Rite of Rejection (Acceptance Book 1) (6 page)

“You aren’t the only one with a vote, Elizabeth.” Daniel walks back over to me so I’m flanked by two very attractive men. “Now that Eric’s here, Molly said she’d prefer a fifth. Don’t pretend this isn’t an option.”

“For crying out loud, Daniel. Why don’t you just tell her everything?” Elizabeth throws her hands into the air. “We don’t know anything about Little Miss Dance Partner. She could put us all in jeopardy.”

I have no idea what they’re talking about and zero inclination to ask. My mother once told me that in social gatherings, how much you should speak is dependent on your rank in social standing. I think she was talking about bridge games at the club, but it applies here, too. Elizabeth is clearly running this show and I am the lowest rung on the ladder, as my mother would say.

“The longer you drag your feet on this, the more likely we’ll all grow old in the PIT.” Daniel stares back at Elizabeth, refusing to back down. I’m suddenly reminded of the arguments my parents had when the lights were turned out and they thought I couldn’t hear them.

“I have a suggestion.” Molly’s calm voice breaks up the staring contest going on between Elizabeth and Daniel. “Daniel’s right. You know I’d be happier single and a fifth would make that possible.” She raises her hand up to stop the argument Elizabeth is about to make. “But I agree that we need to make sure she can be trusted.”

“So where does that leave us?” Elizabeth asks, her voice calmer than before.

Molly looks me straight in the eyes when she answers. And even though she was friendly last night and doesn’t seem opposed to me now, I can see in the hardness of her eyes that she would cut me out in a heartbeat. This is her family and she won’t let me put them in danger. “It means we need a test.”

“A test?” Daniel’s voice is tense next to me, but the rest of the room eases into a more relaxed state.

“Yes, a test.” Elizabeth actually smiles, though it doesn’t make me feel any better. “It’s perfect. If Becca can prove she’s trustworthy and won’t be a thorn in my side, then I’ll think about letting her join our little party.”

“What kind of test?” Eric takes the words right out of my mouth, that is, if I had the guts to ask Elizabeth a question.

“I don’t know yet.” She pulls away from the group and rummages through a sack on one of the bunks until she comes up with a wrinkled piece of paper and the nub of a pencil. She sits down and starts scratching away. “I’ll need a few days to work out the details. Until then she can lay low,” she says as she writes something else down on the paper, “somewhere else.”

“Why can’t she—?”

“No. Elizabeth’s right.” Molly’s voice once again calms the room. “She can’t stay here until we’re certain. She’ll be fine on her own for a few days.”

“Come on, Rebecca.” Daniel loops his arm through mine and leads me to the door. “I’ll walk you back to your bunkhouse.”

“No. I’ll take her.” Eric flashes me another smile, but there’s a tightness behind his eyes that wasn’t there earlier. “Becca and I have some catching up to do.”

And then everyone goes back to normal. Daniel joins Elizabeth on the bunk, their heads close together, looking over her small bit of paper. Molly is on her bed fixing the hem on a very old-looking dress. I pause at the door, thinking someone will say good-bye, but it’s like I’m already gone.

Eric pushes the door open and motions his hand for me to pass through.

“Do you know how to…?” I turn to face Eric, but he’s back in the room, leaning down to talk to Elizabeth.

I have no idea how to get back to my bunkhouse on my own, so I wait outside for Eric to come back. It doesn’t take long for him to join me, though his face is pinker than a minute ago.

Eric laughs, a light chuckle that instantly puts me at ease. “Sorry about that. I don’t exactly know my way around yet. According to Elizabeth we head west, and all roads lead back to the courtyard. If I get you back to the dining hall, can you find your way from there?”

“I think so.”

Eric and I walk in silence through the never-ending maze of side streets and alleys. I stumble a few times over the garbage covering the dirt pathways, but Eric is right there with a sturdy arm every time. I have a million questions running through my head, but I don’t have any idea how to start a conversation with a boy. Especially a boy who makes my hands sweat and my tongue swell.

Instead, I try to keep track of the twists and turns we make on the way back to the small bunk I slept in last night. I’m not sure it really matters if I sleep in the same place, but it’s the closest thing I have to a home base at the moment.

“Tell me about home.” Eric’s words startle me in the silence and I trip over a broken crate half buried in the dirt. I’m inches from hitting the ground when strong arms grab me around the waist and pull me back to my feet. “All right, then. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Eric still has his hands around me and his breath on the back of my neck makes all the little hairs there stand on end. I’ve never been this close to a boy before. I like it, and I’m terrified. What in the blazes am I supposed to do now? I lean over to brush a fine layer of dust off my skirt and Eric steps back a few paces.

When I turn around, Eric is still looking at me, but there’s a trace of disappointment in his gaze. Eric telling Elizabeth we’re practically engaged rings in my ears. I did see him as a potential suitor back before the ceremony, but so much has changed in just one day. Can he really still see me that way?

I always thought falling in love would be easy. Add this to the list of things I can’t manage. What I wouldn’t give to have Cheryl here right now. She’d know exactly what to say. ‘Stop being so nervous. This isn’t a test on afternoon-tea etiquette. Just be yourself.’ I can do that. “There isn’t much to tell.”

“Much to tell about what?”

“About home.” I take a deep breath and hold out my hand to him. It’s the bravest thing I’ve ever done and I’m completely exposed, standing there waiting for him to join me.

Eric hesitates for only a fraction of a second, then takes my hand. I’m rewarded with a smile that’s becoming both familiar and comforting.

“I’m glad you found your way back to us today.” Eric pulls me around a pile of discarded rubbish into yet another alley. “Of course, I wish we were reuniting under different circumstances.”

“Me, too. I don’t want to think about where I might be right now if Daniel hadn’t found me.” I smile up at him, but Eric is staring off into the distance.

He doesn’t respond to my comment. Did I say something wrong? My mother is right; I’m not very good at knowing how to act in social situations.

“You don’t have to worry about Daniel protecting you.”

“What?”

“I’m just saying it was nice of Daniel to rescue you, but you have me to take care of you now.” Eric squeezes my hand.

I squeeze back. This isn’t so hard. Eric just wants to protect me, and clearly I need it. “Do you think you could take care of this test?”

“If by ‘take care of’, you mean, ‘make go away’, no. Once Elizabeth gets an idea into her head, there’s no stopping her.”

I use my free hand to massage my temple where a headache threatens to take over. “That’s what I thought.”

“Don’t be nervous.”

“Easy for you to say. You get an auto-pass since you’re Elizabeth’s brother.” He has the good sense not to argue the point. “She’ll probably want me to spin silk out of spiderwebs before I’m allowed to eat another meal with you guys.”

“Come on, she’s not that bad.”

“To you, maybe, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that she likes me about as much as a hole in a new pair of gloves.”

“Elizabeth was never a fan of gloves.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yes, but I also know Elizabeth. She’s just a little overprotective. If she didn’t like you there wouldn’t be a test at all. Besides, I don’t think Daniel will let her get carried away.”

“The two of them are close then?”

“Elizabeth says adversity has a way of bonding people. They’ve been together since Daniel was Rejected.”

“Oh.” The way he says “together” confirms my suspicion that Elizabeth and Daniel are more than just good friends. And it makes sense. If we weren’t in the PIT, they would be old enough to get married. Do people get married in the PIT?

For the life of me I can’t picture Daniel and Elizabeth holding hands in front of their white picket fence. Then again, I can’t really picture me and Eric either. The image of Daniel holding my hand earlier this morning flashes in my eyes, but I quickly shake it away. My brain is more muddled than ever and being here is sucking away what’s left of my dreams for the future.

But Eric is kind and attentive. Not to mention incredibly handsome with his clear, sky-blue eyes. If I can get over how nervous he makes me, we might actually have a future together. Whatever that looks like.

We finish the walk to the dining hall in silence. There aren’t many other people outside. A rancid smell in the air alerts the few of us out in the streets to something burning in the dining hall. I take the lead and head in the direction of where I slept last night. When we get to the rotting door, all my insecurities about my pending future come tumbling out.

“When will I see you again? How will I know the test is ready?” I took Eric’s presence for granted on our walk, but now that he’s about to leave I’m terrified.

“Deep breaths, Becca. We can probably eat meals together, but you’ll need to sleep here. I’m sure it won’t be long before the test is ready. I’ll find you in the dining hall or here in your bunk.” He raises our linked hands and gives the top of mine a light kiss before leaning in close to my ear. “Try to stay out of trouble until then.”

His warm breath tickles my ear and I lean into him. He’s the stability I need right now. “Do you have to go?”

Eric rests his chin on my shoulder. Maybe he’ll stay and I won’t have to face the lonely bunkhouse by myself. The thought doesn’t last long. “Elizabeth will be looking for me. I promise I’ll be back before you know it. As long as I don’t get lost on my way back to the others.”

He gives my hand a quick squeeze and then he’s gone, disappearing in a swirl of people moving toward the dining hall.

Six

Long shadows cover the rocky courtyard outside the open doors of the dining hall. Other than a few older men dozing on the filthy tabletops, I’m the only person lingering after a disgusting dinner of rotten-carrot broth. Despite his promise that we could still eat together, I haven’t seen Eric or any of the others all day.

I’m tempted to mimic the men and sleep here, but I have to go back to my bunk. Eric might come to get me for the test tonight. I’d hoped he would come for me during one of the meals. No such luck.

A piercing scream stabs through the doors of the dining hall. I cover my ears, but my hands aren’t enough to block out the sound. Some of the older men wake up, their bleary gazes searching the room. Most of them lay their heads back down as soon as they realize the danger isn’t inside.

One of them stands, stretches and ambles down the hall toward my table. He sits down and I take my hands away from my ears, though the shriek still pulses outside.

“It used to be worse, ya know.”

I stare into his tan face, lined with decades of hard living. How could it possibly be worse than this?

“Ya don’t believe me. It’s cause you were livin’ soft till ya got here. Never seen what a bad seed can do when it’s given time to plant and grow.”

Another scream punctuates his statement, but it’s farther away than last time. “This whole place is full of bad seeds.”

“Nah. Not like it used ta be.” He shakes his head. There’s a deep sadness behind his eyes. “When I got here, complete chaos. Sure, they cleared the streets outside of all the gangs and militants. Put ‘em all right here is what they did. Chaos.”

“You were here when they opened the PIT?”

“A few years later. Got picked up before my Acceptance. Can’t remember now what I did.”

His eyes glaze over and he stares somewhere behind me. I’m losing him, but I need to keep the conversation going. He’s been here forever, probably longer than anyone else. He has answers I need. Like how to survive in here. “What was it like? Was it that different than how it is now?”

His eyes return to mine and his head tilts to the side as if he’s surprised I’m sitting across from him. He bows his head until his chin hits his chest.

“Every morning was a scene right outta the history books. The ones with pictures of the wars. Bodies piled up, crowding the alleys so much you couldn’t get past. Guards could hardly get em all burned before they had to start all over the next day.” His head jerks up, and I jump back on my bench. His eyes are wide, and he leans in across the table so close I can smell the burned remains of dinner on his breath.

“Back then ya knew who to watch out for. Everybody was crazy. Now it’s worse.”

“But—”

“Oh, I see. Ya think ‘cause they don’t stab ya in the eye they ain’t that bad. They still out there, the mad men. But ya never see em comin’. Best watch out, girly.”

I rub my hands up and down my arms. He might have answers, but I don’t want them anymore.

“Thank you for talking with me. I should get back to my bunk now.”

I stand up, but his gnarled hand reaches out and grabs my wrist. I pull my arm back, but his grip is stronger than I expected. His rough skin chafes against my arm and tears spill over my eyes that have nothing to do with pain. “Let me go. Please.”

He jerks my arm across the table until my face is within inches of his, hot rancid breath soaking into my skin. I close my eyes, but it can’t block out his gruff, raspy voice.

“Ya never see ‘em comin’.”

His grip loosens and I pull my arm away, not looking back as I push through the doors and run all the way back to my bunkhouse.

Several of the girls who rode the Airbus to the PIT with me are in the bunk. Their chatter fills the silence, but I have no desire to join in their discussion of the dresses they wore to the Acceptance ceremony. I can’t forget about that day fast enough.

As the sun finishes its retreat beneath the horizon, their animated talk dies down and everyone finds a bed. I scoot farther down under the rough blanket on my bunk in the back corner. The walls hedging two sides of the bed give me a small sense of security. After spending all day alone, I’ll take every small comfort I can.

I close my eyes and soak in the noise of the other girls shifting on their bunks. I have never felt so cut off. Even Elizabeth’s snide remarks would be welcome if it meant having someone to talk to. All I can do now is get some sleep and hope tomorrow brings news from Eric.

***

A grating noise pierces the silence of the dark room and puts an end to my nightmare. I can’t remember anything about it except for the red. Everything was red. Keeping my eyes closed, I wait for the uncomfortable girl to stop moving so the room can return to silence. I count to thirty, but the noise doesn’t stop.

I edge open one eyelid and scan the sparse room. It’s barely visible in the moonlight filtering in through the dirty window. Bunks of motionless girls spread to the door, except one. Close to the door, one of the girls sits up, thrashing on the bed. I open my mouth to yell at her, but snap it shut before I utter the first word.

The girl by the door isn’t alone. Another figure sits on the bed with her. By the silhouette, it looks like a man. A man attacking that poor girl.

Her whimpers are muffled by the huge hand covering her mouth. The man pushes her down against the mattress and I turn my head from what happens next. In the bed next to mine, another girl lies awake, her white eyes wide in the darkness. We should go together to help the girl by the door. I jerk my head and use my finger to point between us. Her eyes widen even farther, and she shakes her head back and forth in jerky movements.

The rustling from the attack gets louder and the victim isn’t the only one crying out. What will happen when he’s done with her? We’re a room full of girls with an obvious unwillingness to protect each other. I’m not willing to lie around and find out.

Taking care to make as little noise as possible, I roll off the bunk on to my hands and knees. I grab my filthy pillow and blanket and shimmy under the bed. The ground is hard and cold, but staying hidden is my only defense.

I push my back against the wall and wait for the horrific noises to stop. There’s nothing I can do to help her, not by myself. It doesn’t stop the searing tightness in my chest.

The screeching bedsprings quiet down, and the beast slams the door shut behind him. I thought his moans and her screams were loud. I was wrong. Her quiet sobs, suffered alone in a room full of girls too afraid to act is the loudest sound on earth.

There is no more chance at sleep. Instead, I wait under my bunk until the sun paints the room in light pinks and oranges. Other girls move through the room so I roll out of my hiding spot. Several girls circle around the scene of the crime, but I keep my eyes on the door. I can’t look into the face of a girl I left to the hidden bad seed.

The disinfectant spray chills my skin as I walk through the door of the dining hall. If only it could clean away my memories from last night. The tables are still mostly empty except the men who haven’t moved since dinner. I grab a bowl of mushy oats and find a spot alone.

“Well, look who’s here.” Elizabeth sets her bowl down across from mine and swings her legs over the bench. “You’re looking a little rough this morning, Princess.”

Daniel and Molly join her, and Eric sits down next to me. I should be relieved to see them. I’m not. They weren’t there last night and they won’t be there tonight. I wasn’t the one defiled a few hours ago, but I could have been. It could have easily been me or any of the other girls in my bunk. We are alone, and without protection, and this is permanent.

I can’t breathe. I open my mouth to suck in air, but my lungs flatten behind my ribcage. Strange gurgling sounds come out of my throat and I can’t stop them. I reach my hands up to cover my mouth, but my arms are shaking so much I can’t control their movements. I’m not breathing and the room is spinning and I’m going to die.

Eric’s warm hands cover the sides of my face and turn my head until our foreheads are touching and our eyes are no more than an inch apart. “Look at me, Becca. I’m right here. Look at me.” His voice is calm and even, but his eyes are wide. “I need you to breathe.”

I open my mouth again and a shallow trickle of air spirals down my throat. The others must think I’ve lost it. Maybe I have.

“Good. That’s good. Now take another breath.”

I obey. More air flows in and the room stops spinning as much. I’m able to focus on his eyes while we lean against each other, taking slow breaths. My heart rate slows down and my arms stop twitching.

“Are you okay, now?” Eric leans back, but his hands stay planted on my face like he’s afraid to let go. I’m afraid for him to let go.

I nod my head. If I try to talk, I’ll start crying and that’s only going to make the whole situation worse. Eric nods back and lets his arms drift down away from my face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eric’s voice is whisper soft, but that only makes it worse.

I shake my head and turn back to my bowl. When Daniel saved me from Susan he said I couldn’t let them see my weakness. He had meant all the dangerous people, but it still applies. I need to prove my worth to Elizabeth. That means pulling myself together. No more breakdowns.

Eating is the last thing I want to do, but after barely getting anything down yesterday my stomach is crying for food. Even of the barely edible variety. We’re having the same mushy oats they served yesterday. It reminds me of the glue my mother used to put the new wallpaper up in the dining room last spring.

I choke down a few bites, still keeping my eyes on the table. I can’t stand the idea of looking up and seeing their pity, or worse, their disgust. It would be better if they were talking, but all of my breakfast companions are slurping their mush in silence.

Minutes tick by and the dining room fills up with a boisterous crowd of Rejects, but our table stays silent. It’s so quiet I can practically hear the looks they must be sharing, the ones questioning my sanity.

I want to jump up and run out the door, but I can’t. There’s one thing last night made crystal clear; I need this group. The four silent Rejects sitting around me represent my only chance at surviving in here. Without them, I won’t last a month.

“I need to get to work.” I jerk my head up at Molly’s unexpected words. After such a long silence, her voice is like a splash of cold water on my face. “Rebecca, why don’t you walk with me?”

Elizabeth doesn’t bother to look up, but Eric and Daniel both flash me an encouraging smile.

Molly leads me in silence to the warmth outside. I have no idea what to say to her, but Molly doesn’t seem the type who needs small talk.

“I’m sure you found the bathhouse already,” she says, gesturing to the small building that smells like cow manure. “Inside are barrels of semi-fresh water you can use to rinse out your hair and wash off some of the dirt. The disinfectant spray at breakfast kills off the germs and diseases, but it doesn’t do anything about the grime.”

An opportunity to wash off some of this dirt sounds perfect, but Molly heads in the opposite direction, across the courtyard to another small building. She pushes the door open and I’m hit with the smell of musty cotton. Not at all pleasant, but an improvement over cow manure.

Inside, a petite blonde girl stands behind a rough, wooden counter, folding stacks of clothes that have seen better days. A curtain hangs from the ceiling blocking off a small corner. Another girl steps from behind it and hands a dirt-covered dress to the girl behind the counter.

“This is where I work. You can come here to trade in your dress and undergarments for clean ones. Sometimes you can get new shoes, but they’re harder to find.”

Molly pulls a plastic card out of the front of her dress and scans it against the small black box along the wall. The lights flash green and another door leading to the back of the building clicks open. Molly walks through, an abrupt end to our one-sided conversation, but turns around before the door closes behind her.

“I know being on your own isn’t easy.” Molly shuffles her feet and stares at a spot on the wall behind me. “I’ll see what I can do to speed things along.” She heads into the back room and disappears behind the closing door.

What does Molly know about being on her own? She has Elizabeth, Daniel and Eric. All I can do is head back to my bunk and hope I get to join them soon.