Rock Her (Crimson Romance) (14 page)

“I think it screws up even the most grounded people,” he stated. “And yet, these days I encounter artists who have had all that and somehow they figure it out. Maybe it’s the music, or the band, or some philanthropic cause, family, whatever. They stay grounded even in the throes of success and come through the other side.” He shook his head, baffled. “My friend Asher is one of those people.”

“Asher Lowe?”

“Yep. He’s been a good friend for a long time. Asher never went over the edge. Me and Neal weren’t so lucky.”

“I’ve read a little about Neal,” she replied softly and clasped his hand. She had, of course, looked up Alec and his band on the Internet after they started dating. The Internet had pages and pages on Neal. The man had a cult-like following, especially posthumously.

“His death didn’t even slow me down. The week of his funeral, his widow, Alicia, and I and some other people were using, a lot.”

She eyed him. Her mouth pulled down.

It took him a second to interpret the look. “Is that jealousy?”

He paused and stretched, a futile attempt to unknot the tension in his shoulders.

“It’s hard for a non-addict to understand, but there was no sex. No sexual interest in anything at that point. I was too far gone. So was she. It wasn’t the morality of screwing my friend’s wife. We were just two sick individuals getting fucked up together. There was never anything more than that. Seriously, babe, when it gets to that point, the equipment is not fully functional. At least it wasn’t in my case.”

He sat up, pulling her with him. “Her family came and got her into rehab. Turns out Alicia was pregnant, pretty far along. I didn’t notice, probably wouldn’t have cared, the state I was in. So someone’s equipment was operational; hell, I don’t even know if the baby was Cooper’s, given the shape he was in the months before he died. It’s likely it wasn’t. It sure wasn’t mine.”

His stomach roiled. “Alicia’s family called the cops, they were freaking out about her pregnancy, the drugs. And I got busted, thrown in jail.” He took a deep breath.

“They moved me from the jail to the hospital to detox. This doctor came to talk to me. He gave me the usual speech I’d heard countless times before. Thought I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself. Didn’t see what effect my actions had on anyone around me. I had friends who cared, sober band-mates who still wanted to make music.” He inhaled.

She held him.

“So this doctor just grabs me and takes me down two floors to see the babies born to drug addicted mothers.” His fists clenched. “I’d been detoxing most of a week and was antsy, but sober. Looking at those helpless babies still in the throes of what I had been through. Suffering. And the injury done to them might be irrevocable. I’d been using, sharing drugs, with someone pregnant.” He shuddered.

She made a halfhearted sound of protest, clearly loathe to interrupt.

“Yes, Kate, it’s a disease,” he said, patiently, “but it’s also a choice and those poor kids had no say. That was rock bottom for me. It made me feel ill and angry, but it also made me aware and sick about what I had let myself become for the first time.

“The rehab doctor talked to me a lot that day, and I was finally listening. He helped me get into a program and turn my life around. I realized I could either kill myself using or get a new focus in my life. He helped me understand that there were too many temptations for musicians at my level. To clean up, I needed to get out. So I went to college, then law school. And here I am. A walking cautionary tale in many respects.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. About all of it. I’m not judging you, Alec — ”

“You should.”

“I’m just glad you’re sober.”

They were silent for a long while. Alec wrapped her up tighter in his arms.

She leaned back. “How much do you miss the music and all of that?”

“I don’t,” he lied.

She cocked her head, considering him, then raised her eyebrows. “I don’t believe you. I was with you in that karaoke bar.”

“I don’t miss the life … of course I miss performing, I miss collaborating. I’ve been struggling with my future for a while. I always had a great work ethic and like a lot of addicts, I suck at moderation, but I’m trying. I surf. I love this place. I’m with you.”

“Someone who is the furthest thing from a workaholic.” She sounded mildly chagrined.

He dragged her so she straddled him. Then he used his hands to hold her head in place and stared her down. Was she serious?

“You already get something it took me a long time to figure out. You know what is important in life. You have drive, you completed college while taking care of your sister and working. You are normal and happy. I want normal and happy! I’m an alcoholic, a workaholic … I have to constantly be on guard. I don’t know what’s next for me, maybe a gambling addiction?”

“Internet porn addiction?” she suggested, wickedly.

He laughed.

“Come with me to Los Angeles tomorrow. You have a few days off, and I’d love to have you there.”

Kate had the next four days off, plus an extra day of vacation, and Alec was driving them to Los Angeles. She stared out the passenger window, mesmerized by the brilliant blue water of the Pacific that ran next to the highway. How could she have fallen so hard so fast? Happiness bubbled up. She was giddy with it.

Alec’s phone rang. He glanced at the number before connecting the call through the car stereo. His friend Dave bullied a very reluctant Alec into coming over for dinner. She hadn’t thought it possible for anyone to bully Alec. When he disconnected the call, her lips were pressed together as she fought a smile. He looked over.

“What’s funny?” he asked, grumpily.

“I want to meet this guy. I could use tips on handling you.”

“Lucky for you then.” There was a smile underlying his annoyed tone. “It’s a madhouse over there. They have three very rambunctious girls. You sure you wouldn’t rather go somewhere nice for your first night in town?”

She gave his arm a gentle punch. Her phone vibrated. She pulled it out of her pocket, checking the screen. A text from Billingsly:

I need to see you.

That made six this week. She deleted it immediately. What was his deal? She bit back a sigh and turned off her phone. Clearly her
ignore
policy was not working. Maybe Ava would have some insights on how to get rid of him.

Hours later, they reached the Thatcher’s. It was a revelation to see him in this environment. Relaxed, happy, joking around, and playing with the girls, teasing Anna, Dave’s wife. Kate could almost envision her lover as a family man. He was completely comfortable and the girls knew him well.

“Are you joining us for Thanksgiving, Kate?” Anna asked as dinner was wrapping up. Her husband shot her a look.

Kate blushed as every pair of eyes went to her. She avoided Alec’s gaze. They hadn’t discussed the holidays.

“My younger sister will be in town, and we do a small gathering with friends in Cielito,” she replied.

Dave solicited information about her sister and family friends.

“What about your mom and dad?” one of the six-year-old twins asked. Kate was having a hard time telling them apart.

When she explained that her mother had died, there was a collective gasp from the little girls. Horrified, she turned to Anna. She shouldn’t have mentioned it.

“I’ve explained to the girls that people die when they get very, very old and very, very sick,” Anna said calmly.

The conversation moved on. Kate took Anna aside later to apologize, but the older woman laughed it off.

“Oh please. They kill every mother in the movies the kids watch. It doesn’t affect them!”

But later, one of the twins, Vivian, came to her when it was time to say goodnight before bed. She hugged Kate tight against her tiny pajama clad body and whispered, “I’m sorry your mommy died.”

Kate pulled her close, her throat thickened with the effort of holding back tears. After the girls had gone, she escaped into the bathroom to compose herself. When she finally came out, Alec was there, waiting. He pulled her close and gave her the comfort of his large warm body. His long, elegant fingers stroked through her hair and down her back.

“What did she say?” he whispered.

But Kate didn’t trust her voice, so she shook her head and held him tighter.

Anna and Dave found them that way a few minutes later, still in the hallway.

When they finally arrived at his home in the hills, he rushed her through a tour of the each room and asked her to meet him on the patio when she had settled her things. He sat in the hot-tub wearing only a grin. She passed through the sliding glass door, suddenly shy. Her eyes darted around, aware of his heated gaze on her. She undressed quickly and entered the water as rapidly as she dared, gasping in shock at the heat.

“The pool guy was here today. I had him turn it on, thinking we’d be here earlier.”

She shivered, nerves and anticipation ran through her. She made her way over to where he sat. He pulled her onto his lap, careful to keep her shoulders underwater, since the night was clear and cool. With little light pollution up in the hills the stars shone vividly.

“We should go to Tahiti,” he suggested. “You wouldn’t believe how bright the night sky is there.”

“Mmmm. I’d love to go. Bora Bora?”

“That’s where I went a few years ago for vacation, though I hear some of the other islands are beautiful too.”

“You’ve been everywhere touring, haven’t you?” How she envied him. She itched to travel.

“I have, but much of it I don’t remember.” His lips twisted. “The only reason I know I’ve visited some places overseas are the stamps in my passport. What a waste.” They were both silent.

She could feel him press against her, but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry. Were they going to have sex in the hot-tub? Her heart skipped a beat, then accelerated. She shivered again.

“Cold?”

“Nervous.” And she was. Extremely.

“About being here with me? I’m a good host,” he assured her.

“Wondering if it will work in the hot-tub,” she replied, shyly, unable to meet his eyes.

His brow wrinkled for a moment, then cleared with a laugh. “How do I keep forgetting how innocent you are?”

He turned her to face him and pulled her knees onto either side his, then froze as his body connected to hers. He set her aside for a moment, then scooted out of the tub, reached back for the towels and a foil packet he’d had the foresight to bring.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you, I’ve been on the pill since high school.” Would she have to explain about acne and heavy periods? God, she hoped not.

His hands stilled, then continued to roll the condom. “Okay.”

“So is this a trust thing or a disease thing?” Her smile felt pasted on. This was the first time they were having this conversation and it was awkward. “Or maybe you’d rather not talk about this now.”

He sighed and climbed back into the tub, hauling her onto his lap.

“It’s a habit thing, with a little bit of my own trust issues thrown in. I’m clean because I’ve always used condoms. Where I grew up, a lot of girls got knocked up before high school was even over. I knew if I got some girl pregnant in high school, I’d be stuck in that town forever, so I was very careful, and old habits die hard.”

She sank deeper into the water, stroking his arms, his chest, slick with water. “So you’ve never had sex without a condom?” She couldn’t hide the skepticism in her voice. His drug and alcohol history aside, he had been with a lot of women.

“Never.”

She turned herself to face him and straddled him. The water was hot, almost too hot, and she felt a rush of prickly heat. His arms went around her waist and her heartbeat accelerated. She didn’t know if it was arousal or the heat from the water, but something was making her incredibly lightheaded. Her lips met his and it was as though she was starving for him.

She moaned as his tongue surged inside her mouth. She felt the throb of his arousal against her body and tried to urge him inside. He soothed her with his hands while she reached down to guide him to her, groaning in frustration when the water created too much friction and made his entry difficult. He stilled her greedy hips with his hands. His mouth went to her nipples and she arched her back. Their tips hardened from the cold night air and arousal. His hand went to the place their bodies were barely joined and rubbed her expertly. Frantically, her hips worked, desperate to bring him in, breath coming in pants. He pushed in, slowly, relentlessly, the water made the fit tighter, almost uncomfortable.

“God, Kate.” His breath shuddered out. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, inhaled deeply and held his shoulders, her nails making half moon indentations as her body adjusted to his heavy invasion. His fingers hadn’t stopped their relentless stroking. She felt her body tighten further, her movements desperate, she went over the edge and the unbearable pleasure of it drew a long, low cry from her bucking body. She was still spasming around him when he cursed, hands less gentle now. He pulled her hips hard into his, once, twice, then he came with a long, loud groan.

She rested against the crook of his neck, periodically shivering, though from the chilly air or residual tremors of arousal, she had no idea. Through her exhaustion, she was vaguely aware of his shaky laughter.

“Whass funny?” she slurred, nearing sleep.

“Oh, no you don’t. You can’t fall asleep here, Kate. Kate?”

She woke several hours later to exquisite pleasure. Thoughts still jumbled from sleep; it took her a few seconds to remember where she was, and a few more to realize Alec’s head was between her spread legs. She tensed, hands automatically going to his hair and she pulled, hard.

“Alec!” she hissed. “Stop. What are you doing?”

He raised his head, eyes dark and thoroughly aroused, they glinted wickedly at her.

“I don’t think I like that,” she whispered, scandalized.

“Give me another minute,” he whispered back, gently inserting a finger into her warm, slick entrance.

She let out an involuntary moan and tried to force her body to relax. It didn’t take long before her hips were writhing, the touch of his expert mouth brought her to the longest, hardest, most powerful orgasm imaginable. She lay, stunned, eyes wide and disbelieving as he crawled up her body. He stretched over her, his tongue licked into her mouth. He thrust into her hard and fast with no preliminaries. She gasped in shock but her legs wrapped themselves around his rocking hips, creating a primal rhythm. She thought herself satiated, spent, after that unbelievable orgasm but within moments she felt the telltale weakness in her legs, arched her back and came long and hard, endlessly around him. She watched his face intently as he came, features rapt. Her heart expanded in awe.