign. When the car stopped, Anton opened the door and looked back at Mackenzie. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Mackenzie answered. It was true. He was on the right path, and he had no doubts about it. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Anton either didn’t hear him or didn’t think an answer was needed. He just climbed into the cab and waved as it pulled away.

Mackenzie was left alone on the busy sidewalk, and he stood for a moment and looked around. He’d be back. This was still the gay village, still his home turf. But maybe the next time he was there he’d check out one of the finer restaurants, or go to a bookstore or something. Hell, maybe he’d go to a sex shop, but he’d be buying something to bring home to Joe.

That thought was enough to keep him warm as he hurried toward the subway station. Joe might not be too wild socially, but he was completely comfortable with himself, and with Mackenzie, in the bedroom. Or wherever they happened to be. Yeah, they could have some fun with toys. And it would be a novelty for Mackenzie to get to pick them according to his own tastes instead of having to go along with whatever his partner wanted.

He was moving in the right direction. He could feel it. Things were changing, but that was okay. It was good. Things
needed
to change. Mackenzie had a brand-new life, a life with Joe, and a family, and, inexplicably, a farm and an old church being slowly converted to a gay wedding chapel. It wasn’t where he’d expected to be, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. Not even if he had to spend the night sleeping in his parked car.

Chapter 7

J
OE
TRIED
to get comfortable in the old leather armchair. He hardly ever sat in the living room and hadn’t really figured out which seat fit him best. Jasper was lying by the fire, as he always seemed to be, and he was staring at Joe like he was an alien invader. The little dog was a bit odd. Joe squirmed a little, then jarred his side and sucked in a pained breath.

Ally, of course, noticed. “You’re such a loser,” she said with an unsympathetic smile.

“I’m fine. Just a little sore.”

“That’s not what the doctor said.”

“She said I had bruised ribs and a broken wrist. She
didn’t
say I’m a loser.”

“I think she was hinting at it.” Ally stood up and headed for the kitchen. “Do you want more ice?”

“No,” Joe said. “It’s too cold.”

“The ice is too cold,” Ally said. “Yeah, that’s a common complaint. I could warm it up for you, but….”

“You’re not helpful. How long until Austin gets home?”

“You think Austin’s going to help you out?”

“I think he’s going to be less annoying. Are you sure you don’t want to go to school? I hear school is fun.”

“I told you, it’s a waste of a day. Christmas assembly this morning, and then everyone skips in the afternoon. I’m more useful here, looking after you.”