Rise of the Red Harbinger (16 page)

“Look at me. I am old, greyed, scarred. My nose resembles a tree root because it has been broken so many times. I have three daughters not much older than you, girl. Do I want to kill you? Of course not. But I want to see my daughters again. I have not been home in nearly five years because I have been too busy searching the world for Baltaszar. I do not hate you, but I would gladly leave you behind if it means bringing Baltaszar back safely. Without question, I would readily trade your life to see my daughters again.” As Linas turned back around, the stream of tears that dangled on his chin splattered loudly against the rocky path. He walked on briskly, not waiting for Bo’az and Yasaman to follow.

They reached another landing after another few hundred yards up. The path became more difficult the higher up they walked, but it was manageable. A series of cave openings grew visible ahead on the left. Linas shouted back to them, “The first cave is for me. Gibreel and Rhadames will share the second. You two take the third. It would be best if you two stayed in the same cave. It will be easier to guard. Gibreel will keep the first watch. Then Rhadames. They will sit outside just in case you prefer not to be disturbed. Build a fire. It will get quite cold up here. We leave at first light. No matter what.”

“And what of our horses?”

“That’s part of the reason for keeping watch. Our horses are trained to not leave us. Now that you only have one horse between the two of you, it will be rather easy to keep an eye on it during the night. It will only run if we encounter another predator,” Linas stated matter-of-factly, “which is not impossible, but easier to handle up here.” With that, Linas left his horse on the path and retreated into his cave.

Yasaman looked at Bo’az, “Let’s go inside and start a fire, Tasz. I’m so tired of these men. I’d rather we were settled in before the other two return. Light of Orijin, I hope they don’t come back. Just let them die out there. They deserve worse!”

“I don’t even know what to think anymore, Yas. You saw him. The man was crying and still telling you he would let you die in the same breath.” The thoughts buzzing through Bo’az’s mind grew tangible and gave him a headache. Linas’ words were harsh, but they held a certain honesty that Bo’az could not help respecting.
He has daughters. He has a family. He’s a regular man, just like me. Just like my father.
Bo’az wedged a stick between two large stones at the gaping mouth of the pitch black cave. “Can you tie the reins? My arm…” He nodded to his broken left arm. Iridian was a rather obedient horse and would likely rest for a while after her frantic pace across the high grass. “I’m not saying I trust him or anything, don’t get me wrong. But I do see some good in him.” Though the cave’s darkness shadowed much of Yasaman’s face, her icy cold glare sent chills through Bo’az.
Am I constantly just saying the wrong thing or is this girl just naturally angry?
“Yasaman, don’t give me that look. You know I’m not saying I agree with him.” Bo’az hushed his voice, “But we need to find an escape soon. Especially now that you have no horse. They’re going to be very impatient.”

“What a relief. So you’re not going to kill me yourself while we’re sleeping?”

I hope that’s sarcasm.

“Can you start a fire for us, Tasz? It’s getting cold. Or will you need help because of your arm?” Bo’az must have furrowed his brow instinctively, as Yasaman clarified, “No, I mean that seriously. I’m not making fun of you.”

Bo’az grew excited at the request. “Of course I can! I’m an expert at this by now!” Since Bo’az had left Haedon, Linas had asked him to build fires for the group every time they needed one. After the first couple of times, Bo’az had managed to spark a flame within seconds, no matter what the environment, even with a broken arm. He had grown quite proud of himself, though Linas and Gibreel always seemed disappointed.

Bo’az removed the pack from his shoulders and left it against the cave wall. He gathered sticks, branches, leaves—anything he could find that would burn—until a huge pile had formed at the center of the cave. Just as with the previous times, he started a flame in less than a minute and heat permeated the cave almost immediately. He and Yasaman sat with the fire between them and the cave’s opening. The light outside was fading as the sun had already descended to the horizon.

“I just realized, I don’t have any clothes or…well anything really. All of my things were on the horse.” She leaned against Bo’az and rested her head on his shoulder.

“You can use my clothes and cloak to stay warm tonight. I’ll be fine.” Bo’az removed his black woolen cloak and draped it around her.

“Baltaszar?” She whispered the name so innocently and curiously that Bo’az could not help being seduced.

“Hmm?”

“What happened to you? I mean, after that night in my room when you left?”

Oh no. Not more questions. I should just tell her now.
“What do you mean?”

“I dunno. I…I guess I’m just surprised at how easily you accepted me back after the things that I said. I waited at your house for almost a day when you came and found me in the closet. And the whole time, I was sure that you would be furious with me. I had it all planned out in my head how I would convince you that we should get back together. But, there’s no anger in you. None whatsoever. I just don’t understand why you’re not holding anything against me.”

Bo’az was grateful for the fire. It kept him from having to look her in the face. “It’s just…I…well so much has happened since then. So many things have changed. I…I suppose I simply don’t have room for anger right now. At least not toward you. All we have here is each other. I’m just thankful to have you back at all.”
Please let that suffice. No more questions.

“What did you do when you left that night? What was going on in your head? I know you were so angry and I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for the things I said.”

Is this really happening?
“Are you still cold? Should I make the fire bigger?”

“I’m fine. But answer the question. I need to know. Please?” She nestled closer and rested her slender hand on his knee.

Oh God. Orijin, get me through this, please. I swear I’ll never do anything wrong again for as long as I live. Please just help me get out of this.
“That night? Well, um…let me think. That night I…uh…I really just went back home.”

“That’s it? You blew up at me, stormed out of my window and just walked back home without a second thought about anything? I know your temper, Tasz. Just be honest. It’s me.”

“Seriously. I went home and went to sleep. My…my father needed me to be up early to milk the cows and sheep. I had no choice.”

“You told me that night that Bo was covering for you in the morning. Baltaszar, just tell me the truth. Did you break something? Hurt someone? I just want to know exactly what I did to you. That’s all.”

Bo’az had been so focused on her words that he’d only just realized that Yasaman’s other hand was freely exploring his back and chest.
That’s it. I can’t do this anymore. I have to tell her. I have to. There’s no way I can get away with lying anymore.
“Yasaman, look…there’s something…there’s something I should tell you. I’m…I’m not…”

“Shhhh,” she whispered, intentionally seductive this time. “Look at me, Bo’az. Look into my eyes. I know you’re not your brother. I just wanted you to admit it.” Bo’az stared her directly in her hazel eyes. They held no anger, no scorn. She pulled his shaggy face closer to hers and kissed him with an open mouth.

Bo’az hesitated for a moment. A thought drowning in the back of his mind told him this was wrong, but it was instantly subdued. Yasaman’s tongue entered his mouth and flicked at his own. Bo’az pulled away. “Wait. I…should we be doing this? How can you be all right with this if you know I’m not Baltaszar? You just said that you still love him and want him back. And how long have you known?”

“This is what you’d rather do than kiss me? Ask questions?” Yasaman let out a long breath, “I have known since we left Haedon, to be honest. I first suspected when I kissed you in the dark. You don’t kiss like him. When Tasz kisses me, there’s so much passion behind it, like every time will be the last time he’ll ever kiss me. With you, it…it was…different. But then you kept swearing that you were Baltaszar. And it was dark and I was so tired and emotional that I believed you. I mean, what reason would you have to lie?

“But then when we were outside with those three, I realized why you would lie. The way you defended me…insisted that I come with you. Bo’az, you’ve fancied me for some time, haven’t you?”

Bo’az surprisingly felt the tension drain from his body. The lies and secrets were done. He didn’t have to pretend anymore. “I have. But please don’t think the wrong thing. I wasn’t even aware that I felt this way until we kissed in my house. It was then that I realized what I actually felt…what I feel for you. But…but what about Tasz?”

“This isn’t about Tasz, Bo’az. It’s about the two of us. Where ever Tasz is right now, he’s doing fine. He can always handle himself. I realized something while we were trekking up this mountain, though. Bo’az, don’t be dense. We both know what Linas was hinting at. They don’t want me around. They’ll either kill me or leave me behind. I’ve accepted that.”

Yasaman’s words stabbed Bo’az between the eyes. “What? No, they won’t. I wouldn’t let them do that. Linas isn’t that evil. I can see it in him. He wouldn’t kill you, I know he wouldn’t.” He shook his head, trying to convince himself just as much as her.

Her tone held no sorrow or regret. “Bo’az, regardless, this is not a journey we’ll return from. Please don’t argue. I’m tired of thinking and planning and worrying. For one night, let’s just forget about the world. We’ve been so caught up with trying not to die that I can’t remember the last time I just…lived. Touch me, Bo’az. Lie with me. Let us have at least one last pleasure before we worry about dying again. I love Baltaszar. And I know you are not Baltaszar and I accept that. Tonight I want you. I want your body against mine. Inside mine. I just need that comfort.” She pulled him closer once again and resumed the kiss he’d interrupted.

This time, Bo’az kissed her back. He hoped it was with as much passion as his brother.
Stop thinking about him. Make her happy, give her what she wants. What I want, too. At least if she’s right and I die on this journey, I’ll die as a man. A man who’s been with a woman.

***

Bo’az opened his eyes slowly, with the hopes that his memories of the night before hadn’t betrayed him. He lay on his back and craned his neck.
Yes! I’m naked!
Bo’az threw his arms up in triumph. Next to him, Yasaman lay on her side, facing him and curled up in the cloak he’d given her. The rising sun had thankfully brought some warmth, as the fire had died out in the night and nothing separated Bo’az’s bare body from the cool stone ground. Even his broken arm ached less than usual.

He turned on his side and wiped Yasaman’s raven-colored hair from her face, then softly caressed her cheek. She squinted then opened her eyes at Bo’az’s touch, smiling as she glanced upon him. “Good morning,” she quietly grunted.

“Good morning. You look so beautiful.” She smiled at his words.
Should I say it?
“I love you.” It was a bold move, but Bo’az was confident in his feeling. An incredible energy filled his body, made him excited to live and to think about a grand future, something beyond the next few days.

“WHAT?” Yasaman shot up and widened her eyes so quickly that even the crusts in her eyelids fell away. “What do you mean you love me?” There was no kindness in her voice, no warmth, and certainly no reciprocity.

“No. Please don’t be mad. It’s just…it’s…I mean, after last night. It was so perfect! I thought that you…that we…oh goodness. I’m sorry. I thought that maybe with what we did last night, that maybe you felt something, too.”

“Bo’az, what happened last night was physical. It wasn’t about feelings. My body needed yours. For comfort and for pleasure. Not for love. I’m sorry; I know how much courage it takes to say those words. But I still love Baltaszar, Bo’az.”

“How? How could you do that to both of us? If you love him, then how could you do that with me? And how could you expect me to not feel anything toward you? Especially after you said last night how you knew how I’d felt? I’ve never been with any girl. I gave in last night, despite my brother, because of these feelings I have for you!”

Yasaman put her hand on Bo’az’s face. “It’s not that I feel nothing for you, Bo’az. But I’m confused about the situation. I love Baltaszar deeply, but I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see the end of this journey.”

Bo’az pulled her hand away. “So you seduced me just to have some pleasure before dying? Is that it?”

She glowered, “Don’t act so high and mighty. I made my intentions clear! You knew what I wanted last night. There was no deception whatsoever. You could have stopped or refused, but you didn’t.” Bo’az sighed and quickly looked away. Yasaman continued, “Bo’az, our situation is a difficult one. Even aside from Baltaszar. Who knows what will be in store for us. Maybe I can grow to love you, I don’t know. I’ve only come to know you well in the past few days and I think you are a wonderful person. Our future is too uncertain to quarrel over this. Please don’t be angry with me.”

Bo’az hadn’t expected her to be quite so honest. She had called him on his behavior the night before. Yasaman was right. He could have refused her. But he wanted it so badly.
Perhaps I can give this some time. Perhaps her feelings can grow as strong as mine.
“Can you promise to at least be open to feeling something for me? Be open to considering that we might grow toward having something serious in the future?”