Authors: J Bennett
The sirens are loud enough now for
everyone to hear.
“That’s a wrap,” Gabe says, patting Bear
Mask on the shoulder and nodding to Milo and Rain as he walks up to me, sniper
rifle slung over his shoulder. He seems to know where he’s going, so I follow.
The Totem members move away in a different direction. I don’t think to even
thank them until they after are out of vocal range. My brain is still moving at
the pace of a dial up connection.
Gabe and I trudge for a while in
silence, each sneaking looks at each other. Finally, we blurt out questions at
the same time.
“You really okay?” Gabe asks.
“Have you been eating?” I demand.
We both smile.
“I’m fine.”
“I’ve been eating lots.”
“You got your hat.”
“And it’s a good thing I did.” Gabe
touches his battered talisman. “A daring rescue like this requires lots of
skill, smarts, and a little luck. But mostly mad skills.” He laughs, the way he
used to laugh, with unconscious randomness.
“How did you find me?”
Gabe happily obliges my question, launching
into a wild and extravagant tale that pushes the boundaries of ridiculousness
even for him. I lay his narrative across Rain’s much more reasonable account.
Their side of the story is starting to add up, but what about Tarren?
The speed and vibrancy of Gabe’s voice
belies the exhaustion I can see so plainly in his aura and the care he puts
into each step as he negotiates the heavy layer of snow. I’m walking the same
way, dragging each foot in front of the other, trying to get my equilibrium
back online.
A quarter mile from the mansion, Tarren
waits at the jeep on a small unplowed back road. His expression is hard beneath
a cake of ash.
He didn’t leave. Why didn’t he leave?
God, he’s so pissed at me.
He has a strong grip on his aura, but I
can see heavy reds bleeding through the edges beyond even his considerable
control.
Oh yeah, super pissed with an extra helping of
Dear-God-What-Did-I-Do-To-Deserve-A-Sister-Like-This on the side.
I know that Tarren is moments away from
either verbally lashing the hell out of me or slamming me with questions. He’ll
demand that I break down every second that we were apart for analysis. Since I
just can’t handle that right now, I perform a preemptive strike by asking him his
side of the story.
Never a fount of information on a good
day, Tarren makes like a block of ice under my interrogation. As Gabe packs up
his rifle, I chip, chip, chip away at Tarren with questions. All I get are curt
nothing answers until I give it up altogether. I add his shadow of an
explanation to what I already know from Rain and Gabe, and it’s enough to
sketch a truly bizarre timeline of events.
Tarren chooses the passenger seat,
ceding the driving to Gabe. I crawl into the back and see Sir Hopsalot’s carrying
case under my feet. Tarren must have been consolidating supplies between their
two vehicles. I shake my head in wonder. Did my brothers really both show up to
rescue me without the other knowing?
“Seat belts,” Gabe announces and starts
the engine. I gaze out the frosted windows at the dark stain of smoke rising up
into the sky. I feel those flames again, hear the echo of their laughter as we
drive away.
While I was on my little solo adventure
that would go down – literally – in flames, pieces were moving all around me. Tarren,
Gabe, and Rain each told me their version of events. When I layer each story
atop the others, it’s still difficult to believe how it all came together, how
the fates mustered enough luck to pull me out of that fire and send the angels
fleeing for their lives. Maybe it wasn’t luck at all. Just Tarren and his
unyielding determination. Just Gabe and his irrepressible charm.
Tarren’s Story
You were explaining what a Santa Clause
parade was and then you disobeyed…It doesn’t matter, you still disobeyed
protocol… I attempted to follow, but visibility was low, and I lost your
tracks. I called your phone. You answered…I know what you said.
Gabe’s Story
The wind whipped up in great gales as I
stood on that forlorn rooftop.
“Let the girl go,” I called to Ivan, the
evil Russian arms dealer. The sky was blood red behind me…What, you think I was
just sitting at home on my ass while you and Tarren were off building a snowman
together in Peoria? I was knee deep in my own side adventure before I had to
dash over here and rescue you….I saw that. Big eye roll. I guess you don’t want
to hear the rest of...that’s what I…this
is
the unadulterated version.
So where was I?...Oh yeah.
Ivan stood on the opposite side of the
roof, holding the mayor’s busty daughter hostage…because it’s, uh, important to
give you a good visual. She was a busty girl, nothing wrong with that….do I
detect a hint of jealousy in your…ha! Alright.
Ivan gave me an evil smile. “How var you
going to save her and defuse de bomb at de orphanage at de same time?”
“Oh, you mean this bomb?” I said as I
pulled the small control device from my duster, which was billowing dramatically
in the wind, by the way. You should have seen the look on old Ivan’s face with
that one. Priceless. I think a tear might have even leaked out of his eye
patch. He knew the game was up.
“I von’t be taken alive!” he yelled and
backed up to the edge of the rooftop.
“Please save me you rugged, handsome
stranger!” the mayor’s busty daughter wailed.
…It’s what she said. I’m just trying to
faithfully convey this story to you…Uh-huh. So, she was screaming and Ivan was
laughing all crazy like evil villains are wont to do. Then my phone rings. Normally
I would have just left it alone considering the circumstances, but I had a
feeling, so while Ivan and the mayor’s busty daughter held on for a sec, I
picked it up... Yep, Tarren. I heard Taylor Swift going in the background, and
I knew something bad had happened…Oh yeah, huge Taylor Swift fan. You haven’t
seen his Taylor t-shirt collection? But I digress. Poor kid could barely speak
through his tears, but I got the story out of him.
Tarren’s Story
He was upset. I instructed him to move
all our allies into secure locations and set up new lines of communication…He
wasn’t supposed to …It was against protocol…I disassembled my phone, and I…Yes,
I stayed.
Gabe’s Story
“Don’t worry buddy, I’m on my way,” I
told Tarren and slipped the phone back in my pocket.
“Looks like it’s you’re lucky day,” I
said to Ivan. “I was going to defeat you through an extended hand-to-hand
combat sess that would’ve ended with you falling into a vat of sulfuric acid in
the conveniently located chemical factory next door, but my sister’s in
trouble, so I need to wrap this up.”
And that’s what I did. A few awesome
kung-fu moves later, and Ivan was toast. The mayor’s busty daughter and I
shared a single, passionate kiss on the rooftop with plenty of tongue, and then
I pulled myself from her hungry arms and set off to save the hell out of this
situation.
Rain’s Story
We found your phone in a snow
mound…Yeah, when we…But it had gotten wet and wasn’t working at first. Later,
after you um, got away, and we all, you know, were mostly conscious, Bear took
apart the phone and dried all the pieces with a blow dryer. It worked. He used
some sort of mumbo jumbo program to break your password, and we were in. You
only had two numbers in your call log. One of them had called six times since
the afternoon. There was just one text message from that number –
Pegasus.
What
does that…I get it. Secret code. We have secret code words too. A lot of them…Well,
some.
I tried calling that number, but it was
disconnected. You had a lot of other texts in your log from the second number.
All these Chuck Norris jokes. What’s with…Yeah, I can see that.
Bear was convinced that you were on our side.
He didn’t want us to pursue you, but Chain and I thought different. I still
didn’t want to believe you were innocent. I couldn’t, not after, anyway, Chain
and I assumed the texts had come from one of the angels in your group. We
texted back to that number, and it went through. So, we set a meeting.
Gabe’s Story
Yeah, I kept my phone active in case you
got away and called. When those texts came through it was so obviously a setup.
I could hardly breathe for the huge stench of setup all over the place, but
what could I do? My little sister’s life was on the line, so Sir Hopsalot and I
high-tailed it to the meet. See what I did there, “high-tailed it”, because Sir
Hopsalot has a…Yeah.
I tried to find Tarren, but his phone
was disconnected, and he wasn’t answering the new email we’d established. I
wouldn’t be surprised if he was locked in his jeep somewhere listening to
Taylor’s entire collection, just balling his eyes out. As usual, it was all on
me.
I got to the meet an hour early and scoped
out the place. Deserted park next to a rec center covered with snow and as wide
open as the mayor’s busty daughter’s…Yeah, yeah. Basically, it was ambush
central. But I wasn’t worried, because I’m as brilliant as I am ruggedly
handsome…Oh! You take that back, or I’m not telling the rest of the story…No,
I’m not feeling true remorse. Beseech my mercy…Okay, okay, that’s better. So, ambushapalooza.
I got the hell out of there.
Rain’s Story
Chain is the only one who knows the
area, since his grandma lives here…Yeah that was her house…On a cruise; she
goes every winter…Not exactly…We’ll, uh, we’ll think of something to tell her,
but anyway, Chain set up the meet in the park behind the Carter Rec Center. It
was big and open. Perfect for an ambush.
Chain and I got there half an hour early
and each found a tree to hide behind. Our plan was to tranquilize whoever
showed up and get them to tell us where the rest of the angels were.
We waited and waited. We thought it was
a bust…Well, yeah, I know that now.
Gabe’s Story
These stupid dicks actually parked in
the parking lot, and they’re wearing those fucking ridiculous masks. Not
exactly the definition of inconspicuous. I mean really, Maya, captured, by
them?... Alright, I’ll give you that. Bear is a pretty wily guy, but seriously.
I feel ashamed for you…Excuses, excuses.
So, off they went to the park to set up
their little ambush. It was obvious that they weren’t angels, just those
dumbass humans playing at angel hunters. So much for my maim-and-torture-for-information
plan.
I wanted to go after them, but there was
no shelter in the park, and I knew they’d be on a hair trigger. So I let them
freeze their asses off for a while. They were really only out there for an
hour. Pansies. Tarren and I have ambushed through much worse than a little snow.
When I saw them coming back, I stood in
front of their truck. Bird Brains and Chad had no idea what was coming.
Rain’s Story
We thought he was a kid at first, like a
teenager or something. It looked like he had cancer and wasn’t exactly winning
if you know what I mean.
It was weird, the way he was leaning
against Bear’s truck, grinning at us like he was in on some big joke. Maybe it
was the masks. I always feel stupid wearing it.
When we got close enough he says, “Tell
me where my sister is, and I won’t beat the holy shit out of you”…. Yeah, word
for word. That’s when I really looked at him and realized that he wasn’t a kid.
There was something about his face, his eyes.
Gabe’s Story
After some excruciating attempts at
hand-to-hand combat, they were ready to talk.
Rain’s Story
I said something like, “Get away from
our truck.”
I didn’t even go for him or anything. I
was just reaching for the driver’s door, but then he moved really fast. I don’t
know what he did, but I was on the ground and the whole world was spinning.
Then Chain said, “You want a fight,
motherfucker?”
…Yeah, he’s had some anger management
issues since Poughkeepsie. He knew a lot of the people who were in the barn
with us. Seven of them didn’t make it out.
Anyway, I thought that was the end of
cancer guy. Chain’s a black belt. He’s been taking Tai Kwan Do for, like,
almost four years at the YMCA and even did that thing where you break the board
with your hand. But three seconds later Chain was on the ground next to me, and
his nose was gushing blood….Gabe? He was just standing over us laughing.
Gabe’s Story
We had a nice little chat after that,
and they were both so earnest and so utterly inept that I had to take them
under my wing. They brought me to this motel room where they had set up shop…Yeah,
they mentioned having to relocate rather abruptly. That’s when I met Bear
Big
Dr. Who
fan, which is all the
character reference I needed. He showed me their system for finding angels….Yeah,
heat sensors. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Did you know that Yogi
used to be an engineer?...Yogi, because he’s smarter than the average bear. Get
it?...He loved the nickname. Okay, he didn’t hate it. Okay, I didn’t actually
ask him. Anyway, him and his crew had put up heat sensing cameras all over the
city… Pretty sweet huh? Almost makes it not totally pathetic that you got
captured by…Just calling it like I see it, sweetheart.
Anyway, the other person on their team
was a girl. Tweety. Boy howdy, she was in a state of hysterics. I just kind of
left her alone.
Tarren’s Story
I heard the report of the pet store
through the police scanner and arrived on the scene…Groggy, upset about the animals,
but alive. They took her off to the hospital…I was fairly certain it was you,
but I couldn’t find any indication of where you’d gone…I know it was against… I
thought everyone else was safe…It was my choice.
Rain’s Story
Bear and Gabe hit it off right away. Do
you have any clue who Tardis is?...Okay, sorry I asked. We had the other
angel’s phone too, but Bear was having trouble breaking in. Gabe, he brought in
two bags from his car. One was filled with all these gadgets and computer equipment.
The other one had a rabbit in it. A real rabbit…Sir Hopsalot, huh? Yeah, I get
it. That’s not bad.
Gabe hooked up the angel’s phone to his
laptop and broke into it crazy fast. Then he spent some time online in these
chat rooms. Kept telling me not to watch him work. He gave me his phone and
told me to let him know when his friends texted him. Then, it’s kind of weird.
He just…he just lied down on the bed in the other room and went to sleep. None
of us knew what the hell was going on. The text came through about a half hour
later. It was really hard to wake him up. Does he really have… You’re right.
None of my business.
Gabe’s Story
Of course to the untrained eye, it might
have
looked
like a nap, but I was just devising a brilliant plan with my
eyes closed while lying on the bed and maybe drooling a little. It’s how all
the great military generals have done it…Yeah, Napoleon, Caesar, Captain
America, look it up.
Anyway, I’ve got some crazy hacker
buddies who will do just about anything as long as it’s illegal. I don’t even
have to pay them most of the time. They broke into the local cell tower
network, and we were ready to roll. Penguin Boy got to see how the big kids
play. By the way, don’t think I didn’t give him shit for choosing Penguin as
his secret identity, because I did. Oh, I definitely did.
I looked through the angel’s call log.
Seemed like he called some girl Heather a lot.
Rain’s Story
He went on this long rant about how The
Penguin was this Batman villain or whatever. I knew who Penguin was, but I
didn’t think it was such a big deal. I really shouldn’t have said that out
loud, because Gabe chewed me out for, like, ten minutes about it.
As he was chewing me out, he hooked his
phone up to all this equipment that definitely didn’t look legal. Then he made
a call, and, well, I don’t know what the hell he was talking about. Something
about a bitch named Janice.
Gabe’s Story
Heather turned out to be a sweet little
cookie with a southern accent. I immediately went off on her about my girlfriend
Janice, who had cheated on me…Course I had no idea what was going to come out
of my mouth. Do I ever?... Ha! But Heather was great. Once we got it all sorted
out that I had the wrong number, she helped put the situation into perspective.
You see, if Janice was cheating on me, then she wasn’t worth my love.