Riven (55 page)

Brady had no idea if some special feeling was supposed to come over him or what was to happen, but as he read and reread the part that promised “by believing in your heart” that God raised Jesus from the dead “you are made right with God,” he realized simply that he did—he did believe in his heart.

How much faith was required to believe the rest of it—that he was now right with God? As Chaplain Carey had said, some things were God’s responsibility. All Brady could do was believe. But he didn’t
feel
right with God. Would that feeling ever come?

He didn’t expect to be happy, to be joyful, to smile, to jump and shout and sing. Brady felt that even if he could get his mind around the idea that he had been “made right” with God, that would never take away the ultimate ugliness of the sin he had committed. He might even be able to accept that God would never again remember it, but he could not believe that he himself would ever forget.

Nor should he. Even if he was right with God and would escape eternal spiritual punishment, Brady knew full well that he had not settled his score for murder—at least in this life. He was grateful, of course, that his soul might be saved, but there was still this human price, and he was willing to pay it.

He could do nothing more than believe; the rest of this being made right with God was God’s work. But the verses went on to say that “it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.”

Confessing what? He was no intellectual, but this seemed clear. He had to tell somebody that Jesus was Lord and that God had raised Him from the dead.

Brady leaped to his feet and began to pace. It was true and he believed it; now who could he tell? He was tempted to just shout it out, but what would it mean to all the other cons on the Row? It would become nothing but ammunition for them. “Officer?” he called out.

From the intercom came the voice of a supervisor in the observatory. “What’s your problem, Darby?”

“No problem, sir. Is Officer Harrington around?”

Suddenly the place was alive, and Brady quickly realized why. Nobody on death row had ever heard him speak above a whisper.

“Lover boy has woke up!”

“You like Harrington, do you, sweetheart?”

“Forget about your Heiress already?”

With all the racket, the observing officer sent someone from the booth directly to Brady’s cell. “What do you need?”

“I want to see the chaplain right away.”

“You know the procedure.”

“Yeah, but it’s sort of an emergency, and I was hoping maybe Officer Harrington could get word to him.”

“What’re you, about to kill yourself or something?”

“No, nothing like that. I just really need to see him.”

“Harrington can’t shortcut the system any better’n anybody else. I’ll get you a form.”

“That could take days. I need to see him right away.”

“You want the form or not? ’Cause it doesn’t make any difference to me either way.”

“Okay.”

Under “Reason for Requested Meeting,” Brady wrote, “Counseling. I need to confess with my mouth.” Chaplain Carey would know what he was getting at.

About twenty minutes after Brady filled out the form, Rudy Harrington came by. “You looking for me, Darby? We’re not friends, you know.”

“I know, but I need a favor.”

“So do I, but you’ve got nothing I want.”

“Listen, I was just wondering if you could call the chaplain and tell him I need to see him right away.”

“Why? You seen the light, wanna give your life to God now?”

“Maybe. Just . . . would you?”

“You fill out the form?”

“Yeah, but you know how long—”

“Give it to me. If I can get to him, I will. Now how are you going to repay me?”

“I don’t know. Like you said, I’ve got nothing.”

“I’ll think of a way.”

“Thanks, man.”

Harrington leaned close to the door and whispered, “One thing I don’t need is you gettin’ chummy, understand? We keep our distance.”

“Got it.”

Administration Wing

It was rare but not unheard of for Thomas to take a call from a corrections officer, but this was the first time he had ever spoken with Rudy Harrington. The man sounded cordial enough—more than Thomas could say about many of the officers.

“I appreciate your letting me know, officer. I’ll need that form in order to expedite—”

“I got no time to be ferrying paperwork all over the place. I mean no disrespect, but how about you come find me and I’ll have the form for you?”

That was reasonable enough, but Thomas found himself excited. Knowing what this could mean, he didn’t want to waste any time. He stopped in Frank LeRoy’s office on his way out.

“. . . so if the form is asking for a visit and I deem it legitimate, can I just head directly to his cell?”

“Yeah, no. See, you’re circumventing protocol here, and I think—”

“Frank, sir, now please. Nobody but you is going to know if something happens a little out of the ordinary here. I’m supposed to look after the spiritual well-being of these men, and frankly, I’m making some progress with this one.”

“That’s all we need, a high-profile con getting religion. You keep this under wraps, whatever it is, you hear?”

“I will, Frank. Now can I see him if—”

“Yes, yes. See him. Just don’t make it obvious anything’s out of the ordinary.”

“I should tell you that Officer Harrington is aware that a form is in the works.”

“Rudy? He’s all right. Stellar record. You don’t have to worry about him.”

Thomas rushed back to his office for his Bible and for Grace’s tape. As he swept past Gladys’s cubicle, she called out, “Hey there, Reverend! Where’s the fire?”

He peeked over the partition. “Pray for Brady Darby. And please call Grace and ask her to do the same.”

She gave him a thumbs-up and he was off again, but as Thomas began the laborious process of getting all the way to the death row pod, something dark and depressing came over him. With every step, every procedure, and past every block of cells, he was reminded how difficult the work here had been for so many years and how many cons had tried to con him.

Thomas wanted to believe that Brady Darby was different, that he was sincere, but how could he know? He reminded himself that God had put Brady on his heart from the moment he saw him, that Thomas believed God had even told him to tell Brady that He loved him. More people were praying for this man than for anyone Thomas had tried to reach since Henry Trenton.

Ugh! Why did he have to come to mind? Thomas didn’t think he could endure another case like that. Whatever he did, he was going to make sure Darby was for real.

It took more than five minutes for Thomas to locate Rudy Harrington. The officer appeared in a hurry as he thrust the request form into Thomas’s hands.

“I appreciate this,” Thomas said, “and I trust you and I can keep it quiet.”

“Keep what quiet, sir? I didn’t read it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Oh, very good, then. Say, this is a copy. I’ll need the original.”

“Oh yeah. We copy all that stuff, you know. The original must still be in the machine. I’ll find it and send it to your office, okay?”

“You copy these?”

“Yep. Just protocol.”

63

Death Row

Thomas remained out of sight of Brady’s cell as he hesitated at the end of a pod and stole a glance at the visitation request form.
Oh, God,
he breathed silently,
let this be for real.

The prisoner looked stunned when Thomas appeared before his house. He stood quickly. “Thanks for coming.”

“I came as soon as I got word. You can thank Officer Harrington.”

“I will. So, you saw what I wrote.”

“I did, and I must tell you something, Brady. I want you to look directly into my eyes.”

“What? Are you two dating now?” someone shouted, and the cackling and hollering began.

“Ignore them,” Thomas said. “Don’t worry about anybody else. Before you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me, hear me out. This may go without saying, but I need to be crystal clear. I take spiritual matters deadly seriously. I want you to think carefully before you speak and then mean every syllable. I will not be conned; I will not be manipulated. I have been in the saddle here long enough to know when someone is simply trying to use the things of God for their own gain. You understand me?”

“Yes, sir. And I want you to believe me.”

“For right now, Brady, I owe you the benefit of the doubt.”

Brady looked down and nodded.

Thomas feared he had scared the man off. “Now, I’m listening.”

“So is everyone else.”

“They’re too loud to hear you, and even if they do, that’s their problem, not ours, isn’t it?”

“I guess.”

Thomas just stood staring, inches from Brady’s face, only interlaced steel between them. He tried to hide that his heart was sprinting.
God, please.

Brady Darby spoke just above a whisper, lips pale, his voice breaking. “Jesus is Lord,” he said. “And I believe God raised Him from the dead.”

“What does that mean?” Thomas said.

“That means I’m right with God and that I’m saved.”

“What does it mean that Jesus is Lord?”

“Just what it sounds like. That He’s the boss. He’s the one in charge.”

“And what does it mean for you that you are right with God and saved?”

Brady said, “I’m a child of God.”

“How do you know?”

To Thomas’s wonderment, this pathetic young man, whose life had appeared worthless just the last time they had seen each other, began quoting Scriptures from memory.

“‘To all who believed and accepted Him,’” Brady said, “‘He gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.’”

“What did you do to earn this?”

“Nothing,” Brady said. “‘God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’”

Thomas had to grimace to keep his lips from quivering. He poked his fingers through one of the square openings, and Brady pressed his hand against them. “If you’re sincere, Brady, we’re brothers in Christ.”

“You need to do me a favor, Reverend, and stop saying ‘if’ about this. Sounds like you’re doubting me.”

“I apologize.”

“Don’t judge me by how everybody else acts in here. There’s nothing in this for me in this life. I’ll still be locked in here and will still get put to death, and I don’t guess I’d want it any other way. That’s justice.”

“But you’ve taken care of eternity, and that’s no small thing.”

“The way I see it, I didn’t have a whole lot to do with it. I just believe, that’s all.”

“Brady, I need to get going so we don’t abuse this privilege and lose it. But let me just tell you: one of the things I’ve seen here over all these years is men who have not figured out how to redeem their time. The future holds nothing for them, so they either get themselves in all sorts of trouble or they just zone out and sit staring, watching TV, doing nothing. I don’t know how they keep from going crazy. Your earthly future hasn’t changed, but think what you can do with your time now. You can really get to know God.”

“By reading the Bible.”

“Exactly. And memorizing. And who knows? Maybe God will allow you to share this with someone else.”

“These guys? I doubt it.”

“Like I said, you never know. Sure, they’ll doubt you and mock you, but you may be able to reach inmates who would never listen to me.”

“I’ll read that book you gave me.”

“Good, and I have many, many more. Let me know every time you finish one, and I’ll bring you another. And meanwhile, my wife has a gift for you.”

“Your wife?”

“You didn’t think I was married?”

“I never thought about it.”

“I’ll tell you about her sometime. Meanwhile, maybe you will enjoy this.”

But of course it wouldn’t fit through the openings.

“What’re you doing there, Reverend?” came the guard over the intercom.

“Just trying to give him a tape.”

“I’ll have to see it first.”

“Hey!” someone yelled. “Give
me
a tape!”

“If you like what you hear,” Thomas hollered back, “I’ll bring you one too.”

“That’ll be the day!”

Thomas moved into the observatory and showed the cassette to the supervisor.

“What is this?”

Thomas told him.

“Sorry, Reverend. This could be broken and made into a weapon.”

“I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Yeah, that’ll do a lot of good when he’s lying there bleeding out, or one of my guys is stabbed trying to get him to the shower. I’m going to have to say no.”

Thomas sighed. He couldn’t have been happier about what had happened to Brady, but clearly, in trying to work with him, he was going to face obstacles every step of the way.

Thomas stopped by Brady’s cell on his way out and told him to request a private meeting. “I’ll play this for you over the phone in the isolation room. How are you feeling, by the way?”

“That’s something I want to talk to you about. How am I supposed to feel? It’s like I’m relieved, but I still feel unworthy, like I don’t deserve it. I am what I am, and I can’t be happy because of the people I’ve hurt.”

“You feel unworthy because you
are
unworthy, Brady. Relieved is the right way to feel. And that may be as good as it gets. I need to warn you though: this voyage is not going to be all clear sailing.”

“What do you mean?”

“You want to get to know God, right? to get to know Jesus by reading the Bible and the other stuff I’ll get to you?”

“Sure. ’Course.”

“As you start to grow and understand and get a picture of what God is really like, you’re going to start seeing yourself in light of Him. If you’re like me, you may have some real trouble with what you see in the mirror.”