Rock the Boat (5 page)

When I don’t offer to give it a try with this new chick, Gina looks to Dom for help. I can practically see the wheels turning in his head about how he’s going to convince me that his girlfriend is right. If Gina doesn’t get what she wants, Dom does whatever it takes to make it happen for her. Considering I’ve done the same thing for Shay more times than I can count, there’s not a damn thing I can say about it. It’s what you do for someone you love.

“Go ahead, Dom. I can tell it’s killing you.”

He rubs his palms on his jeans as he clears his throat. “I tried to stay out of it, but I agree with Gina. What if you have a drink with her in the lounge? If after meeting her you still feel absolutely nothing, then we won’t bother you about it again.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be doing this for myself—because I’m ready and want to find someone?”

“In theory, yes. But I don’t see that happening, so consider this a push in the right direction.”

Gina smiles, seemingly satisfied with his proposal. “Please, Easton. She came all this way to meet her guy. Imagine how disappointed she will be when she finds out he changed his mind at the last minute.”

I glare at her for obvious reasons. “I never agreed to take part in the first place. You’re the one who signed me up and decided
for
me.”

“Well, you have a point, but I only did it because you could make someone really happy. And by doing that, I think you’ll make yourself happy, too. More than half of the women on every cruise look at you like you’re a damn rockstar, but you couldn’t be bothered with a single one of them. It’s time to take a leap.”

“I
am
a rockstar.” I’ve been the lead singer of Midnight Fate since high school. It’s the only job I’ve ever had that I cared about.

“You
were
a rockstar. Before you threw it all away to live a mindless existence on ships.”

She knows damn well why I gave it up. The thought of returning to all the places I had taken Shay, where we created memories I couldn’t ever forget, wasn’t going to work for me. I tried for a month, and then after that, when another tour was about to begin, I knew I had to run before I lost my shit. When I ran out of land, I found the sea.

The guys didn’t have to follow me, but they did. They’re most likely the reason why I’m still alive and not in rehab. The first couple days after Shay passed, I drank nonstop until it became impossible to get my fingers to play a single chord on my guitar. I started forgetting the lyrics and fucking up every song on the playlist. But as long as they kept the song I wrote for Shay in the rotation, there was no way I could sing it sober.

“It’s been a year, Easton. Shay would want you to continue living. She wouldn’t want you to give up touring to protect her memory. The guilt you feel doesn’t have to exist.”

“Some days it feels like yesterday. Others I struggle to remember the sound of her voice. I can’t decide which is worse.”

“They’re both terrible and I hate that you’re even in this position, but this is the end of your second contract with the cruise line. In another week you’ll have to make a decision about your career whether you meet this girl or not. Whatever you decide, I want it to be what you
want
. Not what you think has to happen.”

“How do you think I feel, Gina? I don’t like living like this.”

She stands up, walking over to where I’m leaning against the wall. Placing her hand over my heart, she says, “Keep Shay here, but let yourself live again. She won’t hate you. If you can’t live with her, live for her.”

I could argue that she’s putting words into Shay’s mouth, but she’s not. Toward the end, I had more than one conversation with Shay before she moved to hospice care. She made me swear that when the right girl came along, I would love her the way she deserved—that I wouldn’t hold back because I was scared or missing her. At the time, the thought was incomprehensible. The only girl I’d ever been in love with, the one I swore I would spend the rest of my life with, was begging me to love someone else. It made me angry she was encouraging me to move on while she was still my fiancée. Mostly because I was in denial I was ever going to lose her in the first place.

I’m human—I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I crave affection as much as anyone else, but that’s the exact reason why I fell into bed with other women. I needed to feel as much as I needed to forget. But as hard as I tried to forget, when I closed my eyes, I pictured Shay. I guess that makes me a pretty sick bastard.

Regardless of the way I feel about myself, I still promised Shay I would try. I didn’t let her down when she was alive, and I’m not about to do it now.

“One drink,” I tell Gina before sitting on the edge of the bed. One drink might kill me, but I’ll do it.

“Thank fuck,” Dom mutters from the couch. I just made his life a hell of a lot easier now that Gina’s beaming.

She hands the Perfect Match letter back to me. “All you have to do is message her. Imagine how excited she is after finding your name in her own letter.”

I do as I’m told, typing out my simple request—to meet me in the lounge in thirty minutes. I do it for Gina, but after I press send, I don’t regret it as much as I thought I would. Clearly, I’m spending too much time with these two fools.

I haven’t been this nervous to meet a girl since high school. It was prom night when I went to pick up Courtney and found her two older brothers waiting for me on the front porch. One had a box of condoms in his hand, the other a rifle. Luckily for them, I wouldn’t need either of those things—Courtney and I were nothing more than family friends.

Shay had been too sick and battling another bout of pneumonia. I didn’t want to go to the dance at all, but she insisted it was a rite of passage every high school senior should experience. Since I’d do anything to make her happy, I went to the prom against my better judgement.

The second Shay was feeling well enough to go outside, Courtney helped me plan a private prom for the two of us. I put my tux back on and took Shay to the park behind her house. The dinner was catered from her favorite restaurant. I played music from a CD I made with all her favorite songs, and we danced under the weeping willow tree, surrounded by her favorite flowers.

There were only a couple weeks of school left, and soon we’d be set free to live our lives however we wanted. We had it all, yet here I am waiting to meet someone new. Someone I’m not even sure I’ll like.

Aki, a bartender all the way from Trinidad and Tobago, already knows what I want before I even open my mouth. He slides a double shot of whiskey in front of me the second my ass touches the stool at the bar. “You’re ready for this?”

“Trust me, this wasn’t my idea.”

“Gina means well, man. Don’t be so hard on her.”

I set down the glass in my hand before the warm liquor reaches my lips. “How long have you known about this?”

He grabs his towel, draping it over his shoulder. As he starts putting away a rack of clean glasses, he admits, “Gina called me and said today was the day. I didn’t think you’d show.”

I’ve humored Gina up until now, but I’m not about to become the crew’s source of entertainment. I’m a pretty private guy, especially when it comes to my personal life and women. It’s always how it had to be when we were touring. I kept my circle of trust small or my life ended up front page news in every tabloid on the market.

I expect Aki to feed me some of the same lines Gina did when I found the letter, about this being a good opportunity for me to move on, but his eyes are transfixed elsewhere. “If that’s your match, I don’t feel the least bit sorry for you.”

I look across the sea of bodies to see who has him so worked up. The tall brunette standing in the doorway, nervously glancing around the room screams “fuck me,” yet she looks like she could throw up all over the floor at any second. Nobody that gorgeous should ever lack confidence. Not when she’s turning heads the way she is.

“How much do you want to bet that’s your piece?”

Keeping my eyes on her as she shows her letter to the attendant at the door, I backhand Aki across the chest. “Have some manners, man.”

“I’m just sayin’, whoever gets her this week is one lucky fuck. She might even convince me to give this Perfect Match thing a try next time.”

“You have a girl of your own who sucks your dick every night. Stop being so damn greedy.”

He smirks because it’s true, even if he does take one more look at the mystery girl. We both watch her, unable to look away. Aki’s dying to find out who she’s here for, just like I am. After one last glance at her letter, she folds it up and tucks it in her small purse.

This time when she raises her head, her eyes don’t roam around the room the way they did when she first arrived. This time they land directly on me. It takes her a couple seconds to move after making eye contact, but once she does, she moves with purpose.

With each step she takes, her skirt hits at just the right spot on her golden thigh. If I pushed it up even the smallest bit, I’d be able to see all of her. Like she can read my mind, she discreetly tugs on the tight material, somehow wishing the fabric would fall a couple inches lower. Her effort does nothing to change the outcome or what I’d like to do to her in that dress. I can already feel her legs draped over my shoulders, her thighs pressing against my face as I dive between her legs.

The heel of her shoe wobbles ever so slightly as it catches on the thick carpet covering the lounge floor. I stand to help her the rest of the way, catching her before she stumbles. My hands land on the soft curve of her hips, and it takes all the willower I possess to keep from pulling her against my body. My eyes slowly roam over her until they land on her perfectly rounded tits.

She clears her throat and I drop my hands, already missing her warmth, as I pull out the stool next to mine. As she takes a seat, I can’t even apologize for checking her out. I’d have done it if she was standing next to me or still on the other side of the room with someone else.

She plays with the charm dangling from her necklace as she worries her top lip between her teeth. “Are you Easton Beck?” she finally has the courage to ask. Her voice is as smooth as silk, even a little raspy like she’s been shouting after a night at one of my shows. This too goes straight to my dick.

“Right now, I’ll be anyone you want me to be.” It wasn’t the answer she was expecting, and she opens her mouth and then closes it without saying another word. I’m making her uncomfortable, but there’s no way she can walk in here in that dress and those heels and expect me not to appreciate the view.

She clears her throat again, trying her best to get my attention without actually demanding it. I can’t tell if it’s a nervous habit or if she’s just annoyed with my lack of cooperation. “If you really are Easton, then I’m your match.”

She holds out her hand for me to shake like this is a business deal instead of a first date. I hesitate a second before taking it. Her long, delicate fingers easily slide into mine. But I don’t stop with a simple shake of her hand. I bring her soft skin to my lips and press a kiss to the back of her hand. She gasps at the sudden contact, squirming in her seat like she doesn’t know what to do with herself now that I’ve touched her.