Rocked All Night (BBW New Adult Rock Star Romance) (4 page)

“I need a drink,” Rick said.

I rolled over onto my back, pulling the sheet up over me. “Make mine a double.”

He smiled and went over to the bar, returning quickly with a bottle of whiskey. He took a long swallow and handed it over to me.

“Gee, you sure know how to romance a girl, Rick.”

“You want champagne?”

I shook my head and drank from the bottle. “Hell, no.”

“Good. So, what’s the deal, Julia? You wanna go steady? Be friends with benefits?”

I laughed. “Benefits we’ve got. Friends? I wouldn’t go that far.”

He grabbed his chest, pretending to be wounded. “Then what? You want me to take you out for dinner? Walk you to the door and act nervous to kiss you?”

“Of course not. None of that shit matters to me. I just…”

“What?”

After another long pull from the bottle I continued. “I don’t know what’s going to happen and I hate that. I’ve worked so hard to get here and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it.”

“Am I the ‘anything’ in this scenario?”

“Sort of. Look, I wasn’t looking for this. I’m kind of a get what you want and get on with it kind of girl. But I really like being with you. In the biblical sense.”

He chuckled and grabbed the whiskey back. “I noticed. And I like it too. So what do we do?”

“I don’t know. Keep it up. But we have to be careful. I don’t want gossip. I’ve barely got enough credibility to keep my name on those tour posters as it is.”

“All right.”

“All right? That’s it?”

“Sure. I can say more words if you want, but I don’t think I need to. I get where you’re coming from and it works fine for me. I don’t mind arguing with you, obviously. But I won’t do it for no reason.” Rick put the bottle down next to the bed and ran his hand over his head. “How about this. Until the first show, we do what we want to do. When you want me, you call. When I want you, I’ll call. See how it goes from there.”

“And no one finds out?”

“No one.” He held out his hand. “Shake on it?”

I giggled and shook. “Deal.” In the back of my mind I wondered if he was too agreeable about this. If there was some reason
he
didn’t want anyone to know we were sleeping together. But any reservations faded away when he pulled me close and bent to suck at my neck.

“Let’s seal this deal with a fuck, Julia.”

I laughed. “This is by far my favorite business meeting today.” It also ended up being the longest. By the time I stumbled happily back to my room people were heading downstairs to breakfast. I smiled and shrugged at everyone who met my eye.

What can I say: It’s rock and roll.

*

The next few days passed in a blur. I’d wake up to a room shut tight against the afternoon sun, get dressed and grab something quick to eat before heading to rehearsals, fittings, interviews and photo shoots. Then dinners with the suits. Drinks with everyone. It seemed every bar and club in Vegas wanted to host us and we took full advantage.

And more and more, my nights ended in Rick’s bed. Or with him in mine. No sleepovers. Just a few hours of mind-blowing sex before retreating to our separate rooms. In some ways, it was the best relationship I’d ever had. Which is really messed up.

Like a terrible magic trick, having that thought in the back of my mind led to disaster. Sent me down a road I never wanted to go down.

It all started one evening a week before the first show. We were all putting in long hours. My head was ringing all the time, but I’d finally gotten a chance to do something fun and relatively quiet. It took a lot of wrangling, but the label finally approved our idea to have Matthew play one song with me. We’d practiced it a few times, but there were still a lot of things to work out. So, during a break, we stayed behind to get it done. I was sitting at the edge of the stage, picking out a new transition for an acoustic version of “Up to Me.” Matthew was next to me, watching my hands intently.

“You’ve almost got it,” he said.

I smiled. “Thanks, but you’re just being nice. I can hear it in my head but can’t seem to make it work in the real world.”

He laughed. “Nothing real about this world, Julia.”

“Good point.” I gave up and relaxed my fingers. “Let’s move on.”

“All right.” He looked down at the notes between us and said, “The only thing left is the last verse. Do you want to try something different?”

“I don’t know.” I licked my lips. “To be honest, my brain is kind of fried today.”

“Late night?”

The question was probably innocent, but I could feel myself blushing. I had been awake until the sun came up. Rick and I watched it on the balcony of his room. He’d bent me over so my face was warmed by the brightening glow while he took me from behind. I could still feel the faint soreness from the railing pressing into my belly and remembered the sensation of wind on my face when I came.

The memory left a faint smile on my face. “Uh, something like that,” I told Matthew, and hurried to change the subject.

“You guys all feeling ready?”

“As ready as we can be. I gotta be honest, I kind of miss playing the little dive bars we started out in. Tens of thousands of people in a stadium. Can you really be ready for that?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

It was nice talking to him. Matthew was quiet, sure, but he was sweet and funny in his way. It must be hard for him, I thought. Surrounded by the huge personalities in Dream Defiled, he seemed to get lost sometimes. But during the rare moments we were alone, he was always nice to me, and open. We chatted about music, mostly. There was no trivia he didn’t know. No genre he couldn’t wax poetically about.

He grinned. “It’s kind of like being a kid, you know? Right before a big family vacation or something. Excited and nervous and just want it to start already.”

“Yeah,” I answered, but I didn’t really understand. I never went on trips with my family that weren’t business related.

“But,” he continued, “It’s weird. Because I kind of don’t want it to start because that means we’re just another day closer to the end.”

I looked over at him. “That’s dark, Matthew.”

He laughed. “I know. And it’s dumb. But…things are better for us on the road. Better between us.”

I put down my guitar and turned to face him. “Better than what? Is something wrong?”

“Nah, not really. It’s just…different. Things feel, I dunno…fragile, I guess.”

“It’s hard to keep a group together. And you guys are all so different.”

“True.” His voice turned wistful and he looked out into the empty theater. “I guess it just feels like everything is happening so fast. One minute we’re hoping to find another label and then before I know it we’re blowing up. Tours and albums and videos and interviews and money and everything. It’s…a lot.”

I smiled slightly. “Hey, I totally understand. Remember, I went through the same thing. I was a kid, but I still felt it. Like a sudden growth spurt. Nothing fits and your limbs don’t work right until you get used to it. But you’ll find your balance.”

“I hope so.” He looked at me intently. “Um, don’t tell anyone I said anything, okay?”

“Of course not.”

“I shouldn’t have, really.”

“Hey, don’t worry. No one will believe you spoke to me even if I did tell them.”

Matthew chuckled and wrapped his knuckles across my knee lightly. “I do talk. Just not as much as the others.”

“Good thing, too. The words coming out of your mouth actually mean something.”

His lip curled in a weird smile. “That’s sweet of you to say. And I think I get it, now.”

“Get what?”

He opened his mouth and then shook his head. “Nothing. Um, should we go again or call it a night?”

I sighed. Whatever he was going to say, I didn’t want to push it. I felt a real friendship growing between us and didn’t want to jeopardize it. Not to mention I didn’t get the feeling he was this open with many people. A shame, but understandable. A sensitive soul is great for songwriting and injecting emotion into music, not so wonderful for actually surviving the business.

“Let’s try one more time. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow with this hanging over my head.”

“Good point.” Matthew stood up and started to play. “You know this, Julia. Trust yourself.”

I nodded and stood as well, listening closely to the music, but not obsessing about the notes. His guitar filled the air with the melancholy melody. I let it flow over me, and then started singing. The lyrics tunneled deep into my heart and it just clicked. The raucous beat of “Up to Me” was slower and sadder now, and each word spoke volumes.

“
Dig a tunnel to Hell to get to you
,” I continued, shutting my eyes to the world around me. It was working. The song was flowing perfectly. He inspired me to work harder. And I enjoyed our time together. I found myself wanting him to be proud of me. To repay his kindess and trust. It was a strange feeling, but one I actually liked.

Lest anyone take us for responsible adults, after rehearsal, Matthew and I decided to go get drunk. We skipped the bars and clubs in the hotel and made our way off the strip to a tiny dive the guys had discovered during some late night wandering. It was dark and dank and no one either knew or cared who we were. In other words, perfect.

And, unsurprisingly, we entered to find Dex holding court with his girlfriend, entertaining a table full of regulars with stories I’m sure were ninety percent untrue.

“Julia,” Becca called out when we entered. “Come and join us.”

I smiled and headed over, with Matthew in tow. Everyone shifted enough to make room for us and we dropped into a pair of rickety chairs that had once been wood but now seemed made mostly of a sticky residue of dried booze and other things I didn’t want to think about.

Becca switched places with someone I didn’t know and slung an arm around my waist in a quick hug that startled me. Until I looked at her closely and saw she was listing a bit to the side and her eyes had a glassy bleary brightness that too many drinks can give.

“Having a good time?” I asked, grinning.

“The best. Even better now that you’re here.”

“You’re drunk, Becca.”

She nodded enthusiastically and then said, loudly, “We’re all drunk!”

A cheer went up around us and I laughed. “Oh boy.”

On the other side of me, Matthew touched my shoulder lightly. “Want a drink?”

“Yeah. Seems like we’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Shot of tequila and a beer.”

“Coming right up.” He stood and headed over to the bar and I turned my attention back to Dex.

“…Total bullshit, right? But I swear, they did. Forty fucking pensioners bare arse-uh-assed in the middle of the road.”

The deafening roar of laughter that went around the table suggested I’d missed quite a story.

“You’re full of shit, Dex,” Becca said lovingly. “There were five of them, max.”

“Lies! You’re the best woman I know, love, but you can’t count for shit.”

I joined in the laughter for that one, shaking my head.

“How long have you guys been here?” I asked Becca.

“I’m not sure. What time is it?”

I checked my phone. “Almost midnight.”

“Oh god. Five hours.”

“Impressive.”

She grinned. “We both needed a break, you know? Getting a little tense with the shows starting so soon.”

“Totally understand.”

“He’s been doing so well, I think. Keeping it together. It’s nice to just cut loose for once without having to worry he’ll disappear into a black hole of misery.”

“Mmm,” I said, noncommittally. I’d heard stories about Dex’s excessive partying in the past and rumors that Becca had been a big part of getting him out of the habit, but it didn’t seem like the time to discuss it in detail. “Well, Matthew and I had a great rehearsal and I’m ready to blow off a little steam, too.”

“You and Matthew. Is that…um, a thing?” Becca tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“What? No. Just work. And I guess, friends, sort of.”

“I know what you mean. But,” she looked around and then leaned in close. “Be careful with him. He’s shy and talks to you more than anyone else lately. If he’s got a crush…”

“He doesn’t. I’m sure of it.”

“Okay. I just…never mind. Look, I’m being nosy and I’m sorry. But I know you had a thing or whatever with Rick and now Matt…”

I could feel myself blushing furiously, and hoped the dim light would hide it from her. Becca had caught Rick and me kissing once and was nice enough to not interrogate me about it. And if she did, I had no idea what I’d say. I couldn’t really make sense of what was going on to myself, let alone explain it to her.

“I…No. There’s nothing. But it’s sweet of you to be worried.”

She smiled. “Not just about Matthew, either. Maybe it’s being with Dex, but lately I want everyone to be happy and in love. Especially you, Julia. You deserve someone who makes you happy.”

I shrugged. “The only thing I need to be happy right now is great shows every night.” But even as I said it, I realized it wasn’t true. As much as work and the tour meant to me, there was an empty space inside me. One that I’d gotten so used to having I sometimes forgot it existed. But sometimes wind whistled through the emptiness and reminded me it was there. And I wondered if it could be filled and by what.

Thankfully, my moment of maudlin was interrupted by the return of Matthew, bearing gifts of booze. I thanked and toasted him, downed my shot and resolved to just have fun, no deep thoughts allowed.

Fortunately, the alcohol kept flowing and eventually it took all my brain power to keep from falling over when I had to go pee. I slid easily into the flow of the group. We laughed and joked and teased. Bought drinks for strangers and accepted them in return. Before long I was convinced this bar was my new home and everyone in it my family.

Hours later the four of us piled into a cab and arrived back at the hotel, a ridiculous combination of exhausted and giddy. No one was sober enough to be the voice of reason, so instead of going to sleep we headed up to one of the lounges for more fun.

Inside we found my mother, evil publicist robot Christine and a bunch of Dream Defiled’s team. They were sipping champagne and looked oh so civilized. We rolled in like a mob of sloppy idiots, staggering and laughing too loud, getting the attention of everyone in the room.