Rogue (10 page)

I swallowed hard.  “And you’ll…  You’ll still work with me?”  My voice was small,
diminished by my fear of his response.

His large hand cupped my cheek.  “Yes, Sharon.  I’ll keep working with you.”

Relief practically ripped through me.  “Thank you.”

I had barely managed to avoid wrecking my op.  Reluctantly, I stepped out of Derek’s
reach.

Dangerous.

The thought was directed at myself, not at him.

Chapter 7

“What did he do to you?”  Reed’s expression was almost a match for Derek’s fury of
only a few minutes before.  He slammed the car door, the sound echoing the sharpness
of his tone.

I shut the passenger side door more gently.  “Nothing.  I’m fine, Reed.”

At least my voice didn’t tremble.  My fingers were doing quite enough of that.  I
balled them into fists to hide their shaking.  Reed glared at them.  I wasn’t fooling
him.

Despite his anger, Reed’s movements were smooth and controlled as he pulled away from
Decadence.  But not even the bright lights of the city could cut through the dark
pools of his eyes.  “Tell me what he did.”

I sighed heavily to dispel the embarrassment that pooled within me.  “He flogged me,
okay?”

“What?”  Reed’s disbelieving ire bubbled out of him.  “He knows you have exactly zero
experience with BDSM, and he fucking flogged you so hard you’re crying?  I swear to
god-”

“Stop it, Reed.  Just stop.”  I meant to snap, but it was the desperation in my voice
that made him reign in his anger.  “He only moved on to impact play because I wouldn’t
let him touch me.”

“He tried to touch you?”  The question came out on a growl.

“Not like that.”  I threw up my hands in exasperation.  I didn’t want to discuss my
concerns about my submissive nature with Reed.  Not tonight.  “I didn’t want him to
touch me at all.  It makes me uncomfortable.”

Reed broke his gaze from the road, cutting his eyes to the side to study me briefly.

“You like it,” he said after a moment.  “You like being with a Dominant.”  It wasn’t
an accusation, just a statement of fact.

“Damn it, Miller!  I don’t want to talk about this.  I told you.  I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie, Sharon.”  It was a sharp reprimand, and I shrank back into my seat.  God,
what had happened to my backbone?

I had left it somewhere in Decadence.  Derek had possession of it now.

I couldn’t even muster up hatred towards him for that.  All I felt was disappointment
in myself.

“This isn’t right,” Reed ground out.  I had never seen him so tense.  It was jarringly
different from his usual easygoing nature.  “You’re a submissive.  You shouldn’t be
getting introduced to the lifestyle like this.”

I could see where this was going.  I was in the car with a pissed-off Dom, not my
laidback partner.

“Don’t you dare go all Smith James on me and try to tell me what I should and shouldn’t
do,” I hissed.  “Just because you’re a Dom and you think I’m a sub, that doesn’t mean
you can boss me around.”

“You
are
a sub.  And I’m not going to boss you around.  But that doesn’t mean this situation
doesn’t make me mad as hell.  I want to protect you, Sharon.  And yes,” he cut me
off before I could snap at him, “I want to protect you as a submissive, not just as
my partner.  It’s how I live my life.  It’s how I’m wired.  That doesn’t mean I’ll
interfere with your work, but it does mean I’m going to keep a closer eye on you. 
I don’t like you being alone with Carter.  Especially if he makes you cry.”

“He didn’t make me cry, god damn it!”  I almost shouted at Reed in my frustration. 
I didn’t want to talk about this.  I didn’t want to admit it.  “He tried to help me,
and I pushed him away.  Apparently, I’m ‘dropping’ or some shit.  It’s not his fault.”

I wasn’t sure if I was defending him because I truly believed he wasn’t at fault or
because I didn’t want Reed getting involved in my interactions with Derek.

Reed glanced over at me, appraising.  “Fuck,” he muttered.

Without any reason, he flipped on our warning lights and began cutting through traffic.

“What the hell are you doing, Miller?  Do you want the Kings to know we’re Feds?”

“We’re far enough away from Decadence that they’re not watching.  I’m getting you
home.”

“This is ridiculous!  Slow the fuck down!”

“Not a chance,” he said evenly.  “You are dropping.”

“No.  I’m not.  Carter was wrong, okay?  I’m-”

“Don’t you dare tell me you’re fine, Sharon.”  His tone was soft, threatening.  “If
you’re fine, then why are you crying?”

“I’m not-”  I stopped short.  Something warm and wet was trailing down my cheeks. 
“Shit.”  I hastily wiped the tears away.

I’m fine,
I told myself.

But if that was true, then why did it feel like a chasm was opening in the center
of my chest?  It didn’t make any sense.  There was no reason for me to be upset. 
My logic didn’t stop the sob that heaved from my lungs.  If anything, the conscious
knowledge that this grief was completely irrational made it worse.

What is happening to me?  Calm down, calm down.

But my inability to stop the tears only made me more upset.  I didn’t understand why
misery had a tight grip on my heart.

Reed’s warm hand covered my fist.  “We’ll be there soon, Sharon,” he reassured me,
but his voice was taut with strain.

He pulled right up to the curb in front of my building.  Before I could even open
my door all the way, he was there, offering me his hand for support.  I took it without
a thought.  I did need support.  I was so confused, and the damn tears just wouldn’t
stop flowing.

“You can’t park there!”  The doorman told Reed as he led me toward the entrance.

“Yes, I can.”  Reed flashed his Federal credentials with the attitude he might have
afforded the man if he was shooting him the finger.

“Reed.”  His name was a firm admonishment.  There was no need for him to be so rude,
and there was certainly no need for him to hustle me to the elevator like my life
depended on getting to my apartment as quickly as possible.

“Sharon.”  He mimicked my reprimand, but somehow it was much more menacing coming
from him.  It dared me to defy him.

Within minutes, I had unlocked my apartment and Reed had guided me to the threadbare
brown corduroy couch.  He retrieved my favorite soft blanket from the recliner by
the TV and draped it over me.

I almost told him I was fine again, but one sharp glance from him warned me that wouldn’t
be wise.

Reed headed to the open plan kitchen like he owned the place and opened the fridge
to retrieve a bottle of water.

“What are you doing?”  I demanded.

His black eyes were hard as onyx when he turned back to me.  “Getting you hydrated.” 
His long fingers deftly twisted the cap off the bottle as he sat down beside me. 
The bastard had the audacity to lift it to my lips, as though I was incapable of doing
so myself.  “Drink,” he ordered before I could refuse him.

In truth, my hands were shaking so badly that I would have sloshed water all over
myself.  That didn’t stop all my muscles from tensing with frustration at my own inexplicable
weakness as I accepted what Reed offered.  He only allowed me a few small sips before
taking the bottle away.

“Go slowly,” he told me.

He set the water down on the battered second-hand coffee table and took my hand in
his. Pride made me try to jerk away from him, but he held me fast.

“No.”  His voice was gentle, but firm.  “You’re going to accept this.  It’s called
aftercare, and it’s coming far too late.  You should have come to me immediately. 
It was Carter’s responsibility, but if you don’t want him touching you, he should
honor that.”

I sighed heavily.  “He did.  As soon as I… got over whatever that was, I used a safe
word to make him let me go.  He wasn’t happy about it, but he did it.”

Reed’s eyes widened a fraction.  “You hit subspace.”

I shrugged.  “That’s what Derek said.  It was weird.”

It was wonderful.

“He said something about Topspace, too.  I don’t really get it.”

Reed studied my face so intently that I felt as though his gaze penetrated more than
skin-deep.  “You’re lying again, Sharon.  You understand what happened.  I know you
think you’re protecting yourself somehow by denying this part of yourself.  You think
you’ll mess up the op if you’re submissive.  I can tell you right now, denial is the
quickest way you can mess this up.  If Carter hit Topspace and you got to subspace
during your first impact play experience, you have chemistry.  If you fight that,
it’ll just frustrate him and drive him away.  If you’re serious about getting close
to him, you have to accept this part of yourself.”

“What if I don’t want to?”  My voice was barely above a whisper.

His hand squeezed mine.  “Then that’s your choice.  You can take point on Reyes and
Ortiz, and I can try to befriend Carter.  It’s dangerous for you to be alone and vulnerable
with him.”  His lips thinned.  “And I don’t like that your introduction to BDSM is
based on deception.  It sounds like Carter is a good Dom, even if he is a criminal,
but that doesn’t mean he won’t push you.  If he is a good Dom, that’s exactly what
he’ll do.”

“I’m going to push you.  And you’ll accept what I give you, because you trust me.”

The echo of his words made me shiver, and not out of fear.

“You’re so desperate to stay in control, Sharon, but you can’t have that and sub for
Carter.  If you acknowledge that, you might be able to pull this off.  If not, you’re
going to destroy any chance you might have of getting close to him.”

I raked a frustrated hand through my hair.  I didn’t want to shift my focus to Reyes
and Ortiz.  It felt like I was giving up if I handed Carter over to Reed.  And I wasn’t
a quitter.

“I can handle myself,” I insisted.  Reed fixed me with that hard stare of his, and
something inside me gave a little.  “And I’ll think about what you said.  I won’t
freak out on Derek again.  I won’t use a safe word.”

Reed growled.  “That’s not what I want to hear, Sharon.  If you won’t protect yourself,
I’m not going to take my eyes off the two of you.”

“Damn it, Miller!  Someone has to watch the Kings.  Carter is my mark.”

His frown was fierce.  “Then promise me you’ll use your safe words if he hurts you
or touches you in a way you’re not comfortable with.”

“Fine!”  I tugged out of his grip, and this time he let me.  “I promise I’ll be a
good girl and do as you say, Sir.”  The words dripped with sarcastic venom, but Reed
nodded in satisfaction.

“Good.”

I let out an exasperated huff.  I was coming to like Reed, but right now he was driving
me crazy.  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”  It was a clear dismissal.

“I’m not leaving until you’ve calmed down,” he told me evenly.  “How are you feeling?”

Despite my annoyance, I couldn’t help being appreciative of his concern.  Looking
inside myself, I took inventory of my emotions.  Yes, there was anger.  Anger at Reed,
at Derek, and – most of all – at myself.  But my heart didn’t feel like it was crumbling
anymore.

“I think I’m okay.”  I remembered how terrifying it had been to realize that I couldn’t
understand my irrational grief.  “What was that?”

“You dropped.”  Reed’s words were soft, his eyes kind.

“But why was I so upset?  I knew it didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t help it.”

“You hit the high of subspace, which means you allowed yourself to become completely
vulnerable.  You put your trust in Carter.  When you came out of it, you realized
you didn’t trust him at all.  That would have been very traumatic for you, Sharon.”

Yes, I had made the conscious decision to trust him.  In the beginning, I had told
myself it was for the op, but then Derek’s will had surrounded me.  It was heady,
and I had forgotten about my mission.  All I had been able to think about was him
and the sweet sensations he was giving me.

But why had I trusted him?  Had I simply been overcome by lust?

I think he’s innocent,
a traitorous little voice whispered in my head.  I had nothing to go on but a gut
feeling.  And the last few times I had trusted my gut, people had almost ended up
dead.

“What do we know about Carter?”  I shifted the subject abruptly.  I needed to analyze
the intel, to comb through the information we had on him and come to a logical conclusion.

Reed blinked, but he rolled with my new line of questioning.  “I pulled his financials,
and they don’t look good.”

“He has debts?”  It would make sense if Derek had been coerced into working with the
Kings if they had exploited that.  That wouldn’t make him innocent, but at least it
would make him more sympathetic to a jury.

“No.”  Reed shook his head.  “He’s loaded.  The thing is, we have no idea where that
money came from.  He opened a bank account as soon as he turned eighteen, and he immediately
began making large cash deposits.  In the first six months, he deposited almost fifteen
thousand dollars.  We don’t have any records of him holding a job.”

“What about his family?  Do they have money?  They might have given it to him.”

“We couldn’t get a warrant to pull their financials.  But Carter started investing
almost as soon as he opened his account.  And he kept making cash deposits until he
joined the Marines in 2003.  He seems to have saved and invested almost every penny
of his salary.  By the time he was honorably discharged, he had more than enough for
the down payment for the space to open Decadence and to run the place.”